Colton~~
Before I reach Vienna's cell, I hear voices.
I pause, still out of sight of the cell, my presence hidden by the stone wall.
"Why did you help Iris, though?" Erik.
"She didn't choose the life I did. She shouldn't be forced into it." There's bite in Vienna's last sentence.
"Was Iris's uncle involved?"
"I don't have any desire to answer you, Erik."
I step out from behind the wall. The two Veil on duty quickly bow, catching Erik's and Vienna's attention. Vienna meets my eyes for only a few seconds before looking away. There was never supposed to be bars separating us.
"Erik," my tone is icy.
He tucks his hands in his pockets and smiles at me. "Fancy seeing you here."
"My thoughts exactly. Leave."
His eyes narrow. "I am the Tresais. You can't just order me around like any other Society member."
"You have no reason to speak with her."
"Please do send him away." Vienna pulls herself off the ground, the skirt of her dress falling into place around her. "As I said, I have no desire to answer any questions of his."
Erik glowers at her. "You picked a real charmer, Colton."
"Out."
He looks between us. "Are you sure you don't want me to supervise your lovers quarrel?"
"Erik, so help me, get out."
He holds up his hands. "Fine. Fine. But do keep it PG, for the guards' sake."
Erik finally slinks off, and I'd say it's to curl up in a hole somewhere and die, but I know better.
I tell the guards to give us some privacy and then step into the cell. "Do you regret it?"
"I'm not going to regret my beliefs." She's bathed in both shadows and amber light that comes from sconces in the walls.
"You were going to leave the rebels though."
"The Society hasn't been good, Colton. Your father's Order the case in point. But I got to see the potential your Order has if led the right way."
"You mean, you saw the potential Jonas has."
She doesn't respond to that.
"If you can give us information, I might be able to make this all go away."
"Is that what you want? For me not to be punished? Aren't I the enemy? The thing that hurt your mother?"
At the reminder of that day—when my mother was shot, and I had to watch her suffer—my hands tremble, and I clench them behind my back to hide it. "I was going to ask you to marry me."
She bites her lip.
"We talked about it, Vienna. I thought you wanted the same." I allow myself to take one step closer to her.
She takes a deep breath. "There's no use dwelling on that." The words feel like a stab. "Tell me what my punishment will be, and you can move on with your day."
"Vienna."
Her eyes snap to mine before looking away. "Really, Colton, I'm sure you have a hundred different things to do." Her voice sounds strained as if she's only forcing it to come across light. As if she doesn't know her worth to me.
"Jonas will be deciding what happens to you. Do you think you meant nothing to me that I wouldn't put you above other things?"
"Eli told me what you said in your Senate meeting."
I furrow my brows. What is she talking about?
"How if it were me who was Expired, you'd let the Society kill me."
My blood runs cold.
"Vienna—"
"You're not the only one who's been hurt."
"It's not like that. I wouldn't let you be killed."
"Maybe I'd believe that if you hadn't gone off to kill Iris after I asked you not to."
"It was my—"
"Your duty? You're not making a strong case that I'd be alive right now if I was Expired."
I back up, retreating toward the bars. "I wanted to know why you betrayed me, but now I see you're disgusted by me."
She closes her eyes. "You should go. You won't get anything from me."
"Please. Help me make the Society better. For you."
She shakes her head. "You don't want a rebel's advice we both know that. Let's not drag this out."
I wrap my hand around one of the bars. "I want to drag this out."
"Well, I don't." She shifts her weight, her dress wavering. "This isn't easy for me either if you haven't noticed. As much as you might say otherwise, you'll never forgive a rebel. I'm ruined in your eyes. Forever. It's a miracle Jonas was able to bring Iris back to shield her. But I was friends with the Society. What I've done cuts deeper." She wraps her arms around herself, rubbing at her bare arms, and I'm struck by the urge to pick up the blanket on the ground and drape it over her shoulders.
But she's right.
We have to let each other go.
"Tell me you hate me."
She draws back. "Colton, no. I can't."
"Vienna, if you want me to walk out of here and turn my back on you, I need to hear you say it, because I love you, and right now I hate that, but I do."
"I'm not going to say that."
I grip the bar tighter, trying to bite back my frustration. "Then we've come to a paradox, Vienna. You love me but hate the Society. I hate the rebels, but I love you."
"Isn't it enough to hear that? That I hate the Society? I don't—I can't hate you."
"I am the Society though."
"I'm not the rebellion. Aren't we more than what we're a part of?"
My heart was never supposed to be ripped asunder like this. I was going to marry her. We'd be together until our Expiration Dates separated us. We'd have children—three if we were lucky. I'd take them all on trips whenever we had the chance. We'd be happy. All five of us.
But now the kids I used to be able to picture with almost perfect clarity are fading into ghosts who never had the chance to live.
Is this recompense for going after Iris?
"Please, I need to hear you say it."
She slowly unwraps her arms, drawing herself up to her full height. Her eyes meet mine, and maybe it's my imagination, but I think there are tears blurring the blue. "I hate you, Colton."