August waned; it's warm weather and cheery attitude turned into September's cool weather and children dragging their feet back to school after summer holiday. The sun spent most of its time hiding behind passing clouds. The daily temperature had dropped until a jacket was necessary after four in the afternoon. But what had me out of sorts was not the change in climate, but the fact that Harry had returned to London for the two-week tour break.
I woke up with a feeling of dread. Somewhere in the city, Harry Styles was going about his day completely independent of me. He was likely making breakfast or working out. Later, he would probably have lunch with an old friend. He would be seen going to a club or taking a group to dinner. I would go to bed with a mass of text messages from unknowing mutual friends asking why he hadn't been with me. The thought made me want to remain in bed, but I couldn't. It was Louis' big day.
I readied myself with black skinny jeans, a football t-shirt Louis had given me for the event, and a jacket. I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself at Louis' charity football match. I had no desire to answer questions about why Harry hadn't been seen with me. I didn't need photographers stalking me. I called Eli and asked him to pick me up to take me to the match.
While waiting for Eli, I collected my mail from the mailroom in the lobby of my building. I had a magazine waiting along with a single piece of mail. It was a white embossed envelope with my name printed neatly on the back. I tucked it under my arm and returned to my flat to open it.
Laura Meacham and Miles Ravston request the honour of your presence at their wedding ceremony on September the twenty fourth...
I couldn't read another word. My jaw was nearly on the floor. Laura was getting married? I hadn't realized she was dating anyone. I also couldn't picture anyone falling in love with the contemptuous Laura. I kept reading and felt my eyes getting wider with each word. Laura's wedding ceremony and reception were in Los Angeles, California.
"Kate?" Eli let himself in my flat. I heard him walk through the living room and into the kitchen where I stood gaping at the wedding invitation. "Are you ready to go?"
I looked up at Eli. "Yes! Yes, sorry. Let's go." I put the invitation back in its envelope and it left it on my kitchen table.
____________
Eli walked with me through the tunnel and to the football pitch where news reporters, charity coordinators, volunteers, children, and players were scattered about. The stadium seats were filled with spectators already cheering on the two teams. The pitch itself was a vibrant green and the day was capped with greying clouds overhead.
I spotted Louis near the center of the pitch with his foot planted on the top of a ball, holding it in place as he talked with some teammates. His back was to me, but his name was spelled across his back over the number twenty-eight. The long sleeves of his shirt were pushed up above his elbows and I could already see grass stains marking the white fabric of his shirt and shorts and the exposed skin on his arms.
"Kate!"
I turned to see a blur of blond boy in black warm-ups. "Niall," I giggled.
"Good to see you." He pulled me into a strong embrace. He smelled of freshly trimmed grass.
"Good to see you, too."
"Look, there's something I've been dying to tell you. It's been on my mind for weeks now and I think you'll want to hear it. It's sort of important. It's actually about—"
"Kate!" Louis appeared and playfully pushed Niall out of the way to hug me. He wrapped me in his arms warmly.
"Lou," I breathed. It was good seeing the boys again. I missed them terribly.
"Thank you for coming, love." Louis pulled away and smiled at me. "You look great in that shirt, by the way."
I looked down at the football shirt bearing the name of the charity event. "Thank you," I smiled.
"How have you been?"
"I'm fine," I shrugged. "But hey! I got an invitation to Laura's wedding in LA later this month!"
"We did too," Niall laughed. "I pity the poor guy she's ended up with."
"Niall," Louis admonished, "be nice."
"Think you'll go?"
"Probably," Louis shrugged. "It's the proper thing to do, isn't it?"
"I can't believe she invited me. She hates me!"
"She just wants the attention," Niall snorted. "But I guess we'll probably go anyway." "Yeah," Louis agreed. "Henry and Julia are going to want us to go because it looks good having all of us boys in one place. Plus, they're going to want us to support Laura and thank her for the work she does."
"Didn't think of that, but yeah," Niall muttered with dissatisfaction.
I reached forward and touched the shoulders of both boys. "I just can't believe I'm seeing you both here! You have no idea how much I've missed you. Is Liam coming?"
"No, he's with his mum and dad," Niall explained.
"Right, so Liam isn't coming, but—"
I could suddenly feel him. A rush of cold air filled my lungs and my hair stood on end. My senses buzzed with his presence. I pulled my jacket tighter around me despite the sun peeking out from behind a cloud. My mouth went dry and my eyes grew glassy. I knew he was there. Harry was nearby.
"Kate?" Louis touched my arm and I flinched away.
"Sorry," I shook my head. "Just a chill. What were you saying?"
Niall and Louis looked at each other wearily. "Never mind that, love. The game is about to get going here in a bit. You can sit with Niall over on the sideline there. I have a seat reserved for Eli as well."
"Alright," I nodded. "Good luck out there, Louis."
"Thanks, Kate."
____________
I sat between Niall and Eli who were equally invested in the game. They were positioned at the edges of their seats with fists clenched as the players rushed up and down the pitch. Niall sucked in a breath as Louis fired a shot on goal, but it cleared wide and Niall slumped against the back of his seat.
"Wish I were out there," he mumbled.
"Yeah," I said absently.
"You okay?" Niall put a hand on my arm. His attention was completely diverted from the game and on me.
"Of course," I smiled.
The crowd shouted as Louis' team came close to scoring another goal. My eyes had wandered from the action of the game and onto my surroundings. I glanced quickly over volunteers bringing crates of bottled water for the players, team members standing on the side of the pitch anxiously, officials watching the clock and closely surveying game conduct, and photographers documenting the charity game. I was searching for a head of dark, curly hair. I was searching for long, thin legs poured into skinny jeans. I was looking for piercing green eyes. I was looking for a seductive smirk. I was looking for him.
My stomach churned at the thought of seeing Harry. I couldn't imagine what I would say or what I would do. Would he stop and greet me? Would he pass me by and pretend like I was just another person in his way? I didn't know proper behavior for seeing an ex-boyfriend that I was still in love with.
"You won't see him," Niall whispered.
"What?"
"You won't see him," he repeated. "He's not anywhere you'll run into him."
Good, I thought. I hummed a response to Niall with my lip trapped by my teeth.
With Niall's reassurance, I was able to focus on the game. Just as I relaxed in my seat, a player for Louis' team scored a goal and the stadium erupted. We all got to our feet and cheered as the team congratulated one another in the glow of the newly lit scoreboard.
____________
{Harry's Point of View}
A slight drizzle had started to fall over the game. Players pushed their long sleeves down and many of them put on headbands to keep their wet hair out of their faces while playing. The grass grew slick with the sprinkling of water and the goalkeepers slid from one side of the net to the other comically.
Despite my best efforts, I could only focus on Kate seated on the opposite side of the pitch instead of the game. The humidity in the air from the rain had made the fine hairs along her hairline curl. She pulled the hood of her jacket up on the back of her head. Her eyes darted around as she followed the football's movements. Her lips formed the perfect "o" as she cheered for Louis' team. She looked thinner than the last time I had seen her. Her face looked paler and her eyes looked sunken and sad. My heart hurt in my chest.
Louis invited me to the charity match, but I asked to be seated away from Kate. I was unprepared to have a public confrontation of any kind. I couldn't even think of what I would say if I saw her. I wasn't ready to talk yet. Also, this day was for Louis and the charity he was representing. I didn't want to detract from the cause and the publicity that belonged to it by being seen near Kate.
The game ended with a tie. Both teams waved to the crowd from the center of the pitch. A sea of fans dressed in red and white screamed their support and I got to my feet to applaud. I, along with Liam and Niall, had given a large donation to the charity before the game. Louis was given a microphone and announced how much had been donated to the charity. He also gave away his shirt, the ball used in the game, and several signed t-shirts.
"Harry?" I turned to see an unfamiliar woman dressed in all black. In her hands were a small notepad and a pencil.
"Yes?"
"I have a few questions for you if you've got time."
"Not today." I didn't want to speak to any reporters. I looked around for Nick.
"Liam isn't here at the match."
"You're right."
"Where is he?"
"With family," I mumbled.
"Is something wrong with is family?"
"Don't think so. It's just been a while since he's seen them."
"But Niall is here."
"Yeah."
"He's not playing."
"No, he's just supporting Louis."
"This is Louis' event."
"Yes."
"And Louis raised a lot of money today."
"It's for a good cause..."
"Kate is here." So that's why she was asking questions. "She is seated with Niall, not you. You aren't sitting together."
"I thought you said you had questions, not a habit of pointing out the obvious."
"Why aren't you sitting with her?"
"I should go. Have a nice day." I stood up and spotted Nick a short distance away.
"Aren't you together?" the reporter called to me.
"Nick!" I yelled. My security guard looked up. "Let's go."
____________
I managed to avoid more reporters as well as Kate while exiting the charity match. The drive back to my townhouse took longer than expected with traffic congesting the streets. Nick interrogated me the entire way home about my plans for the two-week stay. He wanted to prepare for any security measures that should be taken prior to me going out in public. I admitted I hadn't made any plans. I wanted to spend the time in bed relaxing.
When I got home, I walked into my townhouse and immediately removed my rain soaked jacket. I walked toward the kitchen while shaking out my damp hair. At the end of my entryway, I tripped over something large blocking the corridor toward my kitchen. I stumbled a few steps before regaining my balance. A large box rested on the floor. I crouched down to read the note that had been taped to the top.
This was sent to your country house. It was there for a few weeks and I had it sent here. Not sure where you want it. Violet.
Violet was the housekeeper at my country house. I stared at her note unsure of what the box contained. I tried reading the shipping label, but it had been smudged from rain. I moved the box into the kitchen, found a pair of scissors, and opened the box. Its contents took my breath away. Wrapped in plastic was a mass of white sequins and gold beading. It was the dress from Amerigo in Italy I had altered for Kate.
I pulled the dress from the box and removed the plastic completely. It was a sight so beautiful, it was painful to look at. When I saw the impeccably constructed gown with immaculate beadwork, I saw Kate in it. The way her skin glowed against the white sequins and the way her eyes lit up when she saw her reflection replayed in my mind.
Before I realized what I was doing, I had rewrapped the dress in plastic and was taking it upstairs to my bedroom. I entered my closet and walked straight to the back where some of my old suits hung in garment bags. I pushed straight to the back and hung the dress out of sight. I couldn't bear to look at it.
I collapsed on my closet floor just before the threshold back into my bedroom. The hardwood floors were unforgiving beneath me. I rested my face against the cold flooring and tried to breathe calmly. It felt like my entire world was imploding. Everything good and familiar had vanished leaving me in isolation, desolation.
My phone vibrated in my back pocket. In the back of my mind, I hoped it was Kate texting me. But when I pulled out my phone, I got a far greater surprise: it was a message from Kate's mother.
Harry, we heard about the breakup and my husband and I just wanted to wish you all the best. You became such a big part of our lives over the past year. Thank you for making our daughter happy and taking care of her when she was ill. You are a great person with a big heart. Keep following your dreams. We hope you find all the happiness in the world.
I read the message once, twice, three times before locking my phone and tossing it across the floor. Kate's parents had always been very supportive of my career and me. They were great people with good intentions. They raised a beautiful daughter—a daughter whose heart I had stolen and destroyed.
Tears wet my face and rolled onto the floor, pooling as evidence of my heartache. I wished I was only suffering from a measly broken heart, but I was in so much more pain than that. My heart wasn't broken; my heart was shattered. It was burned until nothing but painful memories of happiness remained like soot. There was nothing in me anymore. The blood in my veins turned to ice. I felt happiness drain from me like water from a bath. My smile moved away permanently. Without her, I was ruined.
I told myself the breakup was for the best. I had been responsible for much of her stress over the past year. She had come to London for her dream job and got mixed up with me instead. I had become a distraction for her. I had dragged her through the media and into certain social circles that weren't always the most supportive of her. I remained pitifully on my closet floor repeatedly telling myself that things were far better for her this way. Without me, she could focus on her job and her family. She would be better.
____________
{Kate's Point of View}
Eli dropped me off at my flat and I told him to go home. I promised I wouldn't leave again without calling him, but the promise was futile. I had absolutely no intention of leaving my flat in the two weeks Harry was going to be in London. When the door closed behind Eli, I walked into my kitchen and let every emotion loose.
I sat on the floor of my kitchen pathetically and let time slip by until I couldn't produce any more tears and I was too exhausted to wipe the salty, sticky mess of tears and mascara off my cheeks. My mind went over every cliché phrase used to console a broken heart: love like this can't last forever; some things really are too good to be true; be glad he was in your life at all; you'll get over this. I soon found out that I couldn't console my own broken heart with phrases that were meant to be spoken by a trusted friend.
In addition to failed pep talks, I also went through a process absurd blaming. Maybe if I had told Harry straightaway about what Henry, Terrence, and Laura had said, I wouldn't have been so stressed out and I wouldn't have passed out and I wouldn't have lost my memory. I made Harry heartless. Tour made me heartless. But above all of that, one overwhelmingly excruciating feeling had swallowed me whole: I felt entirely alone. I had felt alone when Harry and I were still together and he was away, but I had never felt this alone.
An impossibly depressing thought entered my mind and weighed heavily over me like a dark cloud. If I was in this much pain after only really having a seven month relationship, how was Harry handling the heartbreak of losing a fourteen month relationship?