I was nervous again. It was not a date, Alli. Just to celebrate the success of the deal. But after five years I was going out with him so of course I was nervous. Who wouldn't be nervous? It was completely normal I felt tensed.
He had texted me not to wear a formal dress as this was not a formal dinner. So, I just wore a jeans and top. And a bit eyeliner...just because it was Jared. Otherwise I didn't wear makeup.
The doorbell rang. I adjusted my hair and opened eagerly to find Jared, not in a suit.
Of course.
He wore a white T-shirt and jeans with his totally perfect swept hair and his signature smirk. He looked like the old Jared. He also had a cap on and a mask hanging around his neck.
"Wow," I blurted out.
"Really? Thanks. You look cute too. Come on. There is no car today. We have to walk a bit," He looked chirpy, pointing to the mask, "This is to protect against any media, if there is any."
The cool air hit me as we went down. The street was not very crowded. Plus, I guess Jared wasn't recognisable in this attire. I had hardly seen him in anything but a suit after he had returned. He had tilted the cap down slightly to avoid anyone seeing him squarely and put his mask back on.
A walk at nightime in the streets of New York City with your hot boss who also happens to be your crush. Totally acceptable.
Though I had my doubts whether Jared was just a mere crush anymore. I was again falling for him, I couldn't deny. And this time I wasn't messing things up again.
"Its a bit nostalgic, huh?" He asked as we took a less crowded street, walking very closely with each other.
Quite closely, so our fingers were almost touching.
"Yes," I replied honestly, feeling shy again all of a sudden.
Come on, it's just a dinner. It's Jared, not a stranger. You have worked for him for four months now. You can do it, Alli. He's just a boy.
Well, he is Jared after all.
Goddamn it, I need to stop feeling and acting like a teenager. Act your age, Allison. Stop blushing! You are a strong, independent, intelligent, beautiful lady who needs no man to make her feel good-
He was looking so cute. Maybe I could take a break from feminism for few hours.
"I remember us walking like this. Young, carefree teenagers," He remarked, "No bloody reporters. I am glad I am not in the entertainment industry though, so not much people pay heed to us. I shudder to think what they might face every time they go out."
"We used to take your motorcycle and ride all over the city," I smiled.
"Do you remember the amusement park?" He whispered.
Wouldn't he feel pain if he said this? Because I sure as hell was feeling a tinge of pain. What I wouldn't do to go back and fix everything before everything fell apart. I would do anything to go back to those carefree days with no jobs and a lot of time in our hands.
"Faintly. I remember the boating trip though. You and that crocodile fiasco," I grinned.
"Ah! That monster," He laughed, "I swear it was a crocodile, Alli."
"Was not. It was a lake. There are no crocodiles there," I shook my head, holding the strap of my bag tightly with both hands.
"And then we toppled over-"
"All thanks to you," I added.
"Yes. Do you remember that ice skating rink?" He asked, hands secured in his pockets casually as I didn't leave my hands off my bag even after a while.
I nodded vigorously. That was the first time he had held me. I was never forgetting that, "It closed down two years ago, though."
"Really? That's sad to hear. I liked that place a lot when I was a teenager," He said, sighing.
"I also remember when I first met your friends and Naomi and I went over for lunch with you boys," I reminded.
"Oh yeah. The match we won. That was the last match I played," He said, "Had the wedding after that, so got busy."
"How are the boys?" I asked.
"Well, as you know, Kyle is dating Naomi and somewhere in Europe. I have contact with the rest but don't meet often. Last time I checked facebook, Ross was in Chicago, doing his masters. Levi is the assistant basketball coach in some school of the Upper West Side. Elliot has a girlfriend since last year and is interning in some posh firm. We don't speak much often," He shook his head quietly.
"Because of work?"
"Yes. Also, time drifted us apart. I became a lot distant after joining the business and drowned myself in work. It's not easy handling such a huge company. We are too busy with our own lives," He shook his sad and gave a sad smile, "I can't seem to remember when was the last time I took a walk just for leisure purposes with no worries."
"So, out of everyone, you are at the highest post? Where normal people struggle to get even after twenty-thirty years?" I teased.
"With one of the most responsibilities in our company," He rolled his eyes, "My father was very disappointed when Hailey didn't want to join the business and started her own. So, I started training afterwards immediately in college. Technically, I am not even the permanent CEO."
"What?"
"Yes. I am filling in his post due to father getting a heart attack few years back, like a temporary one."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Yeah, immediately he knew he had to pass over his wealth to his children and hand over the business to me. Since I had practically no experience, I used to go the branch in London everyday after class to learn about stuff which I had to take over someday. I barely used to sleep those years. In the mornings and afternoons, I had classes. In the evenings, I was at the office, at night I had my own studies. It was hell for me. There was little time and loads of work.
Gordon is still teaching me as he is senior to me. I do handle all responsibilities but at the end of next financial year, there will be a board meeting held where the voting for CEO will take place as per the directors. Most probably, I will get it because we own the most number of shares and father has handed over his' to mine. So, you can say I have the temporary power and responsibilities but it will get decided next year once I have settled well. Its been a year and honestly, I am tired. Its just that I don't feel like a twenty two year old broke guy. I feel like a sixty years old man who has lost all connections to people close to me due to my work."
He was on a roll as he vented out.
"The board isn't too keen for me to take on because I am too young. How many CEOs of big firms do you see in their early twenties? They are supposed to be fat, old and bald. I lack in experience and no matter how much I overwork now, it won't make up for experience. I had plans to go for further studies, I had plans to explore London more, hang out with friends but everything kind of took a hit once Dad got his first heart attack. So, I am a reluctant CEO, you could say."
"You don't like your job?"
"Oh no, don't get me wrong. I love it. Its just that I want a break sometimes. I lost out on my college years fun with juggling business and work. I lost out on so many outings, holidays, celebrations because I was always busy. I still am. The only places I go to are my office and back home, occasionally a club on odd weekends. I want to be free sometimes, that's it. But I still love the job," He clarified.
That was so sad. Naomi and I too weren't so close anymore and it hurt a lot sometimes. We spoke sometimes but it was very less. I felt pity for Jared too. While I had a pretty normal college life, I had absolutely no clue how Jared led his life. His college life had been heavily guarded till he passed out so whatever he did, wasn't very known.
"You don't look old, if I may say so. Not sixty definitely," I said.
He gave a lazy toothy smile, "How old do I look then? Thirty?"
"Late twenties and buckets of exhaustion. That's okay. That's still young."
"You don't mind then?" He gave a subtle pout, pointing at his dark circles under his eyes. He looked so darn adorable.
Don't think of squishing his cheeks. He is not a teddy bear, Alli.
"Why would I mind?" I gave a very fake laugh.
"People think I have it easy. I do perhaps because of the money, but they don't know the responsibilities and stress that comes with it. I am jealous of my friends. They have a lot of free time. What I wouldn't give to trade my life for a day," He sighed.
"I understand you," I whispered, "Real life sucks. I never knew how much paying taxes and premium on insurance would suck my soul out."
He laughed before looking at me as we slowly stopped walking. His eyes were unreadable as he stared at me and I felt vulnerable as he gave me a heated look. He looked so focused that I felt the warmth creeping up my neck.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. Just curious. I want to take you to another place after dinner," He said, changing the topic.
"Where?" I asked.
"You will see. We are here," He said.
I looked around for a restaurant but couldn't find one. Instead, I saw a small café. But not just any café. The café where we first met.
"Oh," Was all I could say.
"Yeah," He mumbled, examining my reaction, "I just wanted fries with lots of ketchup and fried chicken with dips tonight. I don't care what my trainer says."
I still remembered it. Every detail. It was as if it happened yesterday. Me walking in, us talking, me apologising to the waiter, him giving me the first lift. Jared being Jared. I never went back to this place after that day.
"Come on," He said, pulling my hand and tangling our fingers this time. I tightened our hold and it didn't seem so uneasy after that.
~¤~
We had a wonderful dinner. I had my blueberry pie and some fries while he ordered what he wanted to.
We chatted about college, life after college and funny incidents that occured. We became nostalgic but we weren't uncomfortable surprisingly. It was just like old times. None of us spoke about any sour things or bitter talks. We just spoke about random things; friends, college life, sports, school memories and films just like before. None of us wanted to speak about heavy stuff. It was then about work life before we met each other. He told me about London and how things worked back there.
Jared laughed a lot in this past hour than he did the entire few months I had encountered with him throughout the time I had been working for him.
"So, what I am saying is, you should always check your bed to see if anyone else is there," He guffawed.
"Seriously. I can't believe you didn't spot those two on your bed," I chuckled.
"I know. I made him wash the bedsheets twice after that," He wiped a tear from his eye, his face red.
I smiled watching him laugh with no restrictions. He looked so younger than his age and so free. It looked as if someone had magically removed all the stress lines and tension from his face. He looked happy. He looked like someone had reduced his age by half. At twenty two, you weren't supposed to be so established. You were either supposed to be at the beginners rank order of work or doing your further studies.
It was actually sad. I would rather have some time to myself with lesser money than millions of dollars with pressure and stress constantly eating my personal life away.
"What?" He asked, when he saw me staring.
"Just wondering what a nice time I am having here," I said, picking the last fry.
"Then you will probably jump in joy when I take you to the next place. This is nothing compared to that," He said softly, his eyes never leaving mine.
As we finished eating and walked out all gleeful and cheery I couldn't hold it any longer. "Okay, where are we going?"
He grinned, "Just follow me."
~¤~
"Here," He said as we stopped in front of the woods.
I got it.
Rookie point.
Of course, how couldn't I get it? It had to be it. I felt foolish for not realizing it faster.
"Do you remember the way?" He asked.
As my voice had choked, I nodded. Of course I did. There was a huge rush of emotions swirling in my mind as I stepped inside. Don't cry, Alli.
"Lead the way then," He whispered, "I- Oi, wait for me!"
He didn't need telling twice. I started running fast with Jared catching up with me. We were both having that adrenaline rush, that burst of energy, that excitement of going back.
It had been so long. I didn't come here after I went to college. Through whatever moonlight was falling, I could see the rock etchings made on the trees by a seventeen years old Jared as I ran through, following the trail. It didn't seem much people came here after we stopped coming.
As I cleared through the forests, I finally came to the rock ledges and effortlessly climbed up, like these years between didn't transpire. Like it was just yesterday I came alone.
"I see you remember and can climb all by yourself," He panted for breath, hands on his knees, "Man, how come you remember so much?"
"Yay! Come on. Climb up!" I clapped my hands.
He climbed up a lot slower than I did and we sat down, "I have to tell the truth. I forgot the path, that's why I asked you to lead the way. I am surprised you remember."
"I followed your trails. Surprisingly, some of the rocks are still there which proves many people don't come here. The carvings on the trees are also there," I smiled goofily.
It was mesmerising. The entire New York was shining and twinkling in moonlight. Dear old New York. Dear old Rookie point. The same. It felt like we never left this place at all.
"This is amazing, after so many years," I could feel the tears of joy coming out, "This place is the same. Everything has changed, except this. It's as if it was waiting just for us to come back some day," I was half screaming.
He laughed as we sat down. He closed his eyes, letting the breeze hit his face as he looked peaceful, "Shit Alli, I feel so alive. It's been so long I have felt like this."
"I understand. Enjoy the moment as much as you can. Its yours."
"Its been the first time in five years I have gone out on a casual outing that wasn't a business deal or procedure."
My eyebrows disappeared behind my hairline, "Really?"
He nodded, still strolling around in his mind apparently, "I remember my meeting. Dad had flown in from New York too. It was during my last semester and I was already a part of the corporate by then, I just needed the degree. I was so tensed. I had to speak a bit. I was average but he encouraged. I was so proud of myself then and it never bothered me that I could go out and have fun. But now, I do realize I need it. I required this evening."
I smiled, staring out at the horizon, "I am glad you got to be the boy again."
"I don't want this to end, Alli. I don't want to go back to my place. I don't want to think about meetings and clients tomorrow again. I feel like partying sometimes, going absolutely drunk, going for long drives, movies. Fuck, I haven't seen a movie since so many years," He opened his eyes and inhaled loudly, breathing in the environment.
I couldn't help but feel so blissfully happy as he looked like a bird having let out from his cage. He was grinning widely and more importantly, genuinely. He looked like he was at the top of the world.
"I wish I could pause time right here."
"We still have time before we can leave."
"There was another reason why I didn't go out too much. I think you would know that."
Oh.
He looked at me softly, without any hint of malice or anger, "I came here two or three times after that, um... incident, you know," Jared plucked a blade of grass.
"I came here too few times... after you left," I said quietly after some time.
It was true. Some of the loneliest moments of my life, crying out here.
"That day at the airport, I was hoping you would come..." Jared whispered, looking at the ground and playing with the grass.
"I came," I replied honestly.
"What?" He asked, looking surprised, "I didn't see you."
I turned towards him. He looked pale but even more handsome in the moonlight, with questions in his eyes.
"I came and saw you leave. I watched you from behind a pillar," I said truthfully, "I could not bear to not see you one last time before you left."
"Why didn't you come meet me?" He gave an accusing look.
"Jared, I don't think you would like it very much if I came in front of you that time," I pointed out.
"Still... but... I guess you are right," He sighed.
We sat in silence. I was beginning to enjoy spending time with him now. I could see the old Jared slowly emerging from the cold one.
And I loved it. I was succeeding slowly. He was changing for the better. He didn't seem such a pain in the ass now. Except the occasional humor and teasing.
"Why didn't you say?" He asked suddenly.
"Say what?"
"The truth. You could have said it instead of continuing to pretend as your sister and having a completely fake identity," He muttered, "You know I would have understood. I have seen you then, I see you now. I might have thought of you as some evil human but there is not one evil bone in your body, Alli. You are not a bad person. Then why didn't you tell during all those time we spent hanging out?"
Finally, after five years he asked. Five whole years. Well, better late than never.
"Jared, how could I say? You still loved-"
The entire mood got ruined when his phone rang, breaking the serenity of the environment. For a second, I felt like grabbing his phone and throwing it away but I wasn't a violent person.
"Damn phone," He took out the phone and seeing the caller ID, he sighed, "Say."
"What?" His eyebrows furrowed. Then, he smiled lightly.
"Really? Well, I got something else too. In fact I wanna introduce you to someone," He smiled at me.
Who was it?
"Okay. We are coming. Bye," He cut the call.
We?
"Get up. We have to go," He got up.
"Where?" I asked, getting up. I didn't want to leave this place yet. I wanted to stay here with him forever and ever. Didn't he say he wanted to stay here for longer?
"My place. Hailey has arrived!" He said excitedly.
"What? Hailey!?" It felt like a meteor hit me.
"Yup. She will get a shock seeing you," He said.
"Won't it be weird?" I asked.
"Nope. Come on," He grabbed my hand again and pulled me up.
"Uh... okay."
"Oh. Forgot one thing," He stopped.
"What?"
"Before I lose courage..." He took a deep breath and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
Oh holy shit.
Jared kissed me.
Jared kissed me! Jared kissed me!
My cheek was burning as I touched the spot, my eyes wide as saucers now.
"Sorry. Couldn't control. In fact, I can't control anymore. I am done controlling. Fuck those five years, Alli. Forget about them. I can't remain friends with you. Its too hard for me to just remain friends with you," He blabbered, "I don't want to be just friends with you. Ever. I want more. I want us to be more than friends. Even then and even now."
Oh my lord. He just confessed. He just confessed.
"We still have a movie to watch someday. I can arrange a theater for private screening. Remember?" He blabbered on.
"Jared, deep breaths," I whispered though I myself was dancing inside.
"Yes. Its just that today is such a great day. So, many good things are happening at once and-"
"Yeah, I know. But we have to go now," I said.
"I know I know. We have to walk. Yes, lets go," He said and got down.
"One more thing," He turned back, "Promise me we will come back here again. I know today we couldn't stay here longer but we will come back here again soon, okay?"
I nodded, "Okay."
He looked gleeful as he grabbed my hand gently and tugged me. As we walked back, the moonlight falling on us, I realized something.
Five years ago, when he first brought me here, I knew I liked him.
Today, right now, I knew I had fallen in love with him again. Maybe, I never fell out of love with him ever. I hated him at some point but it was never greater than my love for him. It could never outgrow the love.
Maybe it was right now or it could've been few weeks, it could've been when he actually softened and started being more caring, it could've been throughout these months with occasional longing stares and winks or it could've been a forever.
It could've been the high school first love, a bit more mature college love, a deep admiration love for a person whom you knew since a long time or it could be a huge crush but it was still love. There were various kinds of love and right now, I didn't mind exploring it again.
Any which way, I wouldn't deny any longer. I could forgive him for not listening but I thanked him even more for giving us a chance again. He was willing to move past everything and give us a chance. I wouldn't mess this up. I simply loved this man. He was the brightest, most stubborn, annoying part of my life.
He wasn't my whole life but he was always a part of my life. He was something in a bit of everything and I knew, I could take my time and savor all the moments slowly.
***
Author's note:-
So, the thing is, this book as you have noticed, doesn't contain too much kissing or sex scenes like the usual office romance you see. I didn't plan it that way. I have always seen their relationship as a cute growing relationship rather than too much making out. I like those things but sometimes, I want a gradual rise in feelings.
In this case, a four months leap. I didn't want them to fall in love again in a month or so. I wanted time for them. And its possible that not all the times they will be having intimate moments like kissing or touching each other. The stares, winks or even smiles can be building blocks of a relationship.
I have always felt there is a certain level of sexiness and mystery about subtle love, the one which isn't "on your face" or where they are meeting and doing the 'wham bam thank you ma'am.'
Plus, it is true, despite having feelings, they fell out of love for each other and again grew to love like in the first book after both had some character development. Slow, baby steps.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Adiós.