ROWTAG
In the beginning, Huritt thought going camping was a crazy idea, but now is all enthusiastic. He made lists and packed the food as he didn't trust anyone on doing it properly. During a recent night at Olivia's, I shared with her my concern about finding the right moment to speak with my brothers about the family situation. I felt that unless they all know the secret I've been keeping and get to ask questions, I won't feel at peace to enjoy my relationship. Olivia and I brainstormed on possible scenarios and going camping seemed the best option; away from the ranch and a reminder of something we loved doing.
Back at Broken Arrow, we would set up our tents in the middle of the woods and sometimes we would pull our sleeping bags under the stars when the sky was clear. We would fight over who was pulling the blankets on a cold night and sometimes over who ate the last of Grandma's cookies, but most of the time enjoyed ourselves and had good laughs. It strengthened our bond.
"Are you nervous? I am for sure," Istu says while riding next to me.
Kitchi and Huritt are way ahead of us and can't hear our conversation so I confess how I'm feeling to my brother.
"I am. I don't know how Huritt will react to the news. That's why I wanted to be away from the ranch. Whatever has to be said will be said until all is clear," I say and Istu nods.
"I have missed this. I take Clark for a ride in the paddock, but that's all the time I have. I love my job, but nothing beats being outside."
"I agree. Lately, I'm eating at my desk or late at home. Only when I stay at Olivia's house, I can enjoy a meal calmly. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight without feeling rushed. Huritt packed food for a week."
Istu chuckles, then his face turns serious. "Rowtag, I went to see Josh."
"How did that go?" I don't want to sound like I'm prying, but I'm interested.
"It went better than I thought possible. He forgave me for how I treated him."
"I bet you feel relieved."
"I do. I also told him I have feelings for him, and he has them for me as well," he eyes my reaction.
"I'm happy you have found a man who loves you. Even if it was a shaky start," I say and Istu's worried face changes into one full of happiness.
"Mom will probably disown me when she finds out I'm bisexual, but to be honest I couldn't care less. These past months have opened my eyes to the real her."
I reserve my opinion on Karen for another time and focus on him. "Are you and Josh in a relationship?"
"Not really. The feelings are out and we talked briefly about his plans. He wants to start a microbrewery in the valley and went to check lots. The financing is done, so he's serious about settling here. Once everything is finalized and he moves here, we can see where everything takes us."
I pat his arm. "I have no doubts it will all work out."
We eventually arrive at a place Kit discovered shortly after we moved to the ranch grounds; a flat sandbank along the river that's large enough to fit two tents and tie the horses to the nearby trees. The weather prediction looked positive with clear skies and a fresh breeze.
"Are you sure this place is safe? If a current comes, we'll be washed away," Huritt looks around with a doubtful expression.
"Of course, it's safe. You know we haven't had rain in weeks. What are you really afraid of?" Kitchi says while unrolling a sleeping bag.
"I don't know. Big animals, whatever..."
"Don't be an idiot. Those four are the largest animals here," Kit points at the horses. "Unless you are afraid of a few fireflies."
Huritt grumbles curses under his breath, making me smirk. We set up the tents, luckily without ripping each other's heads and start a fire.
"It sure is nice out here. I feel as if we are in the womb of mother nature," Istu says while looking up at the canopy of trees. The sun filtering through the branches bathes what it touches in a soft golden glow.
"Even though we live together, I have missed moments like these, just us four, with no distractions," Huritt says.
Istu gives me a small nod, and I take it as my signal to talk.
"Huritt, I don't know if this is the right moment, but I swear that no moment seems right for this," Huritt looks at me with suspicion. "Since the day of our accident, besides Karen blaming me for what happened, she also told me crudely that she wasn't our mother and I'm not Dad's son. I was used by then to receive less affection from her than what she gave to you all and that's why."
Huritt stares at me with mouth open and wide eyes. I can see it in his face that his mind is busy processing the news.
"She told me not to call her Mom again..."
"You share the same father as Istu and Kitchi, and we share the same mother."
"No! You are lying!" Huritt stands up and next thing I know I'm falling backwards from a punch in the face.
"Hayden! Come back here!" Istu yells angrily as Huritt walks away.
"Let me fix this," Kitchi goes after him while I'm left checking my painful nose for blood.
"Are you okay?" Istu inspects my face. "He got you good between your nose and your cheek."
"I was afraid that this could happen," I stand up and search for the first aid kit, not that anything in there can help me right now.
"Oh, fuck!" Istu says and runs toward Huritt and Kitchi who are rolling on the sand in a fight.
"STOP IT!" I yell as I reach them and take Kit off of him while Istu holds Huritt.
"Let me go, Row! I will teach him not to be an asshole," Kit tries to get out of my hold and I struggle. If he gets loose, he will knock Huritt down.
Huritt breathes fast, his face and clothes filthy from the wet sand while his mouth bleeds.
"Huritt, you need to understand that Mom is the one who has been sowing lies," Istu says. "Rowtag didn't keep this secret to hurt us, but to protect us from her."
"Where's my real mother then?" Huritt's lip trembles as he demands.
"She died soon after you were born. I don't know the details."
Huritt knees buckle as he cries and Kitchi stops trying to take a go at him. We huddle and try to comfort him.
"It doesn't change anything, we are still brothers," Istu whispers. "No matter what she says or does, that will never break our bond. Even as children, we always found ways to come together."
"And to think that this is all her fault," Kitchi sits on the sand and throws pebbles at the river.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"It was Mom's golf cart. The one we crashed."
"How do you know that?" Istu asks.
"I heard Mom and Grandma arguing when they thought I was sleeping. When Grandma confronted her with that information, Mom didn't deny it, only left. She wasn't careful enough to remove the key or lock the storage. It was only logical for us to want to use it, we didn't have many toys then. She has blamed you since the accident happened because that's probably easier than living with the guilt."
I'm shocked by Kitchi's words. This hurts more than Huritt's fist.
"She humiliated me in front of the staff and guests, told me I should be the one dead at the hospital right before Grandpa walked in. Her rejection fucked me up badly when all this time she was trying to cover her ass..."
Kitchi places his arm around my shoulders and sighs. "I know she's my mother, but God, she is a bitch. She did a splendid job of ruining our lives."
"I won't let her ruin my life anymore," I say. "I owe nothing to her. My real mother is waiting for us at the ranch. I have an incredible girlfriend and a little boy who I love as if I was his real father. I also have you all; I don't need anything from her. I'm not justifying dad cheating on her, but he was probably looking for some affection."
"I'm sorry I punched you," Huritt says to me.
"I'm sorry I kept this secret, and hope you understand my reasons."
"I'm not sorry I punched Huritt," Kitchi shrugs.
"I can take you anytime. You caught me off guard," Huritt says.
"No, you can't," Istu intervenes. "Chris might take Kitchi down, but my money would still be on my bro."
The small quarrel makes me chuckle. The calm river brings me a sense of peace as my eyes move to the trees at the other bank where the figure of the gray wolf appears.
"Row, are you okay?" Kitchi asks. "You look as if you saw a-" He follows my gaze. "Oh..."
"Do you see it?" I scoot a few inches backwards, without taking my eyes off of it. The animal sits on the ground and watches us.
"We all see it, Rowtag," Istu says. "We all have seen it before, including Nadine and Chris."
"And Grandma," Huritt adds.
"Grandma knows about it? But she has been staying at the ranch for a very short time," I look at my brothers, who aren't freaking out like me.
"He came to her in dreams to tell her we needed help," Huritt says.
"The wolf came to Grandma in a dream? Why?"
"Probably because it's Grandpa. He still watches over us," Kitchi smiles at it.
"Did I fall and I'm in a coma or something?" I look at each of my brothers.
Huritt reaches the back of his jeans and pulls something out of his wallet. The picture he hands me is from Grandpa, long gray hair loose, one of the rare moments it wasn't in a braid. Hanging from his neck, tied to a piece of leather, is a broken arrowhead.
"Broken Arrow, the old farm..."
"And the mark on its fur. He's still around to protect us, to let us know everything will be all right," Istu says.
The wolf vanishes before our eyes. Growing up at the farm with our grandfather, I learned about folklore and legends; seems we are living in our own.