I repeated that phrase, 'I have to deal with it', over and over to myself until I fell into a restless sleep.
_____
Another week has passed since Kespia and Kubos have arrived at The First Order. Things have only gotten worse between Kespia and myself.
Several times during our morning training sessions I have glanced over at her and caught her glaring at me. I merely looked away and pretended I hadn't noticed, but inside I felt severely threatened.
I knew that, if put in a duel, I would've defeated Kespia. I was purely stronger than her and I had been through more training -- it was a simple, cold, hard fact. I felt like she hated me, which made no sense. I hadn't done anything to Kespia! If anything, I should be the one that hates her (which I do, but I don't openly express it and make it obvious as she does).
I hadn't flirted with Kylo Ren or showed any sign of affection. I had remained neutral towards him. I didn't want to be rejected or repulse him from me and, now that Kubos knew about the entire situation, I didn't feel comfortable exhibiting it and proving Kubos' mind-reading abilities adequate or trustworthy.
Speaking of Kubos -- our 'friendship' was progressing at a fair, steady pace. We weren't buddies, or pals, but we were more than merely fellow apprentices. He hadn't mentioned my mental breakdown once since it had occurred. On occasion, we spoke before and after training. We saw each other at lunch and would sometimes smile or wave, but we didn't talk because neither him or Kespia had been granted permission to sit at the elevated table as I had been.
Also about lunch, I had stopped purposefully missing the meal in an attempt to avoid Kylo Ren. I found out from Fruvis that he, also, had been staying away from the Lunch Hall for the past few weeks. I couldn't help but wonder if he did this for similar reasons as I (to abstain from speaking with me in fear of grief or missing him), or if he couldn't stand being around me because of his loathe for me.
That's a concept that I had grown to believe, by the way. A few times throughout those two weeks I had seriously considered the truth of the possibility that Kylo Ren grew to hate me after my rejecting him. It partially made sense -- with all of my abhorrence directed at him, it wasn't an absurd assumption.
I was on my way down to the training hall. I shuddered as the thought of my new theory passed through my head -- what if Kylo Ren hates me?
He couldn't hate me, I thought in disbelief. Yes, I had thought of the concept, and yes, it made sense from some perspectives, but I did not want to accept it yet. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.
I entered the training hall five minutes early. Kubos was sitting at the table, fiddling with his fingers. As usual, Kespia was chatting with Kylo Ren on the combative mats.
This was a new ritual. Instead of Kylo Ren making conference calls in the mornings before training, he had resorted to speaking with Kespia about . . . Who knows what.
Kylo Ren was facing away from me. I stopped in my steps and stared at them in disgust for several moments. Kespia was facing me, and I could see that she was wearing a tight, low-cut, black top that revealed the majority of her cleavage. Her arms were crossed and hefting her breasts upwards as if to make them more attractive.
A strong jolt of fiery jealousy struck through my body. I watched her glance towards me and her eyes narrowed at me. I felt my purple electricity tingling at my finger tips, begging to burst out in her direction. I held onto my self-control, but barely.
Kylo Ren must have noticed Kespia focusing on me. He turned around, saw me, and announced, "Time to begin training."
*****
An hour later, sweat was pouring down my face, my muscles were screaming for a rest, and my vision was darkened and blurry due to pure physical exhaustion. I glanced at my two partner apprentices and saw that they, too, were struggling to remain standing as I was. All three of us were completely drained after Kylo Ren's intense weightlifting session.
I didn't regret or hate any of the weightlifting that Kylo Ren had brought me through during my stay at The First Order. I had seen major improvements to my body in every way. When I had arrived at The First Order, I had been merely a twig due to the scarcity of food on Tunstead (we weren't in poverty, but we certainly weren't thriving, either). Now, I had thick muscles on all of my limbs and a toned, slim core.
"Time to begin combative." Kylo Ren ordered after our short break, "Today we will be focusing on a few jabs and parries. We will go through hologram dueling to finish the session. Kespia and Nira can be partners, and Kubos, you can be with me."
Kylo Ren began to demonstrate the first jab. I concentrated on each swift move of all of his limbs because I wanted nothing less than perfection. I knew that, if I wanted to be successful in the art of dueling with a lightsaber, each movement I made during a battle with the weapon had to be spot-on to make up for my lack of The Force.
As I observed Kylo Ren, I began to feel the most peculiar of sensations.
First, I felt a distant tingling in the back of my skull. Then, I realized with horror, it felt as if fingers were reaching through my scalp. The sensation of the fingers remained constant.
Someone was inside of my mind.
There were three people that possessed a strong enough essence of The Force to be able to read minds in the arena. Either Kylo Ren, Kespia, or Kubos was lurking in my mind during the training session -- I didn't know who I would've wanted in my thoughts the least.
I glanced quickly at each of them to see if there were any signs giving away who the mental intruder was. I was suspicious of all three of them, because all three of them had some sort of motivation to creep into my mind.
Kylo Ren could've been committing the intrusive act because he either a) desired to get me back and wanted to see if I was still interested and if he would get rejected again or b) was plotting some act of revenge against me out of pure hatred and was observing me only to further plan his attack. Either reasons were very probable in his case and I wouldn't have been surprised if it was him.
Kubos had that odd wish to be my friend. He had explained reasoning for desiring such a relationship, true, but if you belong on The First Order then you don't really need anyone to get you through the beginner's process. A newbie on The First Order needs to be able to adapt, or needs to find an escape out of the base, and fast. Anyways, Kubos could've been wanting to discover more of my secrets, dig deeper into my past, or find something else out that would further our friendship.
Kespia seemed to detest me for some unknown, unprovoked reason, so if it was her in my mind then I would've been highly suspecting some act of violence to come.
No one was showing any symbols of guilt. Kespia and Kubos had excellent poker faces showing and I couldn't see Kylo Ren's facial expression because of his mask. I seriously believe that if it was Kylo Ren and he didn't want me to find out it was, then I would never find out. I bet he is the best liar in the history of the universe -- that is both a good and a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.
Then I heard almost a whisper in my mind, but it wasn't me who thought it. It was whoever was sitting in my mind.
I'm going to hurt you . . .
My eyes widened and I looked around quickly at all three of the people in my company.
I then realized, someone just threatened me. Someone in this room literally just threatened me.
"Are we ready?" Kylo Ren asked, standing straight and looking at his three apprentices. The siblings nodded, and he looked at me expectantly. I blinked, came to the conclusion that I just imagined the threat, and nodded.
"Alright, you can begin."
We grabbed our fake lightsabers and stood across each other on the mats. Kespia raised her lightsaber high, but then the whisper came again.
You're a piece of filth . . . You deserve nothing . . .
I glanced up at her and frowned. She was grinning at me. "Ready?" She questioned in an excited, almost menacing manner. I nodded slowly and gripped my fake lightsaber's handle tightly. I was prepared to practice the jabs, but I was also focused on whoever was planting curses in my thoughts.
I will destroy you . . .
I saw Kespia's fake lightsaber coming down on me, jumped backwards, and barely lashed mine out in time to defend myself. She expertly pulled away and then came at me down low, but I was able to weave my weapon down in time to block that, as well.
I made eye contact with her while I was pushing her fake weapon away from my body with my own fake weapon. All I saw was hate. Her eyes were narrowed to despicable slits and her teeth were aggressively bared. I could see the yearning for violence in her eyes.
I yanked my lightsaber away and she did as well. "Are you okay?" I cautiously questioned. She swallowed harshly, and forced an uncomfortable smile onto her face.
"I'm great." She replied uneasily. I could tell that she was struggling to drag the friendliness out of her, and it was thoroughly confusing me.
I glanced over at Kubos and Kylo Ren. They were in a focused battle, whipping and whirling their weapons through the air in a war-like dance.
I looked back at Kespia, who was glaring at me now. She had dropped all attempts at even appearing to look amicable. I warily stared at her. I was prepared for her to attack me with a real weapon at any moment.
I am going to be the one to kill you . . . The mental whisper arrived again.
I took a tentative step away from her. Her shoulders were heaving upwards and downwards heavily with each volatile breath she took, much like Kylo Ren's does when he's angry. She wore a countenance of pure malice and her fists were tightly balled. Her fake lightsaber was on the ground next to her.
I then had a pretty good idea of who was in my mind.
"Nira. Kespia. Why are you not dueling?" Kylo Ren's condescending and authoritative voice interrupted our exchange that was nearing extreme threat. I was almost too scared to take my eyes off of Kespia and look at him because I feared that she would attack me.
"Sorry, Kylo Ren. We'll get right on it." I quickly apologized. I nodded slowly and calmly towards Kespia, verifying with her that she was not going to charge at me. She pressed her lips tightly together and picked up the lightsaber by her feet; the look of pure hatred in her eyes had not yet dissipated.
My eyes flickered towards him after several seconds of silence. He was watching Kespia and myself -- watching our interactions. I looked back at my purely flawless rival and advanced towards her with my fake weapon.
Kespia was a good lightsaber dueler and quickly advancing in her training. I was good, but she always anticipated my every move -- this was because she had The Force.
She was catching up to my skill level. I was sure of it. Did I like it? Not one bit.
*****
"They any good?" Fruvis asked me while on the topic of the new apprentices. I shrugged and picked at my nutrition disc. "They're alright, especially for only being in the first few weeks of training. They'll definitely develop into great fighters." I felt proud and excited to say that about Kubos, but when I thought of Kespia, the words came out bitterly.
Fruvis nodded and looked mildly impressed. "Good. Together they could be beneficial for the organization."
I had been at the Lunch Hall for quite a bit. It was an hour after that morning's tense and training. I still had no idea what the reasoning behind Kespia's devoted loathing for me was. Could it be that somehow she had discovered about Kylo Ren's and my past and she was jealous? That would certify that she was indeed trying to get with Kylo Ren.
I didn't want drama between us but she was creating it and I couldn't help it. She was the one who had placed the threats in my thoughts and she was the one who had gotten close to attacking me in training. I hadn't done anything to Kespia except think ill-willed thoughts about her, and that's why it was confusing to me as to why she despised me at such a high level.
She couldn't find out about Kylo Ren and I. Kubos might not have told anyone, but I could not rely on her at all to remain quiet about it. I knew that if she discovered the extent about Kylo Ren's and my own relationship and past then danger would be sure to find us.
_____
Author's Note
Sorry it's been hard to update these past few days but I will try to get back "on the grind" either tomorrow or next week!!
Also I have been getting really emotional and stressed out lately about a lot of things. I won't take any drastic measures with wattpad but please don't get mad at me for not updating every day.
Thank you for reading! I hope you all know that Nylo IS COMING BACK!! Bye for now :)