This Is The Last Chapter, So Please Read The Author's Note!
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss -
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I woke up with a bright beam of light shining in my face and rolled over with a groan. I had forgotten to close my curtains the night before and I was seriously regretting it now. The time on my clock read 7:14 and, though I wanted nothing more than to sleep for a couple more hours, I knew it wasn't going to happen.
After my dramatic break down with Melanie almost a week ago, I'd been spending most, if not all, of my time alone. Both her and my parents had heard my outburst and decided to finally give me the space I'd been yearning for.
This small dose of freedom along with the fact that I was on break from school gave me an excess of free time, leaving me clueless of what to do with it. All week I'd been going to sleep at 9 o'clock or earlier and waking up before anyone else in my house.
I took a lot of walks, like the one I was preparing for just then, enjoying the emptiness of the park that winter had brought. I made it to the park entrance in just over ten minutes. There was a nice blanket of snow covering the dirt and the walkway. I had brushed off the bench so that I could sit down and enjoy the scenery for a while.
This had become a normal activity for me. I'd even come twice a day sometimes, in the morning when I woke up and in the evening right before the sun went down.
I sat here and contemplated everything. Mostly, I'd ask myself why I had never spent time here before. Even before the swap, I never came out of my house. Maybe it was because my parents were home now and Gizmo never left my side and I needed to get away from all interaction for a while.
I never thought I'd need an escape from my family.
I loved them, of course, but this was the first of my heartbreaks that they'd ever witnessed and they didn't know how to handle it. They were going about it all wrong, practically suffocating me with their sympathy.
They hadn't been here for my first heartbreak since their leaving was the cause of it. My second heartbreak was caused by the boy who took both my virginity and my pride in my first year of high school- another time that they weren't around for.
But this one was by far the worst and the hardest to deal with. I couldn't burden my friends with a problem that they wouldn't be able to fix. I didn't want to rehash bad memories of my past mistakes. They say talking about it will help, but I didn't see how. My solace was in the silence of this deserted park, where there was no one to ask the dreaded question: "are you okay?"
I let my thoughts wander for some time after that, breathing in the fresh air around me. When my mind was clear, I stood up and made my way back up the white path in the direction of my house.
This park had become my own form of therapy, and I truly believed that the time I spent here alone was helping me move on.
The ache came with every thought of Jaxon, but I was starting to find it easier to cope with.
It was almost noon when I entered my house and I was immediately greeted by Gizmo. I leaned down and ruffled his fur as he barked happily and jumped up to lick my face. With a slight smile, I stood up and went into my living room. I decided that watching tv would surely pass the time until my parents got home.
They'd gone out for the day, reconnecting with some of their old work friends and I was left home- not that I minded.
I flipped through the channels before settling on Amityville Horror. It wasn't my favorite movie but it had been a while since I'd seen it.
About fifteen minutes in, the movie was interrupted by a knock on my front door. My eyebrows furrowed as I stood up and followed Gizmo who had run to the door, barking defensively.
It was still daylight, so I had a good feeling that it wasn't a serial killer-though you could never be too careful- but I still found it questionable since I hadn't been expecting anyone to come by.
I slowly opened the door and peered out from behind it. My eyes widened immediately and I gasped in surprise.
Jaxon stood in front of me with his hands hidden inside of his pockets. He was wearing a thick black hoodie and dark jeans with a beanie placed on his head.
I struggled to speak for a moment, unsure of why he would be here in front of me.
"Jaxon," I said when I gathered my thoughts.
His cheeks were red from the cold and his deep blue eyes were the brightest I'd ever seen them. I couldn't believe that he was actually standing in front of me.
"Hey." He said hesitantly. My stomach flipped at the smooth sound of his voice. "Can I come in? I want to talk to you."
I noticed that behind him, the snow began to fall once again. I nodded and stepped a side so that he could pass. My breath stilled when his shoulder brushed mine.
I closed the door softly and tried to calm my erratic heart. I slowly turned to him, unable to meet his gaze. Gizmo jumped up and down, nuzzling his nose against Jaxon's hand. I let out a shaky breath and crossed my arms over my chest.
"So, uh, do you want to sit," I trailed off and motioned to the living room.
"Yeah," he said quickly.
I went through the doorway and sat down on the couch, turning off the tv. I felt the couch dip only a foot away from me and I let my eyes shut.
I felt a sudden spike of anger at his presence. I had been making such great progress on my own, I felt like I was finally moving on. Then he had to show up and ruin everything.
His breathing was calm and rhythmic, unlike mine, which was shallow. I struggled to remain stoic in front of him. Once again he was the center of my thoughts; I was aware of only him.
I squared my shoulders and turned to him, finally meeting his gaze. "What is this about? Did something happen?"
He paused and his eyes studied me. "Yeah, actually. Something did happen."
I leaned forward slightly as my eyebrows furrowed. "What is it?"
My anxiety began to build when he remained silent. Did something bad happen? Was it Jade?
He held my gaze before speaking. "Melanie came to see me."
My mouth popped open in surprise. "What? When?"
Why had she gone to see him? She had no business doing that behind my back.
"A few days ago." He answered.
My mind was reeling. How could she not have told me what she'd done?
"What did she say to you?" I asked. If she had said anything about my emotional state, there was no telling what I would do.
"Pretty much the same thing I've been saying to myself for over a month." His expression dimmed slightly. "That I'm an idiot."
My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I don't understand."
He let out a sigh. "I've been regretting how I reacted about this whole thing since the day it happened. I never gave you the chance to explain. All I could think about was the fact that everything we've been through was a lie."
A tightness began to build in my chest and I bit my lip, trying to suppress it. It wasn't a lie, Jaxon, I tried to say, but my voice seemed to have vanished.
Since he walked through the door, a familiar feeling squeezed at my heart. I knew I had missed him, but seeing him now, I realized just how much.
"And now, that day is all I can think about." He continued. "Things have been going so great. Jade got onto her school's soccer team, Grams started seeing someone, I finally have closure with my mom. I have so much to he happy for, you know?"
My confusion and hurt built with every word he said. If he'd been doing so great without me, what was he doing here? Rubbing it in my face? It didn't sound like he regretted much of anything.
"But," he went on. "For some reason every time something good happens, I reach for my phone to tell you. Then I remember everything and suddenly it's like I have no reason to be happy anymore."
I couldn't hide my shock. Was he really blaming me for his unhappiness? He could have called me, or at least answered my calls. I knew that what I did was wrong, but he had no right to put all of the blame on me. He could have at least let me explain myself.
His lips twitched up slightly at my unhappy expression and I straightened up, raising my guard. Was he just messing with me? I wouldn't let myself be the center of some sick joke. I moved away slightly, putting more space between us, but he grabbed my hand. I stiffened at his touch.
"But then, I realized that I was happy, Brynn." He leaned towards me. "I just wasn't as happy as I am when I'm with you."
My anger slowly faded and I gulped as his grip on my hand tightened. My stomach clenched and my breathing shifted. His eyes, a fiery sapphire, stared into mine as his words processed in my mind.
He called me Brynn, and he didn't sound hateful. He didn't look at me with disgust. He didn't rip himself away from me as if I were toxic.
It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It made me believe that somehow, we might be able to get past this. Maybe he'd be able to forgive me.
The memory of his face when he found out the truth flashed into my mind suddenly. The hurt and mistrust that I had caused him to feel made my stomach drop.
I bit my lip as I tried to subdue the sudden wave of emotions that had crashed upon me.
Everything had spun completely out of control, and it was me who was to blame. Maybe it could have been different if I'd never posed as Melanie. If he had met me as Brynn, would we have made it so far?
I fidgeted anxiously as the what-ifs flooded my mind.
Letting out a small breath, I forced myself to meet his gaze once again. He was already looking at me, watching me. There was a certain warmth in his icy blue eyes, and it was a trait I'd come to miss deeply.
"Jaxon," I said softly. "Do you think that, if we met before any of this happened, we'd still end up together? Do you think we could have been real?"
He blinked before his eyebrows drew together. I waited nervously for his response as I tried to assess his emotions. He stayed silent a moment longer and I then knew that I'd asked the wrong question- or rather, a question that I wouldn't like the answer too.
Maybe I'd been wrong, and maybe we didn't have the chance that I thought we did. My hope dwindled with every silent moment that passed.
Finally he broke the silence when he shifted. He pulled his hand away from me and I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling it back. He turned himself to face me.
I held my breath and waited for him to speak. He brought a hand up and slid his beanie off before running a hand through his hair. I sunk away from him when I noticed the disbelief crossing his features.
Irrational thoughts began to fill my mind and my panic rose. I wasn't ready to hear him reject me again. I didn't know if I would be able to handle watching him walk away like that all over again.
"Jaxon-" I began, but he cut me off.
"Are you telling me that we weren't real before?" He asked.
I blinked in surprise. Of course I'd considered us a real couple, but after everything coming out the way it did, I couldn't imagine him ever feeling that way. I thought he'd just deem our entire relationship a sham.
"Well, I thought it was." I told him quietly. "But I didn't think that you-"
"Brynn," My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice saying my name. "I love you."
My whole world seemed to slow down, and I was completely unaware of my surroundings. Nothing seemed real anymore. Like the first time he'd said it, I couldn't comprehend that this moment was actually happening- that Jaxon was really in front of me, saying that he loved me. Me.
Was I dreaming?
I hoped with everything in me that I wasn't because I knew if I had to wake up- away from this moment- the disappointment alone would be enough to stop my heart.
It felt even more prominent than the first time he'd said it. Back then I was Melanie, but now- now I was Brynn.
I may have seemed stupid, making such a big deal over my name, but it didn't seem that way to me. It was so much more than my name. It seemed like being Melanie for so long, and letting her identity take over mine made me question myself.
It was like, everyone I'd met in the time that I was posing as Melanie was judging me based on who she was. They were placing me into their already set views of my sister, and only adding my personality to hers.
I had been wondering constantly, about if I had initially come to them as myself would they still like me? Or was it their opinions of Melanie that brought them into my corner.
I would probably never know for sure, but the way Jaxon was looking at me in that moment brought me great comfort.
I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes, and although I was getting tired of crying, I was relieved that they weren't tears of sadness. For the first time in months I felt absolute happiness.
Jaxon leaned forward slightly with raised eyebrows. He brought his hand up to my cheek and brushed his thumb under my eye, drying my tears.
"Are these good tears or bad tears?" He whispered.
A small laugh bubbled up from my mouth. "Definitely good tears." I reached up and placed my arms around his neck, letting my forehead rest against his and my eyes fall closed. His hands found their way to my waist and pulled me closer, and I relished in the feeling of him holding me.
"I love you so much, Jaxon." I let my eyes flutter open again, only to lose them in the beautiful abyss that were Jaxon's.
I felt as if I could just look at him all day and be completely content. Being with him now, I wondered how I ever handled being without him.
"I won't ever leave you again." He said.
His head tilted down and when his lips met mine, I lost all of my senses. My mind clouded over with thoughts of him and I couldn't think of anything else, not that I wanted to.
I could feel the desperation in his kiss as his fists gripped my shirt, pulling me closer. My hands ran up the length of his neck and into his hair gripping it tightly. A layer of goosebumps covered my skin with each intoxicating moment.
His lips moved against mine in a tantalizing rhythm.
Only when I was at risk of oxygen fixation, did I pull away from him. I let my eyes remain closed as I caught my breath and allowed my mind to clear.
A smile pulled its way onto my lips when I felt a kiss press itself onto my cheek. My grin widened even further when another one followed onto my other cheek, then another on my forehead, then the tip of my nose. Jaxon continued pressing kisses to various parts of my face before resting his chin on top of my head. He pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my body.
We sat in peaceful silence before Jaxon spoke. "I'm sorry I walked away that day." He began. "I promise, Brynn it will never happen again. Being without you was the most miserable time of my life."
I lifted my head up from his chest and looked at him. "It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have let it go so far. This entire thing was because of me." I gave him a small smile. "I'm just happy you don't hate me."
"I don't think I could, even if I wanted to." He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear with a grin. "When Melanie came to talk to me I was finally able to apologize-to the right person this time."
I chuckled lightly and immediately noticed how good it felt. I didn't realize how long it had been since I last genuinely laughed.
"So, you're all caught up then?" I asked.
He nodded. "I am."
Our happy moment was suddenly broken by a loud bark coming from right beside us. We both jumped and looked over to Gizmo who was dashing towards the door. I heard a car door close from outside and stood up to follow after my dog.
Jaxon stood behind me, looking down at me in question.
"I think my parents are home." I told him.
He froze and his face went pale. "Your parents?"
I smirked. "Is that a problem, Jax? Having some commitment issues, are we?"
He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. "Of course not. I've just never met a girl's parents before."
For some reason, hearing this made me really happy. I pecked his lips and leaned back to look at him. "You'll be fine. If it makes you feel any better, I've never brought any boys home to meet them either."
He took my hand in his and squeezed. "That does make me feel better."
"Good." I said, turning back to the front door.
"Wait," Jaxon pulled me back again. "Your dad doesn't have a gun, does he?"
I put a thoughtful look on my face and shrugged. The horrified look on his caused me to burst into laughter.
The front door clicked open and my laughter faded.
"Brynn? Is everything okay?" My mom called out.
I walked out into the front entrance and greeted my parents. "Everything's fine, mom." I smiled at her and she straightened up in surprise. I hugged her first and then my dad, who seemed equally as surprised.
"Are you sure?" She asked. "I got a little worried when I saw a truck near the driveway, and I thought I heard laughing in here. I just didn't-"
He eyes drifted to something behind me and she cut herself off.
"Oh, hello." She said to Jaxon, trying to hide her shocked expression.
My dad, however, hid nothing and bluntly stared at Jaxon, putting on his best protective-father act.
"Is this a friend of yours, Brynn?" He asked me, making his voice deeper than usual.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop the smile forming on my mouth. "This is Jaxon."
My dad dropped his facade and looked at me in surprise. My mother gave me the same look.
"Jaxon?" My mom questioned and I nodded.
Jaxon nervously stepped forward and held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. And Mrs. Bennett."
My parents both shook his hand before having some sort of conversation with their eyes. They seemed to be in a very heated, yet silent debate. My mom broke away first and turned to us with a wide grin.
"It's so great to meet you, Jaxon!" She pulled him towards her and hugged him. "You can call me Camille, and this old grump here is my husband, Michael."
He looked more relieved than anything and smiled at her. My dad was still feigning anger and stepped in between mom and Jaxon.
"You can call me Mr. Bennett." He said sternly.
Jaxon nodded. "Of course, Mr. Bennett." He glanced behind my parents to a few grocery bags that they had set in front of the door. "Do you need any help with those?"
My mom brightened. "That would be great, Jaxon. Thank you."
Jaxon loaded his arms up with bags and carried them effortlessly into the kitchen. My dad grabbed the remaining bags and carried them off as well. I went to follow after them when my mom pulled me back. She seemed impressed as she stared down the hallway in the direction that Jaxon had gone.
"He seems sweet." She commented before glancing back at me. "I'm assuming you finally worked things out?"
I let out a breath and nodded. "Yeah."
She placed a hand on my shoulder. "I want the full story after he leaves." She winked and I laughed. "I'm just glad to see you happy again, baby doll. But if he ever makes you that sad again, I will bring a world of pain onto him." Her face became serious for a moment before her smile returned.
I grinned back at her. "I know, mom."
We met Jaxon and my dad back in the kitchen and I groaned at the sight.
"Dad, Jaxon doesn't need to see your knife collection." I walked over to them.
My dad had opened up the knife drawer in the kitchen and had at least six of them laid out on the counter. He was holding a particularly large one up, letting it glint under the kitchen lights.
"But, Brynn, look at the sharp edge on this one." He said to me. "I've only seen sharper edges than this in the surgery room."
I shook my head in amusement as he turned his attention back to Jaxon.
"Did Brynn tell you I'm a surgeon?" He asked and Jaxon nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I'm very good at my job, you know?"
"Oh, hush up, Michael, and help me start dinner." My mom interceded.
Jaxon slipped away from him and came to stand next to me.
"I had no idea doctors could be so threatening." He whispered to me.
My smile was completely lacking in sympathy. "I would apologize, but it wouldn't be very honest of me."
He chuckled and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laughed along with him. From the former of my eye I could see my parents watching us from the stove, pretending to make dinner. I didn't mind, though.
I was much too happy to care about anything else. My hands came from around his waist and slid up to rest on his chest.
Jaxon looked down at me; his eyes were a deep, crystal blue. I was so happy to have him back in my life again. Being with him felt natural, and it was like we were never even apart.
It was hard to believe that we used to practically be enemies. We'd come so far.
"I love you, Brynn." He said softly.
I continued to stare up at him, feeling his heart beat steadily under my palm.
"I love you too, Jaxon."
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I'm not crying, there's just something in my eye.
But seriously you guys, this was the LAST CHAPTER. It feels like just yesterday I was working on the prologue.
I want to thank you all for taking this amazing journey with me. Thank you to all of you readers, those of you who have been here since the beginning, and those who are just joining us.
I'm so grateful for every single on of you. You all really gave me the motivation to keep writing.
SO! Though this is the last chapter, I will be posting an Epilogue very, very soon! It isn't written yet, so if there are any last minute loose ends that you want tied up, please let me know now.
Now that we're at an end, why don't you all tell me who your favorite characters are?
Favorite one of Brynn's friends?
Favorite one of Jaxon's friends?
Favorite character in general?
Or just comment what you liked(or didn't like) about the book. I would loooove to hear what you all think.
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Okay, so this is kind of a separate Author's note, which I would highly suggest reading if you enjoyed this book.
So, I was contemplating writing a spinoff of The Swap, in Jade's POV.
It would be teen fiction/humor, and a few years into the future, where she is a little bit older.
It'd be about her trying to survive high school. Obviously, some familiar characters would make an appearance *wink wink*
I don't know, would any of you be interested in reading that? Please let me know!
Keep an eye out for that epilogue.
I love you all so much <3
Thanks For Reading :)
~Lori~