*A/N*
**WARNING: CONTAINS MILD SMUT**
You're lucky this chapter is extra long! Haha, enjoy. (Okay that sounded kinda wrong, lmao.)
xoxo, Shawna :)
P.S. I think this is one of my best chapters yet!
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*Zach's POV*
Me and Autumn wake up in our hotel room. It's the next morning. Everything that happened last night made me feel so warm inside. I think it's what you call butterflies.
I seen Autumn sleeping peacefully next to me. Gosh, she's an angel. I was so releaved to find out that she feels the same way. I couldn't hide the feelings much longer.
She soon wakes up. "Hey love." I say.
"Hey babe."
"You wanna go get some breakfast?"
"Uhh, sure." She does a half smile and gets out of bed.
We get ready to go downstairs to the hotel dinning room for free breakfast. We change our clothes and what not and are about to head downstairs.
Autumn was wearing a baggy long sleeve. Which is the kinda clothes she always wear's. Sometimes she wears skinny jeans though, which she is now.
I never noticed how thin her legs were. They were like twigs. Well, at least I know she's better now. I can tell. I just wish she would shirts that actually fit her.
But she still looked beautiful as ever. We pecked each other on the lips and then left.
We get downstairs and grab something to eat. We both get a bowl of fruit loops. She looks at the bowl in a werid way. I was starting to get worried, but then she started eating it. I knew she was okay.
I smiled at her and starting eating.
*Autumn's POV*
No one can know. This is mine. And no one is gonna take that away from me.
I force myself to eat and make it all look natural. Before hand, I had made sure to leave my cell phone upstairs so I could have an exuse to leave.
I try and eat fast, so I can finish before him, so he doesn't come with me. I finally finish and he's about half way done.
"Wow, I think this is the first time you finished before me." He laughed.
"Haha, yeah." I smile. "Oh, I forgot my cell upstairs."
"Okay. I'll be right up when I'm done." He starts eating again. I have to hurry though, so he doesn't catch me...
As I'm walking back fastly to the room, I can feel it coming back up. Fuck.
I hurry and slide the card into the door handle slot and rush in the room and close the door. I run into the bathroom and don't have time to turn on the shower or sink. I took to much time downstairs to get up here.
I puke out my guts into the toilet, barely getting there in time. I didn't have anything to cover the choking noises, but hopefully no one could hear me. I pray that the walls are thick.
I finish and spray some air freshener. God, that was close. Too close.
I grab a piece of mint gum from my purse. I start to hear the door open. Oh yeah, me and Zach both had our own key cards. I hurry to grab my phone on the bed and pretend I'm texting.
Zach walks in, "Hey, find your phone?"
"Yep. Got it!" I show him my phone in my hand from across the room.
"Okay. So are you ready to go to the peer? Carlos just told everybody downstairs that today we get to be on our own. But we have to have a partner if we wanna go anywhere. You know, for safety reasons."
"Oh, alright. I'm ready." I get up and grab my purse. He grabs his light jacket. Then we're out the door.
We get there and sit where there wasn't too many people. We didn't want to feel crowded.
The scenery is beautiful, just like most of the places we've been were. We were enjoying our time, enjoying the view. The water flowing peacefully. Then all of a sudden I hear something yelling.
"Someone help! My baby! My son, he is drowning! He fell in and I cannot a'swim!" A lady near by was screaming. "Oh s'il vous plaît aider quelqu'un!" She said in french. I did know some french. I've been taking french since freshman year. I'm pretty sure she said, 'oh please someone help!'
There weren't many people around where we were. "Zach!!" I say in a panic.
"Helppp!" I could hear crying in the mothers voice. Zach shot up from where we were sitting and ran over to where the lady was. He then saw the young boy, who was probably around four years old, struggle in the water.
Zach quickly kicked off his shoes and dove into the water, swimming fast towards the little boy. He got ahold of him and swam him back to the edge of the peer.
I got over there and helped the little boy climb up the short later connected to the side of the concrete. The little boy was coughing and gasping for air. I carried him and handed him to his mother. I was barely able to carry him because of my loss of strength.
"Oh, Max, thank'a goodness! Are you okay?!" She held her boy, who finally caught his breath. "Oui." The boy responded. It meant 'Yes'
"J'étais tellement peur Max. Dieu merci, vous êtes d'accord." She said to her son. I didn't quite catch what she said though, I was too busy noticing Zach getting out of the water and running over to us to make sure everything was alright.
"Oh merci jeune homme. Vous êtes une bénédiction du ciel." She said to Zach, and hugged him and kissed him on each cheek.
"Umm.." I knew he had no clue what she said.
"She said, Oh thank you young man. You're a blessing from heaven. I think.. um, right?" I look at the lady.
"Oui oui, yes." She nodded.
"Well, you're very welcome." Zach said. The lady kissed me on my cheeks as well.
"You too jeune dame." She said to me.
"Bien sûr, bien sûr." I told her. She smiled and left, holding her son in her arms. I had said to her, 'Of course, of course.'
Me and Zach looked at each other and starting walking through a near by park. "You know Zach, what you did, was beyond amazing."
"What we did. You helped too." He nudged me.
"Yeah, I know, but you were the one who jumped in after him."
"Yeah, I guess so." He smiled.
"You are so brave..." I blushed. He noticed.
"So are you." He said, and I noticed we stopped by a tree.
"I'm really not.."
"Yes you are!"
"If you say so..." I playfully smirk.
"You know.." He cupped my face. "Our first kiss was under a tree."
"Yeah, I remember..." I blushed. "So about last night, what does this make us?"
"Whatever you want us to be." He pulls me close, gazing into my eyes.
"I think you know the answer to that." I smirk.
I start to lean in and he follows my lead, and are lips are barely touching. Then I push our lips together and they move in sync. We break apart.
"Are you hungry?" He asks me.
"Not really. I don't really have an appetite anymore after... that." I bit my lip.
"Yeah, me either." He smiled seductively. "Let's go." He grabbed my hand and we starting running back to the hotel. I laughed a little while running, really excited.
We got back and went into the room. Once we heard the door click shut, we started kissing again. I broke apart from it, wanting to say something.
"So, does this make us a couple now?"
"Does this answer your question?" He leans into my neck and starts sucking on it. I tilt my head, granting him better access. I let out a little moan. He sucks harder and I grab on to his shoulders for support as my knee's become weak.
Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me in
Lie down with me
And hold me in your arms
And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love
He picks me up and brings me to the bed. "Wow, you're light as a feather." He says.
Oh no. Hurry, think of something before he realizes and kills the mood. Uhhh- shit.
"Or maybe you're just so strong." I smirk. Please work...
"Maybe so.." He smirked back. Bingo.
He was on top of me, but barely putting any weight on me and mostly on his knee's which were on the side of my legs. We started making out.
He licked by bottom lip, asking for entrance. I kept my mouth closed, teasing him. He starts to get needy and begins tickling my side. I didn't want him to tickle me anymore and end up feeling how thin I 'supposedly' was.
I ended up laughing and my mouth opening, he took that chance to slip his tongue in. He moaned. Causing me to as well. After about 5 minutes of that, I broke away and lightly left little kisses on his neck, then without warning, gave him a love bite.
I sucked hard and gave him more bites. He was groaning. I smirked against his skin. Wow, I never thought this moment would come. Me, making out with a boy, especially Zach.
Who has always been there for me. I have always been there for him too, expect when I ignored him those couple of times because of what happened and what I was going through.
Suddenly, he pushed me away, him still on top of me. He started sucking on my neck once again, getting me back for the love bites I left him. He started leaving me some too. I let out small whimpers.
It was hard to control myself. He was causing me so much pleasure just by doing this. I felt myself soaked behind my underwear.
I massaged my fingers through his hair. He let out a moan. Which caused me to let out a giggle. Which ended up making him giggle as well while his lips were pressed up against my neck.
I felt his bulge press up against my thigh. He started to rub my thigh, then my inner thigh, and near my sex. I knew he felt the wetness through my jeans. He went right over it.
All of a sudden his lips broke contact with my neck. "You're soaked." He said in my ear.
"And you're hard as a rock." I said in his ear back.
He brought himself up to look at me. "Touche." He smirked. I smiled.
He started kissing me roughly. After about another 5 minutes, his hands find his way to my shirt to try and lift it up. Oh no, he can't. Or he will see how disgusting I am. I stop him.
"Whats wrong?" He asks.
"I-I'm sorry. I just think we should wait to do anything. We should wait until our last night in Paris." I told him.
"Okay. I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do." He held the side of my face and lightly pressed one last kiss to my lips before getting off of me and the bed. I got off the bed as well.
I looked at the time, it was 5 ish. Dinner is soon. Shit. Hmm, what am I gonna do to get out of this one? I need to think of a plan.
"Hey, Auts. I just got a text from Carlos telling me he needs to ask me something in person. I'm gonna head to his room which is only a couple of doors down. I'll be right back. Call me if you need anything until I get back, okay?"
I nodded. He kissed me on the cheek and left. I started pacing around the room trying to think of a plan. Ugh, this is so difficult. Maybe I should check on my phone. I'll look up, ways to get out of eating, or how to pretend you're eating.
I went over to grab my phone, and then was walking towards the balcony to open the doors. I did, and then I suddenly had a strange feeling. I figured it was just a dizzy spell coming on, it will pass.
But it didn't feel the same, well, it did at first but then, my vision was focusing in and out. Getting blurry and then clear. Things were spinning and objects were shaking back and fourth.
I squinted my eyes, and then re opened them, thinking that it was just my eyes being weird. But it wasn't. In fact my vision had gotten worse.
I tried to move but stumbled. I quickly stopped and stood still. I had a feeling I was gonna faint. I had fainted plently of times before. But I was in my room, alone. But in this situation, I knew Zach was coming back.
This time it felt stronger. A force was pushing on my chest and I was trying to hard not to fall to my knee's. But If I do faint, then I'm going to need to think of an excuse.
But before I could even do that, I felt myself fall to the ground. My body became in contact with the carpet floor. I was laying on my stomach, trying to move. But I didn't have the strength. I have never felt weaker in my life.
My breathing hitched. I was maybe hoping that this part was just another dream, and that I had fell asleep with Zach after our make out session. But I knew it was to good to be true.
There was always something different between my dreams and reality.
In my dreams, the pain was bearable. But in reality, the pain was more intense than ever.
Which was what I was feeling right now.
I knew I was gonna pass out soon. It has only been a minute since I fell. Good thing I still had my baggy long sleeve on. I looked down and made sure it was covering my body. Mostly my stomach.
I looked back out at the balcony. It was slightly dark now. I could see the beautiful lights of the city, that I could see anyway. I was still on the floor in my hotel room, but close enough to the balcony doors to see.
At first, I thought the sky was getting darker more quickly than usual. But then i realized that it was my vision.
I didn't know it the city of Paris was the last thing I might see. So I took it all in, and took a deep breath, before I let darkness swallow me whole.
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There was quite a few people. They were all wearing black. We were outside. There was a casket. A body lay inside. It looked like... like a funeral.
I walked over by it, but before looking into it, I see my parents in the front row. They were crying, and next to them, were Louis and Eleanor, Zach's parents. But why where they crying? Who died? I then walked closer to the casket and looked inside.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
The person who lay in the casket was... me.
My eyes widen and my hand flies over my mouth. I feel my eyes start to produce tears. My parents eyes are red and puffy. Tears stain there cheek. "Mum! Dad!" I call out for them, and go over to them. They don't see me.
"Hello?!.." I wave my hand infront of their faces. They don't even notice I'm there. I guess they can't see me? Am I a ghost or something? Maybe like Liam? I gulp.
I see Zach walk up to the casket. I can feel the wind blow. The tree's move along with each other.
I walk over to Zach. He is looking down at the casket. Where my dead, fragile body lay. I'm even skinner than I ever thought I would be. I literally looked like a skeleton almost. I even looked worse than Rachel. And I never thought I would ever ever be skinner than her.
"Autumn, I'm so so sorry." He chokes out, tears welling up in his eyes.
Why was he sorry? He didn't cause this.
"I wish I could have been a better friend... a better boyfriend. I loved you more than life. And nothing will ever be the same without you. My life will never be the same." The tears began to fall from his brown eyes. "I wanted to tell you just how beautiful you are. I wanted to describe just how amazing and special and wonderful you are to me. I wanted to kiss you in the rain, I wanted you to be my first, I wanted you to feel safe and protected when you were with me. But I guess you never truly did, since the person you were most afraid of, and could never get away from. Was yourself."
I was crying at this point, as was he.
"You never saw how truly beautiful you actually were. You never knew how much I truly loved you. I didn't get the chance to express and tell you every feeling I felt about you. Every feeling I got when I was with you, and every feeling I could never find the words to explain, but I'd try somehow, knowing, it could have saved you." He look a deep breath and cried to himself for a few seonds, trying to catch his breath. I was trying to catch mine too, not to talk, but just to breath. "I never stopped loving you. I've known you my whole life. And you've known me almost your whole life. No one will ever make me feel the way you did. You were special. You were special to me. Special to everyone who loved and cared about you. But at least now you can be with Rachel."
I tried to slow my crying down, my eyes now hurt from all the pressure I put on them as I squint to get the tears out.
"And most importantly, I wish you could hear everything I just told you right now, before you died. And when you were alive, I wish I could have told you that, you are the most beautiful girl in the world..." He sobbed uncontrollably. "But now I don't have that chance anymore..." He closed his eyes tight. "Goodbye butterfly." He whispered before leaving to go back to his seat in the front row.
Oh my god... He called me butterfly... He hasn't called me that since we were like 6 years old. And everything else he said... I-I have never felt so happy to hear that someone feels that way about me.
I go over to him, "Zach, Zach! I'm right here! Your butterfly!" I try to get his attention, but to no avail. I sigh. "Zach, I'm here, I can hear you. I heard everything." He continues to cry. If only he had known I was here...
I walk away from everyone and in my own little area under a tree. I guess I liked being under tree's. I start to cry again. I can't believe I'm actually... dead.
Out of nowhere, I feel somebody touch my shoulder. But I'm dead, I can't touch anyone and they can't touch, see or hear me. I turn around and I can't believe who I'm seeing.
Rachel.
"Rachel?! Oh my god!!!" I hug her tightly. I can feel her... and it feels good to see her again. And it feels good to hug her again. She feels more fuller. And looks fuller too. She looks normal.
"How are you here?!" I ask her.
She lets out a chuckle. It's nice to see you too Autumn. And well, I'm obviously a spirit. But we're not on earth, or heaven actually. We're in your epiphany. Which is real to you, and me. And heaven it's self. Like god and what not. But to everyone else, this never happened."
"Wait, so it's like, in the future."
"Yes. It can happen. Unless you make this choice. I'm giving you a second chance to make the right decision this time. To make a better life for youself." She puts her hand on my shoulder.
"O-Okay. Umm, I just don't know if I can do it. I'm weak and I will never be able to overcome this illness and all the other ones for that matter!" I sigh in defeat.
"Oh, but I know you can. You are strong. You were always the strong one. Not me. I mean, look at what happened to me. I wasn't as strong as you may have thought. You have lasted this long, you are the stong one Autumn. You always were."
"Thank you Rach... I love you and I've missed you so much, and I'll miss you after this too.."
"I love you too and I know, I've missed you too baby girl. And I still will when you leave here and start your new beginning at life. " We hugged tight for one last time before she pulled away and looked at me. "Good luck girl I know you can do this. Are you ready?" She asked me.
"Yes." I'm ready.
"Alright babe. Stay strong.." She lifts up her hand and snaps her fingers and before I know it all I see is darkness, then a white light. I run to it. And before I know it, I feel myself starting to come back to reality.
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*Zach's POV*
I finish my discussion with Carlos. It was plans for what us as a group was doing tomorrow. I leave and head back to the room and I feel coldness. She must have opened the balcony doors. But there was something else. Something that didn't feel right.
I slide the key card in and open the door. First thing I see, was Autumn. My eyes shoot open. My breathing, stopped.
I run over to her. "Autumn." I don't say very loud, still in a state of shock, trying to take it all in. "Babe?" I shake her lightly. "AUTUMN!" I finally find my voice. I didn't yell too loud though.
She was on her stomach. Sprawled out across the white carpet, right infront of the doors that lead out to the balcony.
I turn her over and cup her face. "Auts..." I say, convincing myself that she will wake up to the sound of my voice, but to no avail.
I feel a tear stream down my cheek. How could this happen? Well, I have an idea, but I know she was better, or at least trying to get better.
She was suddenly pale. Not as pale as she just was a minute ago. I was only gone for about 5 minutes. She was cold, but not dead cold. I check for a pulse, there is one. It's faint, but not as much as I would be worried. But yet, she is unconscious.
I go to grab my phone out of my pocket and am about to diall 999, but right before I even press a number, I hear her voice. "Za-"
I look at her. Her eyes were slightly open. "Wha-" She tried to talk again.
"Shh, it's okay. You're gonna be okay. I'm calling for help." I go back to begin pressing numbers on my phone.
"No- stop." She says a little more clearly this time, her hand placed on my forarm. "I'm okay."
"Autumn, you just were unconscious!"
"Zachey, I really am fine. I was just a little dizzy. I feel better now."
"Auts, you're still eating normally, right?"
"Yes Zach! You know I am. I have been. I told you there is nothing to worry about.." She trailed off. "But, it might have been because I skipped lunch.
"I skipped lunch too but I didn't faint." I give her a look.
"Yeah, but my body is still a little fragile. Plus, I am a girl. Our plumping works differently."
"Yeah, but not the stomach."
"Zach, this happens when my eating habits change. I have been eating and it's just my body getting used to it. You got to give it time. But It has been awhile, so soon this shouldn't be happening anymore. You've been seeing me eat. Just trust me okay?"
"Well, you do look better than you were a minute ago." He paused. "Promise me you are truly better and getting your body healthy again."
She looked distant for a second before she answered. "Yeah, I promise."
Once I heard those words, I believed her. But if I suspect something like this or something suspicious again, then thats when I draw the line.
I trusted her, and I had just hoped that I wouldn't end up regretting it.
*Autumn's POV*
"Could you get me a glass of water please?"
"Sure babe." He goes to the sink and gets me a glass of water. He brings it to me, I take a sip.
"Thanks."
"Of course." He smiles.
I really did hate lying to him. I wasn't trying to get better. I mean he did make me so happy, maybe I should just actually try to get better, for real this time.
I mean, after that dream/epiphany I had, and everything that Zach would have said if I did die, I am starting to feel different, like my old self again. But just not physically. Wow, this is weird. New to me in other words.
He picks me up and sets me on the bed. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. "So, are you okay enough to go to dinner?"
"Yeah, I'm totally good now. Thank you for your help Zachy."
"Anything for you, I mean you are my girlfriend now after all." He smiles big.
"Oh yeah! I'm so happy about that by the way." I blush, my red cheeks showing.
"So am I." He also blushes. Jeez! He's so cute when he blushes.
"So are you ready?"
"Yeah, let me just go and get changed into something more, nicer." He nods and I go into the bathroom with the outfit I just picked out.
I get changed and the outfit is classy. Perfect for dinner. But the bones on the top of my shoulders slightly poke out. I turn around and can see how prominent my shoulder blades are.
This is strange, just the other day, all I seen was fat hanging off of me. But now, all I see is a skeleton. I sigh and figure it has something to do with that epiphany I just had while I was unconscious. Well, I think it was anyway.
I put on a baja hoodie to hide my flaws, for now. And see Zach all ready. "Lets go." I say. He takes my hand, but as I start to walk towards the door, he stops me, and turns me to face him.
"What?" I laugh lightly.
"I just wanted to tell you that, you are so beautiful.."
I couldn't believe this. It's like the epiphany I just had.
"You're beautiful too Zachy."
"I love you butterfly."
He-He called me butterfly...
"I-I love you too..." I smile and my eyes get watery in that second. A tear escapes my eye.
He wipes it away with his thumb genetly. He brings my face to meet his, and we kiss.
This wasn't a kiss of lust, or even love. Well it was apart of love, but mainly, it was a kiss of complete serenity and hope. Hope that I was going to overcome this. Hope that one day, I can finally be happy. And hope that I can finally be myself again. And say goodbye to that demon, for good.
I just want to be good enough for Zach. And maybe me being good enough for him is just me being myself.
Thank you Rachel... for giving me this second chance.
And this time, I'm not taking it for granted. Oh no.
This time, I'm going to live my life the way I was meant to live it.
No matter what it takes.