Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale, exhale. This is what I love to do, I had to remind myself. This was how I used to sit when I needed to clear my head - in a chair in front of a piano. Still, my head was full of thoughts. I had never been this nervous before in my life. Even if this wasn't the kind of piano I was used to - this was huge, shiny and white, not anything like my old one at home - I still felt like home. It doesn't matter if I'm dead nervous, as fast as my fingers move across those keys, every bad, scared and nervous thought in my head would disappear. I just had to answer the questions first. Don't sound nervous, don't sound nervous.
Just behind my back, a bit to the right, there were five chairs. Each of them occupied by a man or a woman in suit. They looked nice, but tired, as if they had been sitting there for too long. One of the women looked down at a few papers in front of her.
"So here we have..." She paused to read my name. "Isabelle Bower. Isabelle, you are nineteen years old, am I right?"
"Yes." I said, as I did my very best to control my voice.
"Tell me Isabelle, how long have you been playing the piano?"
"About..." I counted on my fingers. Nine, ten, eleven. "Twelve years I think."
"Do you play any other instruments?"
"Umm, I can play a bit guitar, and I've done some singing. And I can do the bases at drums, bass and flute."
Almost all of them wrote down something on papers in front of them. Then the woman who asked the questions gestured to the piano which I'm already sitting at.
I turned away from them, away from the people who could change my future completely, and stared at the piano keys. I wasn't going to say something as "I'm only happy that I've come this far, so I don't care how it goes", because I'm not and I do. I wasn't there to leave. I was there to show them I'm great, and to make it.
When I felt that I was ready, I softly moved my fingers up and down the piano. Some parts faster and some parts calmer. I knew this song good enough to close my eyes, and still be able to play just as good. I was not a selfish or a very confident person really, but when it came to playing the piano, I knew I was good. More than good. I was amazing!
I was applying to one of the biggest music schools in the world; London School of Music and Performances. It was also one of the hardest schools to get in to. Sure, I was good at playing the piano, but it somehow scared me how talented the students at this school were. I was going to make it, though. I just needed to do this without any bigger mistakes.
When I was done, I stood up and turned to the five judges. I was sort of expecting some kind of applause or something like that. I had been working really hard with this piece. I guess they were too good for applauding someone like me or maybe they never did, to anyone. I didn't really look like a girl who would fit in this kind of school, but it was my big goal in life. This was the school I had been dreaming of attending, and the only obstacle in my way was making this people like me and my music.
They gave me a smile and nodded. The woman who had been saying my name before said a small "Thank you, Isabelle." I thanked them and walked out as smooth as I possibly could.
As soon as I got out of the room and closed the room after me, I ran. The auditions were held in one of the buildings that belonged to the school. I ran through corridors and hallways, until I found a bathroom. I slammed the door after me and took off my sweater so that I was standing in my simple t-shirt. I dug my nails into the sweater and buried my face in it. I slowly sank down to the bathroom floor. I had never had this much pressure on me before in my entire life, and it broke me down.
They didn't like it. I must have done so many mistakes and I didn't even notice it myself. I bet they smile bigger to all the other who have played something for them. I bet they even applaud to the others who are trying to get in to the school. Maybe I was only overthinking this now. But what if I won't make it? The thought was horrible. This was my dream, my life goal. Nothing would compare to be a student at London School of Music and Performances. A few tears started to fall down my cheeks and I bit into my sweater to muffle my sobs. I had been nervous for this audition for months, and now I couldn't do anything else but break down. Maybe everybody - my parents, my friends - were right. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself. But maybe I had to do that to be able to succeed.
+++++
It was two weeks after the auditions and the day when I would receive a call about if I made it or not. I was pacing back and forward. I had to think about something else, but it was impossible. I was trying to count to one thousand to get my mind off of things, but it didn't work. I was somewhere between 635 and 639 when I lost count - again - and screamed in frustration, panic, and stress.
"I can't do this!" I shouted, and my dad looked at me over the top of his glasses, he was sitting in an armchair with his laptop, writing something.
"Isabelle, calm down. Remember, they will call, even if you made it or not."
"What? So you're saying you don't think I made it?" I said panicking, in a high-pitched voice.
"No, that's not what I meant, I just wanted to remind you. And please, take a few deep breaths." He said. I think I annoyed him with my pacing back and forward.
I threw myself on the sofa, over the armrest. My legs were over the armrest while my head and back were occupying more than half of the sofa. I managed to take two deep breaths before the phone made a high noise. I was out of the sofa and by the phone in less than half a second. Then I stopped myself. I needed to play it cool. I waited for two more signals and my dad chuckled at me. Then I lifted the phone and answered.
"Isabelle Bower." I said, doing my very best of hiding my panic.
"Isabelle?" A slow and weak voice said. It was my grandmother. She couldn't find a worse timing, could she?
"Yes, hi! I'm sorry grandma, but this is a terrible timing! Call dad at his cell phone, okay? Bye!"
I hanged up before she got the time to even begin saying a single word. Dad looked at me annoyed and a bit disappointed.
"What? Was I supposed to talk to her and miss my call?" I snapped. He couldn't answer because my grandmother called his cell phone instead.
I went back to the sofa again and laid down. I was tall enough to have my head in one end of the sofa and still touch the other end with my toes. It wasn't good to sit up all night reading because you can't sleep, I was going to fall asleep any second, and so I did.
I was awoken by the phone about an hour later. Before I got time to think, I was up from the sofa and beside the phone. I stifled a yawn before I was able to answer.
"Hello?" Oh no, I sounded way too tired and bored!
"Hi, am I talking to Isabelle Bower?" A woman who sounded very friendly said.
"Yes, that's me." Oh my god. The moment of my life.
"I had bad and good news for you, which one would you like to hear first?"
"The good ones." I said, without hesitation.
"We would like you to come back so we could talk to you." She said. What was this?
"Is everybody doing this?" I asked. Maybe that didn't sound very professional, but in that moment, I didn't care.
"No, it's only you."
"And the bad news?" I crossed my fingers. Please don't be too bad. She hesitated with her answer.
"Actually, it would be the best if we discussed them when you came here." She said. "Could you be here by tomorrow at 1 pm?"
"Of course. I'll be there." I said, getting more nervous now.
"Excellent! We'll see you." She said and hanged up.
I did not sign up for this much panic and nervousness.
+++++
I straightened my red shirt and re-tied the shoelaces of my black converse for the third time in ten minutes. I sat outside the same room as I had been doing my audition in, and my heartbeat was going crazy. When the door opened, I jumped up from my uncomfortable chair and almost fell on the way. Smooth.
The room looked the same as the last time, instead there were many different instruments there and not only the big piano. The same five people sat in the same five chairs, except today they have more casual outfits. Maybe they're only here for me today? Then I noticed, behind those people, there sat two men. They looked cool and relaxed, yet very important somehow. I raised my eyebrows when I saw them, but didn't say anything. I hated how these people could make me so afraid, so that I couldn't talk. I was completely unable to speak when I saw them.
"So, Isabelle, you must wonder why we called you back today." One of the women said. It's not the same who asked the questions yesterday, yet I had heard her voice before. It could be the woman who called me yesterday. I sat down at a chair in front of them.
"I do." I said.
"I don't know if you have figured it out already, but you have unfortunately not made it through the auditions and into the school." She said. It felt like my heart fell down to my stomach and my head went all dizzy, but I couldn't show them how sad I got. I couldn't cry. I didn't make it, I'm not good enough. She started talking again.
"But. We have an offer for you."
+++++
Hi! This is the first fanfic Im actually publishing. If you find anything wrong in it, please tell me and give me feedback. Thank you!