Staring back at me through the mirror was a caramel skinned 17 year old who dreaded her life. A curvy body with full lips that always found themselves in a smile that never reached her dark brown eyes.
She was always hiding behind a happy face, when in reality she was hurting on the inside. Scared to let anyone know what happened 8 years ago today. The main reason she moved from Virginia to Florida with her father.
Her mother and her father weren't together and haven't been together for over 12 years. They had separated when she was five. Her father went on to marry a women, that 'til this day, she favors over her biological mother.
Her mother on the other hand went on and got a pimp, Ricky. As a result, her mother started stripping. Leaving behind her 5 year old and 16 year old home alone with the man.
I'm the beginning I considered him to be a 2nd father figure. He would buy me toys and take me to the park and many more. I could honestly say I loved him, but my sister, Lourdine never did. When he would take me to get ice cream or the park, she would always decline to come. I never understood why until she went to a friends house one night and I finally got it.
He wanted to play a game, but I declined. My favorite show was on and I didn't want to miss it.
I placed my sesame street chair in front of the TV and had begun to sing along with the theme song, when I felt my hair being pulled, and then I was thrown against the wall. I looked up at Ricky towering over me.
He took of his cloths then mine. When i refused to let him, he would bang my head on the wall and then kiss me, repeatedly.
His mouth tasted bitter as if he had eaten something.
I can honestly say that he is the reason why I had never had any interest in the male species. If a man could rape a little girl. A girl that he treated life his daughter, then he could rape his girlfriend or even a random women in the streets.
Ever since, Lourdine would stay at a friend's house and every night and I would get raped.
I always keep it a secret never telling anybody. But one night i couldnt take it anymore. I couldn't even walk, I had to crawl. So I crawled to the phone and called Lourdine. I let her know what was happening and she came home and he raped her instead.
She never left me home after that. A part of me hated that I put her back in this situation. I wanted to let mommy know so she could stop it, but Lourdine said that she would only make things things worse. Of course i didn't listen and I call her. I explained everything to her, from how he raped me to how he was raping Lourdine.
After explaining, she sounded mad, but I thought she was mad at Ricky, not Lourdine nor me.
She came home and beat me, first with a belt, then a cord, and finally she began to stab me.
I was screaming for dear life hoping that someone would help me. But it never did. I was going to die, I kept thinking. My mother was going to kill me.
After a while I just stopped fighting it. I preparing myself to die.
And then the stabs stopped and I thought I died. Until i heard screaming and thumping. And I realized that she was now trying to kill Lourdine.
With all the strength I had left, I dragged my body to the house phone and called 911 before passing out.
And so here I am today. I was in a coma for about a month and from what i heard, Lourdine was pronounced dead on the scene. My so-called mother was charged with 3rd degree murder
and Ricky was charged with all kinds of things.
Over the course of 3 weeks I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and granted into the custody of my father.
Since then, I've always had preference for females. And I wasn't scared of my sexual orientation. Although I always had fake crushes so, my best friend, Leona, wouldn't be disgusted with me. Other than that she's been A1 since day 1.
And as like all crushes, they go away and then you have another one and naturally I followed that when I met Priya, a short, curvy, light-skinned Haitian with green eyes and always wore red weave. We dated for a while but didn't really work out because she's too loud and clingy.
Eventually, in 7th grade I had my
first male crush. So exciting, right? Wrong! I liked him, but I didn't want him to know, so I acted as if I had a crush on someone else, a guy that he hung out with, just to get closer to him.I even made a fake poetry notebook for my fake crush, and it got me no where so, I started to annoy him. It wasn't just funny for me, but it became a game for me. I soon began to realize that I love when people get mad over something I did.
So to summarize, I basically did elementary school flirting. I was planning on telling him but I moved to a new school. In that future we dated.
I felt as if life was finally coming around. But somehow I forgot about him and I dated a girl named Teegan and to put it in plan simple text, she is a hoe. Always has been and i doubt she'll ever change.
Summer comes and goes and we all go to the same high school. I ended up telling him how I cheated on him and we both moved on from it.
But let me tell you, spending all that time not talking made things really awkward for us. We would just sit together and eat at lunch. We wouldn't even talk. But talking on the phone for long hours helped out with the awkwardness and our first kiss.
Fast forward 3 months past our 1st anniversary and we break up. What! I know. He got really angry that I was calling my best friend, Demonda, Husband. Her boyfriend, Princeton, had a problem with it too, but was ok with it as long as it didn't go far.
Now what made the situation worse was that a guy in our clique, Trey, had a crush on me and Renegade, of course, went over board and said I cheated on him with Trey. And it got worse when we dated a week after the break-up. But Renegade on the other hand did cheat on me with a junior, Ivanna.
And about a month later, I broke up with Trey because I realized I was stuck on Renegade and my heart wouldn't let him go. Stupid heart. I thought that in the future me and him could get together but I was so wrong.
Now we are in the present. Although out sucks, I wouldn't go back and change anything because it had made who I am today.