ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: FEBRUARY 29TH, 2016
PICTURED ABOVE: ALESHA
CHAPTER SIX
I wake to a guilty conscience. Last night, instead of putting Griffyn's phone back down on the bedside table and staying out of his business, I deleted the message Melody had sent him.
I don't know what caused me to do what I did, but before I knew it, I had pressed the button and the message disappeared. And with it, my dignity.
I slip quietly out of the bed and glance over at his phone, untouched on the nightstand as he sleeps. As much as I wish to take back what I did and un-delete the message, I know I can't. And that realization makes my stomach hurt, just thinking about it.
What will happen when he finds out? I know he's too much of my friend to be too angry with me, but I stooped low. He'll have a right to be angry with me. Hell, I'm angry with myself, even though I'm not particularly fond of Melody.
This will be yet another thing to add to the list of stupid things I've done since I came back. I know for sure it won't help the fact that he thinks I'm jealous or something. Cue eye roll.
I take a quick shower and wrap a scratchy blue towel that must be ten years old around me. I peek into my room and glance at Griff to make sure he's asleep before going to my closet to pick out some clothes for today. I quickly pick out a cute dress that Carolina bought for me this summer. Apparently, it compliments my skin tone.
I turn back around and notice almost immediately that Griff is facing me now, when only moments ago, he was facing away. I narrow my eyes at him, trying to catch him in the act, but his breathing is steady like it should be when someone's sleeping, so I hurry back to the bathroom and shut the door.
I start to slip into the dress when I curse. In my rush to get out of there, I hadn't grabbed-- a knock on the door interrupts my self-loathing thoughts. I wrap the towel around my body once again and open the door to find Griffyn standing there with a smirk.
"I think you forgot these." He holds out his hand, and it it, he holds my undergarments. I blush furiously and snatch them from his hands.
"Thank you. But I'm warning you. Don't ever touch them again, or I'll cut your hands off." I slam the door in his face and dress quickly, not wanting to think about the awkwardness that's awaiting me outside the door.
I take extra time with blow drying and straightening my hair in order to put off having to go out and face Griff. Now, not only do I feel terrible about Melody, I also feel self-conscious about my underwear drawer he must've dug through to find a matching set. I shudder at the thought.
"Are you almost done?" Griffyn's voice sounds right outside of the door as I finish applying makeup the slowest I ever have in my entire life. I sigh softly, realizing that I have to face him sooner or later. Obviously, I preferred later, but luck is not in my favor because the door swings open and Griff appears, holding a key.
"What the hell, Griff! Couldn't you have just waited for me to get done?" I scold. I'm not angry with him, just annoyed that I didn't have time to compose myself and push the guilt of the... lack of Melody's message in his phone way down before I faced him.
Griffyn raises an eyebrow as he reaches up to put the key back in it's rightful place ontop of the doorframe. His shirt comes up a little as he reaches up, but it wasn't even noticeable. But you noticed, my guilty conscience tells me. Well, I tell myself, shut up.
"Yeah, and how long would that be? Hell would've frozen over at the pace you were going!" Griff jokes, punching me in the arm. I mutter a quick, "Ouch," and rub my arm with a frown placed on my face.
Griff rolls his eyes and walks into the bathroom. I glare at him and bump him out of the way of the drawer I need to get in, and grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. He smirks and bumps me back, grabbing his own toothbrush and toothpaste. He keeps spares of everything here in cases like these when we have unplanned sleepovers.
I brush my teeth vigorously and quickly trying to get done before Griffyn. He does the same, initiating a challenge. We stare each other down in the mirror and take our toothbrushes out of our mouths in a rush. I lean down quickly before he does and spit into the sink. I'm about to grin victoriously when I feel something wet slide down my neck.
I glance up and look into the mirror, seeing Griffyn standing wide eyed behind me. He drops his toothbrush on the counter and grins sheepishly at me. "Oops?"
"Oops? OOPS?" I scream, hurrying to wash the stickiness off the nape of my neck. "How can you miss the freaking sink? Ew, that's so gross, Griffyn!"
Griffyn actually has the nerve to start laughing, "I'm sorry! I really am, but maybe you should've gotten your big head out of the way."
I finish lathering soap on my neck and rinse it off before drying it with a towel as I straighten and turn to glare right at him. "Now you're blaming it on me? Uh-uh, Rivers. You're not getting on my good side today."
"Look, at least you put your hair in a bun, or else you'd have to rewash it," Griffyn tells me, still chuckling. I roll my eyes, not in the mood. I don't like being spit on in the morning. Or ever.
Griffyn sees that I'm not answering and pouts before pulling at the ponytail holding up my temporary bun. He pulls it free and the hair falls around my face. "Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry."
I stalk out of the room without response, gathering my school supplies into my backpack. Griffyn sighs from behind me, but grabs his stuff too.
I've almost made it out the door of my room before Griff stops me, grasping my arm and pulling me back to him, "Hey, I really am sorry. Chocolate?" He holds up a Kit-Kat and offers it to me.
I don't bother asking where it came from and snatch it from him. He takes this as a forgiving act and smiles, "That's my girl."
And once again, I'm all tense and guilt clouds my emotions. I'm not his girl, at least not in the way that phrase is supposed to mean. For all I know, that girl could've been Melody, but we'll never know because I deleted her message.
"Yeah," I say forcing a smile. "I'm your girl."
He grins and starts to lead me out of the room, but he stops abruptly and curses, turning around and almost bumps into me. "I forgot my phone."
"Oh," I start, holding onto his arm. "Do you really need it? I mean we are," I struggle to come up with an excuse to why he should not go back for his phone. "Already a whole three steps from my room."
He looks at my serious expression for a moment or so before bursting out into laughter. "Oh, you're funny, Carson." He ruffles my hair which annoys me because I took all that time to straighten it and goes back into my room to grab his phone.
I sigh and bite my lip nervously as I wait for him to return. He comes out of my room with a small frown on his face, looking down at his phone. My heart starts beating quickly as I think off the worst possible situation: He found out about the deleted text already.
But he just keeps on walking past me, all the way down and out of the house. I follow close behind him with a worried look etched on my face. If he was mad at me, he's definitely not showing it.
We get into the car in silence and he stares at his phone some more, frowning even more. After a solid minute of him making no move to start the car, I intervene. "Griff... Do you think we'll ever, you know, leave?"
Griffyn looks up at me with wide eyes and looks around as if he has no idea where he is. He locks his phone and puts it into a cup holder, bursting back into motion. "Uh, yeah. Sorry. I was distracted."
"I could tell," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at his obvious response. I'm curious as to why he was so distracted. "What's wrong?"
He starts on the drive to school and it takes him so long to answer that I find myself both wondering if he didn't hear the question and actually forgetting I even asked a question to begin with. "I... Well, I don't know how to bring this up with you. It's probably something I'd talk about with Wes."
"Wes?" I ask, clearly offended that he thought he could share something with Wes, but not with me. "Why Wes? Why can't you talk about what's bothering you with me?"
Griff glances over at me with wide eyes when he catches onto my offended behavior. "No, it's not that I can't! I swear, you'd be my first choice about anything, Carson. It's just..." He trails off, biting his lip. I snap my eyes back up, away from his lips, trying to focus on his words.
"It's just what?" I push, wanting to know why he can't talk to me about what's bothering him. I talk to him about... everything that's worth talking about. Why can't he do the same?
"It's just," Griff lets out a nervous laugh, his cheeks turning a little rosy. I narrow my eyes at the slight blush and start to piece things together. "It's awkward if I talk to you about... girls I may like, don't you think? I mean, you're you and I'm..."
"What do you mean Griff? I'm me and you're what?"
Griffyn glances over at me for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road. He takes a deep breath. "Well, you're a girl and I'm a guy. It's just weird, okay?"
"Okay..." I drawl, looking at him, kind of confused. I really don't see what's so wrong with us talking to each other about who we like, even if it is about know-it-all redheads who have no sense of privacy.
Griffyn sighs as we near the school. When we park, he turns to me. "Fine, you asked what's wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong. Melody didn't text me back."
I gulp, rubbing my hands against my legs in order to wipe the sweat accumulating on them in the midst of my nervousness. "Maybe she was just busy."
Griffyn rolls his eyes, "It says she read my message."
I look away and open the car door, "Maybe she just doesn't like you then." It comes out harsher than I intended and when I look back, Griffyn is staring at me.
"Yeah," He mutters, his face falling. "You're probably right."
I leave him in his car and rush for class. His defeated face that I had caused by saying what I had said replays over and over in my mind. I feel terrible, as I should. And I feel even more terrible as I realize that I also feel kind of... satisfied that I crushed his chances with Melody.
I'm such a bitch.
"I don't even like snickers, Carolina." I declare when she tries to hand a snickers bouquet to me. It's apparently her form of apologizing to me. And I have to admit that if the bouquet had been made of Kit-Kats, then I would've forgiven her immediately.
Carolina shrugs and pull them back to herself, "Right, well I like snickers. I'll just have to eat them myself."
I roll my eyes and start to head off to lunch, but she grabs ahold of my arm. "Wait! Carson, I said I'm sorry and I meant it. Can't you forgive me?"
"I can," I tell her and nod my head. "And I will if you can give me a good reason for why you did what you did."
Carolina nods enthusiastically, "Absolutely."
"Okay." I cross my arms and wait for her to tell me her excuse.
"It's just... Griffyn's been known to be kind of a... player. And I didn't really know if you were just friends, so I sabotaged that in order to make sure he didn't hurt you, my best friend. But turns out, I'm the one who hurt you instead." Carolina bites her lip and shifts from foot to foot as she watches me for a reaction.
I purse my lips and stare back before breaking, "Okay. I forgive you."
Carolina smiles and then starts to frown, "Oh yeah. I have something to tell you. And it's actually about Griffyn."
I raise an eyebrow as she catches my attention. "What is it?"
"Well... rumor has it that he's been looking for you since second block. And he looks pissed." Carolina spouts as if this is the world's greatest gossip.
My heart decides to start having another heart attack as I realize why he's most likely looking (quite angrily, might I add) for me. He's found out that I ruined his chance with Melody.
"Thanks for the warning. Where is he?"
Carolina points to the cafeteria, "I think he's in the cafeteria. Do you want me to head in and get him?"
I shake my head a little too aggressively. "No, thank you. I think I'm just going to speedily walk away from the cafeteria, in the opposite direction of Griffyn."
Carolina gives me a weird look before shrugging, "Okay, whatever. Just meet me at my locker at the end of the day if you want a ride home, K?" I nod instead of verbally replying and she walks off.
I glance at the cafeteria, which is a mistake because my eyes connect with a familiar pair of grey eyes. The grey eyes are usually filled with warmth and crinkled at the edges because of his ever-present smile, but as they meet mine, the look as cold and hard as stone.
I flee the hallway and rush around the corner and into the girl's bathroom. And you'd think that going to the girl's bathroom is smart, because guys can't follow you in. But since everyone thinks that, of course that's the first place Griff looks.
He storms in and spots me at the sink almost instantly, "Seriously? You didn't think that the sign marking this as the women's restroom would stop me, did you?"
I shrug, "Obviously not, apparently. Though, now I'm starting to question your masculinity."
Griffyn glares at me and steps closer. "Do you really think it's a good idea to insult me now when you're in the wrong?"
"I don't know what you mean." I say and practically face palm. Of course I know what he's talking about and he knows that I know what he's talking about. This just makes me look guilty. Well, I'm already feeling extremely guilty, so I guess it can't be much worse.
"Bullshit!" Griff snaps, throwing his arms up. "You know exactly what you did, but if I have to spell it out for you, I will."
I nod, feeling defensively sarcastic for some reason. I never took getting yelled at well. "Good. I think you should spell it out for me. After all, I never did make it into the spelling bee throughout elementary school."
Griff sighs frustratingly and pulls at his hair. His face is red with both anger and frustration. "You... You lied to me. About Melody. You deleted her message and just lied straight to my face about it."
I flinch and pull a face that I'm sure does not look attractive. He doesn't seem to notice. He just glares at me, waiting for a response. "I may have done that, but I'm not sure."
Griffyn huffs, "Stop being a smartass and just talk to me. Why'd you do it?"
I frown and sigh softly, abandoning my charade. I lean against the sink, defeated. "I didn't mean to. I don't even know why I did it. It was late and I must not have been watching what buttons I was pushing."
Griff's eyebrows furrow as he looks at me. "Okay, but that doesn't explain why you lied to me."
"I shouldn't need to explain that Griff. It's obvious. I was guilty and didn't want to tell you that I deleted her message! You'd be looking at me like you are now and I didn't want that!" I argue, feeling my face heating up.
Griffyn's jaw ticks. "Just because you're guilty does not give you a right to lie right to my face as if you've done nothing wrong."
I stare at him wide eyed, not following. Why is he arguing with me about lying to him instead of arguing about the reason why I lied to him? "I'm sorry, okay? What's the big deal about lying to you about it? You were going to find out anyway."
Griffyn stalks up to me until we are a few feet away, breathing heavily. His eyes are unusually shiny. "Because I trust you! I trust you and you lie to me! You looked into my eyes and just lied. God, I get that enough from my father. I don't need you to lie to me too! It fucking hurts."
His words silence me. Comparing me to his father was something that stung. His father lied to him and his family about everything a few years ago when he had an affair with another woman. Even though the family had obviously worked things out, Griff still can't trust his father the same. It's yet another reason why he escapes to my house all the time. He can't stand seeing his father and mother together as if nothing happened.
"Griff, I'm sorry." I reach out to him, but he pulls out of my grasp and lets out a disapproving grunt. My heart lurches and my lower lip starts to tremble. Another thing I don't take well is rejection. Especially from someone I'm close to.
He head for the door and opens it. But before he leaves, he looks at me and says, "By the way, that dress is way too short."
He leaves me standing there in the bathroom, feeling more guilty than ever.
Park catches me at my locker after school ends. "Hey, what's going on with you and my brother? You look like you're... fighting. I was beginning to think that you two were inhuman because you never fought. Guess I was wrong."
I bite my lip, feeling my eyes burn. I knew he was just my friend and that we'd come back from this in a few days or so, but it still felt like a breakup. "It's complicated, Park. I don't want to talk about it."
Park sent a downcast look at the floor. She's obviously offended by the way I just shrugged her off. I sigh and put a hand on her shoulder. I lie, "Park, you know I'd tell you if it were anything important. It's actually pretty stupid."
Park attempts a weak smile and walks off without a response. I sigh, rubbing my temples as a headache starts to form. In the span of a day, I'd managed to upset two friends and make up with another whom I was fighting with already. Over all, today sucks ass.
By the time I make it to Carolina's locker, Alesha and Penelope have already shown up. The three girls are in a somewhat heated conversation that I try to listen in on. Though, as soon as Carolina spots me, she whispers something and they immediately stop the conversation.
I send them a wary glance as I approach. "Who died?"
Penelope usually smiling expression turns slack-jawed. "Oh my gosh! Someone died?"
"No, you idiot," Carolina snaps, rolling her eyes. "No one died. It's just an expression." This seems to calm Penelope enough and her smile returns. Carolina turns to me, "We have news for you."
I glance from Carolina to Alesha who stands to her right with a curious expression fixed on her face. "Okay..." When Carolina narrows her eyes at me because of my reluctance to hear what she has to say, I elaborate, "Well, forgive me if I'm hesitant to hear your news after how it ended for me last time."
Carolina's face softens as she remembers the lunch predicament from earlier. "Right, then forgive me when I say that this has to do with Griffyn too."
I groan and tilt my head back. It all comes back to him, doesn't it? "Okay, well can you at least tell me on our way out to your car? The school is emptying quickly."
Carolina looks around before nodding. We are well out of the school before she speaks up. "Okay, well I heard from Penelope who heard from Ely who heard from Jonah who heard from a distance source who heard from Julia, a girl who's usually in student council, that Griffyn and Melody are going out on a date."
Although I get lost on who heard what from who, I can completely understand the last part of her sentence. Griffyn and Melody are going out on a date. "Why should I care?"
Carolina glances behind me at Alesha and Penelope with an unsure glance. "Well, he is your best friend isn't he?" I nod, but don't say anything more. Apparently, she was expecting me to say something because when I don't, she huffs, impatient. "Okay, we were just telling you because, well, you two are unusually close for two friends of different genders."
"Okay? But what does that have to do anything?" I question, looking from Carolina to Alesha to Penelope, then back at Carolina. We stop at Carolina's car, but no one starts to get in.
"Well," Carolina starts in a "duh" tone, raising her eyebrows at me from across the hood of the car. "Where do you think that the phrase, "friends with benefits" came from?"
I frown at her, not understanding. It's not until Penelope snickers that I understand what Carolina's trying to say. "What? Oh, God no! Ew! I don't even think about him like that!" I shudder which seems to make Carolina frown at me. "Ew. I'd rather be friends with benefits with Jonah than with him! And that's saying something, considering how Jonah has a major case of Geektude and not to mention, braces! Not good for kissing, lemme tell you."
I slip in the car, not even wanting to stay to see their facial expressions. I shudder again, thinking of what they implied. Is that just how everyone sees us? Two friends who are more friends?
Carolina and the girls slip into the car with no fixed expressions and we start the drive. Even though we all know the conversation is over, I get the feeling that everyone is still thinking about it. Even me.
Though, while they may be thinking about how they got it wrong, I'm thinking about my response: I'd rather be friends with benefits with Jonah than him.
And I'm thinking that that is, in no way, the truth.
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