Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.
—Euripides
How do you go on knowing that you will never again—not ever, ever—see the person you have loved? How do you survive a single hour, a single minute, a single second of that knowledge? How do you hold yourself together?—Howard Jacobson
I wanted to kill someone and I wanted to die and I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could because she was never coming back. She had fallen off the face of the earth and she was never coming back.
—Melissa Kantor
The deep, luxurious forest surrounding Forks, Washington, was strangely quiet. Not a single leaf seemed to wave to the absolute non-existent wind and the small animals that ventured out in the morning hours where absent in every sense, making the forest look like a deserted space, an alien landscape that could easily transfuse absolute terror and cautiousness to any passer-by. It was something not normal in any sense. The heavy grayish clouds that were permanently hanging from the sky were a bit lighter today, offering more light than every other day. Like they were desperately trying to lighten the mood of Nature itself up; like the storm that hit Forks these past few days was so immense, that required some making up from God Himself.
But look! Something is actually moving inside the forest, marching its way through the trees and the rich flora that towered well all around him, covering up the firmament completely.
Embry was walking through the trees, his steps hard against the solid ground and his body advancing forward without any special try from his part. Giving not a single care for the fact that the temperature was in dangerously low level, he was wearing only a pair of pants and sneakers, the damp air falling on his russet skin like the ever-so-light touch of an angel. Small drops of water were still cascading from the leaves, remnants of the rain that hit the forest last night, on the man, who just continued to walk nonetheless. He was walking. Walking out of reflex; his brain was ordering one foot to advance forward after the other, his breathing was continuing to fill his lungs with air and his heart was still beating inside his chest strongly and loudly. But there were two simple things that were wrong with the man. The first one, was that he wasn't thinking at all; the whole earth could be crumbling to the ground, the forest going up in flames, an alien landing right in front of his very own eyes and the man would never notice. His thoughts were currently all drowned up, overflowing and consuming all of his consciousness in such way that the brain was left with no help but to use his unconsciousness in order to keep him alive. And that is what brings us to the second clue. Since his sense of self-preservation had taken over his bloodstream and nerves, making him a walking shell with no soul lying behind, his previously happy and warm brown eyes were consumed by a dark shadow which had engulfed them completely, making the brown turn almost coal black.
He was paying no attention to Jacob that was practically running behind him, trying to catch up and yelling towards him to wait and he was just simply walking towards any possible direction that his feet lead him towards.
There was absolutely not a single thing inside his mind right now....well, except from what happened just half an hour ago. This scene was playing right in front of his eyes over and over again, like a demon which haunts the purest of souls to madness.
'Why did the Cullens call us to their stupid home? Why couldn't we just drop by Bella's house to see if she is alright?' Jacob complained grumpily from the passenger's seat, making Embry roll his eyes but remain calm.
'For them to call us there, it must mean that something big has happened Jake. We'll see.' Embry commented calmly, trying to focus to his driving, in case they ended up losing the turn among the trees that lead to the Cullens' house.
It was the very first time for both boys to be heading there and under the current circumstances, both of them were on the edge for what was about to happen; Sam, as the leader of the pack, was the one that had received the request for both Embry and Jake to go over to the Cullens, since there was a major problem that needed their presence immediately. As to what the problem was, they had said nothing, yet despite Paul's not so calm reactions as to why they shouldn't go, Sam was the voice of reason and urged them to go and see what was happening. For the Cullens to be calling them into their own house, something big must have surely happened. To be extra careful though, the rest of the wolves would be close by, just to make sure that this wasn't a trap and using the rare opportunity to their advantage, since the treaty was down. Embry could catch a glimpse of his fellow wolves running inside the forest that surrounded the road, but his thoughts were quickly drifted back to ______; she hadn't called him at all from the moment she came back and that was something that stroke as utterly peculiar to the man. She wasn't the one to let others worry for her safety, no matter how easily she jumped into fights, so her actions of not communicating left an uneasy feeling inside Embry's gut which he refused to let surface; Jake was enough freaked out for the both of them already and if he freaked out as well, no sense would come from the conversation.
With these thoughts in mind, he took a turn inside the woods, following the road that led to Cullen residence, stepping on the accelerator a bit more and with Jacob mumbling and complaining from right beside him, until they spotted Carlyle Cullen himself waiting on the threshold of his house. Right beside him were the vampires Emmet and Jasper, along with Edward and Bella. In the sight of the girl, Jake let out a small growl as he saw her clinging tightly into Edward's side, but that was the least of Embry's problems, since there was one person missing from their little soiree; and he didn't like it one bit. Pulling the car to a stop, both wolves rushed to get out of it and walked towards the Cullens, with Jacob acting all high-and-mighty and Embry looking around to get a glimpse of ______.
'Welcome Embry, Jacob. I'm happy that you responded so fast to our invitation.' Carlyle smiled sincerely as the two of them approached. The sickeningly sweet aroma of the vampires penetrated their senses, making them try not to shrink their noses in disgust but in front of the problems that were about to be let out, both boys simply ignored it.
'I see that you managed to bring him back.' Jake commented, looking at Bella and then at Edward 'Pity.'
'Jake I-'
'Where is ______?' Embry cut Bella off, trying to get to the point that interested him immediately.
Bella nailed her chocolate brown eyes to the ground, while Edward and Carlyle exchanged a silent gaze, before Carlyle took a single step forward and connected his palms calmly, his face betraying downright worry; something that Embry didn't like at all.
'It seems that we have a few... complications... when it comes to dear _____.'
Embry's heart tightened 'What kind of complications?'
'When Bella and _____ came to stop me from exposing myself, we were all drawn into a meeting with the Volturi.' Edward started to explain, his black eyes nailed on Embry, but Jacob cut him off.
'Who in the f*cking hell are the Volturi?'
Embry threw a warning glance at Jake, but the vampire known as Jasper was the one to speak first 'They are the nobility of our own kind. The largest and deadliest coven of vampires, which enforces the law, using the incredible influence they have. They make sure that our presence is hidden from humans as well as punish the ones that disobey. Their coven has existed for more than 3000 years and the base of their operations is Volterra, Italy.'
'This is where I went when I thought Bella was dead. I was planning on exposing myself to the humans, but Bella and the girls stopped me before it was too late. Still, too much attention was drawn and we were summoned in their throne room.'
'Wait.' Embry stopped Edward, raising his hand a little bit and with his eyes filled with dangerous curiosity 'And you took ____ and Bella in there with you? Are you insane?'
Edward's gaze darkened if that was ever possible 'I assume that you know what 'gift' ____ possesses, right Embry?'
The man blinked 'Yes, yes, we all know.'
'Now Aro, the leader of the Volturi, knows about her gift as well.'
As the last sentence left Edward's lips, the whole world went completely numb around Embry. Just as if someone had turned the switch off, the whole scenery right in front of him went bereft of any vivid color, acquiring rich shades of black and white, losing whatever life was hidden inside of them. For the first time, Embry realized what people truly meant when they were saying that earth was lost under their feet; at that exact same moment, Embry's feet were not touching the ground anymore and the man was in immediate danger of falling down. If his heart didn't stop first. The beating organ took a complete dive inside his chest, falling as far down as it was possible to drop and broke into million little pieces, oozing rich blood that came out of it in abundance and almost choking the desperate man, who suddenly forgot how to breathe. His whole world came crumbling down and all life lost its purpose as two small words reverberated like gunshots inside his mind 'She's gone.'
Dreamily, his mind barely even registered Jacob's sharp move as he swore loudly and spat at the ground right in front of the Cullens, his loud yells reaching Embry's ears like he was hearing him through the murky waters; he was screaming something about ____ and his body was shaking so violently that Edward shoved Bella protectively behind his back, yet no one was watching Embry who had such tough time breathing, he was about to pass out. The vampire named Emmet said something to Jacob that only infuriated the werewolf more; still, Embry's vision had started to subside.
'Breathe Embry. You must breathe.' Edward's voice pierced through the sudden panic attack and looking up, Embry saw the man looking at him.
He followed his advice. He breathed, even if it was hard to even remember how that was done. That's right. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
'Is she dead?' his voice sounded hoarse even to him 'Is _____ dead?'
Carlyle nodded 'No, thankfully she is alive and well. She is currently being held by the Volturi, since she revealed her powers to them and Aro continues to be an avid talent collector; unfortunately, there is no way to bring her back. She will remain there. I am so sorry Embry...'
'HOW THE HELL DID THAT KIND OF THING HAPPEN?!' Jacob's voice was now loud and clear and for a moment, Embry wanted to cover his ears.
'I-It's m-my fault. I am so sorry!' Bella cried out, looking at the two werewolves with teary eyes, who looked back at her in disbelief 'Edward was being tortured and I didn't know what to do, so I panicked and screamed at ____ to help him. I screamed and screamed at her and in the end, she listened to me and used her powers to save him and that's how they got her, I am so sorry!' she cried out.
'No. No, you are not sorry at all.' As these words left Embry's half-opened lips, everyone turned and looked at him, with Bella looking genuinely surprised by his reaction, yet Embry could do nothing but continue on 'You are not sorry in the slightest Isabella Swan. You got to come back home safe and sound with your bloodsucking bastard leech by your side, so you once again have your f*cking happy family all together. You don't give a single f*ck about _____ and you never did. All you did, was use her.'
'Hey, watch your-' Edward intervened, but Embry cut him off.
'F*ck you leech.' He spat at him calmly before turning to Bella who was crying silently 'How could you do this to your best friend? Jacob shouldn't have pulled you out of those waters; you were better off dead.'
'Embry, c'mon man just relax and we will figure something out.' Jake attempted to console his friend, but stopped when Embry threw him such an empty stare that scared even the hot-blooded man.
'Throw your tail among your legs Jake and beg her even more; kiss the ground she steps on as well. You don't even f*cking care that she betrayed our childhood friend. She betrayed _____ Jacob.'
Embry was pretty sure that at this point, he should be feeling something; anger, frustration, vengeance, literally something. The reality was though, that he was unable to feel the slightest of things; he couldn't feel the air brushing against his skin, he couldn't feel his broken –correction- shredded heart beating inside his chest, he just couldn't feel anything. All was lost. She wasn't there anymore...
_____ was gone.
Instead of saying something more, Embry turned and walked away from the small gathering of people, walking his way towards the woods, where he could finally allow himself to get lost; before that though, he stopped on his tracks and turned his head a bit, just to say one last thing.
'Isabella, if you do so much as step a foot in La Push, I am going to kill you. And neither your bloodsucking leech nor Jacob will be able to stop me. Stay the f*ck away sl*t.'
And like that, Embry was walking for half an hour straight.
He never stopped, he never spoke and he just kept walking straight forward, ignoring the world around him; what could possibly happen to restore his love for life? Nothing. ____ was far way, into a strange land that was both alien as it was unknown and she was currently being held by the most dangerous species to ever walk planet earth. How did he allow that to happen? How was he so naïve to let her go there all by herself? He should have gone along with her, since he knew that he was completely unable to live without her; but fate is a tremendous foe and here he is now, struggling to come in terms with the fact that he wasn't going to see her ever again. And it pained him, it pained him like hell to know that he wouldn't be able to gaze at her (e/c) orbs, hear her loud laughter or hug her with all his might, afraid that if he let go of her, she would dissolve in the strong wind. How was he supposed to live without her?
Can someone live without the all-too-precious air?
How much can a human be broken to feel such pain? How far can heartbreak go as to completely make someone unable to breathe? It was as if someone had kicked Embry straight in his heart, or tore off his chest and reached out for the most precious organ on the human body, proceeding to rip it out in the most painful way possible; his veins were still carrying his blood, but it felt like cold ice was running through them, shutting down all of those things that made him the cheerful man that he was. How could he go on without her? Why was he such a coward as to not tell her how he really felt about her before it was too late? Because now it is too late and this single fact is what drives him to place his hands on his head, kneel down and scream until all life abandons him. Remorse though is a cruel companion and despite all the pain that Embry felt merely in the thought of _____, now the images of her beautiful face, her loud laughter, the sound of her breathing and her big smile that was able to brighten any dull day up were there to remind him of what he had lost, what he had allowed to slip through his grasp. And he hated himself for that.
'C'mon man, you haven't said a single word for like an hour!' Jacob complained behind him, but his words were soon followed by the sound of steps coming their way, before three big wolves made their appearance through the luxurious flora, looking around them curiously to see what was going on.
Embry knew that they were probably waiting to hear what the fuss was all about with the Cullens, but truthfully speaking, he wasn't in the right place to share his thoughts with pretty much anyone right now.
'You know ____ did it for our own good. She cares too much about all of us that it's insane. You can't possibly believe that it is all Bella's fault.' Jake sounded from behind him.
Embry froze on his tracks.
'What?' the word left his lips before the man had a chance to control it, dripping with pure malice, and immediately, it had a chain reaction with his whole body.
In a flash of a mere millisecond, Embry's body was violently convulsing, the bloodthirsty wolf that was buried deep within him howling and scratching every surface of his conscious mind to eat him completely away and responding to the insanely poisonous rage that he was feeling right then and there. It started pouring out of his broken heart, making its way to pollute his veins, course rapidly through his blood system and enter his mind, taking away any sense of logic and clear thinking that was let within. This anger was so strong, so violent, so intoxicating, that he was barely even able to feel anything else but his mind whispering to him to let go and embrace the beast within; all he had to do was just let go and embrace the poisonous anger, let it consume him, let him get revenge for those who betrayed _____. And holy f*cking cow, it was the most alluring calling he had ever experienced in his entire life, making him for the first time focus solely onto his enemy, eyes narrowing and teeth baring, wanting to cut deep into the flesh of the neck, cutting away the carotid and enable him to watch them die in mere seconds.
So once he turned to glare at Jacob, the second man knew there was trouble.
Embry turned and jumped with a wild scream of utter madness as he phased mid-air.
Jacob barely had enough time to turn as well.
It was a terrifying scene for anyone to watch as the two wolves collided hard with each other, teeth bared and all sense leaving their minds; Jacob was the one to hold on to his conscience but Embry was now completely consumed by the anger, pain, heartbreak and bloodlust, losing himself inside the endless pit of pain he had fallen into. The struggle is so massive and rough that even Sam is completely taken aback at first, his and the rest of the pack's minds completely overwhelmed by the weight of Embry's thoughts and pain, as they are completely invaded by the scene with the Cullens which plays in front of their eyes again and again; ______ is taking over their thoughts as well and it was only now that they realized what was going on. All at the same time, Embry and Jacob collide in a battle never seen before by the pack; tough bites, kicks, growls and howls fill the air along with the rich smell of blood, as their bodies hit from tree to tree, with each of the boys going for the neck, legs, torso and head of one another, jumping on the other and trying to dominate them by.... killing him? It was all too possible at this point and no matter how much Jacob tried to knock some reason into Embry, he continued to charge against him at full force, wounding him in every spot he could reach. It was as if the kind and warm boy that was usually the most peaceful one was completely gone and in his place stood a ruthless fighter.
That was, until Sam decided to step in.
The great black wolf howled angrily and threw himself among the other two, blocking their ways to one another and biting them when they tried to charge once again. The loud voice of the Alfa commanded them to stop and surely enough, both wolves were on the ground, unable to do a single move against each other, completely obeying to the order.
But Embry had other plans in mind.
Stepping up, he turned and started running full speed into the forest, trying to get away from everything and everyone; no matter how much the others called for him and urged him to come back, he simply chose to push them away, obeying completely to the wolf that was resonating throughout his body and run as far away as he could. The forest literally flew all around him but despite the distance he placed among himself and the pack, he could still hear them pretty clearly. This needed to stop. he just wanted to be alone, away from everyone; ______ was gone and the world had turned into a mighty stranger for him, leaving him all alone to continue like nothing was ever amiss; he couldn't do that. For now, all he wanted, was silence.
The answer to his desperate pleads came by nature itself; right in front of him, many meters away but in a distance that could be easily covered with his running, he saw the trees lessening and leading towards a huge cliff. The sound of the ocean hitting against the rocks reached his ears far before the smell of iodine overwhelmed his nose.
So, the man didn't even think about it.
When he reached the end, he just jumped.
The voices of the rest of the pack members were completely drowned, when he changed back into a human as he fell.
And then, the cold embrace of the winter sea engulfed him. The coldness only served to ease his boiling hot skin and for the first time since he learnt the news about your capture, his brain was able to cool off a bit allowing him to think clearly, the moment his heart was momentarily frozen. Yet, your image was still there to haunt him, more vivid than ever.
'Just promise me that you are going to come back. I only want you to come back safe and sound.' His voice was clearly trembling, despite his desperate tries to keep it steady.
Still, your beautiful eyes softened and a sad smile graced your lips as you looked up to him one last time.
'I will. I promise.'