Tears of Angel by BlackLily

Chapter 22

22.


I woke up earlier than usual. I woke up with Johann’s arms on my waist and his face inches from mine. Dahan dahan kong inalis ang braso niya sa bewang ko and endured the pain in the lower part of my body as I sit up. Nakatayo ako at nakaalis sa kama ng hindi siya nagigising. Nagshower ako and looked at myself in the mirror. Hindi ako nagsisi sa ginawa ko because I was sane when I’d decided to do it with him. It took me a while bago makalabas ng bathroom at nang lumabas na ako, wala na siya sa kama ko, all that was left was a stain on my bedsheet. I just closed my eyes and tried to ignore it.

Nagbihis lang ako and decided to have my breakfast kaya dumiretso na ako sa kitchen. Napatigil ako when I saw Johann preparing breakfast. Didiretso ba ako or babalik ng room ko? I was about to turn my back when I heard him call me out.

Breakfast na tayo. He said without looking at me. Dumiretso na ako ng kitchen and was about to prepare my own breakfast when he stopped me.

Just sit down. Umupo ako dahil yun ang sinabi niya. Nilagyan niya ako ng milk, plate, utensils, at pagkain sa harap ko. In short, pinagsisilbihan niya ako.

Hinintay ko siyang maupo bago ako kumain. Nakakahiya naman kasi na mauna akong kumain. We ate in silence. Ano ba ang pinag uusapan ng dalawang tao pagkatapos nilang mag ano?

Are you okay? Napatingin ako bigla sa kanya.

Yes, I’m fine. Tapos katahimikan ulit. Nauna siyang matapos kumain sa akin and he filled my glass with water.

Thank you for the breakfast.

Angel, let’s get married. Napatigil ako sa pagtayo. Parang tumigil ang buong mundo ko. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Tapos kumunot ang noo ko.

Why? I don’t know if that’s the appropriate word to say. Shouldn’t it be yes or no?

You are asking why am I proposing to you? Napakunot din ang noo niya.

You heard it right. Bakit tayo magpapakasal? Lalong kumunot ang noo niya.

Isn’t last night enough reason for us to get married? He sound irritated by my question. Parang gusto na niya akong ibato sa gitna ng lawa.

Last night? What happened between us is pure lust and nothing else. Don’t make a big deal out of it Johann. Tumayo na ako para umalis pero nahawakan niya ang braso ko.


Lust? You give your virginity for lust? Yun lang  ba  yun para sayo? Now he is mad. Mahina ang boses niya pero may diin sa bawat salita. His looks are deadly  and his anger is very evident. Parang anytime he would strike me just to shut me up.

Why not? What else do you call it? Shouldn’t you be grateful at least  that it was you who have taken it?  I’m a 26 years old virgin, and I’m not proud of it. I wanted to get rid of it and I could have given it to any man available. And that was the end of the rope. Maybe I said too much, but before I could retract my words, his palm landed on my face. Yes, sinampal ako ni Johann. Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko and I’m trying so much to hold back my tears. Nagkatitigan kami. His eyes are still deadly. Hindi ko din alam kung saan ko nakuha ang lakas ng loob na makipagsagutin sa kanya ng ganyan. At ang lakas ng loob na makipagtitigan sa kanya ngayon.

If you call it lust, I call it making love. Don’t you dare say that kind of word to me again.  And Angel, is it very  hard for you to pretend that you still love me even just for a while?  And he turned his back on me but before he did, I saw him brushed a tear from his eyes. After that, he walked out at binagsak ang pinto sa front door.

Napaupo na lang ako ulit sa dining chair. Tulala pa din ako. First, I was divirginized. Next, I was slapped. Both done by the same guy. Pero kahit masakit, I didn’t cry. I didn’t allow myself to shed a tear. On the contrary, I wanted to laugh my heart out.