CHAPTER 15
THE SUN AND MOON
HE felt the connection in his heart. The erratic beating became the only sign that they were truly linked.
Kylo Ren wondered what she was doing as of that moment that had caused him to sit down and hold his chest, thinking that he could somehow slow his fast-beating heart, but to no avail. Are you well? He sent to her mind through his own.
As he threw off his cape and sat on his mattress, he sighed loudly. The urge to suppress his care was infuriating. He could lie through his teeth all he wanted, but the red glow on his cheeks whenever she was in meetings or returning from a mission never ceased. The helmet was a good disguise to hide the look on his face, but it could only do so much.
He felt privileged to love Raena Nhagy; he never knew someone as heartless as him would be granted the sentiment to care for such a legend. But the fact that he wasn't in control of his own body anymore was what frustrated him. He needed control, but she held it in the palm of her too-large hands without knowing. Now, he cared for her too much to even try to win it back.
It had been sixty-two days, eleven hours, and thirty-seven minutes since he realized his feelings.
He loved her more than the sun loved the moon.
•••
Upon leaving her meeting with Hux, Raena was seen sprinting down the halls of the First Order ship, her hair whipping in long blonde strands behind her. She pushed through the thousands of troopers coming through the corridors as she searched for the destined one she was looking for. Before she could approach the commander's chambers, she was stopped hastily by Captain Phasma, who was even taller than the assassin by a foot in her gear.
"Greetings, Officer Nhagy," the captain saluted.
Raena huffed out a breath. "Hey, Phasma. This has been fun, but I need to see –"
"Who is it that you need to see that can't wait until our conversation is over?"
"We never have conversations!" The assassin exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. "The last time you spoke to me, you called me a 'dunce' because of how wrong the Ahch-To mission went."
Captain Phasma stayed silent for a moment, and then continued, "Speaking of that mission: despite how horrible it ended, you have been requested to join us on the next morning. Your defense skills are being honed on every difficult task you accompany us with, so this should be worthwhile."
Raena decided her news for Kylo could wait as the captain handed her a tablet, lighting up a plan of blueprints on the screen. "Is this the Resistance base?" She asked, looking up to the silver helmet of her superior. The plans looked extremely similar to the headquarters on D'Qar.
"A Resistance base," the captain corrected. "Specifically, the one we thought was being planned on Corellia."
"There's more than one now?"
Phasma nodded. "Apparently, and this one has just been built on Jakku. My prediction is that it was started after their success a few years ago with their new accomplice, the scavenger girl that fought Ren, who lived on Jakku for some time."
"We're going back to that junkyard planet again?" Raena scoffed, zooming in on the blueprint and spotting some desired vents where she could slip through if need be.
"I'm afraid so," the captain replied as Raena handed the tablet back. "I will see you at ten in the morning."
The assassin nodded as her captain walked away, finally permitting her to continue her run down the hall. In a split second, she reached Ren's door and began pressing the buzzer until the door slid open.
She wasn't allowed to relish in the sight of her commander's matted hair and framed face, but she did notice he wasn't wearing as many layers as normal. He tried to ask, "Why didn't you answer when I –?"
"Shut up and let me in," she seethed, interrupting him as she shoved her way into his chambers. She reached over to the console to her left, shutting the door immediately before looking out to see if anyone was watching them.
He stood in the middle of his room, confusion etched on his long face. "What's going –?"
"Listen to me!" She cried out, silencing him finally. "Hux knows."
He furrowed his brow. "I don't understand."
"General Hux –" she paused, resting her hands on his shoulders "– knows about you and me."
The commander's eyes went wide as her words sunk in. He quickly brought her into his embrace, hugging her lean form so tightly that he wanted to squeeze her bones. He inhaled her scent, reminding himself the reason why he risked his feelings in the first place.
"He kept saying horrific things about you," she continued, leaning her forehead on his chest. "He said he was afraid of the First Order losing me ... to you."
Kylo's eyes opened with a flash, remembering the time he had confided in the general of his first time he welcomed the dark within him. It was the day he slaughtered more than half of the padawans at his uncle's training academy; the day he killed Elissa, his best friend, and the day he felt to be Kylo Ren.
But the commander leaned her back from his hold and threw her a smile, muttering, "Everything will be fine."
"No," she shook her head, her tone surprising him, "everything is not fine. I don't think you understand the repercussions we'll receive if this gets out. Snoke will surely have me killed, and you'll be lucky to be exiled." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You need to talk with General Hux; tell him to forget about it."
Kylo rolled his eyes. "Or what?"
"Or this can't continue," she mumbled, "as in you and me."
He stared at her for a long moment, his dark eyes sinking into the brightness of her own. "I'll talk to him soon." He ran a hand over his face before kissing her forehead. "I can't lose you. You're in my very soul, tormenting me. I would do anything just to continue the suffering as a way to be close to you."
She quietly gasped at the words that she had heard once in one of her uncle's stories, but tried her best to dismiss it. The general's words from before were just corrupting her brain more than she wanted.
She soon sucked in a large breath of air through her nostrils, savoring the touch of his lips on her skin. It seemed that whenever they came in contact with her, she felt more connected to the pale darkness coursing through her skin. In the beginning, Raena had sided with neither dark or light, knowing the entire debate wasn't something she'd like to be involved in. But now, he connected her to the dark side in the fullest extent, and she had never felt better.
"What did he mean?" She asked quietly as he led her over to the large window in his room, their favorite spot. "Hux said some things about you, like how the few people that get close to you only end in death. Do you know what he meant?"
He could no longer lie to the assassin; she was too quick to catch him, so he slowly nodded at her question.
"Can you clarify?"
He looked down at her. "All in due time."
"Why not now? Why not soon?" She spat, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Why am I always waiting around to know who you truly are? I won't sit around forever. Why won't you tell me? Who the fuck is Ben –?"
His eyes formed into slits as his hand instinctively went to grasp her arm. "Don't you dare –"
She wiggled her arm away from his hold, pausing to collect herself. "I just want to know you," she replied, chewing on her lip, "and you know everything about me."
He had still been breathing heavily from her mention of his former identity, but Kylo soon found the strength to calm down and reply, "Not everything."
"If I tell you everything, will you tell me about you soon?"
He nodded, repeating, "Soon."
She grasped him tightly, leaning into his lean torso as his arms wrapped around her. He smelt of cherry wine, and she had never felt so at home. Her mind twirled in euphoria, and she found herself refusing to look at him as she muttered quietly, "I love you."
She hadn't known if he heard, but he responded by crashing his lips on her own, letting her hands curl around his dark locks. His thumb caressed her carefully defined cheekbones, digits roaming across her soft skin that caused goose-bumps to form on his arms. He was sure there was no one who could've made him feel this way, and he knew that if Raena didn't exist in this world, he wouldn't want to feel this with someone else.
As a cool breath of air fanned her cheeks, Kylo whispered, "I know."
He moved away, sending her smirk before sitting down on the floor with her. She began to tell him her story, and he listened so intently in a way that surprised Raena. She tried to best of her abilities to elaborate on her seemingly abnormal life, but she couldn't stop the nagging thought in the back of her mind that the commander hadn't said he loved her back.
•••
It was around eleven PM that Kylo was strolling down the corridor that led to Hux's living arrangements. He needed to do this, or he knew the future of Raena and him would be severely screwed.
Her words from just a mere couple of hours ago echoed in the back of his mind, like an itch he couldn't scratch, distracting him from the situation at hand. This wasn't the time to think about love; this was the time to assert order.
He knocked on Hux's door, his body rigid as his mask hid his distressed face. After a couple moments, the general opened the door, his brow furrowed at the sight of the commander standing outside his door at such an hour.
"Commander Ren," he nodded briefly, "what can I do –?"
"Forget about everything, Hux."
The general looked around, growing more confused. "I don't understand what you mean."
"Forget about Officer Nhagy and I." He ordered, no emotion evident in his tone. "From now on, you know nothing from any information you've gathered. And whatever you've seen, you have no longer. You will do this for me, General. I can remove you from this ship with a snap of my fingers. I can make Snoke's trust in you vanish before you can even blink." The commander made a snapping motion. "Don't cross me."
Hux went tense as his back straightened. He tried his best to keep his expression calm, but he knew the commander could see the facade underneath. "I will see it done," he replied.
Kylo did not give him a response as he then walked away from the general, cracking his neck as he walked. Maybe he could still be in control of a few things.
•••
A/N: ALL DEM ANAKIN AND PADMÉ REFERENCES THO