My mind was focused only on one of the most important people in my life. I was chasing Nira, and I wanted to get her back. Now was the time. Now was my chance to renew what we had and to start us off again.
I had to get Nira.
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I burst into the corridor outside of the training arena and began rushing down the hall. Nira had already put an adequate distance between us and wasn't stopping, but that only quickened my pace.
I was determined to get her. I was driven by the idea of reuniting with her, and I was an unstoppable force because of how badly I wanted her.
She rounded the corner and I followed. The space between us was rapidly closing and finally I could reach out and touch her. I grabbed her upper arm and she immediately turned back to me and attempted to rip it away.
"Nira! Why are you being so irrational?!" I exclaimed in confusion as she repeatedly jerked her arm away from me. I was unfazed by her attempts because of how much stronger I was than her, but it still hurt that she so desperately wanted to be relieved of me.
She squinted at me and a frown began spreading on her gorgeous, lush lips. Oh, how I wanted to kiss her; however, I knew that if I did, she would only reject me further.
"Let go of me!" She insisted, irritation prominent in her words. I was taken aback by her loathing, but I did not oblige to her commands. I couldn't let her go because that may (or may not -- I couldn't take the chance, either way) signify the end of our relationship. I couldn't let that happen.
"Kylo Ren!" Nira begged. Her attempts to pull her arm out of my hand were weakening. After a short amount of time, she stopped trying to escape.
Nira turned to me, put most of her weight on one leg, and crossed her arms in a stubborn fashion. She glared up at me expectantly. I could sense that she was angry that she had given in, but I ignored it.
"I want to talk to you." I struggled to push through my mask in my mechanically altered voice. Her strong-willed refusal of me was honestly hurting my feelings. I didn't think my feelings could be hurt . . . At least, not this easily.
She raised a single eyebrow and pulled her shoulders upwards as if urging me to go on.
I took a deep breath and began to speak what had been on my mind and dying to come forward for the past few weeks.
"I am so sorry." I began. My mind was blank, and then I was uttering things that I didn't even know I thought until then.
"I love you, Nira. I love you. I'm sorry that I rejected you. I am so, truly sorry." I shook my head and continued.
"I am part of The Dark Side of The Force, correct? I am completely Dark. Sometimes, the Dark gets lonely. It gets cold. You bring me warmth. You, Nira Leven, are the only thing in my life that is purely good. You are the only thing that gives me good thoughts, even if the good thoughts don't occur often. Nira, you know about my history. You know how I turned to The Dark Side. I had regrets about fully turning. I had doubts, yet, I made the full transformation.
"You reinforce whatever remaining good I have in me. You are the final shred of The Light Side that I possess." I glanced behind me to make sure that no one was approaching, and then continued.
"You know about the warming sensation I feel when I'm around you. Even now, when we aren't even touching, I feel it. Even now, it radiates off of you. I know it's a sign! I know it! I know that something is giving me that warming sensation and something is telling me that I am meant for you, and you are meant for me. We need to accept that fact."
Nira looked cautious, but I didn't blame her. We had both taken turns coldly rejecting each other. We both had minor emotional scars from the rejections we exchanged. The scars would take time and effort to mend. This talk was only a small step in reinstating our trust and relationship.
"I want to be back together with you. I want to come back to my cell so I can see you more and so I can sleep with you at night. I want to be able to touch you." I ended on a desperate note, and I didn't like it, but the desperation and pleading to be able to touch Nira came naturally to me.
I tentatively reached into her mind to see what she was thinking about my speech.
Nira was feeling uneasy, and unsure. She was afraid of another rejection. She was scared to face more pain (if we were to break off again). She wanted me, but she didn't want the risk.
I pulled away from her thoughts and stated, "Nira, you mean far too much to me for me to simply allow us to break apart."
I reached into her mind again and saw more uncertainty. She was on the fence about accepting me again. She wanted me so badly! Nira wanted to be mine. She wanted me back in the cell. However, she didn't want to face any danger with The First Order or the possibility of more problems in our relationship.
"I would never push you away from me again. That was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made," I admitted bitterly (I hate owning up to mistakes. I am too prideful), "I have only been in agony without you. I miss you, and I love you."
Moments of silence ensued as Nira thought over my proposal. I did not intrude into her thoughts; I thought it would be best not to, especially in such a crucial time as this.
What will I do if she doesn't accept me back?, I thought worriedly.
I won't be mentally stable, that's for sure. I need to be ready for a rejection, and I need to know that it will have nothing to do with her disliking me. I saw her thoughts. I know she likes me, if not loves me -- if she is about to reject me, it's going to be for another reason.
I can't stand the thought of not being able to be with her.
I shuddered at the thought of it and focused back on her features. From behind the mask, my eyes slowly traveled down her body and back up, merely admiring her beautiful, enticing curves. Nira was of utmost perfection; everything about her was flawless.
Nira looked into my eyes, and I felt a shift in the aura of the atmosphere. It transformed into a . . . Relieving mood. I felt a relaxing feeling wash over both of us, and I knew what she had decided to do.
"Can I kiss you?" I asked hesitantly. Nira puckered her lips slightly in consideration, then quickly nodded.
I nearly ripped off my mask and let it drop to the floor by my side with a loud clang. Without any other thoughts, I gently cupped Nira's head in my hands and pulled her close to me.
I pressed my lips onto hers, and the warmth literally spread directly from her lips into every square inch of my body. It was so refreshing to kiss her again. Her hands slithered onto my waist and I wrapped one arm around her back. I pulled her body tightly against mine, furthering our kiss.
I had Nira. She was mine, and I was hers. We were officially back together.
While kissing her, my mind began to whirl about excitedly. I thought about the prospect of moving back into my cell and being able to kiss her in the dark of the night, under the sheets. I thought about being able to sneak in subtle romantic gestures during training with her. I wanted to do so much with her -- I felt like Nira and I had to make up every second we were separated with an exotically beautiful moment.
The situation was perfect.
Being The First Order's leader, a former Knight of Ren, a significant supporter and user of The Dark Side of The Force, and (technically) evil and villainous, I do not usually describe myself as 'happy'.
However, standing in that hallway, kissing the woman I love after missing her lips for so long, and being able to wrap my arms around her, I can confidently say that I couldn't have been happier.
_____
Author's Note
So I have a compromise! Instead of not being able to update every night, I'm going to try to do SHORT updates every night! I usually have updates that are 2k-3k words long, but I'll probably be shortening them to maybe 1.5k words per chapter. It'll be easier for me to update, it'll be better quality writing for you guys, and it will ensure that you guys will get an update (however long, no matter) almost every night!
Also, who's happy about NYLOOOO?? I am! But the drama isn't over yet, folks . . .
See you tomorrow!