"Nira . . ." He whispered, leaning in so close that his nose brushed against my forehead, "I want to kiss you."
(Author's Note: This chapter is in Kylo Ren's point of view.)
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I looked down at her opulent face. The warming sensation always nearly overwhelmed me, but right now, alone, on Beyzuno, it was pushing me to my breaking point.
I should have better control, I thought regretlessly as I let my hands slowly glide up and down her torso.
She avoided eye contact with me. I found her aversion somewhat delightful, but somewhat aggravating. I wanted Nira to be confident in her feelings of affection for me; I'd been in her mind several times and I was positive there was a lot of perpendicular thoughts going on.
My hands slowly slid up her sides and reached her shoulders. I then caressed down her arms, taking a deep breath, trying to regain some control over my lustrous impulsive thoughts; however, my attempts to resume control over my thoughtless passionate acts failed. I couldn't keep my hands off of her smooth, savory skin.
She continued covering up her chest. I tugged at her elbows, but she refused to budge. How irritating.
"Nira," I whispered, taking my hands off of her. I put one finger under her chin and raised her face so she had to look me in the eyes and repeated in a slightly more commanding tone, "I want to kiss you."
She stared up at me and I could see the terror in her eyes but I watched her protective and apprehensive cover melt. Nira guarded herself so heavily with her nonsensical fear of me as the main thing powering her misgivings. I knew if I could crack her terror-driven-shield she would come to the realization of how much she wanted me.
I already own her. If worst comes to worst and she doesn't accept me, well, I'll make her accept me, I cruelly thought.
I could hear her quick breathing that gently flowed to and from her slightly parted lips.
I placed my hands back on her meager arms and began trailing them up her biceps towards her shoulders. When I reached the top of her shoulders, my hands did not follow a pattern of symmetry. My left hand smoothly reached the nape of her neck while my right slid all the way down so it was setting on the bottom of her spine.
I began pulling her towards me, gently, but Nira pulled her arms away from her chest and flattened her palms against my armor; she was pushing me away.
One instant was all it took for several things to ignite my next actions; I looked down at her now bare chest and, for the first time, viewed her womanly curved breasts and I was so aroused; her atte,[ts to push me away immediately sent a fiery and furious explosion erupting inside of me (How dare she defy me?!); and Nira's hands on my chest sent the most powerful wave of the warming feeling lurching through every part of my body.
My mind went blank.
Then it burst.
I viciously grabbed her by the neck and threw her onto the bed. She let out a shrill and short shriek as I did so. I tore my cloak and armor off so I was just in a black top and pants.
I climbed on top of her, supporting myself on my palms and knees. Nira curled her fists and hit me, but that only strengthened the warming sensation and my fury. I raised my palm above her and used The Force to pin her limbs down.
I was on a mindless sexual rampage and every part of me was repleted with the erotically driven. There was no stopping me.
I scanned her body up and down. I then dipped my head down and kissed her jawbone -- I shuddered as soon as my lips touched her skin, oh, the feelings she gave me, the sensations. I picked one of my hands off the bed and placed it heavily on her collar bone. She winced but I ignored it; I moved it down to the hills of her chest and began touching her.
I kissed up to her earlobe, and then back down, all the while groping her in a carnal fashion. My lips reached hers and I slowed down my intimate processes. The slowing of my movements was severely difficult for me, for I was so desperately hungry for more than I was doing.
Without raising my hand from her skin, I slid it up so I was gently holding onto her jaw, stroking her chin with my thumb.
I waited for a moment, savoring it, staring at her luscious lips.
Then I pressed my lips to hers slowly and gently.
The sensation of warmth exploded inside of me, filling all of my arteries, encasing my organs, consuming my mind, and I had never felt more alive. The warmth networked through my body, and I never wanted my lips to leave hers, and I felt tingling everywhere, and --
Salty water. One drip of warm, salty water.
I let go of her jaw and pulled myself back up to look at her. In an instant, the warming sensation had dulled to it's usual nearly-unbearable state. While I had been kissing Nira and touching her, the warmth had consumed every part of my mind, overpowered my knowledge and control with The Force, darkened my vision, numbed my insides, and taken over my body. It had turned from warmth to hot.
I viewed Nira's face, and sure enough, the mark of half of a tear was right above her upper lip -- the other half of it was rubbed onto mine. Her eyes were squinted tightly shut, her breaths came out short and with difficulty, and I saw multiple tears squeezing out of her compressed eyelids. To my horror, the tears then dripped down the sides of her face.
I slowly climbed off of her. This was a moment I did not want savored. I wanted it completely, irretrievably erased. I felt a certain empty sensation in my stomach, and my heart thumped with anxiety -- these were surely symptoms of my growing horror.
I was now able to control my impulses. I swiftly got off the bed and stood up, looking down at her but feeling as if I shouldn't be allowed to.
I removed my use of The Force from Nira's limbs, but she still dared not move. She just lie there, eyes tightly shut, lips pressed together, hyperventilating (her breath was still a symphony to my ears, but at the time there was an abstract horror about it), limbs extended straight out, and fists clenched.
Repulsiveness and self-hatred consumed me. My breaths climbed to immeasurable speed and depth. Looking at her completely panicked because of my doing was insufferable. I felt this . . . this horrid emotion of extreme strength begin to fill me, much like a cup of water and a faucet. It built up from within me, and it was a disgusting emotion that made me grimace, and I still don't know the exact word for it but --
I turned to face the other way, my eyes wide, my fists clamped. I couldn't stand to look at Nira knowing that I had been the provoker of her pain. The wretched emotion that had so suddenly risen up had dissipated a small bit when I stopped looking at her. My chest heavily heaved up and down and I wasn't sure what to think.
What did I do? Will she ever trust me again? How will she ever trust me again? What have I done!
I shook my head with disappointment in myself and walked away from the bed that lingered behind me, trying to instill powerful and confident thoughts in my mind.
You are a Knight of Ren. You will have no remorse. You were satisfied the entire time throughout your somewhat vulgar actions. You do not regret what you have done. Nira must comply. She will survive. You are the one in good grace and conscience right now.
I took a solid five minutes to regain my normal stature, normal conscience, normal mindset, and normal morals. My shoulders heightened considerably, my posture was once again immaculate, and my head was held high. My hands were held loosely, yet with strength, at my sides.
I turned to face the bed to find Nira curled up in a defensive ball in the corner on top of a pillow. All of my strong foundation I had just spent several minutes building crumbled at the sight of her.
Her beauty was so profound, the way she looked at me was so provocative, and even the way her feet slightly jutted out sideways was pure elegance. To me, she was the essence of perfection.
I did not show in my physical stance how merely looking at her had destructed my mentality. I continued to stand tall and impressively, keeping all emotion withdrawn from my countenance.
"It is getting late. Tomorrow we recommence our training." I stated with a strong tone, making sure none of my internal anguish diluted my usual commanding tone. I knew I had to at least seem strong so Nira would still respect me.
I decided to sit outside the entire night. I wordlessly climbed up the black metallic ladder after dimming the lights. I did this so Nira could sleep in peace. Although I knew my action of leaving her be was the right course for me, I felt much self-loathing as I went through with them. I was very aware that any powerful being from The Dark Side would've followed their gut instinct and slept in the same bed as Nira that night, much as I wanted to -- oh, how the desire and temptation to go under the covers with her was overwhelming -- but I was weak. So I abhorred my own self.
I was self-conscious about the fact that I was not as powerful as a Sith Lord. I knew that I still held onto some of The Light Side that I'd inherited from my wretched mother. Those who are strong with The Force could sense it in me. Only they and myself knew of my weaknesses; only they and myself knew of the power that emotions could hold on me.
I stood on the ground as the moon rose into the sky, barely visible behind the abundance of forestry.
When I was sure Nira was asleep and I reached into her dreams (using The Force, obviously). To my satisfaction, I observed that she dreamed of herself and I passionately kissing. No fear was laced throughout any part of her lustful dream about me, which surprised me because of how much fear had been displayed when I actually had been kissing her earlier.
After I withdrew from her dreams I began to think. I crossed my arms and watched the moon dip back down. I could only think of one topic.
If she had enjoyed my sensual actions to the point of vividly dreaming of them, why was she so upset when they happened in real life?
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Author's Note
So this was the conclusion of the cliffhanger of last chapter ;).
I think I'll try to post another chapter tonight but no promises people! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, it was hard writing it and I worked really hard.
FINALS ARE OVER!!!! BLAHHH!
Okay, bye-bye :)