I washed my hands in the kitchen and made my way to the table to join everyone else.
“So where were you all this time, sis?” Soda asked, sitting down at the table.
“Here and there, depending on where the drivers I hitched a ride with went. Eventually, I stayed with some folks down in Louisiana.” I said, making my plate.
“Louisiana? What's that like?” Johnny asked me softly.
“Hot and humid, but the people there are very friendly, and the food, it was great, but it just wasn't like home,” I said.
“Why didn't ya come home sooner, sis?” Soda asked me.
“I didn't know if I was ready to come back yet.” I said sadly. “I just needed time.”
“We understand, Shawna. We're just glad that you're back, and you're okay,” Darry said.
“Ah, don't get sappy, you're gonna make me cry,” I said, chuckling a little, Darry chuckled as well and patted my head.
“Don't worry, I won't,” he said, before beginning to eat.
“So did you hitchhike all the way back?” Pony asked me, before eating a spoonful of vegetables.
“I actually hitched a ride with someone I was staying with. They were coming into town to visit some family and offered me a ride back,” I said, before eating my vegetables. I continued eating, while answering questions, and getting to know the gang more, “So you two have been friends for years, and I'm just now meeting you?” I asked Steve.
“Yeah I guess so. Soda and Pony have mentioned you occasionally, but I thought you were just an old neighbor,” Steve said.
“Not to mention you still had clothes here,” Soda said.
“Which we thought were Sandy's,” Two-Bit said.
“Makes sense,” I said, eating my chicken. “You didn't let her wear my clothes, did you?”
“No, of course not,” Soda said. “I'm not heartless. I knew you'd come back to use them eventually.”
“Good because I don't want to have to burn them,” I said. I never liked Sandy, she acted like a soc, though she was lower-middle class, she just acted really snobby. I could tell she never liked me either, acting super sweet when Soda or the boys were around and being malicious whenever they were out of an earshot. I continued to eat, before noticing Soda staring at me, most likely from what I said. “What? You know, I hate it when people wear my clothes. It makes me feel gross.”
“Right, you were always like that,” Soda said, before going back to eating his food, leaving the table silent.
“Anyway…where will I be sleeping tonight? I don't mind taking the couch for now,” I said.
“You think we're letting you sleep on the couch? No way,” Soda said.
“You can take Soda's old bed,” Darry said.
“Where will Soda sleep?” I asked, not wanting to take up space. What I didn't know was that since Mom and Dad had died their bedroom was left untouched, Soda and Pony shared a bed because Pony had trouble sleeping, and the couch was for guests only when they stayed the night. I sat there and listened quietly as Soda explained this to me. “So…no one has been in there?” I finally asked quietly.
“Pony occasionally goes in there to dust stuff off when he's cleaning. He just hasn't been doing it lately with him being in school,” Soda explained.
“Excuse me, I need some air,” I choked out, trying not to cry as I left the table and hurried outside. I sat out on the porch and took a few deep breaths, feeling something in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't, it just wasn't a good time. I began to shake and turned around, hearing footsteps, seeing Johnny stepping outside. “Hey, Johnny Cade,” I said, turning back to face forward. “Heading home?”
“Nah, I just came out here to check on you. We all got worried about ya,” Johnny said, before I heard his footsteps moving closer toward me.
“Yeah, just…so many emotions are hitting me at once. I'm realizing that no matter how hard I try to…I just can never get over it,” I said. “I never completely got to grieve, just trying to avoid the truth.”
“I'm really sorry about what happened,” Johnny apologized.
“Thanks,” I said quietly, staring up at the night sky.
“It's okay to cry sometimes, though. We won't judge you if you did. It's a natural thing,” He reassured, lighting a cigarette.
“Thanks,” I said, scooting away, so he could smoke.
“I'm not bothering you, am I?” Johnny asked.
“No, it's fine. I just don't want it on my clothes. It's hard to get the smell out. I don't know how Pony does it,” I said.
“I've been smoking for so long, I just got used to it,” Johnny said.
“Yeah, I get that. When I was down in Louisiana, the first thing that hit me was the swamp smell,” I said, chuckling softly, making Johnny chuckle as well.
“That bad, huh?” Johnny asked, taking small drags from his cigarette.
“Like rotten eggs,” I said, making Johnny scrunch up his face a little.
“Aw man,” he said, shaking his head a little.
“Yeah,” I chuckled a little, feeling some stress melting away as I spoke to him. “Thanks for coming out here. I just needed to talk to someone without someone trying to panic, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it. If you just want to talk to someone, just let me know. I'm either here or at the vacant lot,” Johnny said.
“And if you're home?” I asked, making him go quiet. After this incident, I started being more cautious about bringing up people's home life.
“If I'm home…it's best if you stay away,” Johnny said, smoking his cigarette.
“Oh…I'm sorry, I didn't know,” I apologized.
“It's alright, I'm not mad,” Johnny said. I nodded and scratched the back of my head awkwardly, wanting to melt into the stairs.
“I uh, better head back inside, before my brothers panic,” I said, getting up carefully, dusting my skirt off.
“Alright,” Johnny said. I made my way over to the door, before looking back at him.
“And, Johnny Cade,” I said, making him turn to look at me, “Don't be afraid to talk to me when you need to talk to someone. I'm not one to judge anyone, either.”
“I'll keep that in mind, thanks,” he said, giving me a small smile. I smiled at him a little and made my way back inside.
“Shawna? Can we talk to you for a sec?” Darry called as the other boys made their way back into the living room.
“Sure,” I said, heading into the kitchen, before sitting down at the table with my brothers. “What is it?”
“It's about what you plan on doing,” Soda said.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking confused.
“Whether you will be going to school or staying home,” Darry said.
“Well I don't need to go to school. I was finishing homeschool classes with my friend in Louisiana, and I graduated. That was another reason why I was gone for the time I was,” I said, before getting up and heading into the living room to grab my bag, before heading back into the kitchen and pulling out my diploma, before handing it to Darry, who held it in his hands.
“Well I'll be damned,” Darry finally said. “My kid sister graduated.”
“Good job, sis,” Soda said, patting my back. “We're proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling. I felt proud of myself. I fulfilled my promise to my parents, by graduating, and reached my goal, of graduating a year earlier than most kids my age. Getting that diploma handed to me, made me cry hard that night and decide to come home. My quest in Louisiana had ended when that happened, and after that long cry I made my mind up. “I didn't want to come back empty-handed.”
“Even if you did, we would have always welcomed you back with open arms,” Darry reassured.
“Thanks, Darry,” I said. “But are you sure you want me to stay home? I'm sure The Dingo would need help.”
“Maybe after some time, okay? You just got back, and some things aren't the same. Not to mention the socs have gotten worse,” Darry said.
“How much worse?” I asked, which made them grow quiet.
“Some of them know about Mom and Dad…and well…" Pony said.
“Say no more, I get it,” I said. “That's low though.”
“It is, but we can't do anything about it. It will just make things worse,” Soda said. “So if you leave the house, keep a leveled head and don't let them provoke you.”
“No problem,” I said, getting up to clear off the table, seeing that everyone was finished eating. “But I will be going to the store tomorrow, unless you boys want spaghetti for dinner.”
“Alright, but take someone with you when you go. I don't want any arguments about it,” Darry said.
“Sounds fair,” I said, getting some dish water ready to clean the dishes.
“I'll leave you some money before I go to work, and we have some coupons here somewhere that are still valid,” Darry said.
“Alright,” I said, beginning to wash the dishes, hearing Johnny coming back inside.
“You staying the night again, Johnny?” Pony asked.
“Is that okay?” Johnny asked.
“Of course it's okay. You're always welcome here,” Darry said.
“Okay, thanks,” Johnny said.
“Well I'm gonna head home, I'll see y'all in the mornin',” Steve said, heading to the door, everyone saying goodbye in return. After a while, Two-Bit and Dallas left as well, and the house became quieter.
“I'm gonna head to bed,” Darry said.
“Night, Darry,” I said, cleaning the table. “Pony, Soda, you two better get ready for bed. If you're not up before they get here, I'm not responsible if your breakfast gets eaten.”
“Alright,” Pony said, closing his book.
“Look at you, wardening everyone's bedtime,” Soda teased. I chuckled softly and dried my hands off, wishing them both goodnight with a hug. I left the kitchen and saw Johnny sitting on the couch, looking at the TV.
“You want a blanket, Johnny Cade?” I asked, making him look at me.
“If that's okay,” he said.
“Of course,” I said, before heading into the room I shared with Soda and Pony, walking straight to the closet. I looked through it briefly, before pulling out a folded blanket and headed out of the room, taking the blanket back into the living room. “Here you go,” I said, handing Johnny the blanket.
“Thank you,” Johnny said.
“No problem, sleep well,” I said, heading out of the living room, back into the room to get ready for bed. I grabbed my nightgown from the bottom of the box and headed to the bathroom to change my clothes. I knew it would be a little difficult to get used to, especially with the other boys who come in and out of the house. Thank God for locks on doors, but I still am careful so that no one walks in on me. After changing my clothes, I put my clothes in the basket that held the dirty clothes. I then headed out of the bathroom, walked back into the room, climbed into Soda's old bed, passing out as soon as my body hit the mattress.