Crispin Therapy...
Let's just say that as far as Saturday mornings went, this particular one was by far, Becky's favourite. Something was definitely different in the air. Everyone around the House of Goths was in a very good mood. Whether it be the proximity of Christmas break, or perhaps they'd all gotten weary of being cold and detached with each other, Becky couldn't quite say. Simply glad to be in their midst again, was good enough for her. Having made her peace with Dorian the other day and of course Kelley last night, she was practically flitting around the house.
If only she could say the same for Crispin. While he half-smiled at her as she and Dorian decorated the tree, his smile didn't quite reach his dove grey eyes.
For the most part, Becky had gotten over her self-conscious feelings concerning the guys. She'd pretty much convinced herself that she'd overreacted and that she had listened to way too much unsolicited advice from Gracie. She didn't believe Gracie had purposely set out to mess with her head, though. In a way, Becky felt sorry for Gracie. But not quite as sorry as she felt for Crispin.
"Wow, that's a beautiful job of decorating that little tree, you two," Kelley said, sitting back in his chair, sipping coffee while Becky and Dorian proudly presented their work.
"Yes, smashing..." Crispin added with lacklustre enthusiasm.
"There, that's me done," Dorian said, dusting himself off of stray strings of tinsel as he stood up and stretched.
"Where you off to?" Becky teased knowingly.
"I've a lunch date, not that it's any of your business," Dorian said, playfully ruffling Becky's hair.
"Oh? With a particular girl in a Santa hat?" she teased him.
"Perhaps." He winked, turned and left the room.
"Well, I suppose I should get some errands done," Kelley said, standing up out of his chair.
"Let me get changed and I'll come with you," Becky offered, wanting to spend some more alone time with Kelley. She still couldn't get over what had happened last night and what almost happened this morning before breakfast.
"Actually, love, I'd rather just run out and take care of things right quick on my own. If you don't mind," Kelley said, effectively shutting her down.
"Oh..." Try as she might, she couldn't help but be hurt by his sudden need to be on his own. What was it that he had to do? Why did he have to go alone? Why couldn't she just come with him? Why was he always running off by himself?
Glancing at Crispin with an oddly conspiring expression, Kelley started to leave the room. He didn't make it three steps without Becky catching up to him, literally crashing into his back when he made a sudden stop to check his pockets for his wallet and car keys. "Hey, oops watch yourself," he said, catching her.
Having bounced off his back like a lovestruck ninny, Becky could only rub her slightly injured nose. "Where... I mean, why can't I come with you?" she asked with a slight hitch to her voice. Somehow, she'd gotten it into her head that they'd be spending the day together, especially after last night.
"Becky..." Seeing the doubt in her eyes nearly broke his resolve. Yet there was something he needed to do that he couldn't put off another day. Something he had to take care of himself. Besides, it was a good day for her to spend some time with Crispin. She'd made her peace with Dorian and that was great. But Crispin needed special attention of which only Becky could give him, especially now, following his ugly breakup with Gracie. The inconsolable Goth was not doing well at all, despite his stoic protests to the contrary.
"Aw, what's with the face? Come here, you." He picked her up off her feet and rested his head against hers, mirroring her pout.
"I thought... I thought we could..." she sputtered, wrapping her arms around his collar and burying her face into the wonderful soft leather of his jacket. She couldn't quite form the words. Would he turn all aloof on her again? Would he pretend that nothing had happened? Just like before when he'd turned away from her?
"Shh..." He carried her into the kitchen and sat her up on the counter, standing between her knees. "Listen, the sooner I go, the sooner I can come back," he said, leaning in and kissing her softly at first, then hungrily, almost to the point where if he didn't stop, he'd rip her yoga pants off and take her right there on the kitchen counter. She didn't help things by literally dry humping him, with her hot little thighs tightly wrapped around him. "Fuck... Becky, you're killing me." He all but shuddered.
"Don't go," she gasped when he pulled himself away while clamping her hips down onto the counter.
"Oh, Becky," he husked, pressing his forehead into hers. "You're undeniable, you know that?" She could only shrug, feeling somewhat embarrassed by her behaviour. "Baby, trust me, this will happen soon enough. Just not right now."
"Later, tonight?" she asked, feeling awkward and desperate.
"Later... we'll talk," he said with a smile, sliding her forward and helping her to the ground.
"Okay then, if you say so," she said, standing at a loss as he gathered his things. At the last minute, he turned, looked at her and came back. He leaned in for a kiss and frowned at the disappointment in her face.
"Please, don't look at me that way," he pleaded.
"What way?" Crispin asked, having just stepped into the kitchen to refill his cup of coffee. "Go on, get out of here, Becky and I have plans."
"We do?" she asked, surprised.
With that, Kelley nodded and went on his way, leaving Becky alone in the house with Crispin. Well, not quite so alone, Keegan was around somewhere, probably downstairs in bed, sleeping in.
"Have a second cup with me?" Crispin offered, pouring them both the last of the coffee from the pot.
"Sure, why not?" she said, following him into the front room. He was already decked out in his Victorian finery. That's the thing with Crispin, he always impeccably dressed, whether he had somewhere to go or not.
"Sit down next to me," he suggested, catching her on the way towards Kelley's chair.
"Oh, all right," she said with a curious smile.
"Yes, I've missed our snuggles." He held her mug as she sat down next to him on the couch, rather stiffly at first. While she might be feeling better about her relationship with the Goths, she still didn't quite feel comfortable enough to resort to her old carefree ways. Just in case, Gracie's assumptions were correct.
"Oh, come on. Lose the schoolgirl jitters and relax," Crispin said, setting the mugs down on the coffee table. When she didn't, he took a deep breath and let out an exasperated sigh. "Becky, you're hurting my feelings."
"Really?" she asked, confused. "How, exactly am I hurting your feelings?"
He sat back into the corner of the couch with his hand tucked under his chin, his other arm, crossed over his waist, watching her. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he sighed painfully. "Dormouse, you don't have to tiptoe around the subject. Just talk to me."
"I don't know what you mean." Becky purposely averted her eyes from him and toyed with the sleeves of her shirt.
"Fuck this shit! I can't stand it anymore," he lamented, reaching out and grabbing her into his arms, pulling her so that she rested her weight against him in the same way that they used to sit and watch movies together.
"Crispin!" She struggled unsuccessfully against his unwavering grasp. He may be beautiful and graceful, but he was a force to be reckoned with in the strength department.
"Just shut it, you, and relax." After a moment, she relented. He then reached over and grabbed up their coffee mugs. "Here you are."
"You're lucky I don't spill this all over your fancy shirt!" she threatened with a frown.
"Oh, stop. Just humour me for a while, would you?"
"Why?"
"Why not?" he scoffed.
"Because, you know why."
"No, I don't know," Crispin retorted.
"Yes, you do!"
"Oh, for Pete's sake! Get over yourself," he shouted and laughed. "You might be all that, but I'm my own man. I'll have you know that I can control my urges."
"Crispin, this isn't funny," she half-heartedly swatted him on the chest.
"Oh, yes it is," he teased, dragging her closer and planting a big wet kiss on her cheek. "There, deal with that." At the look on her face, he just about lost it with giddy laughter.
"Crispin, stop it!" she cried, indignantly. While a part of her was enjoying his attentions, her insecurities were running wild. Still not quite sure of her status in the house, she suddenly got very sad. Not at the kiss or his affectionate nature but rather because she still was very confused about everything.
"Aw... no, not that," he said frowning at the sight of the slight tremble on her lips. "Anything but that." Plead as he may, it was too late. Becky was suddenly a blubbering mess.
Becky couldn't help it. She knew he hated it when she cried. He'd never had much patience for her weepy side. Yet Kelley was nowhere near and besides, it was Crispin's fault she was crying now.
"My poor little dormouse. I've hurt your feelings, haven't I?" he crooned, taking her mug away from her again.
"You're confusing me," she cried, reluctantly giving into his embrace.
"Let me un-confuse you, then," he said in a soothing voice, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, his head resting on hers. "Gracie doesn't know a damn thing about my feelings for you. You're my sweet little dormouse. I care about you very much and I love having you around. You make me laugh, you fill this house with your wonderfully girly ways, and you make my world a better place."
She pulled up and stared down into his dove grey eyes for a moment. "What about all that other stuff?" she asked, absently playing with the ruffles on his collar.
"Not interested, sweetheart. I've told you before and I'll tell you again..."
"You're not into vanilla," she chuckled, cutting him off with a hearty laugh.
"Now you've got it! Finally, I thought I'd never get through to you," he laughed along with her, hugging her tight against his chest. "Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a cuddle now and then. Understand?"
"Understood, you sweet, prickly Goth," Becky said with a cheeky smile.
***
"Where are we off to first?" she asked, happily buckling herself up in Crispin's vintage VW beetle.
"Well, see now that's the thing," Crispin said as he backed up out of the driveway. "I have no idea. I mean if we were in Toronto, we could hit the St. Lawrence Market, Queen St. and then maybe Eaton's Centre, but Kingston is so..."
"Mundane?" she offered, finishing for him.
"I was going to say limited, but mundane suits just fine," he said despondently. "Well, I suppose we could hit the strip mall by the highway."
"There are some nice little shops downtown," Becky suggested.
"Downtown? Kingston has a downtown?" Crispin repeated sarcastically.
"Oh, stop it, you prickly Goth," Becky laughed. "Of course, even I know that."
After coffee, Crispin had expressed his wishes to go Christmas shopping for Gracie. He was hoping that the right gift might persuade her to reconsider their relationship. Even though a part of him believed it to be a useless effort, he had also hoped to spend the day bonding with Becky. He'd missed her, his little dormouse.
Having found a parking spot along Princess Street, Becky hopped out of the car and waited while Crispin secured a ticket for the dashboard.
"What are thinking of getting for Gracie?" Becky asked, walking alongside the handsome Goth.
"I have no idea. That's why you're here," Crispin confessed, approaching a jewellery store window.
Becky blinked in wonder from the window display to Crispin. "But I don't know what Gracie likes."
"Oh, come on now," Crispin frowned. "You're a girl, she's a girl. What do girls want for Christmas? It can't be that hard to figure out."
"If it's so easy, why did you insist on bringing me along?"
"Because, if you haven't noticed, I am not a girl," he stated quite proudly.
"Sometimes, I wonder." she teased.
"Oh, shut it, you," he said with a smirk. "What about some jewellery? Too much? Too desperate?"
Becky could only shake her head and sigh. "Well, that depends," she said, looking at all the shiny gold rings and bracelets.
"On what?" he asked.
"On how serious you are about her. I mean, she might take it the wrong way if you bought her a ring, especially given her outlook on monogamous relationships."
"Right... I see what you mean," he said with an exasperated sigh. "I suppose you would appreciate a ring, wouldn't you?"
Becky nodded thoughtfully, tracing her fingers over the window. To her, a ring would mean the world. It wouldn't have to be expensive like the lovely ones on display. To her, a ring symbolized commitment, security and eternal love. She sighed, thinking about Kelley, suddenly wondering what his views on long-term commitment were. In so many ways, she still didn't know him very well.
"Doesn't that bother you, Crispin?" she asked, turning to him. It must, she realized, seeing the turmoil in his eyes.
"Fucking pisses me right off," he muttered under his breath.
"I should say so," Becky said, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. "Maybe you should rethink this whole thing with Gracie. You deserve better. I mean I like her, she's smart and funny but..."
"But what?" he grumbled, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow and leading her away from the jewellery store.
"Well, you deserve better," Becky said thoughtfully.
"Sadly, the universe doesn't seem to think so."
"Aw... don't say that. Why would you think that?"
"Becky, I have no illusions about my lot in life," Crispin said, pausing in front of an antique shop with boxes of knick knacks out front. "I came into this world alone, and I will die alone."
"Stop it. You'll find someone. There are plenty of girls who would love to have a guy like you to call their own," Becky stressed, watching him as he purposely avoided eye contact with her.
"Yeah, for a thrill every now and then maybe... just not for much else."
"Crispin..."
"Fuck it, Becky, don't bother yourself," he said, shaking her off and stalking away. "You wouldn't understand. You shouldn't understand. In fact, you shouldn't even bother hanging out with the likes of me."
"Wow, you are a Goth in the truest sense." Ignoring his attempts to distance himself from her, she insistently curled her hand around his elbow and walked with him in silence. She was very much aware of Crispin's low self-esteem, given his not so happy childhood. How could someone so beautiful on the outside feel so ugly on the inside? She was sad for him. Envisioning him as this sweet little boy, being bounced around from foster home to foster home, brought tears to her eyes.
"Don't you cry for me," he said, quietly leading her away from the shops, heading for the waterfront instead.
"I'm not..."
"Yes, you are!" he bit out angrily, shaking free of her, grasping onto the metal rail by the water's edge, and staring out onto the frosty lake. "I don't want your pity."
"Aw... Crispin," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist, once again ignoring his attempts to shake her off. His shoulders were beyond tense, his beautiful face, hardened in anger, his fists clenched around the cold metal rails.
"Becky, you are walking a thin line," he warned, teeth clenched. "Remove yourself from my person."
"Not until you hear me out," she said, petting his long wavy mane. Not even for a moment did she fear the menace in his voice. She felt him literally tremble with pent up rage, but that just made her hold on tighter to him.
"Damn it, say what you have to say and get off me, dormouse!"
There, he'd said it, called her dormouse. Becky smiled triumphantly to herself. He'd never intentionally say or do anything to hurt her. He was just being defensive, attempting to push her away so that she couldn't hurt him like so many others had before.
"Dear Crispin, I treasure you..." she whispered, her voice filling with emotion. When he didn't budge, she continued. "You were there for me when my granny passed away. You comforted me with your hugs, your presence. You stayed by my side the whole time... and I'll never forget that. Even when the others weren't there, you never left me. You have no idea what that means to me."
"Becky..."
"Crispin, you're my friend, forever, my sweet prickly Goth and I love you. I will always love you."
With a small shudder followed by deep inhale of fresh air, Crispin slowly turned around and tucked her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her small body. They stayed that way for a very long time, just holding each other.
"You're cold, Becky," he whispered, holding her tighter. "Hungry too," he chuckled at the unmistakable grumble from her belly. "How's about some lunch? A little cheese perhaps, for my wee dormouse."
"Sounds like a plan," she chuckled from somewhere underneath his all-encompassing embrace.
***
To be continued...
****
Did you enjoy this chapter? If you did, be kind enough to give it a star. Every little bit helps
Hey, don't forget to hit the FOLLOW button, and be sure to add House of Goths to your WATTPAD Library, so you don't miss the latest chapters and updates.
****
House of Goths Copyright © 2014 by Maria Bernard ISBN: 978-0-9938067-3-5
****