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Ch17: I Need To Tell Him The Truth
Day 86
Everyday that goes by I feel guiltier.
I feel worse.
Elliot loves me and I love him.
Yet I lie to him. Everyday that goes by I lie to him.
I need to tell him the truth. I need to tell him everything.
I'm in the alleyway where me and Sam always talk waiting for him to come. I called him and told him to come right away that it was an emergency.
"Hey," Sam smiles hugging me. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," I embrace him "we just need to talk."
"What's wrong?"
Okay. Just say it Abrelle.
"I want to tell Elliot the truth."
"What?" Sam exclaims "why would you want to do that?"
"I'm tired of lying to him Sam," I say "I'm tired of lying to everyone."
"You can't tell him the truth,"Sam growls "you don't even know if you can trust him."
"I know," I take a deep breath "but it's a risk I'm willing to take."
"No Lydia-"
"It's Abrelle," I whisper frustrated "I'm sick and tired of being called Lydia. I'm sick and tired of not being able to visit my father's grave. I'm sick and tired of lying and hidding all the damn time Sammy....I'm so exhausted of this."
"Think of me Abrelle," Sam says "I'm tired too. I hate having to lie to everyone about where I go too. I hate having to see you in secret. I hate that my career is always in danger because of this. I hate it too and trust me I'm also exhausted of this, but I would never do anything to put you in danger. So I suck it up and keep going because that's all I can do."
"I would never do anything to put you in danger," I answer "but maybe Elliot won't say anything when I tell him the truth. Maybe he'll keep the secret."
"Maybe!" Sam yells "Maybe he won't go running to the cops and turn us in. Maybe he will and we'll spend ten or twenty years in jail, who knows? But I say you don't find out."
"You don't get to make that choice for me," I yell back "this is my secret...Even if he does go to the police and say something we've got everything figured out so that you don't get pushed into the mess, remember? Remember how you told me right after I escaped that if I was caught we'd both go to jail, but I promised never to mention your name...I'll always keep that promise Sammy. "
"I...I don't want to ever see you locked away for something you didn't do Abrelle," Sam whispers, tears in the corner of his eyes "especially not because of some big mouthed asshole who will go squeal everything to the cops as soon as you tell him."
I need to tell him why this is a big deal. Why I can't lie to Elliot anymore.
"I love him Sam," I spit out "and I can't lie to him anymore. I have to tell him who I am before he finds out from somewhere else."
"You love him?" Sam frowns.
"I do," I nod "I didn't want it to happen, but it did Sam and there was nothing I could do....He doesn't know that I love him, but I do and I can't lie to him anymore."
"If you love him," Sam looks away from me "then don't tell him the truth."
What?
"Why not?" I ask.
"They can accuse him of being your accomplice," he answers "and that's easily ten or fifteen years in jail."
"Well," I say "I'll just lie and tell them he didn't know anything."
"That's hard to believe considering he lives with you."
"But that's how it is now," I shake my head confused "he lives with me and doesn't know anything."
"Look," Sam takes a deep breath "as an FBI agent we take in consideration what decisions the 'accomplice' makes regarding the criminal. Elliot once knowing your secret will make his decisions to protect you and those decisions will be the ones that will put him in jail."
"Sam I.."
"I have to go," Sam interrupts me "think about what I said."
"Okay," I say minutes after he leaves.
***
"What do you think?" Liz asks leaning over the register to get a better view.
Should I say something to Elliot?
"He looks good in that shirt."
"that's easily ten or fifteen years in jail."
"Should I go over there? No, I'm working that would be unprofessional, right?"
No. I can't imagine seeing him in jail because of me.
"Lydia," Liz exclaims causing me to stop thinking and look at her. "Were you listening to anything I said?"
"No," I answer a bit embarrassed "I'm sorry I was thinking about something else. What were you saying?"
"Jason," she smiles turning to look over at the table where the guys are sitting. Jason's wearing a tight dirty wife beater with some dark jeans and Noah a navy blue and black suit.
"You have a crush on Jason?" I ask a bit shocked and Liz nods her head vigorously.
"Yeah," she swoons "but he doesn't notice me much."
That makes two of us. J doesn't talk to me very much after Elliot completely embarrassed him in my apartment.
"Well he doesn't talk to me much anymore," I say.
"Why?"
"Elliot," I answer as Noah makes his way over to us.
"Hey," he smiles leaning against the counter in front of us.
"Hey," we both say in unison.
"So me and Jason were just wondering who was going to host friendsgiving on Thursday," he says looking directly at me.
"What's friendsgiving?" I ask confused.
"Thanksgiving, but for friends," Jason answers walking to stand next to Noah.
"Oh okay," I say rememberig the time they invited me last year and I said no.
"So," Liz says casually looking at me "who's hosting it this year?"
"I did last year," Jason answers "so it's only fair someone else does it this year."
I nod at Jason's comment and from the corner of my eye I see Elliot walking in wearing a plain black v-neck and some blue jeans.
He looks good in a v-neck.
"We can try my house," Liz volunteers "but my roommate Jess has a crush on Noah and she makes things awkward."
"Hey," Elliot waves at everyone, his eyes never leaving mine.
"What are you doing here?" Noah asks annoyed.
"I came to see my girlfriend," Elliot smirks and I feel my entire face turn pink as everyone looks at me.
"You guys are official," Liz says breaking the silence and I feel as though my face turns a pink shade darker.
What do I say?
Are we official?
He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend.
Maybe he just said it to make Noah mad.
Fine, two can play that game.
"I don't know," I laugh looking straight at Elliot "I haven't been officially asked."
I can see Elliot sensing my tone. He knows I'm playing with him.
"That can be arranged," he smriks, a challenging look on face.
Oh no. What is he doing?
"Everyone can you listen for a moment?" Elliot yells causing everyone in San Cafe to look over at us.
I see Noah glaring at him furiously and I try smiling at him, but he looks away.
"Elliot," I whisper furiously "stop it okay. You win."
"Fine," he smirks and turns back to the crowd "never mind everyone."
"You're so annoying," I tell him playfully.
"I know," he smiles.
"Anyways," Liz laughs "who's hosting friendsgiving?"
"We can," Elliot volunteers and I glare at him.
No we can't.
If my sister find out she'll spill.
"You okay with this Lydia?" Noah asks a furious look on his face.
What do I say?
It's bad enough that me and Elliot are together now I'm suppose to host friendsgiving while hidding it from my sister.
Oh god.
Wait, am I really going to let my sister ruin everything for me now?
I finally allowed myself to have fun and she shows up and tries to ruin it.
No that's not fair. She shouldn't have that power over me.
I won't let her have that power over me.
"Yeah," I smile "we can host friendsgiving this year."
A/N: Merry Christmas!!!!!
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Love, Pam