JESS
I walk back in the door from class and drop my bag on the couch. The house is nearly silent, but the mustang is parked in the driveway. I make myself another cup of coffee despite it being nearly noon knowing that it'll be a late night tonight. I hear a noise coming from down the hall from a room I've never been inside, the room that used to be Louis's before he moved into my dorm. I grab my coffee and follow the noise, the inconsistent thuds growing louder with every step. I push the door open and my eyes land on him, his back facing me. There's a black punching bag hanging from a hook drilled into the ceiling. It swings back and forth every time he hits it, making the unstable hook shake.
He has earbuds in his ears and his knuckles are wrapped with white tape rather than boxing gloves. His hair is pulled up in a bun under a hood from the jacket over his shoulders. It's steaming hot in here from the heat pouring through the vents, but he's still dressed in a hoodie and long sweat pants. His forehead is dripping with sweat.
It's mesmerizing to watch him, the way he creates a rhythm of hits between his hands and feet. He moves fluidly, kicking his knees up easily and making the bag rock harshly back and forth. I turn to leave before I hear his voice. I face him again and he throws his hood off, tugging the earbuds out of his ears.
"Hey baby, what's wrong?" He pants, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead.
"Nothing," I say, moving back towards the door, "I was just wondering where the noise was coming from."
"Oh, sorry." He says, reaching down to grab a bottle of water and chug some of it down.
"It's okay," I nod, "Aren't you hot?" I ask gesturing to his outfit.
"Yeah, all the time." He smirks smugly.
"Not what I meant." I sigh, shoving him as he comes closer.
He unzips his hoodie and throws it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. His entire chest is dripping with sweat and bruises still cover his torso, looking almost worse today than they looked yesterday. The bandage is no longer across the bridge of his nose, only a large bruise remaining. There's pads taped to his stomach with wires attached, leading to the pocket of his pants. They look like electroshock pads, suction cupped to his skin. He wraps his sweaty arms around me, his veins bulging from his forearms.
"What is this?" I ask, touching one of the pads.
"Electroshock therapy," He breathes, still clearly out of breath, "They help with the soreness."
I nod, my eyes scanning over his chest and stomach where five of the pads are all stuck. I wonder if it hurts, especially with the bruises covering him.
"Are you okay?" He asks, tilting my chin up to meet his concerned eyes.
"Yeah," I sigh, not wanting him to stress about me, "I'm just worried about you, and tonight."
His eyes break away from mine as he stares at the wall behind me, gritting his jaw. I know the last thing he wants to be reminded of is the fact that I have to go to this fight tonight, but I can't seem to get the thought out of my mind.
"It's gonna be okay," He assures me, giving my arms a squeeze, 'I'm not going to let anything happen to you."
"I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you," I say seriously, reaching my hand to his cheek and rubbing my thumb lightly over the bruise on his jaw, "How bad do you have to lose for everyone to believe it?"
"I'll be okay," He says lightly, "I've been in some bad fights, this isn't even the worst I've been roughed up, dollface."
I frown, moving my hand from behind his ear to his split lip, running my thumb along his bottom lip and making him wince. I wonder how many times he's torn the same skin. I miss the ring that used to sit in the corner of his mouth, he took it out for the fight and it hasn't returned since.
"How many times?" I ask, my voice coming out in a whisper.
"What?" He asks, his eyes searching mine for any indication of what I mean.
"How many times have you split your lip?"
He sighs, looking to the ceiling with squinting eyes. I see him mumbling to himself, his lips moving only slightly as he counts in his head.
"Probably about twelve?" He says, but it comes out sounding more like a question.
"What else?" I ask him, taking his hand in mine.
"I've broken my nose twice and my hand four times, but I've only had one concussion and it was a really long time ago."
I can feel my face fall as he goes on. What if it happens tonight? What if he breaks his hand and he can't write at work or his nose and he's in the hospital to get it fixed. What if he gets knocked out to the point of a concussion and he's unable to do anything for weeks? My mind flickers to Zack's mischievous grin and the unsettled feeling in my stomach grows. I have a horrible feeling about this, about all of this. I know that there's more to this, something I haven't been told.
"Don't let that happen tonight," I say, wrapping my arms around him, "Please."
He pulls me into his chest and sets his head on top of mine as I feel the tears piercing against the corners of my eyes. He holds me tightly against him, I can hear his heartbeat echoing in my ears and his chest heaving as he breathes.
"I'm gonna be fine, baby," He says, running his hand up and down my back, "We're gonna be fine, I promise."
HARRY
Ryland shows up in a black range rover around nine o'clock. He parks it outside and comes to the door with the same guys from dinner trailing behind him. He looks scared out of his mind and it makes my heart beat faster in my chest. His eyes are wide as he walks inside, and I can't tell if he's trying to communicate something to me or not.
Jess comes out from my bedroom dressed in another pair of jeans and my old track and field jacket. Her hair is still curly, just barely touching her shoulders. I love the way it looks when she doesn't straighten it, untamed and fiery, curling around her face and ears. I can't help but laugh as I look at the hoodie she's dressed in. She turns around and I realize why she chose it, although it appears to be a plain black jacket from the front Styles is printed in bold letters across the back like a jersey. She takes my hand in hers and gives it a reassuring squeeze. I grab my duffle bag and throw it over my shoulder as we follow the two guys outside to the car. They stuff us in the far back, Ryland and the brunette sitting in the immediate backseat and the blonde driving.
When we pass by Berkeley Hall, my heartrate skyrockets. He changed the location. No promised texts from Ryland and no notifications from the ring. It can't be a closed match, it defeats the entire purpose, but he wants me in the dark, he's left me out of the details on purpose. He wants me to walk in completely blind.
The car pulls up in front of an abandoned shopping center and stops. All of the store fronts are barren, forgotten 20% off signs still hanging in a few windows. The Kmart logo still stands, only two of the letters actually lit up. Ryland pulls the door open and folds his seat up, ushering us out quickly and across the parking lot to the front doors. The car screeches as it backs up and turns roughly, speeding back towards the road we came from.
As soon as we're being shoved through the glass doors, Jess grabs a hold of my hand tightly, pulling herself into my side as we walk across the concrete floored empty space. It's eerily quiet but as we're walked closer to the back, I can hear the muffled sounds of screaming.
"Where are we? I thought we were going to Berkeley Hall?" She asks quietly, leaning up to whisper in my ear.
"I don't know," I quip, keeping my voice low as I speak through my teeth, "Stay next to me."
She breathes heavily, grabbing onto my forearm with her other hand. I know she's scared, I can hear her heartbeat in the deathly quiet space. We finally reach a door at the back of the store and Ryland pushes past us with a key to unlock it. He turns the knob and kicks it open, shoving both of us through it before closing it back behind us and locking it again.
Suddenly we're standing in a pitch-black room, the screams nearly deafening. Music is coming from somewhere, bass pumping loud enough to rattle the walls. Ryland walks us down the black corridor and into a tiny room at the end. My duffle is already sitting on the couch against the wall and I realize the two henchmen from the car must have come in a different way and left it here.
He slams the door closed behind us and tells me to get ready through the door. Jess is shaking in my arms, her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she stares at the room around us. The walls are painted a dark red and the couch in the corner looks like it's had its fair share of use. There's a mini fridge in the corner, plugged into the wall on the other side of the room from an extension cord. I release her and walk over to it, kicking it open to see it stocked with beers and water. I grab one of the water bottles and hand it to her hoping that it will help calm her down.
I want to say something but the only words that will come to the tip of my tongue is I'm sorry. How could I do this? How could I get her so wrapped up in this so quickly? Because of me, she's standing in an abandoned Kmart on the verge of tears. I know that she's scared, she has every reason to be. The fear is creeping into me too, the louder the screams get the more my blood runs cold in my veins.
She sits on the couch, her body caving in on itself. I grab my duffle from beside her and start to dig through it for my tape. I take it out and unwind it, placing it over my knuckles and wrapping it around them to keep them stiff. She stands from the couch and takes my fist in her shaking hands, finishing wrapping the tape around my knuckles and ripping the tape with her teeth.
She looks up at me expectantly as she starts to wrap the tape around my other hand, waiting for me to say something. She finishes and rips the tape again, pressing it against my skin. I flex my hands, balling them into fists and relaxing them to make sure the tape doesn't affect my range of motion.
"Perfect." I sigh, both of our eyes staring at my roughed-up knuckles.
Ryland walks back in, kicking the door open with his boot, "Five minutes." He barks, shutting the door again.
She grabs onto me suddenly, burying her face into my chest. I can feel her heart racing under her sweashirt. Her hands reach to my neck and thread through the back of my hair before reaching to cup my face. I can tell she's trying to hold it together, she's scared shitless and it's entirely my fault. I wrap my arms around her securely and press my lips to her forehead, wiping my thumbs under her eyes to rid her cheeks of tears.
"Baby, don't cry," I say quietly, knowing I need to get ready but I can't bring myself to leave her right now, "Please don't cry."
"You need to go, put on your gloves and stuff." She breathes, sniffling as she pulls away from me and hastily wipes her eyes.
I walk over to the couch and slide my hands into my gloves, velcroing them across my wrist as tightly as I can handle. I grab my mouth guard and shove it in the pocket of my shorts until I need it. She watches me with close eyes, already bouncing on the balls of my feet to get into the mindset. I have to lose, but I'm not going down without a fight.
The door swings open once again, and Ryland appears behind it much less enthusiastic than he was the last time. He holds it open and nods to me, gesturing outside.
"Game time." He says halfheartedly and the solemn look in his eyes makes me nervous.
I step behind her and walk her in front of me, resting my glove against her lower back to lead her outside. It's then that I see Zack beside him, standing with crossed arms and a wicked grin on his face. He puts his arm in front of Jess, stopping her from walking any further.
"Sorry babe, this is as far as you go." He smirks, reaching to pull me past her.
"No!" I shout, shoving him off me, "She comes with me or I don't go."
His grin grows wider, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He seems to be in contemplation, looking between the two of us.
"Fine, you want her in the ring Styles?" He asks, expecting me to say no.
"Yes, in my chair, the whole time." I say through gritted teeth, wrapping my arm around her waist.
She leans into me, her body still shaking. I tense my jaw against my cheek as he keeps walking, leading us through the continuous hallway of corridors until we reach a black double door at the end.
"Break a leg." Zack grins, patting me on the back as he turns back the way we came.
As soon as he's out of earshot I turn to Ryland and have to restrain myself from shoving him against the door and knocking him out as a practice run.
"Who am I fighting?" I ask.
"I-I can't-"He stutters.
I grab him by the shirt and shove him against the wall behind him. He turns his face away from me, pressing against the wall behind him and waiting for my fist to make contact with his head.
"I said who am I fighting, Ryland?" I shout, shoving him harder against the wall with every word.
The double doors are thrown open and I'm nearly blinded by the flash of light coming from the next room after being in the dark hallways for so long. I walk out onto the vinyl floor, dropping Ryland abruptly, my eyes adjusting to the burst of color around me. It takes me a minute to take it all in; the crowd and the lights and the ropes. I look all around me and realize I'm standing in a real boxing ring, an elevated square surrounded by rubber ropes and a crowd of people three times the size I'm used to.
I turn to look at Jess and her mouth is gaping, everyone's eyes on us as we're thrown into the ring. Ryland grabs my shoulders and drags me across to my corner where a metal chair sits next to three bottles of water and two towels.
"Ryland, what the hell-"
"He wanted to make it big, broaden the publicity."
"What publicity? It's an underground ring!" I shout, shoving him.
"He said it's a new wave, he doesn't want the ring to be exclusive anymore-"
He's cut off by the screams of the crowd as Zack enters the ring, his arms spread wide and his usual smile on his face. He has a microphone in his hand and his voice booms through the speakers on all four corners of the ring.
"Good evening!" He grins, "Is everyone ready for a fight?"
The screams in reply are deafening. Jess covers her ears and looks around, still just as confused as I am about the entire spectacle.
"Good, because we have a great match for you tonight!" He smirks, turning to me with that smug expression on his face, "In this corner, Harry "Mayhem" Styles!"
The crowd shouts a chorus of cheers and boos evenly mixed. I step to the center of the ring, leaving Jess behind in the metal chair. I can feel her eyes on me as I face the crowd beside Zack.
"And in this corner," Zack says, turning to the opposite side, "Jackson Jacobs!"
My head snaps to the other side of the ring when the name booms throughout the concrete room. I lock eyes with him as he walks out into the ring, his fists raised in the air. He feeds off the crowd's energy, getting too caught up in the hype as he skips around the ring, raising his hands and joining the crowd as they start chanting his name.
He turns back to me and meets me in the center of the ring. Of course, he would agree to this, he probably jumped at the chance to tell everyone he beat me in a match. He would never have the balls to go against me if he didn't already know I was predestined to lose.
"Would you look who it is," He snaps, narrowing his eyes at me, "Big bad, Styles."
"Shut up, Jackson." I huff, restraining myself from beating his face in.
Zack shoves between us, looking us both over excitedly. I'm sure he's loving this, putting me against someone I could beat in three seconds but forcing me to lose. They share the same wicked look in their eyes as Zack walks back to the front to address the crowd.
"Are we ready?" He shouts, and the crowd lets out a sonic boom of sound that makes the ringing in my ears intensify, "Bump gloves, gentleman."
I lock eyes with Jackson to see him already narrowing his at me. He walks toward me, nodding his head over to Jess sat in my corner.
"So, I was right, wasn't I? About you and little miss party animal?" He smirks, stepping in front of me.
"Shut up, Jackson." I warn him again, tensing my jaw against my cheek as I reach out and bump his gloves with my own.
"How is it? Fucking her? I bet she likes to give, doesn't she?"
I tune his words out, focusing on Zack's voice in the background. I watch his mouth move, not daring to listen to a word coming out of his mouth. I can't let him get to me, not now. I know what he's doing.
"In three-" Zack shouts, counting slowly to build tension.
"She's a real slut isn't she? I mean going between two guys? Sleeping at your house and dating that Miles guy. I bet she's wild isn't she, she's a screamer-"
"Two...one, fight!"
As soon as the words are out of Zack's mouth I'm charging him. I take him to the ground in seconds, sitting on top of his chest and constricting his air flow. He's coughing, the wind completely knocked out of him as my gloves repeatedly pummel his face. I watch as his eyes grow redder and swollen with every hit, his nose starts to bleed, smearing against my white gloves. I repeat his words over and over in my head and the room starts to spin. I can't hit him enough, nothing can put the words back in his mouth. I hear shouts around me as I split his lip and his nose starts to deform, clearly broken. Suddenly, hands are grabbing me and pulling me away, lifting me off of him and dragging me towards my corner. I'm still swinging, my arms won't cease until my eyes land on him from a distance. His body is unmoving and bloodied, his entire face and the vinyl floor around him smothered in it. Ryland drops me in the chair, screaming in my face but I can't comprehend any of his words. I only see his mouth moving and his eyes wide as he points at Jackson being picked up and dragged out of the ring, completely unconscious. The whole world feels fuzzy and the sounds around me are underwater. I shake my head, trying to clear my head and get his voice out of my mind. I shut my eyes tight and open them again to see her in front of me. My eyes flicker to her lips and I watch her mouth the one word I would be able to recognize from a mile away.
"Harry."
She wraps her arms around my shoulders and presses her face into my neck. I want to hold her, but I can't get my arms to move. I can feel the world slowly coming back to itself, my numbness disappearing and the sounds around me starting to make sense. She pulls away from me and meets my eyes, her own watering with tears.
"Harry! What the fuck? He's going to kill you!" Ryland shouts, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.
Suddenly, I'm ripped from my sedated state. The sounds around me turn back on full volume and my head is throbbing. I'm painfully aware of the soreness of my arms and the blood splattered on my skin. I feel like I can breathe again, hear again, see again. Ryland reaches up and smacks me in the face, getting my attention.
"Are you even fucking listening? Zack is going to kill you!" He shouts, my eyes finally meeting his.
He's livid, acting insane. He's shouting and throwing his arms in the air and shoving me up from the chair. When I stand I look into the crowd and my eyes land on his tall figure sat in the front row. The rest of the crowd is alive, jumping and screaming but he's still. He's stood with his arms across his chest, his cold blue eyes trained on me. I can tell he's not happy, his eyes are narrowed and menacing. Before I say anything, Ryland is shoving me and Jess back into the corridor of hallways. She grabs my hand and my body jolts with electricity, knocking me from my daze.
"Harry, come on!" She cries, tugging me towards her and running back down the halls following Ryland.
I catch on, breaking into a run beside her and never letting go of her hand. She's keeping me tethered to the present, my anchor from my dazed state where the world is red. Ryland stops once we're outside, hunching over to catch his breath. He stands back up and grabs me by the shoulders, shoving me backwards.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" He shouts.
"I wasn't." I breathe, running a hand through my hair.
"Yeah, no shit!" He barks, turning away from me and grabbing his hair in his fists in frustration, "My god, Harry, you fucked up so bad! He'll have you back driving to make up for this one by next week!"
"I thought you were supposed to lose?" She asks, taking my face in her hands and making me look at her.
"I was, I don't know, he just kept saying," I can't bring myself to tell her that it's because of her that I knocked him out, "He kept talking shit and my temper gave out."
Ryland paces in front of me, shaking his head as he tries to think things over, "Your temper gave out? That's it? Harry you almost killed the guy! He tapped out ages before you got off of him!"
"Listen Ryland it's over, it happened, now I need to get her out of here before shit gets ugly!" I shout, shoving him away from me as I finally return to myself.
He grimaces, turning away from me and looking around the corner of the building. I should have put up a bigger fight about being driven here, now how am I supposed to get us home?
"You still remember how to hot wire a car?" He asks, turning back around.
"Well, if it's anything like riding a bike-"
"What? We are not hot wiring a car!" Jess huffs, looking between us incredulously.
"Baby listen," I say, taking her by the shoulders, "We need to get out of here, I'm sorry, just trust me, do you trust me?"
She nods her head, her eyebrows pulling together as she tries to read my face. I can tell she wants me to tell her what's going on, she hates being on the outside of everything, but I've already dragged her in this deep and I don't want to drown her.
I take her hand tightly in mine and follow Ryland around the back of the building to the range rover we came here in. I try the door handle to find it locked and heave out a sigh.
"Ryland-"
I hardly get his name out of my mouth before he's passing me his locksmith kit from his jacket pocket. I shuffle through the tools inside until I wrap my hand around a screwdriver. I place it in the space between the doors and shuffle it in as far as I can before roughly snapping it to the right. I hear the car-lock click and grab the handle again. The door opens, and I hit the unlock button inside so Jess can climb in.
She sits down beside me with wide eyes as I toss the kit into the cupholder between us before leaning down to get a look at the steering column. I knock off the plastic cover and toss it back to Ryland as he hands me his phone with the flashlight on.
"Jess, hold this towards the steering wheel." I instruct, handing her the phone.
She takes it from me in her shaking hands and I start looking for the wiring harness connecter. I duck my head, trying to get a better look to see where each bundle of wires connects to. I grab the group in the middle that lead straight up the steering column and disconnect the two red wires. I put the ends of both wires in my mouth and strip the plastic from around them with my teeth, about an inch down, and twist the now visible metal together.
I can hear Jess' breath puffing out beside me as I do so, the light of the flashlight still shaking due to her shaking hands. I grab the last red wire and connect it to the green ignition wire, twisting them together. The dash lights turn on and I heave out a breath of relief at the same that Jess swears under her breath. Ryland passes me his multitool and I strip the starter wire carefully, holding it as far away from me as I can.
"Lean that way." I tell Jess, nodding to the window behind her.
She shrinks back into the corner of her seat and watches me warily as I touch the end of the starter wire to the two connected battery wires. It sparks, and the car comes to life. I drop the wires and rev the engine quickly, so we don't stall out and have to start from square one. She stares at me in awe or in disgust I'm not sure but the feeling of her looking at me like that makes my stomach turn.
"Thanks Ry." I say, passing him his phone and he smiles.
He closes the door, shutting us in and I put the car in drive, taking off through the parking lot. I can feel the tension between us, she wants to speak up, but she doesn't know what to say. I try to decide where to drive, I can't take her to my apartment, they know where I live, and they'll be knocking on my door before tomorrow morning even hits.
"You know how to break in and hotwire a car," She says uneasily, her voice shaking, "You fight people for a living-"
"I know what it sounds like, my god I know, I didn't want you to be in any of this, I swear." I say, cutting her off and shifting my gaze between her and the road as I try to determine how freaked out she is.
"Harry you just hotwired a car!" She shouts, her calm demeanor finally shattering and her panic taking over, "We just stole a car!"
"We didn't steal a car, I'll give it back, but I have to make sure you're safe first." I assure her, trying to get my bearings as I drive after not knowing where we were.
"Who cares if I'm safe, they're not mad at me! Ryland said he's going to kill you, Harry!" She shouts.
She's hysterical as I pull into her dorm building. She's not crying, only screaming at me. She has my hand in a death grip as I finally stop the car in the parking lot. She's tears her eyes away from me to look around.
"Why are we here?" She asks, her voice finally relaxing.
"You can't stay with me tonight, they know where I live, and I don't want you there when they show up." I explain, rubbing my hand up and down her arm.
"So, they'll come after you, you need to stay here too." She says, grabbing my face in her hands.
I place my hand over hers, holding my cheek. Her whole body is shaking and it's all because of me. It makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing that I caused this, that despite promising to myself that I wouldn't fuck up like this, I did just that.
"I'll be okay, I promise." I assure her.
She meets my eyes, hers watery and glassy from being on the verge of tears. The feeling of not knowing and worrying about me is encompassing her. I want to take her in my arms and tell her that everything will be alright, but I don't know if I'd be telling her the truth or not. She brings my face to hers, pressing her lips to mine and my entire body relaxes with the feeling of her mouth against mine. She pulls away much too fast, letting her forehead lay against mine as she breathes, trying to calm her racing heartbeat.
"I don't want to stay here." She says lowly.
"Come on, let's get you inside." I say, running my hand through her hair and pretending like I didn't hear her.
I move away from her and open my door before running around to grab hers. She steps out of the car and barely glances at me as she walks to the front door. I grab ahold of my jacket over her shoulders, but she shakes me off, pushing past me.
"Jess," I groan, reaching for her hand, "Please don't be like this."
"No, you can't say that," She says, raising her voice as she finally turns around to face me, "I will be however the fuck I want because you expect me to just sit here and wait for you to call me to tell me you're fucking alive later tonight!"
She rips her hand away from my grasp and storms towards the door, not even bothering to glance at me over her shoulder. My chest feels like it may nearly give out, the wind knocked out of me from her words.
"I just want to keep you safe." I whisper just as the door slams and suddenly I'm surrounded in silence.
JESS
I walk in the door to see Sam already waiting inside for me. She runs a hand through her hair before opening her arms wide and it's then that I feel the warm tears burning my eyes. She instantly wraps her arms around me and lays her chin on top of my head. I expect her to ask a million questions and demand that I tell her why I'm crying but she stays still and silent and I sigh with relief.
Her hands are wound tight around my torso, holding me to her, cradling my head in the space between her chest and her neck. She rubs up and down my back with one hand as the tears start coming faster.
"Sam I-"
"I know, he texted me." She says, saving me from explaining myself.
I close my eyes tight and wish I could take everything back. I wish I never told Niall to take me to the fight, I wish I never moved in with him. As soon as I mind starts to whisper I wish I never met him, I stop. It's not true, none of it is. I could never regret running into him at that shitty party, I could never regret all of the car rides flooded with music and mornings wrapped in his arms or kisses across the console of his car.
"So, it's him," She speaks up, continuing to rub my back, "I always knew it would be him, from the minute you walked in the door complaining about him."
"What do you mean?" I ask, standing up to meet her eyes.
"It's him, out of all your wild cards." She says, chuckling a bit to lighten the mood around us.
"What if," I sigh, looking away from her, "What if I don't want it to be him?"
"It doesn't really work like that," She explains, running her hand through my hair, "You don't get to choose, but it's different with him, I can tell. You don't feel the same way about him as you do that Miles kid, I see the way you look at him and the way you look at Harry."
I wish I could shove the words back in her mouth as the tears start to run down my cheeks once again. They repeat themselves over and over in my mind until they're nearly engraved. My head is in a hundred places but ninety-nine of them are Harry. He frustrates me so much. He changes from hot to cold in a matter of seconds, making it impossible to ever keep up with him. He acts stone cold when in reality he's like a blazing inferno, taking everything in his path down with him. He pretends to not have emotions although they're always raging, encompassing him in a whirling of mood swings and rash decisions. He's insane, but maybe I'm insane too. Maybe we make each other insane.
HARRY
As soon as she's inside I get back into the car and pull out of the parking lot before it stalls out. I know she's right, I know it's not fair to her and she's just worried about me, but I've already dragged her too far into this part of my life. I never wanted her to know that it existed, let alone for her to be a part of it.
As I drive back towards my house, anger fills me. They've ruined everything. Zack always seems to come around at the least opportune times and fuck up whatever I have going for me and Ryland has been his right-hand man for as long as I can remember. I've paid my debts to them both and I'm finished running in circles for them. I couldn't fight my way through this if my life depended on it and something tells me that if I tried to slip my way out of this one, that's exactly what I'd be left to do.
Suddenly, I'm driving towards Ryland's house where I'm sure Zack is staying. Why should I wait when I can come to them? I pull up in front of his apartment building and get out, finally disconnecting the wires and letting the rover come to a stop. I take out my phone and text Louis to meet me here in ten minutes. I walk into the building and ride the elevator up to his floor. When I come to his door, I slide my key inside and let myself in.
I'm instantly greeted with a thick sluggish haze that invades my nostrils. It reeks of marijuana and sweat, the smell of gluttony and laziness. Instantly I'm thrown back to age nineteen spending nights in Ryland's bike shop on old striped couches with spliffs in both hands blowing spoke rings in the basement. We'd laugh at nothing, our brains wasting away in the wallowing self-hatred we exuded and welcomed with open arms. We'd listen to our favorite songs, always mellow and much too sweet for my taste. We'd drink until we couldn't remember when we started. We'd dance until we fell on our ass in a pile of our own vomit or worse. We were...happy? I thought it was happy. I thought that was what happy felt like, but then I met her. She makes my face light up in a way I didn't know it could, she makes me want to dance in the living room and sing in the shower. She's my ray of sunshine and I won't let her be dragged into the hurricane I'm living in.
I grab the door handle and swing it open with such force it hits the wall behind it with a loud crack, the sound of a new hole in his dry wall. He comes barreling out of his bedroom, his eyes bloodshot, dressed in nothing but boxers.
"Harry? What the hell are you-"
"Where's Zack?" I ask through gritted teeth.
"Zack? Get the fuck out of here before he hears you!" He whispers harshly, shoving me back towards the door.
I push him off of me and walk further into the apartment, looking around in the dimly lit living room. He's still trying to get me to leave but I'm not going anywhere without finishing this.
"Zack! Get out here and let's get this over with!" I shout, waiting for him to come out of hiding.
"Oh, Harry, I thought you'd never ask." He smirks, strolling into the living room from the other hallway and switching on a lamp.
"I want out," I huff, my heart pumping as I try to look around me to make sure no one else is here, "I'm done fighting."
"Oh, has little miss priss wrapped you around her finger already?" He teases, his eyes menacing in the limited light.
"No," I quip, "I'm doing this for me, I'm done playing these games and being your fucking puppet, now just give me my money and I'll go."
"Your money?" He laughs, raising his eyebrows, "I'm sorry but you were supposed to lose tonight! You're costing me thousands with this fight! After seeing you take down Jackson in all of five seconds, no one is going to volunteer to fight you for weeks!" He seethes.
I watch his two henchmen appear from the opposite corners of the house and I wonder if I could actually take them. They're at least twice my size and it would be two against one, the odds are the furthest from being in my favor.
"This is your thing, you're Harry "Mayhem" Styles! You're going to throw that all away for some girl?" He laughs.
"She's not some girl!" I shout, taking a step closer to him.
Suddenly, the henchmen are springing into action. They grab my arms behind my back and twist them in ways I didn't know joints could allow. I'm struggling against them, my heart beating in my chest as I remember the last time I pissed Zack off. Zack walks up to me and grabs a fist full of my hair, yanking my head up to meet his eyes. There's pain piercing my scalp, but I don't let it phase me, I only let my eyes drill into his.
"What is it about her that makes you soft? Have you let her get too close, Styles?" He chuckles.
"I'm not soft, I'm the same person I was before her," I scoff, "You're just mad that I've moved on, realized that I'm better than all this."
He laughs, letting go of my hair and pacing in front of me. He holds his chin in his hand as he thinks over my words in careful contemplation.
"Better than all this? Is that so? Well by all means then, go, be better." He chuckles, waving his men off and they disappear back down the hall into separate rooms.
I look at him incredulously. It can't be this easy. Last time I could hardly pick myself up off the ground when he was done with me and now he's going to let me walk right out the door?
"She must really be special for you to drop everything for her," He smirks, his words not matching the mischievous grin on his face, "I can't imagine what a girl could do to make me do that, maybe someday, you can let her change me too."
I don't have control of my body as I tackle him against the wall, shoving his head against the dry wall, my breathing already ragged with adrenaline. He laughs as I hold his head back against the wall by his throat.
"I knew it," He chokes out, his throat constricted, "I knew you fell for her."
"Shut the fuck up, Zack!" I shout, my hand tightening around his throat.
"Why? Because I'm right?" He laughs, his eyes maniacal, "I knew she was your trigger, you can't control yourself when she's involved."
"You're not right! I'm done! Just give me my money and fuck off!"
He smirks again, his head rolling back in laughter, his whole body going limp against the wall behind him. He looks actually fucking crazy as he laughs to himself, my hand around his throat.
"You see, this is where we're different Harry," He chuckles, his eyes rolling back to mine, "I'm not scared of anything because I have nothing to lose but you have her, she's your Achilles heel Styles, and one day she's going to realize what you are, and she'll be gone."
I don't realize what I've done until he's on the wood floors clutching his stomach. He's still laughing, rolling on the ground and bleeding from his mouth. He's choking on his words when I leave, writhing on the ground as his maniacal laughter bounces off the walls of the giant apartment. My eyes meet Ryland's as I leave, his are wide even in the dim lighting of the room. I wait for the twin tanks to reappear, but they stay down the hall, leaving Zack coughing up blood.
"You're going to regret this, Styles! This isn't over!"
JESS
"You're thinking about him," Sam sighs, "Right now."
I quickly look up to meet her solemn eyes, slipping from her comfortable embrace. My stomach flips at the thought of him and it's then that I know she's right. I know that I won't relax until I'm in his tattooed arms with his lip ring against the corner of my lips, his warm hands cupping my cheeks, his forehead pressed against mine as I stare into his dark viridian eyes. My heart swells just thinking about it, the thump of my heartbeat already quickening as his face appears in my head.
"I need to go." I think aloud, turning back towards the door.
"I know you do." She says, nodding her head.
I give her a small smile and thank her for being there for me. I open the front door and run down the steps, the cold air hitting me but making me feel alive rather than making me shiver. I turn back towards the street and break into a run. I know his apartment is at least ten minutes away if I'm running but I don't care. The air is cold on my face and I can see my breath puffing out of my mouth, but I keep on running. My heart is racing in my chest with the thought of seeing him and my knees are already weak.
I'm frozen to the bone when I see his apartment around the bend, but it instills a different kind of energy in me and I run even faster. I pass his car in the parking lot and memories of music and driving around at midnight flood my mind and make my heart swell. I reach the door with shaking hands and numbing fingers. I grab the door handle and swing the door open, walking inside.
He comes around the corner from the kitchen with angry eyes until they land on me. His eyebrows lift, a small smile now turning up one corner of his mouth. I look down to his hands where he's holding a rag to them, dabbing at his knuckles.
"Jess, what are you doing here?" He asks.
"What happened?" I ask, disregarding his question and taking his hands in mine.
I look over his busted knuckles and take the rag from him, dabbing against them myself. He sucks in a breath as I do so, and I can tell he's in pain.
"I went over to Ryland's and took care of Zack," He sighs, "I told him I'm done fighting."
I look up to meet his eyes to see him smiling at me. It's a sad smile, I can tell he feels bad about everything but just knowing that he's safe and it's over is enough.
"I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry dollface, I didn't mean to drag you into all of this-"
I close the gap between us, taking his face in my hands and pulling him impossibly close to me. I can feel his smile against my lips as I press my mouth to his. His arms wrap around my waist almost instantly, holding me to him and encompassing me in his warmth.
"Jess, you're freezing." He mumbles against my cheek, pulling away to look at me.
A flood of relief courses through me when I pull away and look into his emerald eyes. I can feel the smile on my face and the lightness of my heart as I drink him in, taking in every aspect of his handsome face. He may be bruised and scraped but he's gorgeous and he's mine.
"Why don't we warm up then?" I suggest, tossing the wet rag behind me and throwing my arms around his neck.
He laughs, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I can finally breathe when I see him smiling, really smiling, the kind of smile that reaches his eyes and makes them sparkle. He grins as he picks me up by the back of the thighs and my arms wrap around his neck. I twirl his curls in my hands as his lips move against mine. He walks us around a corner that I know all too well, kicking the door of his bedroom open and carrying me inside.
Suddenly he's laying my back against a bed and crawling on top of me. His smile never leaves his face as he leans back down to me, his eyes looking more magnificent than ever with the light of the moon being the only light shining in the room.
He brushes his lips against mine, his hands rubbing up and down my arms as they have many times before. I bite my lip when I feel the chill of his lip ring against my cheek and I'm reminded that I really am here with him.
"Are you warming up yet?" He laughs, running his fingers through my hair.
I nod my head, taking his warm hands in mine and placing them just beneath the hem of my shirt. He presses a lingering kiss to my lips as his hands continue to rub small circles into my hips. I feel the electricity in my veins as soon as his hands are on me, the fiery inferno we create in each other, the constant energy bouncing off each other and never resting.
"Tell me when you want me to stop." He breathes, letting his head fall to my shoulder.
I keep my hands ruffling through his hair as his mouth works its way down my neck and his hands massage my torso in ways that I never knew could feel so sensual. His hands are so careful and slow as he lifts my shirt off my body and slides my jeans down my legs. He takes his time, always looking up to me to make sure that I'm okay but I know that I couldn't wipe this smile off my face if I wanted to.