R I L E Y
The uncontrollable pain kept flowing through my mind, my heart, my blood. I was breathing it in, breathing it back out and back in. I felt like I was constantly suffocating.
It's been two weeks since my encounter with Lucas, and I've been like this everyday since then. I felt like I was being swallowed into a huge, black endless hole of suffering. Something I never wanted to face again, but reluctantly, knew would happen again sometime.
I just didn't think he would ever come back,
but he did.
But, why? Is the question. If he came back for me, that would be a lie. Because he would have came back sooner if he actually cared.
Suddenly, I heard a tap against my bay window, making me instinctively jump in fright. I turned my head, to see Maya smiling at me. I knew what today was, and I didn't want to face it.
Summer break was officially over, and today was my first day of my Sophomore year. Time truly flies, It just feels like yesterday I fell beside a blue eyed girl on the subway and we became friends.
I unlocked my bay window, as Maya climbed in.
"How are you?" She asked, almost immediately. I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't well, clearly. I thought I built my walls strong and high enough, but apparently not. I had told Maya about everything which is why she was asking.
"I don't know." I said in honesty. She gave me a sad smile. I leaned over, laying my head on her lap as I chewed on my bottom lip. "Why does it have to hurt so bad?" I asked, trying to hold back my tears, which is something I've so strongly learned to do. If I didn't want to cry, I wouldn't. Two weeks ago was an exception.
Maya stroked my hair. "I don't know, peaches. But what I do know is that you're strong, and you have built yourself up so high that if you don't want to feel like this, then don't. You're in control. I believe in you and I know that you can get through this. Don't let this tear you down." Maya spoke in an inspiring tone.
I slightly smiled.
She was right, I've worked too hard for my own happiness,
I'm not going to let life throw me down now.
I won't let it.
"You're right." I said, before hesitantly sitting up. "I'm not just going to sit here and cry before my first day of school, of being a Sophomore. I've taught myself better than that.." I said, before looking outside of my window.
"You have. Now come on, lets go and face our first day together again." Maya said, as I let out a light chuckle. Life has literally changed so much in the past year, it's really crazy.
I had already been ready for the past hour, but I had been mindlessly sitting at my window, thinking, wondering. I guess being an early riser sometimes can be a good thing.
Me and Maya linked arms, before I forced a smile.
Try not to let it drag you down, Riles.
You can do this.
I mean it's not like the boy you loved just came back after disappearing for 7 months, just oh so casually throw it off your shoulder.
>>>>>>>>>
Me and Maya now stood in front of John Quincy Adams High, looking at the place as if we were lost puppies on the first day again. So many people had changed over the summer, some people were barely unrecognizable.
"Crazy, isn't it." Maya spoke, tightening her grip on my arm. It was always weird to see Maya in a nervous state, considering she was always so chill and calm all the time, unlike me. Yet she was human just as I am, so not much of a shocker I suppose. "How it seems just like yesterday we were standing here, our first day of high school, we had just met and instantly became friends and we were both nervous as hell?" I said. Maya looked over to me with a devious smile.
"Basically." She spoke. I smiled. "Come on, lets face this together." I said with confidence, yet mimicking what she had said the very first day at the same time.
She giggled, before we both decided to head into the school. Nobody stared at us, unlike a year ago where people thought we were basically fresh meat, disgusting pigs. I looked over to Maya cautiously, and she squeezed tighter on my arm.
We continued to walk, nobody noticing us which I guess is a good thing. We had to get new lockers this year, which absolutely sucked because Maya's and mine weren't next to each others. We decided to head to find Maya's locker first, since mine was further down the hall.
"125.." I said, rummaging through the paper and schedules in my trembling hands. Maya looked around as I read, before I suddenly felt her drag me over to the side. "Here!" She suddenly exclaimed. I helped her organize her books in her locker, making sure everything was perfect considering Maya was a very messy person sometimes and needed a little organizing in her life.
"Ladies."
We suddenly heard a voice, both of us whipping around in sync to see, the one and only, Farkle Minkus.
"Farkle." We both said in unison, before we glanced at each other and laughed. I was trying to keep my spirits high, even though I felt like I was being constantly dragged down. I still feel a huge weight on my shoulders, and it absolutely sucked. Life just sucks sometimes.
"Wow, all of our lockers are so far apart." Farkle said in a monotone, as he frowned. He was looking through our schedules and things, and must have noticed the locker numbers. "It sucks." I said, quoting what I was just thinking in my mind seconds beforehand.
Maya and Farkle nodded in agreement. We all talked for a few about what periods we had together, what classes we had.
Suddenly we heard a loud, yet familiar voice boom through the hallway towards us. "Aye!" Zay exclaimed, walking up to us. He liked to call himself 'King of the halls' when really alot of people just found it quite annoying, really. But it was funny, which is why he was so confident in yelling.
"Hey Zay!" Maya exclaimed, trying to jump up to give him a high five as he raised his hand, but she was too short. "Piss off." Maya groaned, finally stopping as Zay laughed in victory. I smiled, as Zay greeted Farkle before looking over to me.
"How are you?" Zay asked. I hadn't told Zay that Lucas was back, I know I should have by now but I've been trying so hard not to think about it, I just feel like I lie to him everytime I speak, he deserves to know.
"Um, okay.. Actually there's something I need to tell yo-" I was suddenly cut off by everyone in the halls gasping.
Out of confusion and curiosity, all four of our heads turned towards the doorway, where everyone else was gawking at.
And suddenly we knew exactly why.
The one, the only, Lucas Friar came striding down the hallway.
I felt my heart drop down to the floor. There was no way he came back to school. No, way. Impossible.
I felt paralyzed, I'm sure I had the most embarrassing expression on my face, considering how shocked, yet angry I was. He walked along as if it was nothing, like he had not just disappeared for so long.
Like he didn't care at all.
His eyes, were so dark, colorless almost. It made my heart sink.
Everyone was just staring at him silently, like he had just practically murdered someone.
He just looked forward, not minding to look at anyone or anything.
I felt Maya grip onto my hand tightly, and I could only imagine the look on Zay's face now. I just silently stood there, all of my emotions getting the better of me. It felt, almost cruel.
Suddenly, his eyes locked on mine. Something that hasn't happened in a long time.
I just stared at him, emotionless. I didn't know what to feel. But I could see, that the moment his eyes met with mine, I saw light.
But then he looked away, and it was heart wrenching. He walked away as if I wasn't even there.
"Oh my nibblets." Zay spoke, making me snap out of my daze. "Huckleberry's back." Maya exasperated, looking at me desperately with fixated eyes. I felt numb.
I'm going to have to see him, everyday from now on. I'm going to have to face him everyday, i'm going to have to face the heartbreak. I can't run away from it.
"I guess so." I whispered breathlessly.
I guess they say, We accept the love we think we deserve,
and I suppose that Lucas made his choice,
he thinks he deserves this love.
This painful,
lonely love that you can't describe at times,
but its powerful,
electric,
and addictive.
It's hypnotic,
And you just can't let go.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A/N: What did you guys think about this chapter? ahahaha I literally feel like my book is going to be 70 chapters long lmao. How long would you guys like for the book to be..? i was thinking 45 chapters maybe? or 50? What do you guys want or would like for me to do? Because I have some ideas but it will make it longer... But I will only do that if you guys want it to be longer, so, you tell me. :) Have a lovely week and hope school goes well for you guys because sadly winter break it over ;( Love ya'll <3