Tasia and I left the emergency room around 8 the next morning. Tired would be an understatement to what I was. After grinding it out all night then getting caught up with my little freak Kayla, I was fucking exhausted.
Luckily Tasia only had a scratched sclera. Which was when you scratched the white part of your eyeball. She was given some drops to prevent infection and had to keep her eye covered for the next 48 hours. The doctor gave strict no driving instructions which made me breathe a sigh of relief. I had a little time to plead my case before she tried to leave a nigga.
"You hungry?" I asked Tasia as I whipped out of the hospital parking lot. As expected, she ignored a nigga.
I felt bad everytime I looked over at her and saw that damn patch on her eye. Tasia knew what the fuck she was doing when she said that bullshit to me though. She knew exactly how to get under a nigga's skin. I was her first and would forever be her only.
I did me every now and again but I was a young nigga with money. Couldn't keep them bitches off me if I tried. One thing I never did was lie to them though. They all knew about Tasia and her spot in my life. They also knew not to approach her with no dumb shit either.
I had to make an example out of a few bitches that tried approaching Tasia on some dumb shit. Since then, I didn't have anymore problems from my side pieces.
To be honest, Kayla was the only one I was fucking with at the moment. She was a cool ass college chick I met in the club one night. She was pretty, but she didn't have nothing on Tasia.
Tasia was a Black and Dominican. Her skin was a beautiful mixture between cappuccino and caramel colored. My baby been the shit since middle school. The crazy thing about it was, she didn't even know it.
Tasia was hands down the most beautiful girl in the world to me and every other nigga with eyes.
She was just like one of the guys though. That's what made her so cool. She didn't care about all that superficial shit like make-up and getting her nails done. Tasia stayed in the latest Jordans and some sweats. She was effortlessly beautiful and I was honored when she actually gave me some play. Furthermore when she gave me her virginity.
I wasn't no ugly ass nigga, but I wasn't the nigga I am now, back then. A nigga used to wear tall tees and some slightly dusty air forces. The money my big brother used to give me always went to the bills so I didn't have time to get fresh and shit.
I was the captain of the football team but none of the broads gave me any play. Like I said, a nigga was a little dusty. But Tasia looked past all of that. She was there when a nigga had nothing, and for that I'll always give her whatever.
I pulled into the driveway of the two story house I brought for Tasia and I. It was a modest four bedroom single family home. But to us, it was everything. We owned this muhfucka so nobody could come snatch it from us. I killed the ignition once I pulled into the garage and grabbed Tasia's arm lightly to stop her from getting out the car.
"You know I didn't mean to do that shit right?" I asked her sincerely. She looked at me with a blank expression. I chuckled lightly at her pettiness. "I apologize baby. The last thing I would do is hurt you on purpose. You forgive me?"
"All you've done these past couple of years was hurt me on purpose Jason." Tasia sighed. "Are you done? Because I'm tired."
I just nodded my head. Her words were like a blow to my heart. I never meant to be this nigga, but life had changed me drastically.
Tasia hopped out of the car and slammed the door. She walked into the side door located inside the garage and slammed that too. I shook my head because I knew I was in for a long day.
After getting out of the car I taped a bag over the window and made my way inside the house. Sitting down on the couch I took my small container of weed from my pocket along with a cigar and began to roll up. Another bad habit I picked up along the way.
After sealing my blunt tight I looked for a lighter. Once I saw one inside the photo album I flipped it open and used it to light my blunt. Tasia hated when I smoked inside the house, but she was gonna have to deal with it today. I was too tired to go outside.
Flipping through the pages of the photo album I had to laugh at all of the memories. There was some of my brother and I, my mom, but Tasia and I had the most. She was the one person that remained consistent in my life. I laughed at the photo we took the day we tried having sex.
After Tasia ran out on me, I looked over and my mom was knocked out on the black leather couch with a half empty fifth of Hennessey and what I'm guessing was a six pack of Budweiser. Sighing heavily, I cleaned up the mess before shaking her awake.
"Mama! Mama get up! Why you not at work?" I asked with furrowed brows.
My mom had a damn good job and the way the bills were piling up around here, she really couldn't afford to lose it.
Slightly opening her eyes before groaning. My mom's words were barely audible.
"Joshua, mama got laid off today baby." She managed to mumble lying back down like shit was cool. I shuffled my feet before frowning at her.
"I'm Jason mama! And what you mean you got fired?! Come on man, we just got that notice about the lights and the first is right around the corner. What you do?" I yelled frustrated.
My mom sighed heavily before sitting up on the couch. I could tell how quickly she fell back that her drunk ass got dizzy from that move.
"DAMMIT JOSH I GOT FIRED! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY?! GET ON OUT OF HERE SO YOU CAN GRAB YOUR BROTHER FROM SCHOOL! GET!"
I sighed as my mother threw a empty can at me. The fact that she was looking me in my face and still calling me my brother's name was a clear indication that she was beyond fucked up.
I can't believe that my mom had become this person. An alcoholic that couldn't go a couple of hours without a damn drink.
___________
"What up scrub!" My brother Josh answered his phone.
Some people's heroes were the ones in the comic books or niggas saving the world. My hero was my hustling big brother. Josh had to step up to the plate as the man of the house when his dad Josh Senior left.
Senior wasn't the type of man to look up to, but Josh loved him nonetheless. Secretly I hated his ass. He used to beat the shit out of my mom.
I was the result of a fling she had when Senior was stepping out doing his own thing. From the stories I've heard my dad was Senior's right hand man, I wouldn't know cause I've never met his ass.
"We gotta do something about ma man, I left school at lunchtime and she was drunk off her ass." I sighed.
Josh's relationship with my mom was the total opposite of his relationship with senior. He acted like he hated the ground she walked on. He blamed her for his dad finally walking out. When She picked up the bottle, he cut her completely out of his life.
"What do you suppose we do bruh? Mama's a grown ass woman. She know she has responsibilities and she chooses to drink because she fucked up and lost a good man." Josh sighed annoyingly.
This nigga would call his dad a good man. The only man I got to see was a piece of shit that had no problem hitting a woman.
I sucked my teeth. "Man fuck all that! Our mom is here killing herself slowly and you're not gonna even try to help?"
"Maybe she'll be better off. I gotta go bruh, I gotta handle some shit." Josh smacked his lips.
"Well before you go, mama lost her job. We gotta figure some shit out before the bills are due." I sighed while shaking my head.
This was the last thing I needed on my mind. Graduation was a few months away and I still hadn't decided if I was gonna head to college or sit out a year. Things were not looking good at the moment.
"Bye Jason. I'll be by there!" Josh yelled before hanging up in my face.
Josh was loud and obnoxious like his dad. One thing for sure though, no matter how bad he tried to mask it, I knew he had a heart. I knew that at the end of the day all he wanted was my mother's love. He looked so much like his dad that she despised him.
Senior never treated me badly. He took all his frustrations out on my mom. Once he left and never returned, she took her frustrations out on the bottle. It fucked me up because besides Junior, Josh Sr. was the only male figure I had in my life.
Heading to the kitchen table I shuffled through the pile of mail. Of course majority of the shit was past due bills.
I don't know what type of shit my mom got going on in her head but she has to get her mind right quick because from the looks of things, time was not on our side.
I wanted to get a job after school to help my mom with the bills but she insisted that I didn't. I was the star varsity football player and colleges from around the world were interested in me so I had little to no time for anything other than practice.
If push came to shove I would just have to give up on my dreams to keep a roof over our heads. It's a major sacrifice, but somebody's gotta do it.
Hearing the roaring from the engine of my brother's motorcycle pulled me from my thoughts. I got up and stepped on the porch to meet him.
"What up?" Josh asked after pulling off his helmet and stepping up on the porch.
"Mannnnnn." I replied running my hand across my head. "I think I'm gonna have to quit the team and get a job."
Josh scrunched up his face while smacking his lips.
"Fuck you gon do that for?" he asked frowning.
"Man mama on some other shit! Like, I don't know what else to fucking do. These bills don't stop piling and she done fuck around and lost her job." I said frustrated.
"You can always come stay with me Jay. let mama fuck up her own life, but don't let her mess up your shit." Josh shrugged.
I sighed heavily. This nigga stayed trying to convince me to leave my mama.
Fuck that! Shit rough right now, but when things were good, they were good. My mama never turned her back on me and I'll never turn mine on her.
"That's not an option bruh. Look, I just need you to throw me something to cover the bills and I'll get it back to you when I can." I said looking Josh in his eyes.
"Can't do it." Josh said shaking his lemon ass head. I looked at him like he had lost his damn mind.
"What you mean you can't do it?!" I asked frustrated. "Did you not hear what I said? The lights are gonna get cut off and then the fucking rent is due Junior! So you gonna have to come better than that."
Josh looked at me and shook his head before sitting down on the porch. The look he gave was one of pity. I didn't need his ass to feel sorry for me, I just wanted him to help out.
"Look man, I got a kid on the way. If anything I gotta grind harder so my kid don't end up in a shitty situation such as ours." Josh sighed. "You know if I could I'd help YOU, but my money is tied up in something big right now and-"
I cut him off by holding up my hand. I hated when people explained why they chose not to help. A simple no is fine, I didn't need to hear a thesis statement about it.
"It's all good. I'll figure shit out on my own man. Congrats on the kid, gonna be a lucky baby." I said sarcastically before walking back inside the house.
"Jason.... Jason!" I heard my brother calling out as I headed to my room and slammed my door.
Barely a minute later I heard his engine revving. He was really gonna leave us hanging.
"Fuck!" I yelled out as I punched a hole in my wall. I don't know why I did that shit cause it was gonna be another bill added to a long list of them bitches.
Tears escaped my eyes as the reality of the situation weighed heavily on my shoulders. Something had to give. I had no one else to depend on other than my brother and he shitted on me.
The running shower water pulled me out of my thoughts. I wiped an involuntary tear that escaped my eye before putting the little half of my blunt out.
Standing from my seat I stretched my tired body. A nigga needed rest in the worst way. I made my way up the stairs and walked into my bedroom. Stripping out my clothes I walked into the bathroom holding my breath. I noticed Tasia washing herself up through the glass shower door before I slid it open. She immediately went to turn the water off.
"Don't!" She said snatching away when I went to grab her arm. "You got some fucking nerve to come in here thinking you're gonna make love to me with your infidelity staring me in my damn face!"
Tasia pushed me back before hopping out the shower and wrapping up in her towel. I couldn't even say shit because she was right. I had totally forgotten about the damn hickies. I made a mental note to check Kayla about that shit later.
I turned the water back on and let it heat up. I had to get my shit together before I fuck around and lost my girl for good.
____________________
Rolling over in bed I looked over at the digital clock on my nightstand. It read 3:00. I yawned and rolled over to reach for my phone. I couldn't believe I had slept that long but I needed it.
I had 20 missed calls. A few from Kayla, and others from unimportant people. My mom and my brother's baby mother Amelia were the only calls I planned to return.
Tossing my phone on the bed I got up to handle my morning hygiene. Once I pissed and got my mouth and face right I headed to the guest room to check on Tasia. She was sitting up in bed eating takeout from IHOP.
"Damn, you didn't get me any food?" I asked walking over and looking in her plate. I snatched a piece of bacon before plopping down on the bed next to her.
"Tell that bitch who was sucking on your chest to feed you." Tasia said rolling her eyes. I bit my lip to keep from going off. I knew it was my fault anyway.
"Chill out man! It was nothing. Who I came home to? Who I wake up next to every morning?" I asked. Those were the things that mattered to me. Shit as long as a nigga returned home, so what if he strayed every now and then.
"So I guess that's supposed to make it alright? I'm supposed to fall into your arms and say thank you for returning home after fucking off with the next bitch on our anniversary? Fuck outta here!" Tasia scoffed.
"You know, I must be the craziest bitch alive! Here I am being faithful to a man that hops from woman to woman and basically tells me to deal with it! Another man can't even tell you what I smell like. Everyone always tells me 'leave him' but no, I'm still holding on to the hope of you realizing what you have... but you never will."
Tears rolled down Tasia's eyes. My heart broke a little everytime I saw her shed tears and I was even more hurt when I was the cause of those tears.
Tears clouded my vision as I thought of the words to say.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm fucked up. I don't mean to do this shit, you think I like hurting you? I don't. Them hoes don't mean shit to me, they just come with the territory. At the end of the day it's YOU I love, it's YOU I want to share my life with! I'm not gonna sit here and say it's right, but I mean... what you want me to do?" I asked on the verge of tears. I couldn't take Tasia trying to leave me.
"I want you to be the fucking man you promised to be Jason! I want you to tell me that I'm enough for you and that my sacrifices weren't in vain!" Tasia yelled out. Truthfully she was enough, I just felt like eventually she would leave me and I would be on my own.
"You're enough baby." I said sliding over and wrapping my arms around her torso. "I love you. I'm gonna do better. Give a nigga a chance to do better Tasia. Stop trying to leave me. I need you."
I took the oppurtunity to place a kiss on Tasia's lips. Surprisingly she didn't pull back.
"I love you so much Jason, but I can't and I won't keep doing this with you! This is the last time! If it happens again I swear on everything I'm done!" Tasia said. I nodded in understanding. If that's what it took to keep my girl then fuck it.
The house phone rang putting a stop to our conversation. Tasia reached over and answered it.
"Hey Ma.... yeah. No ma'am, we had a long night! Maaaannnnnn.... we'll talk later, hold on." Tasia said before passing me the phone.
"What up ma?" I asked after snatching the phone from Tasia's messy ass.
"Hi son, how are you?" My mama asked. She moved my aunt in with her as a support system after completing a 12 step program three years ago. Her progress made me proud.
"I'm aite, how bout yourself?" I asked.
My mom sighed loudly into the phone causing me to grow worried. Whenever people did that, it meant something crazy was coming next.
"Have you spoken to your brother?" She asked.
See what I mean? I'm definitely not in the mood for this.
"Not today Ma. Why, what's up?" I asked knowing what was coming next. Although she was clean now Josh still held a grudge.
"I just wanna be added to his visitation list. And it'll be nice if I could see my grandson sometimes also."
"You know how Junior is Ma." I sighed. "I'll see what I can do. As far as Jace, I'll pick the lil nigga up today and bring him by there."
"Watch your mouth Jason! Don't call him that. And what you done did to Tasia? I swear you gone mess around and lose that girl!" My mama scolded.
I took the phone from my ear and looked at it crazy. The nerve of her! I used to be called everything but a child of God and now she wants to scream on me for saying nigga.
Fake ass!
"My bad, but aye... lemme get my life together and I'll give Amelia a call." I told her. I knew if I said I was gonna call about my nephew she'd let me off the hook.
"Okay Jason, don't forget! I love you."
"I love you too mama. I'll see you later." I said before ending the call.
My brother was still being a dick towards my mom and wouldn't take her visits even though she was clean now. I sighed as everything weighed heavily on my shoulders. As usual it was Jason to the rescue.