ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: OCTOBER 16TH, 2016
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
After a few days of searching for Griffyn to tell him how I feel, finding him, then chickening out and basically running away, I decided that I'd just get it all over with on Thursday.
That way if things went bad, I could skip school Friday and have a longer weekend to recover from the extreme embarrassment rejection will have caused me.
Nonetheless, the walk into school on Thursday was a nerve-racking one.
"You're okay," Parker is saying as we walk into the school. "Just calm down. Griff is your best friend. You should be able to tell him anything, even if it is to tell him about your undying love for hi-- Okay, I can't do this, it's just too weird to pep talk you into telling my brother that you like him." Parker shudders and points to Carolina who walks on the other side of me.
"Your turn for the pep talk, Queen C," Park uses her new nickname for Carolina. "I'll be by my locker, trying not to hurl while wondering how things are going with Carson and my brother."
"Oh, just stop babbling, you drama queen and go." Carolina shoves Parker away and rolls her eyes with a laugh.
She then turns to me and puts her hands on my shoulders, halting us both in mid-step. "Okay, Cara. You got this. You've only been lusting over him for months now. You've just got to get this all out of your system and you'll feel better. Whatever happens from there is all fate."
"Wow, you're really improving at this pep talk and advice thing." I say, giving her an impressed look.
"Thanks." She flips her hair and gives me a grin. "I've been taking notes. But don't mistake this for selflessness or anything. I'm still selfish. And to remind you of that, I'm stealing this lipstick that you wore yesterday and let me borrow because it makes me look hot!"
I laugh and shake my head at her, not really bothering because I know she'll give it back when I ask for it. "Whatever."
"Now, go get him, Tiger!" She gives me a weird meow and saunters off towards Parker, probably to wait with her for me to get talking with Griff over with.
I turn away from my two friends and focus my gaze on my best friend standing on the other end of the hall near his locker. I take a deep breath to try to calm my nerves.
I can do this. No big deal.
Before I know it, my feet are moving towards him and I'm standing in front of him. "Um, hi." I squeak out, hoping that this time he'll actually respond to me.
Griff looks up at me and closes his locker slowly. But he doesn't walk away, which I see as a good sign. "Hi."
"So, I have something to tell you..."
He raises his eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. I take this as my cue to start talking. I tell him about going to the lake this summer, I tell him about my dad leaving, about my becoming friends with Carolina, and about Carolina's schemes to get revenge on him.
And after a bit of hesitation, I finally gather up the courage to tell him about when I realized I had fallen for him and about why I pushed him away.
"I kind of like you, a little. Okay, a lot. But I was scared because I didn't want to ruin our friendship for silly feelings that didn't even work out for my own parents. But I may have ended up ruining our friendship anyway."
Griffyn stares at me, clearly in shock after everything I've told him. His mouth opens and closes several times before he's eventually able to get words out. "I... I can't believe you didn't tell me about your dad. I could've helped you."
I shook my head. "It wasn't your job to help me. It was something for my mom and I to get through together. I didn't want you to worry about it."
"But if you would've told me from the beginning..." Griff struggles to find words. "Things could've been different. God, Carson, everything could've been different."
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, not knowing what he meant by that, but decide not to ask. We have more important things to talk about. "Yeah, so... that's it. Sorry if I made things awkward by... you know... admitting I like you."
Griff shrugs, looking a little bewildered and confused.
"So are we okay?" I ask before he could make the situation even more awkward by furthering the conversation about me liking him.
Griff nods. "Yeah, of course. I could never stay mad at you for too long. Even if I do think you should still ditch Carolina and run away as fast as possible."
"She's changing. Slowly." I say, standing up for her. And she really is. She may be kind of mean and selfish at times, but she's really getting better. She's trying hard to be a good person.
Griff grins. "You always did see the good in people."
I bite my lip and nod. "Yeah, well, that's me. Hey... since we are friends again and all, do you want to go to that fall dance together next week? I mean, I know its a bit late to ask, but it's kind of tradition and all..."
Griffyn's grin falls and all of a sudden, he looks guilty. "Oh... well, you see... About that... I wasn't sure you were going to choose me. I thought you'd moved on, so I kind of had a date already."
"Oh," I say. My heart clenches in my chest and I start to feel jealous even though I don't even know who he's going with yet. Even though it hurts and feels like a rejection, I force a smile. "Well, that's fine. It's... not that important anyway. Sorry, it was stupid. I hope you have fun."
"Yeah, um... I'm sorry. It's just... Alesha asked and I--"
"Oh, it was Alesha?" I ask, feeling confused and a little betrayed. How dare she? If it was anyone else, I'd be a little jealous but I'd understand why they'd go for him. He's the perfect guy. But her? I told her how I felt about him and she helped me and gave me advice. Then, when I get in a fight with him, she swoops down and steals him away?
Griff grimaces as if he said something he shouldn't have. "Yeah... it was. But we're not serious or anything yet."
Yet?
And that right there was my heart breaking.
I take a step back, wanting to get out of this conversation before I self destruct. "Well, have fun and thanks for the birthday present by the way."
Griff nods and takes a step towards me as if he doesn't want me to leave just yet. "You're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't tell you happy birthday on your actual birthday or even say it to your face. That was kind of a jerk move on my part."
I'm about to respond when I notice his gaze has shifted to something over my shoulder. I turn around and see Alesha walking down the hallway, talking with some girl I don't know. My stomach clenches and I start to feel bitter. I clench my jaw and turn to Griffyn, about to say bye pretty rudely due to jealously, but he's already starting to walk around me.
"Sorry," He says to me, though still looking at her. "I've got to go." And more as an afterthought, he goes, "I'll talk to you later."
Um, ouch.
"Hey!" Carolina exclaims as she and Park walk straight through my front door without knocking and plop down on the seats at the kitchen table beside me and my mom. "You never even told us how it went! You just walked off and left us waiting."
Park elbows her and rolls her eyes. She whispers loud enough that even I can hear, "Usually, that means it didn't go well. Stop being so insensitive."
Carolina just shrugs. "So? Tell us what happened. Who's he going to the dance with?"
I shake my head. "He's going with Alesha."
"Alesha?" Carolina shrieks, almost bursting my eardrums. "What a traitor! You know, it's a good thing our little group fell apart once I decided to be best friends with you or else I'd have hit her in the face already."
I shake my head again. "Don't even worry about it. I don't understand why she's going after him even when she knows how I feel about him, but I'm done fighting. If it's that much work to have Griff, then maybe it's just not worth it."
I look over to find Park shaking her head.
"What's up, Park? You look pissed." I ask, curious.
"It's just, I didn't even know about him taking Alesha. And it's so stupid that he did that when you guys have that tradition where you take each other to the dance. He used to look forward to that every year. It's... weird that he'd just ditch you like that and so yes, I'm mad at him. Even though it's totally weird to think about you two together, you'd still make a really cute couple."
"See? Even Park agrees with me," my mom speaks up. I give her a pointed glare in which she just shrugs at and takes a sip of her coffee.
"Ugh," I groan, sliding down the chair and hiding my face. "How am I supposed to go to that dance alone, without Griffyn as my date. Imagine how embarrassing that'd be! Everyone would be talking about it until graduation! I can't last another year and a half of taunts!"
Park, Carolina, and my mom exchange glances, probably agreeing that I've lost my marbles.
I gasp and sit up straight, startling Park who's sitting closest to me. "I've got it! I'm just going to skip it. And if anyone asks, I'll just say that I got sick and couldn't make it!"
Mom gives me another one of her unwavering looks. "You are not getting out of the dance, Missy. You are going and so are your friends. It will be fun."
I groan and fall back into a slouch in the chair.
Fun? More like torture!
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