He finished his sentence.
"Please let me kiss you."
_____
I looked into his eye and saw a longing, desperate gleam.
"Okay." I whispered breathlessly. My heart beat quickly, but also gently, and excitedly. My mind was blank from all thought except for those focused on Kylo Ren.
His fingertips trailed from behind my ear, down my jawline, and to the bottom of my chin. "Lean in," He commanded, almost inaudibly. I gently scooched myself towards him and closed my eyes.
His fingers guided me towards him. I could gage how close I was to him because I began to feel his hot, sweet-smelling, shaky breath gliding over my skin. Then his soft lips gently latched onto mine, and oh, it was the most wonderful feeling I'd ever experienced.
Having to worry if the one living person you cared about still existed was horrendous, and the relief of being able to touch them, to kiss them, was almost overwhelming. A sudden bubble of joy swelled in my chest and threatened to burst, but I pushed it downwards and continued our precious kiss that had been waiting much too long to occur.
For a moment it was his lips on mine and my lips on his and that was all that mattered. Passionate electricity and warm affection was exchanged from our lips and swirled in my body. My entire being was pure bliss.
He pulled away and I froze in confusion before allowing my eyes to slowly open and look at him in confusion.
"Nira . . . You care for me?" He questioned at the quietest volume, his eye flickering from one of mine to the other.
"Yes." I answered confidently without a moment's hesitation, and I didn't lie. It wasn't a lie. It was the complete truth.
I cared for Kylo Ren. I had completely forgiven him, fully accepted his violent flaws, acknowledged that he had actually done a lot for me on The First Order, and come to the realization that I did truly care about him.
Immediately following my response, Kylo Ren moved his fingers that were under my chin to softly grasp my upper arm and pull me close. A whirl of affectionate explosions blew forth in my mind at the connection of our lips.
As we kissed, his thumb stroked my arm. His lips moved perfectly around mine, forming intricate, loving patterns. We didn't love each other yet, but part of me wanted that wondrous fantasy to become reality. It was distant want, and I temporarily ignored it.
Kylo Ren then took my lower lip between his teeth and dragged it back towards him -- it took me a moment to realize that he was biting my lip -- and chills were sent frenzying through my body.
I was a sensual fire and Kylo Ren was the spark.
He then resumed kissing me, and he snaked his hand between my torso and arm so it was resting on my mid-back. He then pulled me towards him so the fronts of our bodies were touching, and I could feel his carved muscles on my chest.
His pectoral muscles were so prominent and abundant. I could literally feel six squares that were abdominal muscles on his torso and I lightly pulled my hand up and down his torso, trying to be cautious and aware of his injuries as I did so.
His lips were interlocked with mine and it felt oh so good. I wanted more. I needed more.
His hand pressed into my back further, which pushed my body against his harder. I brought my hand under his arm so I could also touch his back, which was full of muscle as well.
Kylo Ren'a athletic physique never failed to impress me.
He slightly flinched at my touch because of the cold metal that made up my hand. I reacted by immediately pulling my hand off of him, but he pressed his back right back into my artificial palm. I then resumed touching him, satisfied that he had chosen to ensure a slight chill rather than not have me touch him at all.
I was amazed that I could truly feel things with my new hand. I could tell what his skin felt like even though I was partly made of metal. The First Order had done an excellent job with my new 'part'.
Kylo Ren's actions became more rough. He gripped my back tighter and wrapped one of my legs between one of his. Kylo Ren's kissing became more aggressive and he bit my lip, but hard. I winced with pain and he suddenly brought his hand away from my back and to my chest. He pushed me away from him.
I stared at him with frowning eyebrows, open lips, confusion, and hurt.
Why did he push me away?, I thought with worry.
He rolled onto his back and flopped his head onto the pillow, panting heavily. "I'm sorry," He began, shaking his head, "I was losing control."
I nodded and nervously swallowed. "Sorry." I apologized, and I still don't really know why I did apologize to him.
"It's not your fault." He bitterly reassured me. Kylo Ren sighed, and asked himself, "Why must I ruin all things? That was perfect -- better than anything. I couldn't control myself for another minute?" He exclaimed, now sounding angry.
I realized that I needed to act immediately or this could potentially become a dangerous situation. "No, no, it's okay, Kylo Ren! I don't mind at all. It was very nice." I propped myself onto my elbow and searched his face for any signs of anger, but to my relief, all signs of fury were diminishing quickly.
He sighed again. After a few moments he quietly stated, "I really enjoyed that."
I didn't reply because I was unsure how to. I felt a satisfied feeling in me; Kylo Ren had enjoyed kissing me. He enjoyed touching me. Those thoughts made me feel warm inside.
I suddenly felt an oncoming, unstoppable tidal wave of regret. For several moments I suffered severe anguish because of the way I had repeatedly repudiated Kylo Ren over the span of time that I'd known him. I'd kissed him and then taken back my affectionate actions. I hadn't trusted him as I should've. I defied him. I ran away from him on Beyzuno. I had not accepted The First Order.
But then, I thought, arguing with myself, but then again, you had no reason to trust Kylo Ren at first. You had several reasons to not immediately join in alliance with The First Order. The First Order and Kylo Ren had about as much of the right to treat you horribly as you had the right to treat them as you did. You are fine. You have done nothing wrong, Nira.
I quickly dismissed all regret; the past was the past. Right now, Kylo Ren and I both obviously wanted, cherished, and liked each other -- that was all that mattered.
He likes me.
That thought sent giddy happiness rushing throughout my body and I resisted the urge to smile as I looked down at his face. His visible eye was shut, but with what -- exhaustion? disappointment? relief? I had no clue.
His panting slowed to a normal breathing pattern and he opened his eye, then turned his head to look at me.
He reached his hand up to my face and steadily trailed his fingertips down the side of my head. The sensation of him running his fingertips across my skin was beautiful and comforting.
"Nira, I need to tell you something."
Immediately my curiosity was ignited. I leaned an inch towards him and eagerly questioned, "What is it, Kylo Ren?"
He looked at me solemnly for a few moments before beginning.
"It's another thing that I noticed about you back on Tunstead besides your powers. It's affected me strongly ever since I've known you and it always surrounds me when I'm around you. It's why I can barely control myself when we . . . When we conduct intimate actions." He admitted. Kylo Ren was not ashamed at all to be expressing to me this private-sounding information.
I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"It's actually quite difficult to explain. I want you to know that any words I say understate the true essence of what I experience whenever I'm around you. I am completely unable to express to you what it actually feels like."
"Well, what is it?" I rushed, my anticipation at its peak. I was getting anxious for him to tell me.
"It's almost as if -- " Kylo Ren paused and bit his lip in frustration, "It's as if whenever I'm around you I'm suddenly ten degrees warmer: when I touch you, it's another ten degrees warmer. It's not an aggravating burn. It's an elating sensation that is completely addicting and overwhelming. It brings me to unknown bliss and ecstasies, Nira. I can't describe the perfection of the sensation you bring onto me. Even when I'm merely watching a videotape of you I can distantly feel it. I don't know what it is about you, Nira Leven, that has a powerful being such as myself feeling weak and uncontrolled, but somehow you do."
I tried to absorb the astonishing information he had just relayed to me. It was hard to mentally process. I couldn't bring myself to believe that I could have such a strong effect on anyone, much less hold such a strong effect over Kylo Ren.
"Are you sure?" I asked suspiciously, thinking that he could've possibly made all of that up just to win my affection over further.
He nodded confidently, but a shred of disbelief was still present in me. "It's so bizarre, isn't it? You have such an overpowering effect on me. Me! Kylo Ren!" He paused, shook his head, scoffed, and said, "Nira, you are exceptionally astounding."
"You've never felt this . . . This sensation for anyone else?" I interrogated -- I was still positive that I was not as compelling and phenomenal as Kylo Ren claimed.
He shook his head. "I have never experienced anything that is even remotely comparable to the rapturous bliss you give me just by being present in the same room as me."
I decided to believe Kylo Ren. Then I thought hard for a few more moments before coming to a dreadful assumption.
"Is that the only reason you like me?! For some otherworldly sensation?!" I exclaimed with horror, my eyes suddenly wide and my heart beating with fear. I suddenly felt deeply sick to my stomach.
He probably doesn't like you for your personality! He probably doesn't even think you're beautiful!, I mentally belittled myself.
Kylo Ren scoffed and, with a grimace and a grunt, pushed himself up into sitting position. I tilted my head to look up at him with a horrified expression, still convinced that this sensation was the only reason why Kylo Ren felt any affection towards me.
"You are ridiculous, Nira. Of course that is not the only reason I enjoy being around you. You have an enticing personality and you are stunning to look at. The warmth you subconsciously give me is completely an added advantage of having you around." He explained, reaching out to touch my face. I allowed him to, and he stroked my lower lip.
Several minutes passed of us in silence, simply existing with each other. The silence was not awkward. It was comforting and beautiful.
"Kylo Ren?" I finally piped up. I looked up to him to see that he was looking back at me expectantly.
"I thought you were dead," My voice began to quiver. I took a moment to clear my throat and focus on not crying. When my strength was renewed, I tried again, "I thought you were dead and I thought wasn't finished getting to know you."
He frowned slightly with bewilderment. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that I want to know who you are. You live a threatening life, all the time, and I want to know who you are before something worse happens than the Knights of Ren. I want to . . ." I took a deep breath, glanced away from him, and then back into his visible eye, "I want to know your past, but from your perspective."
For a moment, Kylo Ren merely blankly stared at me; then the stare hardened into a cold glare.
"I don't particularly enjoy when people bring up my past, Nira." He stated emotionlessly.
I was surprised and hurt by his rejection; I had merely asked a question. I hadn't been bothersome or begged to know about the history of Kylo Ren. I had merely suggested that he told me about himself and explained my desire to know.
"Sorry," I muttered, looking away from his face. I was so disappointed that we had ascended to such a beautifully caring atmosphere only to drop down to the disappointing bitter hell of Kylo Ren privately reminiscing his cruel life and me not knowing how to distract him from the dark memories. To top that off, our free fall to the melancholic and angry silence had been my entirely fault.
Needless to say, he didn't reply.
Eventually I turned over to face the other way. I heard him climb out of bed and hobble off. The lights dimmed and he returned to the covers.
I was sad that our perfect night had ended so sourly. Just after realizing the incredible potential of our relationship, I had messed it up by bringing up the infamous topic of his past. I bitterly regretted doing so but I knew there was no going back, nothing I could do; I knew Kylo Ren would be too angry and irritated to speak for the rest of the night. Perhaps not angry and irritated with me, but at the thought of his history. I didn't wish to bother him further.
Part of me didn't blame him for his annoyed silence -- if I had suffered a past like his, I wouldn't like being reminded of it, either.
I was nearly asleep (again) when I heard his voice emerge from the darkness.
"Maybe someday far from now, Nira," He softly whispered, "But no time soon."
_____
Author's Note
Hopefully you guys liked this chapter! I know I did! I think it really helped develop Nylo and their relationship!
Question: Will you guys PM some of your favorite fandoms so I can make a decision on what to write after this (if there's no sequel and I get Nylo's entire story out on paper in one book?)?
Thanks! See you :)