Dear Readers,
Before you read this chapter I want you to know something: this is a very touchy subject for myself and most people. I, myself have Sensory Processing Disorder. It's a part of who I am. Idina's feeling in this chapter, most of them I have felt. I hope you understand that my personal thoughts are in no way meant to offend or hurt anyone. It's who I am and a part of me.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
HISTORY CLASS
Matthews tosses an apple to Riley, "Smell it," he simply says.
"It smells sweet."
"Give it to Farkle," she puts it behind her head and the boy takes it, "What does it look like?"
"Red, with some yellow, spliced on it," Farkle says.
"Lucas," Matthews points, "What does it feel like?" Farkle hands the apple over to Lucas.
"It feels rough yet smooth," he replies.
"Hand it to Maya." he does as he's told, "Take a bite of it." Maya chomps down.
"It's juicy," she smiles. She gets up and puts it in the trash as Matthews nods.
"And Idina, what have you been doing this whole time?"
"Listening, and trying to understand your point," I reply. He picks up his chalk and writes a number on the board.
"Five?" Zay asks.
"The five senses," Matthews replies.
"Eyes, Ears, Nose, Mouth, and Hands," I say.
"All things that we use in normal everyday communications with each other and objects," he replies. Matthews tries to throw me another apple but I dodge it hastily.
"Idina?" Riley cocks her head to the side.
"What?" I shrug, "I just don't like flying fruit at my head." I try to laugh it off. The bell rings and I scurry out without a word. Too bad I can't avoid them and my problems forever. I just need some time to adjust, yeah, that's all I need...
CAFETERIA
I bit my lip. Lucas and I are in the lunch line together.
"Seriously, what's up with you?" he huffs.
"Nothing Cowboy, I'm fine," I ruffle his hair as if nothing is wrong. And, nothing's necessarily wrong... it's just... different. I sit down and put my tray on the table as Farkle, Riley, and Maya stares at me.
"Idina, something's off," Farkle says, before going to throw away his trash.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I sigh. Lucas rolls his eyes and goes to get a banana.
"Come on Pookie you can tell us," Maya says seriously.
"Yeah Peaches and I are always here for you. You can tell us anything," Riley smiles. I glance between the two of them.
"I... I..." I hide my frown, I can't tell them, "I'm a genius." I fake a smile.
Farkle pulls up a chair next to me, "Welcome to the club."
"Idina why didn't you tell us!" Riley says, "That's amazing!"
"I don't know," I shrug, "Just didn't wanna gloat."
"Well gloat away," Maya replies as Lucas comes back, "Hey Huckleberry did you hear we have another genius?"
"Is it you?"
"Ha, please," Maya scoffs, "It's Idina." she points.
"PARTY TIME!" Riley whisper-shouts, "We shall have a get together after school, today, at Topanga's, as friends to take part in celebrating the wonderful achievement of our other friend."
"I don't see why not," Lucas says looking at me. Zay comes over and does his Texas shout.
"Woohoo!" he raises an eyebrow mischievously, "I hear we're having a party."
TOPANGA'S CAFE
I shove my hands in my star-coated denim pockets, my white mosaic shirt puffing at my arms. I leaned against the wall by the doorway as my friends chattered away at the party. And so, they're all drinking smoothies and having a blast. Zay looks over at me and cocks his head, before walking up to me. He clicks his tongue and gestures for me to follow him, before walking outside.
"Alrighty," he gently grabs my arm and pulls me to the side, "What's going on with you? Are you okay?"
"Yes! Why does everyone keep acting like I'm not?!" I groan in frustration, standing abruptly, "Just because I don't always say everything that's going on with me doesn't mean I'm not fine! Just because I have..."
"You have what?" Zay raises an eyebrow standing and staring straight through me.
I shake my head, "Just because I have things that I deal with doesn't mean I always need someone to save me." and with that, I walked back into 'my' party with a fake smile.
MISS ODEN'S OFFICE
"So I just wanted to check in on you, and see how you're handling... your diagnosis," Miss Oden said leaning back in her chair. I bit my lip.
"Well... I am considering switching schools."
"Oh? Why so?"
"Well, my friend I was telling you about, Smackle, suggested I check out the school she goes to, Einstein Academy, because of my genius status-" I paused, and sighed, "And she's the only one of my friends who knows..."
"Who knows you have SPD?" I nod, "Idina don't you think it's time?"
"Time for class?" I joke, but bit my lip knowing what she truly meant and huffing, "Yeah I know it is."
THE BAY WINDOW
"I have a problem," I started, taking glances at each of them, "I have something new to add to the list."
"What list?" Riley shakes her head.
"The list of problems I have. The list of things that are wrong with me."
"Idina there's absolutely nothing wrong with you," Maya says.
"No," Zay says.
"What?" Riley raised an eyebrow. Zay stood and looked at me.
"Something is definitely wrong with you," he replies, "You have something... and now you're gonna tell us what." he sits down in the bay window next to me.
"Remember how you all got when Farkle almost had autism?"
"Yeah after they said I was a genius..." Farkle pauses and looks straight at me, "They said I needed to be tested... you need to be tested? Don't you?" he deduces. I let out a shaky breath.
"A-Actually... I already was," I bit my lip, "And I have something."
"Asperger's?" Lucas asks. I shake my head and sit up straighter.
"I have... Sensory Processing Disorder," I look down at my lap, "And I didn't tell y'all... about any of it... because I didn't think you'd understand."
"Idina, why would you think we wouldn't support you?" Riley asks in a concerned tone.
"We supported Farkle" Lucas points out.
"Yeah," I say looking up, "But Farkle didn't end up having it! I do!" I glance at them, "I saw how relieved y'all were when he didn't have it!"
"So what if we were? We just didn't want him to have the extra burden," Maya replies before her eyes widen and she covers her mouth.
"See that right there? That's why I didn't tell you. It's not a burden to me... and if you guys consider it a burden," I stand, "Then what am I even doing here? Because if you're calling a part of me a burden... then you're calling all of me a burden."
"I-I didn't mean it Idina," Maya says, "I felt horrible the moment it left my mouth," I smile at her, a sad smile.
"I know you didn't mean it... but you still felt it." Farkle looks up at me. He's been staring at the ground this whole time, seeming to be deep in thought. He walks up to me.
"Why did you do it?" he asks.
"Do what?"
"Say we were just friends." I run my hand through his messy chestnut hair and look into his unique blue eyes as mine are laced with small tears.
"Farkle," I choke out, "I think you and I both know we are not just friends." He takes my hands in his.
"Tell me why."
"I was still processing it all... that day I just found out this journey was starting. I didn't know how to handle it," I take peeks at all of them, and run a hand through my hair, lightly chuckling, "I pushed you all away. I pushed my best friends away," I look at Farkle, "And I destroyed one of the best things in my life... and I don't know how to fix it."
"You don't have to fix something that was never broken," He pulls me into a hug, "We were never broken. I've been right here... this whole time."
"We all have," Zay says putting his hands in his lap.
"I support you Idina," Farkle whispers in my ear as he releases me.
"We all do," Riley looks at me and smiles.
THE NEXT DAY
I'm wearing the necklace, the one Farkle gave me for Valentine's day. The one which he refused to take back because I still had his heart... and little did he know he still had mine.
As I walk into class I look at Mr. Matthews, "Matthews, I think it's time for the first ever Idina time."
"Oooh yay new things!" Matthews claps sitting down in my regular seat. I look around the class, at all the faces I notice.
"Roll call!" I start, it's my turn to run this class, "Riley Matthews, the spunky brunette always there for her friends. Maya Hart, the blonde beauty with the rebellious edge. Lucas Friar, my best friend the Cowboy. Zay Babineaux, the flirt and resident class clown. Farkle Minkus, the nerdy geeky wonderfully amazing person who last week was almost diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome," I grin at my boyfriend, I like the way it rolls off my tongue, and it's not going anywhere anytime soon, "And who am I?"
"You're Idina Jennings, the girl who would do anything and everything for her friends," Zay replies. I nod.
"But, I'm also just a girl. I have feelings and emotions that I don't necessarily control or know how to handle," as I'm talking I twiddle my fingers, then put my hands to my sides, "Farkle Minkus explained to you Asperger's Syndrome, well now I have another lesson to add to the autism spectrum. Now, on this spectrum, the autism spectrum, fall anywhere on this range of different behaviors," I look straight ahead at all their staring faces, "Sensory Processing Disorder. SPD. It's is a condition in which the brain has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses. Now, what are the five senses?"
"Seeing," Riley replies.
"Hearing," Maya adds.
"Tasting," Lucas says.
"Touching," Farkle responds.
"and Smelling," Zay ends.
"Very good," Matthews nods and smiles, "You all actually listen to me." he looks back at me.
"SPD includes symptoms such as being uncoordinated and bumping into things," I purposely 'accidentally' knock over Matthews nameplate, "Being unable to tell where your limbs are in accordance to space," I place my hand in the air, "Having a hard time engaging in a normal conversation," I pretend to think, "What was I saying? Oh yeah," I smile, "Those are just a few of the many symptoms that people with this have."
"But it doesn't change who you are," Farkle reminds me. I look at him.
"No, it doesn't. It just means I have another label, another thing that I have to live with every day. After finding out I had SPD I pushed my friends away. I wanted to figure this out for myself, so I chose not to let them in. Some things in my life, they just haven't made sense. Until now... until knowing this. I felt like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulder." I admitted, "You see, I'm the type of person who has to know what I have or the answer to something, or else it will eat me up inside," I blink and look at them, "This is a part of me. This is who I am, it's something I deal with," I glance at my friends, "And hope my friends will be there with me to deal with it too."
"We will," Riley nods.
"Right here," Maya points to her desk, showing they are all here for me.
"Always," Lucas adds. Farkle does something I don't expect. He starts to clap and so does the rest of the class. He just grins at me. I take a bow as Matthews stands. I look out at all of them.
"Thank you I am... just me."