Dear Diary,
Oh. My. Good. Lord. Last night was so bad. Terrible. Nut bags. It all turned out wrong and I'll be damned if I know what to do about it. OK, so, we had the gig at that old man's pub 'Eagle Arms', right in the center of the village. Our second ever gig. We were pretty excited, Leo and me – well, obviously Leo played it cool as usual but I know underneath he was looking forward to it – only he didn't mouth off about it as much as I did.
It took so much convincing last week to get the pub owner to let us do it. And yesterday morning, when we wheeled our massive speakers into the pub – he looked appalled.
After a full day of jitters, there I was, at the gig, singing, as I do – as though it was the last chance I get to express myself before the world ends. I sang Leo's new song and oh wow, what a song. The size of the crowd was a bit embarrassing, not that many people there. Oops. We put out loads of flyers last week – all around the village. Saying that, there were quite a lot more people than the first time. I laugh when I think about our first gig. That time there were only a few more people in the crowd than in the band – and there are only three of us!
The crowd we had last night loved it. They were dancing like mad. We were in a corner at the back of the pub with a little dance floor just in front of us. I could see the rest of the pub from where I sang – all dingy and smoky with just a few men grabbing on to their pints. They looked grumpy as hell – not at all happy to have us there, that's for sure. They kept covering their ears and looking over at us like they wanted to kill us or something.
As for the pub owner, he looked a bit frantic. He kept looking at me and waving his hands about, trying to get me to turn down the speakers. I pretended not to notice because our music has to be played loud – so you get the full effect. That's what Leo always says.
I sang my heart out. Leo played his keyboard next to me; so cool he should probably start wearing shades indoors. He looks like a proper musician these days. He always looks downwards, watching his fingers move along the keys, just keeping himself to himself. I can tell the girls love him but he never seems to notice. I'm the opposite – I like to get in and about the crowd and get them all revved up. Jimmy was there behind me – rocking the drums. Legend.
Cheryl, Jez and Lambert, our friends were there, loving it. Cheryl wore her big black boots – the scary ones with the steel toecaps. Everyone danced around, swirling each other about, feet moving, hair flying. I held onto my microphone, singing into it whilst bopping along, right in front of the crowd. Leo always tells me I look like a pogo stick when I get going. I just can't help it if I hear the beat of Jimmy's drums. And Leo's melodies - he plays so well, he always has. Ever since I can remember. He only looked up a few times and that was always to look at me.
Cheryl and those guys – they look so hardcore these days. We were all friends in primary school, then high school and they were always the hard nut types, but now we're a bit older they've taken it to a whole new level. I could see the crowd keeping their distance ever so slightly away from them. They love me, and Leo, of course.
'This one's for Cheryl, Lambert and Jez!' I said.
Then I swept my microphone across the crowd like I was performing at Wembley Stadium. They all bunched together and started jumping up and down. Nutters. After a few songs I decided to rile up the old gits sat in the rest of the pub. They looked so moody and I kept catching peeks of them sneering at us. I stood on my tip toes and shouted out through the microphone:
'Anyone can come up and have a dance you know!'
I winked at them. They all just sat there in silence. Our crowd turned around to look at them, glaring at us. They started goading the old men and shouting out to them.
There was this one guy there. I've seen him around the village before but I don't know his name or anything. He wore a black jacket, one of those fascist type ones with the bright orange lining.
Anyway, I saw him get up onto his feet. He staggered to the back of the crowd and started pushing his way through. I had a slight feeling of dread as I watched him progress forward. Eventually, he propelled through to the front of the crowd and for a while he just stood there, staring at me.
Now, I've had men stare at me before, but this was something different. He looked at me with hate, like he was imagining strangling me in some dark alley way or something. I could feel my stomach start to churn.
Then he said:
'You lot are making a right bloody racket. We don't want you here.'
He slurred as he spoke.
'I'm not going to stop cos you don't like it,' I said, trying to hold my own as the rest of the crowd jostled and shouted. 'You should see yourselves. You look like a bunch of old statues, clamped onto your pint glasses.'
'Uh,' he said, swaying about. 'She's got a right lip on her this one.'
'Sit down!' they all started shouting 'Siiiittt dooowwwn!!!'
I could feel Leo rising to his feet behind me. The man carried on:
'You and your band haven't got anything to offer this pub. So why are you here?'
I prayed silently that he would just shut his face and get out of the road.
'Ah, I remember your Mum used to sing here. Right here in this very pub. Oh yeah, I remember her.'
He came closer to me, his red nose poking right at me. My Mum. He was talking about my Mum. All I can remember at this point is the feeling of sickness. I must have looked completely white.
'She used to sing here too, didn't see? Oh yeah, she were a right cracker. I knew her very well.'
I felt like I'd been punched. The microphone dropped to the floor and the whole pub went quiet. I didn't even care that people were watching, I just stood there completely confused. Why did this man talk to me in this way? Everyone in the village knows what happened to my Mum. Well, none of us know exactly what happened.
So he just didn't stop, he carried on:
'Yeah, she were a love your Mum. Just like you – she couldn't sing for peanuts. But that weren't why we liked her, I can tell you. I can assure you of that. What a stunner.'
By this point I just fell back. Leo stood right behind me. He steadied me, thankfully. I said to the man.
'Just go away, we've got more songs to do.'
Oh I know it was a bit feeble and I should have been brave and punched him or something. I just wasn't ready for it. I keep replaying in my head some better way I could have handled him like doing some amazing kung fu kick or at least coming up with some clever come back. But that's not what happened. I didn't know what else to say.
Anyway, the man was drunk and he couldn't seem to do much more. Leo was ready at my side to get in there if needed. But the man just fell away then the crowd pushed him out the back and he was gone.
From this point onwards Cheryl looked all revved up like she was agitated in the extreme plus I think she kept on trying to watch for the man in the bomber jacket elsewhere in the pub.
Once he had gone I suddenly realised I was right in the middle of a gig. The microphone lay on the floor and the whole crowd stared at me. Leo, thank God, grabbed me by the arm and whispered into my ear, saying:
'Amber, you're OK. Never mind that man. We will find out what he was on about later. We've got a gig to finish right now. Just sing the next song, everything will be all right. I'm here for you.'
I felt slightly better. As usual Leo is right. I thought to myself – I cannot obsess about what happened to Mum right now. So I picked up the microphone and raised it to my lips. God bless our wee crowd, they all cheered and encouraged me to go on. So I sang the next song and pretended it never happened.
Cheryl and the other two looked like they were on red alert. I didn't think too much about it, those guys are always up to something. Half way through the song they disappeared. Once the song had finished I thanked the crowd and as I spoke the pub owner marched up to us and said:
'That's it guys. That's your lot for tonight.'
It sounded like the whole crowd started shouting all at once. It was a roar. He's a bit of a miserable git that pub owner. He didn't look very impressed! Through the sounds of the crowd, I moaned at him and asked him to let us finish. We had one more song to do – my favorite – the one I helped Leo to write. But no, he wasn't having any of it. He just shouted:
'Look at my pub! It's a shambles. I've got my regulars moaning at me left, right and center. No, look, that's it. You're off.'
So I said to the crowd:
'Apparently that's it, guys. Thank you for coming. We hope you enjoyed our performance. We are: The Dovetails. Thank you for listening!'
I stuck my tongue out at the pub owner and shooed him out of the way so the three of us could do a bow and that was that. End of gig. The whole crowd went mad.
As we packed up our stuff I could hardly move for people coming up to me. Leo was happy, I could tell. He had a smile on his face. He's so lovely when he smiles. And he looked so good in all the clothes I picked out for him. He made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone that I pick out his clothes for the gigs. Well actually, I pick out most of his clothes for everything!
Anyway, eventually we got to the bar and sat on stools next to each other. There was such a difference between our crowd and the pub regulars. Our lot were jumping around and making noise and the regulars did not look impressed. I kept thinking that the man in the black bomber jacket might pop up again but he was nowhere to be seen. Having to get through the rest of the gig had put my mind off what had happened, but by this point it was all I could think about.
I said to Leo:
'What do you think that man was on about? Do you think he had anything to do with Mum?'
'I don't know, Amber,' Leo replied.
'Leo, how could he talk about our Mum in that way?' I said.
'We'll figure it out. I don't want you obsessing about that again, especially not here. What happened to Mum happened. We have to move on,' he said.
He's right, I thought. Leo and I, we need to move on. I just find it too hard sometimes. He gets upset too, I know he does – I've seen when he comes out of his room at night sometimes – his eyes all red. But right now is not the time. Leo is always so calm about these things. I get frantic and I look like a nutter compared to him. He calms me down and keeps me straight. Thank God.
'How do you think the gig went?' he said.
'I think it was good, apart from the horrible bit in the middle. The crowd loved it. Did you see them all dancing around?' I said.
'Yeah, I did. There's not that many people here though,' he said.
'Ah, see, this is what you worry about,' I replied. 'The music.'
'Yeah, I do a bit,' he said, smiling. 'I always want to know whether or not people like my songs. It's really important to me.'
'Well, Leo, I think you are brilliant. I'm so proud that you're my brother – someone with the face of an angel and the gift of a genius. That's what Mum always used to say and she was right.'
He looked down and smiled. My big brother, I love him so much.
As we talked, out of nowhere, Cheryl, Lambert and Jez showed up, looking like they had just run the 100-meter sprint.
'What are you guys up to?' I said.
They were grinning and looking mischievous.
'We've just been having some fun,' said Cheryl, smiling at the others and then grabbing my shoulders to hug me.
'It was a great gig,' said Lambert. 'You guys are stars. Can't wait 'til you're big and famous. Can we come round in your tour bus? You won't forget your best friends will you?'
'No, of course not, you'll be our roadies,' said Leo, laughing.
'Well if it means free meals I'll do it,' said Lambert.
'Guys, why do I feel so suspicious of you right now?' I said. 'You look sort of guilty - but happy.'
'Oh, never you mind!' said Cheryl, squeezing me.
We chatted a little longer. Those guys really did look a bit weird. I noticed their clothes were crumpled and Jez had mud all down his jeans. Cheryl was talking so fast I could hardly keep up.
After a bit we all decided to leave. People kept coming up to me as I walked from the bar to the door, asking me when the next gig is. I noticed boys who I didn't even recognize from school, they must have been from another village. Some were very cute. Ha ha. As I said goodbye to one of them, a gorgeous guy with sandy hair, Leo grabbed me around the waist and practically pulled me out of the pub!
Once we got outside the air was cold and the moon shone brightly. Leo and I looked at it together for a second. We didn't even need to say anything – we both know we love the moon when it's big and bright.
So off we went, heading home. As we got further away from the pub Leo said he noticed something, just up one of those little lanes coming off the street we were on. He said he saw a strange object. I couldn't see it properly but I held onto Leo's coat sleeve and followed him as he walked up the lane. The others stayed behind. I think Cheryl told us not to go up there but we were well on our way by that point.
We got further and further up the lane until eventually we came to the shape. It was a man, all curled up in the darkness, groaning.
'Oh God, what is this?' said Leo.
'Don't you mean, who is this?' I said.
We had to get close to see. Eventually I saw it – a flash of orange material. Yes, and a black jacket, laid open.
'It's the man from the pub!' said Leo.
'I can see that!' I said. 'What do we do now?'
'Cheryl and those guys. They did this,' he said.
For a second I didn't believe it. But as I looked at the man there on the ground things added up in my mind and it was hard to avoid the truth. Those guys beat him up.
'What the hell?' I said.
I tried hard not to scream.
'He's alive,' said Leo, bending over him. 'We need to go Amber. Right now.'
Before I knew it he had dragged me down the lane and we were running fast, along the street, with the other three guys running behind us. We were all moving so fast it felt like we had grown wings and were flying. Eventually we got to the main road in the village center. It was bright and it somehow felt safe. We slowed down.
'So you saw him then?' said Cheryl. 'That old twat from the pub.'
'Yeah I saw him,' I replied. 'I also saw his blood, streaming down the lane!'
Cheryl looked upset and said:
'I thought you would be pleased. After what he said about your Mum.'
'I know what he said, but that doesn't mean to say I want him dead!'
'He's not dead, we just roughed him up a bit. Taught him a lesson. He might have had something to do with what happened to your Mum.'
'Yeah, I know,' I replied. 'But that's up to me to sort out, you know that. I'm the one who's going to figure that out. Not you!'
'Yeah, but after what happened to your Mum?' said Cheryl.
'Don't talk about that!' I said.
At this point Leo got hold of my hand and squeezed it ever so gently. Cheryl carried on:
'Amber, we loved her too. We've known her since we were kids as well. Nobody can speak about her like that. I honestly thought you would be pleased.'
She looked quite ashamed by this point and so did Lambert and Jez. I thought I saw a tear in her eye. Those guys are completely wild but we've been friends for years and they want to protect us. I felt myself calming down. Then Leo said:
'Listen, we should probably split up and all go home right now. Make sure your parents see you, so we've all got alibis in case we need them.'
'Don't be so dramatic!' said Lambert. 'No one's going to know or care about that man. He'll wake up in the morning and go home, back to his wife and he'll get cleaned up.'
'Either way, let's all go home and we'll meet up again tomorrow,' said Leo.
I think Cheryl could see I had softened – we smiled at each other before we all went our separate ways. Once we got home Leo went straight to bed and I sat alone in the kitchen, drinking cup after cup of hot chocolate.
I couldn't stop thinking – and even after I slept a bit last night – and now it's morning – I keep on thinking the same things. What if the man didn't wake up? What if he's still there right now? Everyone at the gig saw him have a go at me. Plus, what the hell did he have to do with my Mum? Does he know what happened? The questions just keep circling my head, round and around.
Oh wait, I think I can hear Leo getting up. Yeah, he's in the bathroom. Better go.