“When love is real, it defies all reason. When love is true, it ignores all pain. When love is great, it waits, it persists and it lingers forever.”
Number Seventeen
What the hell just came out of his mouth?
“I – I’m…” Arashi whispered, his insides shriveling at the horror of what he said. Glancing at the rearview mirror, he saw her biting her lips, eyes wide with unshed tears. He scrambled for words, panicking, “Sorry. I’m so sorry, Dee. I didn’t mean it. I’m not mad at you. Don’t cry, please?”
She was trying hard for his benefit, but it was obvious that it was a losing battle. Her face was like an open book; all he could see was raw pain. She looked away from him, hiding her face from his view.
Abcidee hated him now, and he deserved it.
He winced, regretting his angry outburst. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way. It was not her fault. Nothing here was her fault. He wanted to reach out to her, but something told him that touching her would be a bad, bad idea.
This was not how he envisioned their reunion. He imagined her running into his arms, kissing the daylights out of him, smiling that pretty smiles of hers. She should be happy and relieved because she was safe with him, because they were going back to her father.
He tried to control the rage of emotions inside him. Usually, he had no trouble keeping them in check. But for the past several days, things hadn’t been pleasant and his nerves were seriously frayed. His girlfriend was reported dead; how does he react to that? He barely scraped a couple of hours’ sleep every day. He refused to eat anything more than a bite of crackers because food always reminded him of her cooking. Master Kreuz seemed to be dealing better than him – he was already back on his feet and out ordering and arranging the units against the Light. At least the Master had a distraction. Arashi couldn’t even cope.
He didn’t have the Master’s strength or Ivan’s resilience. He was literally lost, finding it hard to imagine a world without Abcidee in it. He blamed himself for not being good enough a bodyguard. All his life, he had been assigned to kill someone. He wasn’t used to keeping anyone alive aside from himself. Twice he attempted, yet he fucked up both.
A failure, that’s what he is.
Ivan had to kick his ass out of the HQ and drag him to do fieldwork to stop what the older man deemed an ‘extremely destructive behavior’. He was right though; Arashi was about to self-detonate in self-loathing.
Then, when he had just come around the terms of her death, when he had finally accepted that he would have to avenge her, he received a call from Rael Ruiz – a call saying that Abcidee was alive and she needed his help.
And then, he explained what exactly happened.
Arashi was scared. No, he was terrified. Knowing that Krad was back in the picture, he couldn’t help but feel the need to whisk her off to an isolated island, just the two of them. Abcidee might not remember who Krad is, but once she heard their past, she would surely dump him for sure.
Krad was her best friend. He was her protector. He was her first love. He was the man she threw her life away for. He had known her since they were children. He could offer her the stories that she craved so much. As much as it hurt him to admit, Krad was what she needed.
But for now, she was his. As long as she wanted him, he would be at her beck and call. Maybe, just maybe, he would have a fighting chance. No matter what happened, he would fight for a stake in her heart.
Just as they reached an empty lot an hour’s drive away, he parked the car in one clean move and climbed out as if the seat was on fire. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Ivan’s number.
“Hey, my black prince, how’s the scouting doing?” the Russian said in between bites of something. Arashi’s stomach rumbled in protest. He hadn’t had breakfast yet.
“I found Richard Underwood.”
“Wow. Richard Underwood.” Ivan sounded genuinely shocked.
“Tell the Chicago team. He’s asleep in a cab. Three hours tops.” He told him the exact coordinates of the place as well as the description of the cab. As he spoke, his eyes flicked to Abcidee’s world-weary face. His heart was crushed at the sight. He needed to do something about it, quick.
“How did you come across a big fish?”
“Later,” was all he said before hanging up. He knew that once he got back, Ivan would yell at him for rudely dropping the call. He mentally groaned.
He opened her door. “Can we talk?”
When she glanced up at him, he fought the urge to kneel and beg her again to forgive him. “Do I have a choice?”
By the tone of her voice, she sounded like she wouldn’t even bat an eyelash even if he did kneel. Had he lost her already? He hoped not. He would really consider groveling at her feet if that’s what it would take for him to keep her.
“You always have a choice, Dee.”
She shook her head. She clearly knew something about the past, at least a bit of it. Whoever told her was already blacklisted in Arashi’s book. If it was the young Underwood, he would throttle him this very moment.
“I never had a say,” she spoke quietly. “All these years, someone had always decided for me. I never had a choice. Never had control over my life.”
“Don’t say that.” His eyes flicked towards the blonde in the front seat, and let out a loud sigh. “Let’s talk. Just us. How do pancakes sound to you?”
She glanced at the blonde. “I don’t want to go anywhere. We can talk here. Richard is asleep; he won’t hear us.”
He didn’t want the boy anywhere near her. He sneered at that. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your call, Dee.”
“You’re leaving him here alone?”
“Bases will come get him.”
“Bases?”
“Our minions.” He offered her a weak smile and a hand. “I need food if you want to hear me talking.”
Finally, she conceded but she refused to take his hand. She wouldn’t even let him touch her, so he took the effort to place some distance between them. They walked towards a little diner that was a bit too noisy for Arashi’s taste, but as soon as the smell of bacon and eggs and pancakes hit him, his mouth watered.
“What do you want?” he asked when a waitress came to take their order.
“Hot chocolate,” Abcidee smiled at the girl.
His brows furrowed. “Don’t you want anything solid?”
“I just ate.”
He nodded and ordered a breakfast meal enough to feed three people. Instead of leaving to ring the order, the waitress stayed longer than necessary and tried to get his attention. However, her shameless flirting fell on deaf ears. He did hear her walk away while saying, ‘bastard’, but he didn’t give a damn. Only one opinion mattered, and it belonged to the woman sitting in front of him.
He suddenly got nervous when the waitress left. With those green eyes trained at him, he found it hard to swallow.
He fiddled with his hands. “Sorry about earlier in the cab.” When it was clear that she’s not going to say anything, his breathing spiked up. “I was tracking your movements, and that blonde was all over you.” Thinking about it made him anxious. “I thought you are dead.”
It was Krad’s attempt to save her, and deep down, he knew it was a great plan. Didn’t change the fact that the thought of losing her nearly drove him insane.
“I know,” she stated crisply.
His head snapped up. “You do?”
“Richard told me.”
Why would he? It was a puzzle that would leave him restless until it’s solved. “So you know about Creed and Light?”
“Yes.”
He took one deep breath as he stared at her beautiful eyes, willing them to understand and to judge not too quickly. “We did it to protect you, Dee. You have always wanted a simple life, and Creed can’t offer you that. When you woke up with amnesia, your dad thought it was his best chance to be normal with you. He quitted Creed and took you to Colorado."
"And then you told me false stories about my past."
He glared at his food.
"I guess I understand that part."
"Thank you," he murmured. He caught a glimpse of her expression, and he felt paralyzed.
"But why did you stay in Creed?"
She was talking about the two years time lag. He decided to continue working for Creed for a couple of years after she woke up. To her eyes, it must have been a foolish choice.
"Everything went downhill for Creed," he explained carefully, "You and the Master are gone. Denna – that’s Tyra – asked to be a sleeper agent assigned as your personal bodyguard. Ivan and… well, Ivan left a few months earlier, and Rael went back to the Philippines a week after you woke up. With most of the top agents gone, Creed won’t survive. I had to stay for a while and train the new Equations."
”Do you enjoy killing, Arashi?”
“I don’t,” how can she even say that? “You probably don’t understand, but it’s all I’ve ever known. Since I was a kid, I was subjected to torture and crime. It was Creed that gave me an out from that horrible life. Creed took care of me. Creed taught me. Creed is my family, and I take care of what is mine.”
“Even if it’s to kill?”
“Someone has to do it. We clean the world of filth and it helps others, but that doesn’t mean that I like what I do. It feels like every time someone dies, he takes a part of me away with him. But I had to do it. It’s my job.”
“I was part of that world, once.” It was not a question, but he nodded, pretending indifference when in fact his heartbeats got louder and faster. His hands were clammy with dread. “Do I do it for the same reasons?”
Their orders came, giving them both a chance to take a breath. As soon as the waitress left, he changed the subject, “Tell me, Dee. What happened after the Light took you in the SUV?”
Abcidee took a sip of her hot choco before narrowing her eyes at him. “I thought I get to ask.”
Fine. He quickly forked a sausage and waited.
“You never answered my question.”
He shrugged, feigning ignorance. “I’m not you. I’m not privy to your reasons.”
He felt a little guilty knowing that he lied to her.
“How’s daddy?”
“He doesn’t know you’re alive yet,” he answered hesitantly. He looked away. “Do you know… about him?”
“Leader of Creed.” She let out a sigh of relief. “Can I call him?”
“We can’t, Dee. A lot of spies infiltrated the organization. I can’t take the risk.” He shook his head. “Your safety relies on the fact that everyone believes you’re dead. If news comes out, people will hunt you.”
“Me? Hunted?”
“Because of your Gift.”
“Gift?”
He blinked. “Your special ability.”
“You mean this?” She touched the table napkin, and the white paper vanished as if it was erased. No evidence of its existence remained.
“Yes. Yours is called Subtractive Gift. Your father’s is Additive.”
She gaped. “You know I could do this? I only discovered what I can do a little over two months ago. By accident.”
Guilt washed over him. Her Gift was probably the most astounding thing he had ever witnessed in his life. She wasn’t even aware of what she had. “It’s a latent power you have since birth. People like us are called Rare because of our Gifts. That’s how we met. You, me, your father, Ivan, even Richard, we are all Gifted.”
“I don’t think this is a Gift.”
He smiled. “Yes, you did. You used your power to protect people. You were proud of what you are.”
“Didn’t I hate being in Creed? I… I killed people, didn’t I?”
“You hated it, but you stayed there by choice.” He clamped his mouth shut before he could let the main reason slip. As far as he’s concerned, Krad was a taboo topic that he could easily dodge. “You found friends.”
Abcidee clutched her head as if she was having a headache. “This is complicated. I don’t know whose words I can trust. Your statements contradict each other.”
“Who contradicts who?”
She didn’t answer his question. “Can you do anything to make me regain my memories?”
He fisted his hands. “We tried. It’s impossible.”
Krad’s leaving had left her broken. He had meant it to give her a chance of a different future, but she took it the other way around. She thought that she was unwanted, that he was disgusted with her. She couldn’t forgive herself. She hated herself for being tainted by the monsters that took her. She blamed herself for not being good enough for Krad.
In her vulnerable and confused state, she tried to reset everything. She tried to erase him, erase her feelings, erase her identity, with her Subtractive Gift, nearly succeeding to kill herself.
She took the easy way out, plain and simple.
She ran away instead of facing her problems.
And now, they were all paying the price of her cowardice. Could he hate her? Could anyone?
“We’ll take it slow, okay?” He covered her trembling hands with his. He couldn’t hate her no matter what. “You’re not alone in this. We’ll figure this out together. If you’re bothered or confused, you know you can talk to me.”
Feigning exasperation, she rolled her eyes, biting back a smile. “You don’t tell me everything.”
“No one does,” he smirked, “even you.”
She playfully narrowed her eyes at him. They both knew they were talking about the Ivan Ilyinsky incident. “I’m a hypocrite, aren’t I?”
He grinned, saying nothing.
“Last question for the day.” He raised a brow, waiting. She smiled at him, eyes sparkling curiously. “What’s your Gift? Divisive? Algorithmic? Exponential?”
“Haven’t you realized?” he chuckled as he pulled her up, ready to sweep her away. His dark eyes made her a little breathless. She shook her head, dazed.
He loved it, loved the power he had over her.
He kissed the tip of her nose, trailed a burning touch of desire against her pale cheek. Pulling her closer, he peppered soft kisses down the curve of her throat.
“I suck at math, so I’m just a plain ol’ pyromaniac.”