June 4, 2011
Between a best friend and a boyfriend, I’d choose...
“I hope Rach won’t eat dinner with one hand. She doesn’t seem to want to let go of her phone,” Julia Cleveland jokingly announced while preparing the dinner table with her son.
Rachelle abruptly looked up from her iPhone and tried to apologize but Hubert Cleveland took everybody’s attention by turning the television off and coming over to sit beside his son’s best friend.
He draped his arm around Rachelle’s shoulders and asked, “Rachelle dear, how many times do I have to tell you that if you want a boyfriend, you can always choose Nick?” He turned to glance at his dumbstruck son, then back at Rachelle. “God knows we’ve been too busy with work and Nicholas probably hated us for that, but you’re always taking good care of him that I’m sure you’ll make a fine girlfriend.”
Rachelle sat there looking at Hubert, astonished, time and again, at his suggestion. Her parents had the tendency to say the same things, asking her or Nick why they never dated. Even until now, however, she hadn’t gotten used to it.
“Well,” She took a breath, “it’s just that,” she took another breath, “Nick is a good guy—a great guy—but he’s my best friend and it’s—”
“A bit short of incest if we ever get into a romantic relationship,” Nick interrupted, obviously annoyed at the topic of their conversation.
“Yeah, sort of,” Rachelle helplessly agreed.
“Hmph,” was Hubert’s reply. “If you think of my son as a brother, you would have argued with him the way you argue with Matt.” He raised his arm to stop anyone from talking. “I’m not going to pursue this topic further though. It’s obvious the two of you,” he glanced meaningfully at both Rachelle and Nick, “are not comfortable talking about it.”
He stood up and went to his wife, lacing his arm around her waist and giving her a peck on the cheek. “Now honey, why don’t I help you so we can feed our guest?”
Hubert commanded Nick to leave the preparations to them with a wave of his hand.
By the time Nick was seated beside Rachelle on the sofa, it was obvious he was still thinking about his dad’s comments. “They keep making a match out of the two of us when they know it won’t work,” he hissed.
What he said was true but there was something in his tone that made Rachelle feel as if he didn’t want it to be that way.
“Do you really think it won’t work?” she asked him, wondering what he actually thought about it.
He seemed to have caught his breath but since he wasn’t looking at her, she found it difficult to read what was on his mind. After five seconds, he sighed.
“A relationship isn’t our problem right now so why don’t we just forget about it?”
Nick stood up so Rachelle did the same. They ate dinner while discussing the Clevelands’ recent business trip, Rachelle’s recent hate letter, Liam Milton, Jessica Kirsch, Full Volume and Quarter To Five’s upcoming mini concert on Friday. Aside from Julia’s gasps and an indignant speech on proper decorum when she heard about the hate letter, as well as a small argument between Nick and Hubert about Full Volume’s involvement with Q25 Music, the entire dinner went well.
They were now in Nick’s white Audi TT RS Coupe which he seldom used. Julia wouldn’t let her son go home via train or bus after he brought Rachelle home so she had practically shoved them into the car. She would have started the engine herself if Nick hadn’t stopped her. His parents had the tendency to be protective and overly attentive of Nick whenever they were around and Rachelle knew it was their way to make up for all the times they were absent from Nick’s life. She was sure that he didn’t hate his parents at all but it didn’t change the fact that they didn’t know their son as much as parents should.
It was a quiet ride at first but the car’s sudden jerk made Rachelle lift her head from her phone. Nick had stepped hard on the brakes when they were caught by a red light. He was usually a careful driver and Rachelle was certain that something was up.
“What was that?” she demanded, “No one’s behind us and you weren’t driving fast. Why did you step hard on the brakes?”
“Aren’t you getting dizzy from reading your messages in a moving car?” Nick replied sarcastically.
“What?” Rachelle snapped. “Really, Nick. That doesn’t even have anything to do with the brakes.”
“Ever since you got his number, you never let go of your phone. It’s not like you don’t get to talk to him in school,” he said with a hint of jealousy.
Rachelle turned her body towards Nick as far as the seat belt would allow. She stared hard at him for a few moments. During the first stages of her relationship with Jake Clifford, Nick had also been as grouchy and cynical as this. She thought about all those times she had dated other guys and realized that he had always acted with a bit of jealousy. She had often attributed his actions as best friend blues but tonight, it didn’t seem to be that way. When the light turned green, she began to pucker her mouth as if she was trying to say something.
“What?” Nick demanded.
She sighed. “Are you...getting jealous of Liam?” Rachelle asked him as carefully as she could.
She saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel before he said, “No.”
“I think you are.” He didn’t show any outward reaction so she went on, “Every time I meet a new guy, you become cold and always on your guard. What’s going on, Nick?” She took a deep breath then whispered the question that sometimes bothered her at night. “What are your feelings for me?”
He remained silent for a few more moments and she felt the car speed up a little.
“Don’t get us killed so you can avoid the question,” she said calmly, knowing there was probably a barrage of emotions hiding beneath his expressionless face.
Nick let go of the accelerator a little, glanced at her for a second and told her, “I’m not jealous of that new guy. I don’t trust him. Just as I didn’t trust all your exes until I was sure they were making you happy.” He sighed. “It’s just my protective instincts.”
“And your feelings?” She wasn’t letting that question go unanswered.
“Are as friendly as it ever could,” he evaded smoothly.
“Nick...”
He smacked one of his hands on the steering wheel. “Look, Rach. I can’t help worrying about you. You’re my best friend.” His face changed and lines of deep worry marked his features. “It’s just that I want you to finally let go of what happened four years ago. Jumping from one relationship into another isn’t helping. It never would.”
So. That incident was what had been hounding him. She exhaled slowly. She still wanted to clarify things but the reminder of what had happened took Rachelle’s mind off the topic of Nick and his feelings for her.
She hadn’t told anyone about that awful episode except Nick. Not even Matt or her parents knew about it. She wouldn’t have said anything to her best friend either but Nick had always been sensitive when it came to her. The day after the incident, she had pretended as if nothing unusual happened. She continued to laugh with her friends and she did her modeling job well. At that time, everybody loved the young teen who could strike a pose that lured even the most indifferent customer. The camera adored her and that was how she got discovered as an endorser.
Her laughter had not always worked though. At times, she would remember what happened and her happy disposition would slip off her face to be replaced with a haunted look. Nick had noticed and confronted her about it. She tried to keep it but when her best friend hugged her and told her that he wouldn’t force her to tell him, she broke down. Tears began to drop from her eyes and she began to shake violently as she narrated everything to Nick.
When she finished, she saw his anger as well as the tears that had formed around his eyes. He punched the wall and declared that he would make those people pay. She couldn’t let him do that though. She couldn’t let him be involved. So she made him promise never to tell a single soul. He almost disagreed but she knew she could always make him do what she wanted and so she begged. In the end, they both agreed that from then on, Rachelle would always be careful about the people she met. It was the only way they could avoid things from turning sour again.
It was hard not to remember the incident. Nick would always tell her that it must have been the reason why she preferred being in a relationship—even if it was a wrong relationship—than being single. She seemed to be afraid of losing the protection she felt she got when she had a boyfriend. When she was single, everyone seemed to want to attack her and her reputation. People reminded her of the number of her exes and they would make up stories of her whereabouts. At least with a boyfriend, she always had someone to defend her from gossip; someone she could lean on.
Nick said that it didn’t matter whether she was single or not and she had to learn how to protect herself. She had to stop making her boyfriends fix her fear of herself. She didn’t believe any of it and instead, relied on the idea that people wouldn’t think too much about her if she was not available to snag everyone else’s boyfriends in order to gain some peace of mind. People knew that she was never unfaithful. ‘Playgirl’ was simply everybody’s label for her seemingly ‘never-single’ status.
Rachelle would never agree that she used her boyfriends to escape from her nightmares. She believed in love and that was exactly the reason why she liked being in a relationship. No more, no less.
“I know it doesn’t help much. But can’t it be possible that I simply want to get to know Liam more?” she wondered. “Maybe you’re just overreacting. What if he’s the one?”
“What if he’s not?”
“Please, Nick. If anyone should worry about Liam, it should be me. Besides, I promised to be careful and I meant to keep it.”
“I’m still reserving judgment.”
She sighed. She must have sighed more than ten times since dinner.
They reached the Leisure District. “Before you worry about my love life, don’t you think you should worry about yours first?”
“I don’t have one,” he muttered under his breath.
“What about Grace?” she said, exasperatedly. “Please don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
“I have and I’m not the guy for her.”
“You can’t be so sure about that.”
“Rach...” His tone was suddenly filled with warning.
“Now you’re making me wonder if maybe the one with relationship issues here is you,” she replied testily.
“I don’t have issues,” Nick denied.
“Ever since the entire girls division of the swimming team declared that they’d be willing to be your girlfriends all at the same time, you’ve never trusted women again,” Rachelle mused.
That made him smile a little. “And I was willing to try that party-boy life that Matt kept throwing at my face,” he said with little seriousness. “But if there’s one thing my dad taught me, it’s that I can only trust women who value themselves. I don’t know but playing the field doesn’t seem to work for me.”
Rachelle laughed. “Oh Nick, you’ve matured way too early.”
“Maybe because I have a best friend who is yet to grow up,” was his retort.
She just rolled her eyes to end the discussion. After a few moments, they reached the Harlow residence and Rachelle got out of the Audi. Another five seconds passed before Vivian opened the door to let her daughter in.
Rachelle gave Nick a wave and before she could close the door, she heard Nick shout, “Don’t forget Friday’s concert!” And then he honked the car horn and sped off.
*****
Later that night, as Rachelle was lying on her bed thinking about her conversation with Nick, she heard her phone’s message tone. It was Liam. She had previously apologized for not sending a reply for his last message and he seemed to be okay with it. The message said:
That’s fine. Anyway, are you free on Friday? I was wondering if you can come with me. =)