Thankfully my aching muscles started to ease after those first couple of days. And within the first week they were completely ache free, growing stronger with every emptied wheelbarrow.
Amber and I quickly fell into a routine. We worked well in a partnership and things were running smoothly. I couldn't believe how time was flying, after those first two days had felt like a prison sentence.
Though I should have known better than to think it would last. When things are going that well something always crops up to ruin your plans. And today was that day.
There was nothing particularly special about today it was just 'one of those days'. Everybody has them. I should have realised I was in for one as soon as I got out of bed and straight away put a hole in my favourite stripy socks.
By lunchtime I'd broken the handle on two buckets, snapped a lead rope, trapped my hand between a door, been hauled off my feet by Jasper, a large shaggy Fell pony with a huge barrel for a belly. And, to top it all off, I'd spent five minutes with Fox to take the edge off and then promptly landed flat on my backside in a large patch of mud. Also, I'd chosen that day of all days to wear some light, beige jodhpurs and now they were splattered with muck and lord knows what else. The beige colouring was nearly invisible under a thick coating of brown dirt.
When I walked into the common room at four o'clock everybody just froze before bursting into laughter. I lifted my arms and gave them a twirl to get the full effect. Clay was in the middle of the room, leaning against the air hockey table. He was mid slurp of a cup of coffee and ended up spraying most of it at Dawn.
Things had really eased between my uncle and I. We still didn't have that much to say to each other, outside of yard stuff, but at least we'd found one thing we could chat about.
'Wow.' I heard a voice from over my shoulder, just as the laughter of the other three was starting to die down. I spun round to find Connor in the doorway, taking in my battered and muddied state. He raised his eyes and smiled sympathetically. 'Want me to hose you down?' He half offered, half teased.
'Hmm, it may come to that, yes.' I answered brightly, pulling at my soggy pale polo shirt to stop it from sticking to my skin.
Connor smiled warmly as he passed by and spoke to Clay. I headed to the little sink by the fridge and brushed a damp sponge across the bottom of my top where Fox had sneezed all over me.
'The Pony Club lot are here.' I heard Connor telling Clay.
'Right. Thanks.' He replied before heading out.
It was Friday evening and Clay was running a Pony Club Dressage Clinic. Amber had pre-warned me in case I'd wanted to make myself scarce. But I'd survived the rest of the week seeing strangers buzzing around the yard without having a nervous breakdown. I could handle another gathering of the Pony Club.
I'd quickly gotten used to strangers eyeing me from a distance and clearly talking about me. They weren't very subtle, but at least they had the decency to keep their distance. Not one of them had come over and said anything about my dad to my face. It was growing easier talking to my family and the others at the stable about him, but it wasn't something I was ready to discuss with a bunch of strangers.
I'd just finished putting up the last haynet ready for the ponies to come in from the field. I headed towards the common room to have a drink and sit down for five minutes which, meant passing right through the main yard near the arena. There didn't seem to be anything special about the herd of mothers and kids gathered by the fencing. The kids looked a little older than the ones I'd seen the other day but I didn't think anything of it. Well, until a couple of people moved away from the huddle and my eyes landed on someone I recognised.
She turned just as I looked up. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared. She stared back but her expression was instantly smug and superior.
Urgh, Tiffany Wickham. I should have known she'd pop up at some point. And of course it had to be today when I was looking like a survivor of some kind of natural disaster. She dropped her eyes and slowly lifted them so I knew she was taking in my muddied state. Her smirk increased.
Tiffany hadn't changed much since I'd last seen her. She was taller obviously and she was wearing a thick layer of makeup making her look about twenty rather than the fourteen years she actually was. But apart from that she had the same long ice blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a superiority complex that would have made even the Queen feel like a tramp. She looked down her nose at me from across the yard. I could see her lips move and the people nearest her snickered and rolled their eyes in my direction.
If it's possible for a fourteen year old girl to have an arch nemesis then Tiffany Wickham was mine. While my rosette wall was a sea of red for first place, then hers was a sea of blue for second. At least until I moved to London anyway.
I sunk my teeth into my lip and told myself to just ignore her. I caught sight of Connor standing at the gate of the arena, he was watching me and from the expression on his face I could tell he was saying the same thing. Clay was in the middle of the arena bawling out instructions but he'd also spotted my stand off with Tiffany. He continued his lesson but every now and again flicked his eyes across the yard, probably checking that Tiffany and I hadn't started a round of hair pulling or name calling.
I shook off the tension that had gripped me and forced myself to carry on. Afterall she wouldn't be here for long, and I had work to do. I turned to head towards the common room only to find a little girl standing at me feet. It's just as well I looked before moving, otherwise I would have flattened her before even realising she was there.
I looked down into a pair of big, round green eyes. She was a pretty little thing, and looked super cute in her miniature riding gear. She gave me a big gap toothed grin so I smiled warmly back.
'Hello. And who are you?' I asked.
'Ellie.' She replied innocently. And then out of nowhere she asked bluntly, 'Are you Carl Michaelson's daughter?'
My smile instantly dropped and the look of horror must have been clear across my face. The pigtailed little girl looked surprised and stepped back a pace.
'I'm sorry.' A flustered young mother rushed towards us and scooped the little girl up in her arms. 'Ellie darling, what have I told you about wandering off.' I heard the woman say as she strode away. Ellie looked across her mother's shoulder and waved at me. But I didn't respond. I felt numb suddenly, unable to move. I think I may have been hyperventilating. Somehow that sweet, innocent little girl had punched me hard in the gut like she was wielding the right hook of a champion boxer.
How did she even know who my dad was? She couldn't have been more then three or four years old. But I guess that goes with the fact he was known as a living legend. His reputation's lived on after him.
The entire gathering of Pony Club gossips had stopped talking and had watched the whole thing. The look of delight on Tiffany's face made my stomach twist in knots. Behind them in the arena my eyes landed on Clay who had also stopped and was staring now, his expression taut and troubled.
My cheeks burned and I could feel tears spring up behind my eyes. Without waiting another second I dropped my head and watched my feet as they stalked quickly through the rest of the stable yard. Their pace steadily increased until I found myself running at full pelt down one the paths between the fields. I only stopped when I realised I could hardly breathe anymore. I climbed the fence nearest to me and just sat there, heaving for breath, and fighting back the tears that had broken free while I ran.
That's who I am to these people, I thought. Who I feared I would be if I came back. Not Jenna. But the tragic little girl who'd lost her super famous father.
Footsteps approached from my left but I kept my face down staring at the ground.
'Hey kiddo.' Clay said as he climbed the fence and perched next to me. 'How you doing?'
'I'm fine.' But I was totally unconvincing. My voice cracked and I sniffed heavily, dragging the back of my hand across my nose pitifully.
'It was never going to be easy coming back Jen.'
'Uh-huh.'
'But, you've done well. Don't be so hard on yourself.' Clay was right and his words helped, but the soft, gentle tone only made more tears stream down my cheeks. 'Does it bother you what they think?'
I sniffed and waited till my tears subsided before I could answer coherently.
'Yes. I know it shouldn't. And it's not that I care what they think about me, it's that when they look at me they think about my dad. And they shouldn't, he was mine not theirs. But that's who I'll always be to them. Not Jenna but Carl Michaelson's daughter.'
'Jenna....do you know why I never came to see you in London?'
'No.' I frowned.
'Because you reminded me of Carl. And I missed him too much.'
'Really?'
'Of course. Growing up people always have their idols. People they aspire to be. It's unusual for that person to be your own brother. But Carl was my idol. And he worked hard and ended up being a lot of other people's idol as well. But he was never bothered about that stuff. Family was what mattered to him. And especially you and your mum.' I blinked away the tears that clung to my lashes and turned to look at Clay. He smiled and squeezed my hand.
'I don't think we ever truly get over losing someone. And maybe we shouldn't. But we do find ways of carrying on.'
'You know, it wasn't until I came back here that I realised how mum and I had just pushed him out of our heads. It seemed like the only way we could move on.'
'Everyone deals with grief in different ways.'
'But we didn't deal with it, maybe that was the problem. Coming back to Hoxley and being reminded of him at every turn just shows that. We locked him away like he never existed.'
'And perhaps that's why you're struggling now. But you don't need to deal with this on your own. Your Gramps, Amber, me. We're all in this together.'
'And Fox.' I added.
'Yes, and Fox.' He laughed softly. I smiled as the tension started to leave me.
'Can I ask you something?'
'Anything.'
'If you and dad were so close why did you go to New Zealand?'
'Because I needed to stand on my own two feet for once. Find my own path. It wasn't easy but I'm glad I did it. But we were constantly in touch. Chatting on the phone, e-mailing. I have hundreds of photos he sent me of you.' He chuckled to himself like he was remembering a fond memory. 'You're the only four year old I've ever seen riding solo on the back of 16.2 horse kiddo.' He bumped my shoulder playfully and I gurgled a laugh between the watery sobs.
'I may not have been here in person but you were never far from my thoughts Jenna.'
I leant over and rested my head against Clay's shoulder. For the first time it really felt like we were family.
'I owe you an apology, for that first day.' He said. 'I can't remember the last time I'd been so nervous about anything. And I messed it up. I'm sorry.'
'It's ok. I wasn't exactly at my best either.'
'So what now?'
'I don't know. I guess I'll just stay out of the way next time the Pony Club lot show up.'
'Really? That's your plan.' I shrugged. I mean what else is there. 'You don't have any dreams for the future?'
'No. I used to. Before. But nothing else has ever appealed to me.'
'And your old dreams?'
'They died when dad did.'
'Doesn't mean they can't come back.'
'But I'll always just be Carl Michaelson's kid.'
'Is that such a bad thing?'
'I guess not, but....'
'But you also want to be Jenna.'
'Yes.'
'Then be Jenna. Don't just be Carl's daughter. Make your own name.'
'But I don't know how.'
'Yes, you do.'