Nik
Letting out a groan, I finally gave up and dropped onto the ground, then reached down feeling for my ankle. There looming on the horizon was the big fat chance me missing the biggest game of the year, and the reason was this freakn' ankle that gave me a headache every time I took a hard step.
It was only about six in the morning. I'd gone to bed really late and woken up early, and my decision to bury my mind in training hadn't turned out fruitful. It in fact worsened my injury. Letting out another groan, I just shook my head and got up. The thought had actually crossed my mind to get a little lie-in right here on the backyard lawn, but I wanted a shower more than a rest.
I limped back into the house, and headed for the kitchen. But I shambled in, only to feel my throat get drier – mostly because of guilt, though.
"Hey," I greeted, startling her a little. "Morning. What are you doing?"
She let out an embarrased chuckle and glanced down at the ice tray that she'd just set on the table.
"Making baby ice-cubes."
"You're so adorable," I muttered before I could stop myself, but thankfully it came out almost inaudible,. Still, I found myself staring till it became obvious that she was gonna break the gaze. I didn't let that happen. "Rina, about last night."
Maybe she wasn't expecting it 'cause I noticed her eyes widened ever so slightly, which irked me. Why would she not think I wouldn't even say sorry? She looked away just for a split-second and bit on her lip before accepting the apology I hadn't even yet offered.
"It's okay, Nicole. It did freak me out a little when you ... ... .But I'm okay."
"No, you're not okay. That was stupid. I was stupid. ... ... ... I was angry."
"With me?"
"Ye-- no! Of course not! I was ... ... Remember when I asked if you heard us talking?"
"You didn't ask," she breathed out an almost unnoticeable sigh before continuing. "There's something you have to realize, Nicole. You don't owe me anything. In fact, it's the other way around. I owe you my life. You've been so good to me."
"Yes, I have."
"And you-- ... huh?" It caught her off guard, and for a second, she stared at me speechless before finally breathing out a surprised chuckle. I wiped the stupid grin off my face and started my own speech.
"Listen, last night was just me being stupid. I thought that ... ... when Steve and I were talking ... back at Elizabeth's place, in her bedroom, I thought that you were outside, listening in on us."
I sighed out a heavy breath, going to stand near her.
"We were talking about you, and about Jennifer. There was some shouting. Yelling. There was me spouting out bullshit. ... Like I hate that you are here. Or that I hope you'd be hauling ass back to England if I had my way. ... And don't you dare ask if I meant any of that!"
She pouted out her lips the slightest then went on to bite on them with a hint of a smile. I drew in a deep breath to focus on the conversation at hand.
"Actually, the two examples you just heard is the toned down version. I said pretty harsh stuff about Jennifer and you."
"That's how I've always expected you to react to this situation – us moving in here. You don't have to feel bad about it."
"Don't lie to me, Rina," I half-scolded her, leaning back onto the tabletop behind me. "You would've felt disappointed that I still feel this way after eveything that's happened in the last couple days. But that's just the thing. ... That's what I have to ask of you."
Even though I spent the most of last night mulling this over, preparing this speech, I still couldn't help but try to read into the many emotions she left unhidden in her eyes so I could find a reason not to go ahead with this. Then I came to the same conclusion I had before – it didn't matter whether she knew I was in love with her.
If she did know, at this point she'd just keep on with this act, which was really convincing. And if she really didn't, well, maybe that was for the best.
"And?"
"I wanna be myself." I sighed, and met her eyes. "It was easy when I hated you. I could say and do anything that I want to Jennifer, and I didn't have to worry how that'd make you feel. In fact, you were next one on my hit list."
She broke the gaze momentarily, looking down at her hands.
"What I'm saying is, from now on, I swear I'd try to see Jennifer in a different light. Not just because I'd have to accept the fact that my father-- ... not just because he's given me no choice. It's also because of you. Mostly because of you."
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to. ... ... It's gonna be hard, I'll be honest, but I promise I'd try. But there's no way I could just ... let her strut around in here and be okay with it."
"Like I said, I don't know what to say," she started with a satisfied smile. "I do know that a simple thank you won't be enough."
"Maybe I didn't get my point across, but I was actually asking you to be okay with it when I go and spite your mother."
"Not for that. For that promise you made."
"I did say that it's gonna be hard."
"I'm just thankful that you'd try."
"But I might never--"
"Nicole, would you stop?!" she scolded, biting her lip. "Don't ruin the mood."
I hid my rising heartbeat with a laugh and stood up, and the pain – that shot right out of my strained ankle through my leg and straight into my brain – made me appreciate the comfort I had sitting five seconds earlier. I choked it in, though.
"Okay, uhh, I have to go get a shower. I stink."
"Yes, and yes."
Her usual smile finally took the place of the earlier frown on her features, and I ended up staring at her for another moment, all the while hearing my own voice convincing me of the truth – yes, I'd made the right decision.
It didn't matter whether or not she knew of my feelings for her, 'cause now I'd given myself another chance to do this right all the way from the beginning again. This time, I knew for sure what I wanted.
Fresh starts – they're like highways to heaven that you can pave yourself, right?
--- --- --- --- --- --- ---
I was still in the middle of brushing my teeth when something happened which made me stop everything that I was doing. After about two seconds that I'd spent dumbfounded, I turned to stare at the house-phone ringing itself off the wall.
Nobody'd called my room on this in the past two years, and accordingly my heart began to race as I reached for the hanger.
"Nicole?"
I had to hold my breath to gather my already scrambled thoughts, but there was no holding back my subconscious from waiting for Mom's voice in the background. Soon, I found myself having a hard time swallowing the lump in my throat while Dad went on saying things I couldn't care to keep track of.
It must've been twenty seconds, or twenty hours, I couldn't be sure, but I finally realized he was no longer on the line. I hung up also, and got back to staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. it was no longer a pretty sight.
The next fifteen minutes, I spent like a zombie. I was getting dressed, fixing up new bandage for my hand and turning on the TV, but all I was actually doing was waiting for that phone to ring again – so I could relive another moment of pointless hope.
But what really happened was the knocks on the door, then the door opened. When seeing her face finally brought me back to the world, I realized how deep I'd been lost in the past
"Hey." It took me a second to get back to my poker face, then another second to lock away Mom's memories in the back of my head, before I managed a genuine smile. "You never came down for breakfast."
"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just watching ... the news."
"Okay, well, I brought you some."
It made me look down and I finally saw the tray in her hand – and noticed something else.
"Why are you dressed like that?" I paused a little trying to think up words to say while my eyes stared on. "And we're not required to wear a uniform."
"Jen figured it'd be a nice touch, I don't know."
"But it's Sunday."
Why the hell was I complaining? Because if anything, the only complaint I should have about her attire was her skirt which was a little too long for my liking. Because I was being enlightened there was no one I'd rather see in a school girl outfit than Rina Haven.
Too many fantasies started flooding my brain along with my hormones while, with a confused look, she walked in, pushed the door close with her back, came near the bed where I was sitting, bent over a little and put the tray on the nightdesk. Of course I just stared and gawked and leered the entire time.
"But we have to go to school," she said, standing up to fix the shirt. I just sighed. "For my disciplinary hearing? I thought you knew. Didn't Edward tell you earlier?"
"Uhh, no. He did. I just ... ... missed the part. There was something wrong with the phone."
"Oh, okay. So ... are you coming with us?"
"Coming where?" I snapped back to reality for the second time in the last two minutes, and looked up to meet her eyes. "The school?"
"Yes. You kind of have to, actually, being one of the witnesses. ... ... Well, you're the one who saved me."
"No. Of course, I am," I assured her, at which she smiled. "But you guys go ahead. I'll call Steve and ... you know. We'll be there right behind you."
"We have to be there by 9:30. The meeting starts at 9:45."
"Got it. I'll just eat this real quick and get changed. ... ... I don't have to wear a uniform, though, right?"
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Rina
"Morning, hey!" I got out of the car to Liz's face which was barely holding back a flood of giggles. "I see you weren't joking about the uniform."
"Yeah, no."
She giggled at my grumble and turned to Jen who joined us.
"Hi, Jen."
"Hey, good morning. Have you had anything?"
"I have, thanks. ... So, we're a little early. You want us to show you around the place?"
"I was thinking of having a chat with the head," Jen confessed with a smile. "Can you keep Rina company until the meeting?"
"Plenty. ... Don't worry. I'll have her battle-ready before she goes in."
"Thattagirl." I rolled my eyes and turned away from their conversation, when I saw that Edward was walking over to us. As did Jen. "Hey, what's going on, hun?"
"I'm staying."
"You know I wouldn't mind that at all." It made me smile when she snaked her hands around his waist and leaned into him. "But you have work."
"Nothing that can't wait till Monday. No, I'll stay. I should be here for my daughters. Both of them."
"Awww! Come here, daddy." Jen called with a melodic chcukle. With a lump in my throat, I looked away, but not before she rose on her toes to give him a peck on the cheek. My smiling face was back on, though, when she turned back to us. "So, ... I probably shouldn't force you to wait outside the office while we talk."
"No, you shouldn't," Liz cut in with a chuckle. "We'll be somewhere close to the conference room."
"A few minutes early, alright, hun?"
I nodded. She nodded. Liz nodded. And we all exchanged smiles with each other as per the routine before they finally left.
"So, shall we?"
"Please, lead the way." She chuckled and we both headed in the opposide direction. "So, can I have my phone?"
"No."
"What? I thought you said you found it this morning."
"I did. You're just gonna have to come to my place later to get it back."
"You don't have to blackmail me so I'd come over, Liz."
"I know. I just like the idea of it," she said, making me roll my eyes. Then I got a not-so-subtle sideways glance from her, before she asked, "So, what was that all about?"
"What?"
"What happened when Jen kissed Edward? ... I thought Nicole's the one who's against their marriage."
"No, nothin--"
"You froze, Rea. Not that I was keeping track of your every facial gestures ... ... maybe I was. So what was that?"
I glanced at her waiting gaze and didn't find any reason to not open up to her.
"I wasn't expecting him to call me his daughter. I certainly didn't want him to. ... ... It's just, I really like Edwards and I think Jen is-- no, Jen and I are both lucky that she met him, but I just need him to be ... just Edwards."
Her first reaction was a small sigh. The second was pulling me into a sideways hug, which made a smile a little. We walked like that until we ran into one of the security guards, who after checking our ID cards 'strongly suggested' that we stopped strolling the grounds and got inside the building as soon as we could.
"Okay, so where to?" I asked once we escaped the big burly man.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I gotta be at a disciplinary hearing in about 15 minutes, or I'm gonna get expelled."
"Wise-ass."
"That reminds me," she said with a chuckle, "one of the highlights of yesterday for me was when I heard you swear. Like, I can still hear it now."
"Yeah? I don't remember."
"Well, I do. That's like the only time I've heard you say a curse word. Like ever. ... You said I'm a f*cking joke, and I really ... I mean, I was there with you hundred percent and all, but I really liked the sound of that."
The way she rambled on, as if she was proud, only made me giggle.
"I'm serious. You should swear more often. Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes."
"Whatever," I dismissed it, thinking about all that'd happened the day before. "I was pretty pathetic yesterday, wasn't I?"
"Everybody was pretty pathetic yesterday," she stated, fixing the colllar of her shirt. "Except of course Elizabeth Davis. I rocked it. I rocked yesterday."
"Get out of here." Giggling, I pushed her arm and she looked back with an amused grin mixed with a mock-frown.
"Now what did I say earlier?"
"Yeah, well, I don't like swearing." I started, barely holding back my laugh just like she was. "So f*ck what you said."
We both burst out laughing, as we headed into the building.
"Oh, hey, did Steve call? Nicole said she's coming with him."
"He can't make it," she said, still with a leftover smile. "But he told me she's on her way. ... Maybe he'd have Maja pick her up or something."
I just nodded, those butterflies getting restless again as we neared the conference room.
"So, do you think they're gonna tease me about my uniform?"
She turned to me with a look that silently asked me back 'Seriously?'. By then, I knew what her answer would be even before I got it from her.
"Of course, they will! In fact, I'll let you have a little taste of it beforehand."
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Nicole
Having used the alternate exit of the conference room, I was expecting an empty hallway when I walked out. Turned out, there was one man enjoying a smoke, alone.
"Hey," greeted my father in surprise, putting out the cigarette. "What're you doing out here?"
"I was excused. ... Jennifer?"
"By the front entrance. I didn't know they had a door here."
"Apparently they do."
"So, how's it going in there?"
"Nothing unexpected. She'd be out soon enough."
I stared at him for a couple seconds more before I confirmed that I had nothing more to say, which I signalled to him with a nod before turning around.
"You have any anything planned for the afternoon?"
I turned back with a small but unhidden frown.
"Depends. Why?"
"I was thinking maybe I could show you where I work, introduce you to some of my colleagues."
"Yeah, ... sorry, I'll pass."
"All right." came the simple reply, which surprised me a little 'cause I'd already readied an answer for his follow-up why. Then of course, he un-surprised me. "But I want you home tonight."
"Seriously, you're not telling me to--"
"You don't have to get defensive, or aggressive, everytime I propose something. ... ... ... We're having dinner with some of the company's board members tonight."
"We, as in?"
"As in Jennifer's and me. I haven't asked her yet but Rina will probably be home alone tonight. ... I don't want that."
Another moment of silence settled in as I stared at my father in surprise. Had he ever been worried about me like that? ... My conscience answered with a yes, which I followed up with a small sigh.
"I'll be home before six, after the training." He gave me a look of bewilderment, at which I let out a small scoff. "Soccer."
"I know it's soccer, but are you supposed to be training with that leg? ... You can't seriously be thinking I don't notice your limp, Nicole."
I frowned but ended up breaking the gaze. He was right. Coach wouldn't even let me on the field, that is, if I could put on the boot in the first place.
"Don't worry. I won't do anything to hurt myself."
"We met the principal earlier. ... Not that I believed everything she told me, but she had a lot to say about you."
"Yeah? Did I make you proud?"
"Nicole, this isn't something--"
"Okay, before you get started, let me tell you something," I paused, wondering if I should hold back then decided not to. He'd been asking for me to open up – to talk to him. "Everything I've done past two years, when all I had was myself? That wasn't me trying to antagonize you or anyone. I was just ... surviving."
He looked like he had something to say about that, but then to my satisfaction he swallowed it back.
"So, if you're somehow thinking that I was trying to make you look bad, think again. You weren't even in the equation. You never were. There was only me and Mom. ... What I'm trying to say here is you don't have to feel sorry for anything that's happened, but you don't get to blame me for it either."
I didn't hide anything this time so he could see on my face what I was feeling on the inside. He looked like he was going to say something back, I didn't feel like listening.
"See you later, Dad."
"That night, we lost Marilyn," he started, rendering me frozen. "You weren't the only one who lost the will to live, Nicole. ... ... There was no sense of purpose in my life anymore. I carried that burden for two years. I still am. Maybe you think just because she died trying to catch you makes you the condemned, but it doesn't. It was me. ... I killed her."
A tsunami shook my heart upside down while I just stared at the man.
"Her death is on my hands, and there's no changing that fact. I couldn't look at her face at the morgue. You wanted a close casket and why did you think I let you? ... It took me months before I could take out our family photo albums and--"
I kept telling myself to mock him and just leave him standing, but I didn't even blink. I just stared, and so did he, after abruptly stopping this confession that'd just come out of nowhere. Then he started again.
"I broke our family, killed the love of my life and abandoned my child. ... I know all that, and I'm trying to make it right ... somehow." His hardened breaths sounded like growls and he was breathing through his mouth, then he broke the gaze. "I might not be able to achieve this but at least acknowledge the fact that I'm back here and I'm trying."
And I almost didn't catch it when he muttered it again just before turning around to leave.
"I'm trying."
--- --- --- --- --- --- ---
"Kid, hey. Get up."
"Huhh?"
"Kid, wake up." I groaned, squinting hard to handle the light that suddenly attacked my eyes. "You can't sleep here."
It took me a second to recall who I was and another to remember what century I was in.
"Kid."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm up, Jesus!"
I groaned and sat up then groaned again, arching my back in hopes of making the ache go away.
"You should go before one of the guards spot you. They don't let any outsiders in the stadium. Don't take kindly to any they find either."
"Yeah, let's be honest," I looked up at the janitor, not holding back a yawn."They claim they're the strictest bunch around but I'm not the first one you've found in these stands this week, am I?"
The old man smiled.
"You got me."
"Of course I do, ... ... ... but, no. I'm a student. A player, actually." I reassured before picking myself up from the bench. "Thanks, though. Take care."
"You too, kid."
I nodded and limped down the aisle of the stands for visiting audience. There were a few players on the pitch probably on a warm-up run, who were actually coming in my general direction but I didn't feel like greeting. Was too busy trying to shake this dizziness out of my head as I walked along the sidelines.
"Hey! Nik!"
It sounded like Tristan, and I was right. The guy broke off from his group, who exchanged passing nods with me.
"Hey, man. How's it been?"
"Back-breaking as usual. How've you been?"
"Yeaaahh, you know?"
"Aheh, alright. What are you here for? What, trying to make up with Coach?"
"You could say that. So, how's the big man? Pissed that I didn't show up the last three days?"
"Yeah, kind of. Then again, we all heard what happened so I guess he understands. ... Seriously, though, were you in an accident or something?"
"Yeah, I just fell down some stairs. ... Jumped, actually."
"Well, that's not gonna do you well when you meet him."
"I know. ... ... and can you believe those sons of bitches?"
I shook my head when I saw Adam and Clayton amongst a couple other players in an apparently gleeful conversation with a chick near the dugout.
"Remember that one time I brought a girl over and they ratted me out? Believe me. Coach's gonna hear about this."
"But that's not a girl, Nik," Tristan corrected me with the hint of a chuckle. "That's your stepmom."
"What?" I frowned, but it only took me a few more steps to find out that he was right. "The f*ck is she doing here?!"
I stomped over there – as hard as my ankle would allow. Jeremy spotted me first, but he didn't say anything. Neither did Adam nor Clayton, but both of those idiots wore f*cking stupid grins for faces.
"Jennifer, what are you doing here?"
She took a moment before answering, with a small knowing smile.
"I'm just here to talk to the Coach about my daughter. Calm down."
I couldn't process it immediately. Did she just refer to me as her daughter? The never of this b*tch!
I was so ready to explode, the presence of my teammates the only thing delaying it. Then the flames inside me vanished completely when she went on.
"Rina would never do this on her own, so I had to come."
"What? ... ... Wait, what?!"
"Yeah, Nik. Rina's joining the team," added Clayton, and this time I turned to look at him. "Well, not yet. She's still gonna have to go through some minor try-outs, but don't worry. We're gonna make sure she gets on the team."
But instead of punching the guy, and the guys grinning at me beside him, I just elbowed past them and grabbed my stepmother's arm, dragging her away.
"What the hell are you thinking?!"
"I thought you got along with Rina."
"Yeah, I do," I groaned in frustration. "But that's not what I asked, is it?"
"We did consider softball first, ... but she'd be all alone there and there's no one I could trust. I don't say this to her, but I can't feel safe knowing she's all on her own."
"But--"
She was right. Maybe she didn't know how right she was 'cause she didn't know this school's softball team like I do, but she was right. I couldn't let Rina on that team. But I looked back over my shoulder wondered : what about these idiots?
"Besides this is what she really likes, and she'd love the chance to spend more time with you."
I breathed out a sigh and met her eyes. She smiled.
"Where's Rina?"
"Back in the changing room. She'd be out in a second."
I nodded and glanced in the direction of the tunnel entrance.
I knew Jennifer cared about Rina, but I couldn't think past the idea that she was trying to get me and Rina close. It was an idea I could get used to, though. F*ck, this is like The Departed. She was trying to cross me, not knowing she was getting double-crossed.
I smiled to myself as I turned around and walked back to the group of grinning man-childs that eagerly awaited me.
"Uh, tah, tah," I shut Adam up just as he was about release some shit. "Listen up, morons."
There was a moment where I had to decide whether I really wanted to say what I was gonna say or more exactly, how i was gonna address Rina. I knew I didn't want to nor would I ever want to in this lifetime – but that was a small price to pay.
"Unless you pussies wanna be eating through a straw by the end of this semester, none of you dipshits is gonna touch my sister, got it?"
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ...