I woke up the next morning exhausted and with a headache.
I hadn't been able to fall back to sleep for a couple hours after the nightmare and even after I had I woke up several times throughout the night.
It was only 5:30 but I was tired of fighting for just a little more sleep.
So I got up and took a shower hoping that it would take away some of the pain in my head.
I thought that my nightmares would stop but they only got worse as time went on.
The hot water ran down my face and I shivered at another flashback.
I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend to be ok when I was broken.
I couldn't live with this guilt and pain anymore.
I got dressed and sat against the door of my room. My knees against my chest and tears running down my face as I silently cried.
I had to do this. I had to be strong.
I couldn't let them see me weak.
I took a deep breath and got up.
I paced back and forth with my hands behind my head.
I had to be strong for him.
It was almost seven now so I grabbed my book bag and went down stairs.
"Your up." Lisa said startled when I walked into the kitchen."I was going to let you sleep in to day."
"Couldn't sleep." I said as cheerfully as I could. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured some orange juice.
"Ok, I can make you breakfast."
"I'm not hungry."
"Well you should probably eat something."
"I will be fine." I said with a slight smile.
"Do you want to talk about last night Hanna?"
"I better go or I will miss the bus."I said avoiding her question.
I gave her a quick hug then headed outside.
The fresh air felt good in my lungs as I walked to the end of the driveway, and the bus pulled up just as I reached the end.
I made my way to the back again and sat down, putting my earbuds in.
The music calmed me down as the rest of the world and all my problems faded away.
I felt at peace as I just sat there listening to the words of the song.
But then someone interrupted my peace as they sat next to me.
I looked up,Nick. Of course.
"How are you doing today?" He asked
"I'm good." I lied putting on a fake smile.
"You?"
"I'm great." He said with a big smile.
This was going to be hard I already felt completely drained of energy. I don't think I can fake a smile all day.
But I have to.
I have to be strong. I can't let them know how Weak I really am.