Avery's tears just kept slipping from her eyes, just like heavy rain on a stormy night, She hasn't cried in a while but the memories burned at the back of her mind taking away all of her sanity. She clutched her legs to her chest next to her bed, her shirt was stained from the tears that kept cascading down her face like a waterfall taking it's natural course. No desire to stop them as the pain engulfed her completely . She shut her eyes feeling a flood of sorrow take over her at the thought of him. She couldn't sleep even if she tried too, the salty bitter rivulets rolled onto her full lips. For hours she sat there clutched unable to speak, her eyes glinted with sadness as she tried to fight the tears, to stop thinking about him, but that's all she could do everything reminded her of him. His scent, essence lived within the cradles of her broken heart. Feeling like her voice gave out from her, she screamed internally over and over again wishing it would wash away her feelings. She placed her shaking palm on her chest over her heart in an effort to steady the loud beating, the aching pain that was taking all of her. For all she gave, she got nothing but utter misery in return. She thought that she knew him, but boy was she wrong.
And it burnt slowly, painfully creating holes into the deepest parts of her soul, as she sheed tear after tear. Her eyes bloodshot red as she recalled everything. The memories swarmed over her, toying with her mind. Proving her yet again that all she knew about him was nothing but a big fat lie.
Staring at the phone on the table across, she placed her hands on the sides of her head to cover up her ears as the phone kept ringing a familiar tune. She didn't dare to answer although her heart whispered softly 'maybe he will have an explanation', the rational part of her didn't let her.
She forgot how many times he called and how much he had banged on her door earlier that day. His voice was raspy and desperate as he spoke earlier behind that door today "I'm sorry Avy, love please it's not what you saw just let me explain...I love you!"
She had kept her ears peeled to the door clenching her jaw tightly trying to steady her breathing but she never dared to open the door. Avery couldn't stand any more lies, feeling nothing but betrayal she had to quench the fire that burned her deeply, the part of her that wanted to confront him once and for all. Instead she stilled herself hoping he will leave, she needed time to trance out of the illusion after all that was all he was just an illusion in her mind.
The phone rang again snapping Avery from her thoughts. She picked it up in her palm this time staring at his screen name and the picture they took together. It's when it dawned on her, she was just a big fat lie. They were nothing but lie. It pained her to finally realise that she never meant anything to him if anything it seemed she was just a part of some twisted game he played over and over.
The events pondered in her head as she felt the oxygen get trapped into her lungs. How was she not able to see this till now. 'Was I blind? Did love make me blind?' The questions were loud and clear in her head, she repeated them so many times they were engraved into every part of her brain.
The home phone rang this time, Avery didn't bother to pick up either letting the voicemail answer Hey it's Avery I'm not home so leave me a message, she bit down on her lip to stop the sobbing as she remembered the time when she recorded that message her voice was so relaxed, happy. Shooting daggers at the machine as it made a beeping sound she heard a well known voice, his voice.
"Baby please, just talk to me give a chance to explain myself I'm so sorry." He spoke, his voice was desperate, apologetic and if she didn't know better she could've sworn that he cried. But she knew better than that Tom never cried not even in his darkest days. His words made her breath hitch and her stomach twist into a tight knot.
"Just please babe listen to me...let's talk please I know I messed up I know I haven't been around as I should have I fucked up badly, but it's not what you think it's not what you saw! Please just give me a chance to explain please Avy!" He said sighing heavily. Unshed tears glistened her eyes as she fought the urge to let them down, but they fell and it came like a flood smearing her mascara even more as if it wasn't smeared enough by now.
Pushing herself upwards she somehow managed to stand up, although her legs were still visibly shaking just as if an earthquake had shaken the ground beneath her feet. Closing her eyes shut to fight back the tears she placed her hands beneath her eyes wiping her tear stained cheeks . She didn't even have to open her eyes, her nostrils caught a whiff of his scent. Although Tom wasn't there it seemed like he was everywhere. She fluttered her eyelashes looking around her vision almost hooded, everywhere she looked she saw his stuff, their stuff.
On one of the shelves in her room there was the teddy bear he gave her it seemed to catch her eye right away before moving over to the shirt that lay on her chair. She crossed the room slowly reaching it, the cotton material of it seemed to slide easily under her fingers as she smothered the edges of it against the chair. Avery didn't need to pick it up to feel his scent evade her senses yet again. Her eyes down casted on her desk all the notes and cards he gave her were laid neatly there. In the corner of her eye she noticed the pictures of them, swallowing hard as she picked her favorite they were cuddled up on his couch eating ice cream with their dog curled up at their feet. It was very simple but perfect. She realized now that perfection doesn't last forever. She sighed heavily feeling her breath catch in her throat yet again she wished that everything could stay the same but feelings fade and people change.
Flipping the picture frame over so she would stop looking at it she glanced around the room one more time her gaze stopped at her bed. The nights they spent in it, passionate, loving the times where he put the world in her hands. What would she do to turn the time back around and go back to the moments where he whispered sweet nonsense in her ears. Avery could almost feel his hands pulling her towards him as their legs tangled in between, she could almost feel his lips crashing onto hers as the memories played like a never ending movie in her head.
She swore under her breath '-why are you doing this to yourself Avery?' the thought echoed loudly in her mind. Right than she knew she had to go out, the air in that room was almost tainted, suffocating her to the point where she felt like oxygen couldn't reach her lungs anymore. He laid her love on the ground and stomped on it hard, he crumbled their love, if only the feeling was ever mutual.
Standing out in front of the mirror she had, Avery stared at the crumbled version of herself. Her face visibly pale, she traced the bruised dark circles below her eyes with the tips of her fingers. Her shaky hand pushed out the hair out of her bloodshot hazel eyes that slowly variated into shades of green. "Pull yourself together." She whispered below her breath as she picked up some makeup to fix her face applying it lightly just a bit to hide her puffy eyes. She needed to get out of the house even for a bit.
"You can do this!" She said again a slight encouragement in her voice, even though she knew deep in her heart that nothing she could do would change this, because in the end nothing could hurt like him.
***
Tom stood under the dark sky leaned onto the window of his car, a storm raged into his blue eyes as he thought over and over of what happened. He fucked up, and he really fucked up bad this time. Running his fingers loosely though his blonde hair, he fought the tears that glistered into his almost silver eyes. A pang of guilt rushed through his body, heart and veins. He cursed himself over and over under his breath for the millionth time today for not listening when she spoke, for taking her for granted.
The thought of it ending like this felt like a thousand knives stabbing his heart over and over again till he had nothing more to lose. "If only..." he said as though a whisper wishing she didn't put her hands into this. But he couldn't change what already happened though he swore to try and fix it, even if it was the last thing he'd do.
His phone felt almost heavy in his hand as he dialed her number for what seemed the billionth time today. Listening to the phone ring was like an never ending torture, every inch of his soul filled up with hope that she will pick up, give him a chance to explain it all and bare his soul right in front of her.
His heart sunk low into his stomach as the answering machine played it's tune yet again. He forgot how many messages he left that day. Avery didn't reply and he couldn't quite blame her he'd probably react the same. The stinging sensation cradled in his heart as his mind restlessly looked for answers he couldn't even begin to understand how he could hurt someone as amazing as her.
Spending the entire day visiting all the places he thought she could be at but no result and although he could of sworn he heard her cries when he went to her apartment he couldn't place his finger down it, she didn't open the door no matter how much he pleaded and begged. This is the first time he felt his heart ache in a long time. His mind wouldn't wrap around his cluelessness. He was so unaware of his actions he let her slip right from his hands. How he could spend so much time away from her was an unraveled mystery to him because he loved her with all he had.
Tom pushed himself of his car lazily before pulling his phone in his pocket, a walk was what he needed because it felt like his mind would explode at any moment. He walked for a few minutes before stopping to the nearest pub, there it was the road of self destruction. He debated for a second before stepping inside, his senses awoke by the smell of alcohol and drunken men as fog formed into tiny clouds above every table. A stuffed laughter echoed the room – just like a suffocating chicken wrenched his ears as he made his way to the bar, pulling on the old wooden stool to sit down.
"What can I get you?" Asked a rather cheerful bartender his hazel eyes sparkled into the semi darkened, foggy room just like Avery's did. Tom had to close his eyes for a moment as her face appeared once again in his mind.
"Whiskey." He ended up saying coldly placing his head into his palm. The bartender gave him an amused grin ignoring the coldness in his voice "Coming right up!" He said as he threw some ice into the glass before pouring the liquor and passing it to Tom. Taking the drink in his hands, he downed it with no hesitation whatsoever, feeling the burning, bitter sensation the whiskey caused in his throat.
"What seems to be the problem with you mate? You look like you're going to a funeral!" the bartender spoke again quirking his eyebrow a little as he leaned onto the bar counter placing his hands evenly on its wooden surface.
"Pour me another one will ya?" Said Tom coldly yet again, a vacant expression in his stormy blue eyes as he fought back the tears clenching his jaw tight. His eyes glistened into the darkness of the room, shades of silver toying under the dimmed lights. Feeling a tear roll down his cheek, he knew that after that one there will be no stopping. Tom was never a person who cried much, at least till this day.
He scraped his fingers under the rustic wooden bar in frustration, everything inside him was shaken up he still couldn't grasp around the thought of what happened today. His lips twitched upwards in a small smile as the bartender placed the new shot in front of him. He downed it again within seconds, feeling it cascade down his throat burning it, it was a bitter pleasure on the path of destruction. "Keep them coming." He said feeling the alcohol numb his pain as he ordered one after the other till he lost count of how many drinks he had.
"What's wrong mate?" asked the bartender sympathetically casting a wary glance at him.
"I lost her." His voice came out raspy, as the tears slipped down his face at the mare thought of her. She was the only person who understood him, the only person who was always there for him, the only one who knew who what he wanted to be all his hopes and dreams. It was more than clear to him that he lost his everything.
The bartender who's name he learned was Drake was about to speak again but Tom cut him off before he could say anything placing his empty glass in front of Drake "Pour me another one!" He waved his hand over the glass.
"I think you've had enough mate, I'll call you a cab!" Said Drake , Tom shook his head making his blonde hair fall to his eyes to hasten Drake that he was fine, but he ignored him and still made the call. Muffing out all his surroundings Tom felt his voice weakening, his thoughts drifted back to what happened.