ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: JUNE 1ST, 2016
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
If I had to pick one thing that I've never been good at, it'd be confessing. Whether I've told a lie or done something bad, I've never been good at admitting it. Even if everyone knows that I'm lying or that I did that one thing they're accusing me of, I still end up denying it, which always gets me into further trouble.
So why should anything be different, regarding the feelings I may or may not have for Griffyn? And there I go again, trying to deny the obvious revelation that I've just recently made about the recently developed thoughts I've been having of my best friend.
So I'll admit: I have feelings for Griff.
Yeah, it's not that hard to admit it to myself in my own mind. But thoughts are clearly different from actions!
Getting me to admit my feelings in my own mind is one thing. Getting me to admit my feelings aloud is a completely other thing! And if we go so far as to think of me confessing my feelings to Griffyn-- in person -- I might as well just dig my own grave and die right there!
I'd clearly been out of my mind if I'd been about to confess my feelings to Griff just the other day! I've smacked myself mentally about a dozen times just thinking of it. What a disaster.
Then I get to thinking of yesterday. About how it was a perfect day and yet, I still wasn't satisfied. Since when hasn't a perfect day with my best friend not satisfied me?
I'll tell you: Since I wanted him to be more than just a friend. And so I realized: There is no way that I can stay just friends with Griffyn. My feelings are not going away any time soon and if I keep acting strange in front of Griff, he's going to know for sure what's up. Then he'll ask me and since I can't really lie to him, I'll have to tell him. And that will be embarrassing.
Conclusion: If I tell him, I might just die of embarrassment.
Therefore, I decided resort to a technique I know best.
Distraction.
As long as I stay distracted, I can shove my feelings for Griff way down where even I don't know they're there and everything will turn out okay. Even if that means hanging out with Carolina, Alesha, and Penelope more instead of him.
But hopefully, the distraction will prove itself effective and I may, may just find my feelings receding and I'll think back to these days and laugh about how ridiculous I acted over nothing.
Now, I know my reasoning may sound a little absurd, not very well thought out, and a lot crazy, but I'm a desperate girl in a desperate time. And as they say: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Or is it drastic measures? I can't even be sure anymore...
Therefore, my distraction technique started on Thursday, and by Friday, I'd all but failed.
"You're staring," Carolina says into my ear. I jerk in surprise and whirl around to face her. She leans against Parker's locker and smirks at me in a knowing way.
"I was not," I deny, but not very convincingly.
"Whatever." Carolina rolls her eyes. "Listen, the girls and I are going to my cabin this weekend to hangout. You should come."
"I can't," I tell her, wincing. I feel a fight coming on, as always when I bring up Griffyn around Carolina. "Are you doing this on purpose or did you really forget that Griff and I hang out every Friday?"
Carolina huffs in annoyance and bangs her back against Parker's locker. "Okay, I didn't forget, but come on! You can't expect me to be fine with him hogging you every single week. You could do with skipping out sometimes. Besides, you have other friends to hang out with and it's not fair that you spend every weekend with him. I, especially, feel so mistreated."
I bite my lip and glance at Griff where he stands at his locker down the hallway, laughing with some of his baseball friends. I hate to admit it, but Carolina's right. And this would be a good distraction for me. Maybe I could use some time away from Griffyn in order to sort out my feelings and hopefully send them away for good so things can go back to normal. "Well... It's just us hanging out at the cabin, right? Just us girls."
"Yes, absolutely. A total girls' night!" Carolina exclaims, jumping away from the locker and grinning when she feels like I'm going to give in.
"Fine. Fine, okay." I run a hand over my braided hair, pushing some left out tendrils back from my face. "Are you taking me home after school then?"
"Duh, like always, Bails." Carolina grins and tells me to meet her by her car after school before sauntering off, catching the longing gazes of half the boys in the hallway with ease.
I sigh and glance in Griff's direction again only to find his locker and the space around it empty. "Where'd he go?" I whisper to myself and glance around the hallway in both directions. When I can't find him, I sigh again and slam my locker door shut.
Guess I'll just have to keep an eye out.
There's been no sign of Griffyn for the rest of the day. Even in the classes we share, he's inconveniently not in attendance. So as soon as the bell rings announcing the end of the school day, I jet from my seat, straight to my locker. I'm packed and shooting towards the parking lot before Parker even arrives at her own locker, which I guess is for the best because I'd have to blow her off yet again.
I mentally thank the Lord for my luck when I see Griff's car in his usual spot. Glancing around the parking lot, I find no sign of Carolina, Alesha, or Penelope and decide it's okay to wait a bit since I'm early.
I lean against the squeaky clean tailgate of his truck and scan the parking lot constantly, ever so often checking the time on my phone. Minutes pass and there's no sign of him. Then I curse myself when I remember that he probably has baseball practice.
I'm just edging away from his tailgate when Carolina pulls up and honks at me before rolling her window down. "I thought I told you to meet me at my car, not Griffyn's!"
"You did," I state, chucking my school bag in her trunk which she opened as she yelled. I circle back around to take a seat in the passenger's seat since I spotted Alesha and Penelope hogging the back. Carolina doesn't say anything as I do one more scan of the parking lot just incase Griff may have forgot something in his car and just happened to be coming back to get it, but no such luck. "I just had to tell Griffyn that I was canceling on him."
"And did you?" Carolina asks. She puts the car in drive after I buckle and pulls out of the parking lot.
"No, he must have baseball or something. But don't worry. I'll just let him know by text. It's not a big deal."
"I wasn't worrying. I could care less what you do concerning your boy-toy." Carolina remarks hastily. I raise an eyebrow and meet Alesha's eyes in the side mirror. She does an imitation of Carolina which makes me laugh. Carolina's eyes snap over to me. "What are you laughing at?"
"Nothing." I meet Alesha's eyes again in the mirror and try my hardest not to laugh as she covers her mouth to hold hers in. "Nothing at all."
Carolina narrows her eyes at me before turning her attention back to the road. "Anyway, the cabin is four bedrooms, three bathrooms, with a second floor, balcony, pool, and patio. Is that enough to make you all happy?"
My eyes widen unconsciously even though I know she's rich. I still can't get over the massive amount of accommodations her family owns. "It sounds perfect."
"Well, duh. We did buy it. My family never buys anything that isn't perfect." Carolina says with a roll of her eyes.
Okay...
"We're here." Carolina states, parking.
"We're already at the cabin?" Penelope speaks up for the first time, reminding me that she's here too. I glance back just in time to see her look away from her phone.
"No, you idiot!" Carolina growls. She turns in her seat to glare at Penelope. "We're at Carson's house. She needs to pack her bag." She turns to me and raises her eyebrows. I don't move. "Well? Go!"
I scurry into action and hop out of the car. I run inside and shut the door, then sigh in relief. I thought this may be a fun weekend, but if she's going to act like that...
I remember I'm supposed to text Griff and pull out my phone.
To: Griff <3
I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel tonight. Carolina's angry because I spend every Friday with you so I'm going with her to her cabin for a girls' night.
I send the message without reading it through and head upstairs to my room. I rush to pack my bag, shoving random things in random pockets, and am finished within minutes. On my way out of the room, I stop to grab some money from my stash in my dresser just in case and am out the front door less than a minute later.
Carolina eyes my bag when I hop back into the car. "Is there, by any chance, some stilettos and a hot dress in that bag?"
"Um... no, why?"
"No reason," she says with a shrug. I glance into the mirror to catch Alesha's eyes, but find her deliberately ignoring me.
With a suspicious exhale, I face back forwards and slump in the seat, not feeling too great about this girls' weekend now. There seems to be too many secrets between the three of us and I'm not too fond of having more secrets in my life than I already do.
When we arrive, I'm beyond pissed.
Standing in front of the house in my jeans and t-shirt, I witness half of the football team in the house already. No doubt, they were invited by Carolina. Not a party, but still not a girls' hangout either.
"Carolina!" I exclaim. I whirl around on her, but she just grins and passes me without a glance. She jogs up to our school's quarterback whose name I don't remember and drags him back. She stops right in front of me.
"Stephen, this is Carson Bailey. Bails, this is Stephen Matthews, quarterback of our Kingswood Tigers Football team." She winks not so subtly at me and then pats his shoulder. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted."
She flounces off and I make a mental note to strangle her later for this. "You look angry to be in my company. Should I go?"
I turn to Stephen who just spoke and wipe the anger off my face, shaking my head. "No, I'm sorry. It's just—Well, Carolina said this was a girls' night. She didn't mention anything about half the football team showing up. No offense."
Stephen shrugs. "None taken."
"Well, whatever. There's nothing I can do about it now." I shiver as a cool breeze travels through the air. "It's pretty cold out here. Why don't we go inside?"
Stephen grins and holds out a hand. "Let's go then." I hesitate before reaching out and taking his hand. I allow him to lead me inside where the football team is being loud and rambunctious, trying to show off to Carolina, Alesha, and Penelope.
Stephen leads me to the couch and we plop down. The TV in front of us is on and turned onto a football game, of course. But barely anyone is paying attention to it. We all watch as some guy gets sets up speakers and turns the music on high. There's no beer, but they don't seem to care. One guy even gets up on the counter and starts dancing on it crazily, causing the team to howl with laughter. Not much later, Carolina is up there dancing with him.
"Why don't we go somewhere quiet?" Stephen whispers into my hair, his teeth grazing my ear. I hadn't even noticed him coming closer. His hand is on my knee, dragging dangerously upward.
I lean away and give him a polite smile. "No, thank you. I'm fine."
He frowns for a moment, seeming confused at my response. Then his grin is back. He still hasn't moved his hand. "I see what you're doing."
"Really?" I ask flatly. I don't think he does. If he knew I was rejecting him, he wouldn't be smiling. "What am I doing?"
"You're playing hard to get." Stephen leans closer, so close. Only inches from my lips her goes, "Because you know I like it."
"Right." I laugh and lean farther away, aiming to stand up. His hand tightens on my leg and he pulls me back down. I glare at him and push his chest. His face flickers with surprise and he lets go, finally allowing me to stand up. "Looks like you didn't know what I was doing. I was clearly rejecting you, you idiot."
I stalk off, mad at him for coming onto me, mad at Carolina for taking me to this party after promising there wouldn't be a party, mad at Griffyn for not texting me back, and even mad at Alesha and Penelope for not telling me even if there was no way for them to let me know without Carolina getting pissed at us all.
Once I'm alone in the driveway, I call Griff. He doesn't answer. I curse and call Parker, but she doesn't answer. I look through my contacts, searching for another person to call. Not my mom, definitely not my dad, Carolina's here, so are Alesha and Penelope, Griff won't answer, Park won't answer, calling their parents for a ride would just be weird, and Wes. Wes.
I call Wes, and he miraculously picks up on the first ring. "Sup, Carson with a C?"
"Carson with a C?" The ridiculousness of Wes' words bring a small smile to my lips.
"Well you ain't no Carson with a K. So yep, that's what I'm calling you now. Cara is too boring. And Carson is just your name." Wes explains.
"Um, yeah. Carson's just my name. That's why I'm called by it. So I don't need new names." I respond with amusement in my tone.
"Are you saying you don't like my new name for you? Because if you just implied that you didn't like it, I'm going to hang up right now and I'm not going to do whatever favor you were going to ask me for."
"Wait!" I exclaim. "You know me so well. I like your name for me, okay? Now I need a favor. I came to Carolina's cabin for a girls' night and turns out, she thought a girls' night included inviting the entire football team and I'm not in the mood for Carolina's games."
"And I assume you want me to pick you up?" Wes speaks up from the other end.
"Please?"
"I'll be over in fifteen. But make sure to let Bitch-Queen Carolina know that I'm very insulted she didn't invite the baseball team, or at least me. I thought we were friends."
I snort. "Wes, have you even talked to the girl?"
He scoffs. "No way! Carolina scares the hell outta me!"
I laugh and he hangs up before I can say anything else.
It's right around twenty minutes later when Wes pulls into the driveway to the cabin. I frown as I hop in. "You're late."
"Oh, boohoo, Carson with a C. It was either me being five minutes late or you being stranded here until tomorrow morning. Which would you prefer?"
I purse my lips and narrow my eyes at him. "Touché."
Wes smirks as if saying, I told you so and pulls out of the drive and starting the drive home. The first ten minutes are spent in silence. Kind of awkward.
"Listen, Wes," I blurt out, not being able to stand the silence any longer. "What happened on that date thing with Griff and Caitlyn--" Wes snorts and his hands tighten on the steering wheel. He even wears a small smirk which confuses me. "What? Why'd you laugh like that?"
Wes shrugs, still smirking a bit.
"Tell me!"
"Fine! Fine," Wes glances over at me. "You don't have to explain. I know Caitlyn and Griffyn bothered you. All friends get jealous."
I gulp. Yeah, friends. "Yeah, but Wes... I want you to know it wasn't you at all. It was all my fault. I was being stupid and childish and you probably hated how I was acting to you. I'm sorry."
"Well, I'm not going to lie and say I hated it." Wes smirks a little more. "I did have this kind of crush on you and I did enjoy being fussed over, but what I enjoyed more was seeing Griffyn's face." He cuts himself off with a laugh, seeming to find the memory of it hilarious. "He looked so pissed and confused. It was priceless."
My lips lift up, almost smiling. "So you're not mad at me?"
"God, no." Wes answers quickly. "We're good, Carson with a C. Crush over. I'm thinking about going for another girl now actually."
"Really?"
"Yep, but I'm not telling you her name, so don't even ask about it."
I purse my lips, really wanting to ask him about it, just to satisfy my curiosity. I successfully resist the urge not to and say instead, "Well that's good. And we're good, so it's all good. Wow that was a lot of goods. Um, anyway... I just wanted to get that straight because you're a nice guy, but..."
"But you're in love with Griffyn," Wes concludes for me.
I pull back into the seat, staring at him in shock as he pulls into my driveway and parks. He turns to me and sees my shocked expression, then chuckles. "It's fine. He doesn't know. No one else knows."
I let out the breath I was holding. "Thank God. Um, thanks for the ride. And please don't tell Griffyn about... well, about those feelings I have for him."
Wes smiles at me as I hop out of the car. "I won't tell."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
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