Jocelyn's P.O.V.
People who dead can't be resurrect. This line is always in my mind. I just couldn't take it off.
These days, after Xiumin harabeoji's funeral, okay, I still call him like that, though he knows, I thought a lot about what he told me in the letter.
He asked me to set aside the past, and think about, do I really really have feelings for Chen? Do I really love him?
If I am not...maybe, I'm just hurting his feelings.
Today is Christmas. Myungsoo had flew back to Japan a few days ago, after the funeral. It had been almost a week since Xiumin harabeoji passed away.
I heard from appa that Suho harabeoji locked himself in the room and didn't talk to anyone these days. I guessed he's really sad. He and Xiumin harabeoji had been together for many years.
As for Yoona halmoni, she visited Xiumin harabeoji's grave everyday. She really miss her a lot.
And now, here I am, feeling a bit guilty, sitting in the couch of the house of me and Myungsoo, together with Chen, watching movies.
He was trying to make me happy for all these days, honestly. But I just couldn't.
"That's so hilarious." He commented as he turned off the television, when the movie is finished.
I nodded my head weakly and replied him, "Yeah, it is."
"Rest first, honey?" He suddenly asked.
"No, I'll just watch the movies with you, here." I shook my head slightly and replied.
"Are you sure?" He asked again. I nodded and said, "Yeah, go on and change another movie maybe?"
He remained silent. Suddenly, he pecked my lips and pulled me up from the couch.
"Let's head out!" He told me excitedly.
"Where?"
"You'll know. Come on, brush yourself up and we'll be leaving." He told me and pushed me slightly back to my room.
As soon as I dressed up myself, I went out to the living room.
"You look good. Now let's go!" He commented and pulled me out from the house.
"Where are we going?" I asked while he started the car.
"Dating." He grinned and told me.
I looked outside the streets. Maybe it's because of it's Christmas, most people had went home and stay home, spending their times with their family.
As for my family, I had went to visit them for the whole morning, and left the afternoon for Myungsoo's parents. And now, at night, I am spending it with Chen. Or maybe later, video call with Myungsoo.
Finally after about ten minutes, the car stopped. I looked out again, and it's a school.
What are we doing here? The school isn't open though.
"Let's get down." Chen said.
"I asked from my grandfather where is the school and he told me that it's here. You know, somehow, I really love this place. Full of memories." Chen grinned and said.
"Exactly." I smiled and replied him.
"Let's go in there!" He pulled my hands and dragged me to the fence, looking for something. Finally we stopped in front of a wall. He pulled out his phone and opened the flashlight.
"See, it's covered by trees." He told me proudly as he pointed at the wall that seemed like had been destroyed, covered by a tree. If there wasn't light, you won't able to see it.
We went in the school. The first thing I saw is a lake.
"Good thing that it lead here. I love here." Chen said as he came in after me. He sat down in the grass, patting the place beside him and said, "Sit here."
I sat down beside him, while he wrapped his arms around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.
Memories flooded back to my mind. I still remember, the day, after our performance in the ball, we came here.
"Can we stay like this just for a while? Please?" He whispered.
I didn't answer him. "I'll take that as a yes." I heard he said.
"Whatever." I mumbled. I looked at him and saw him with his eyes closing.
"Are you checking me out?" He suddenly open his eyes and said.
"What? I'm not." I denied.
"You better not be." He mumbled.
"What?"
He didn't answer me. I stared at the lake. It was calm, and the surrounding is dark. The moon reflected on the lake. I suddenly remembered about Taemin. Thinking of him, my eyes full with tears again.
"Hey...thinking about Taemin again? Don't cry..." He softly whispered.
The lake is actually in the garden. Our school garden is really big that we can't even see the lake from the place that we went earlier.
"Yeah...just suddenly thought about him." I wiped off my tears.
"I missed him too. He's just like my little brother."
"Yeah...I wondered how he's doing now..."
"At least you know that he's safe there."
"Chen? If there's a day, I die, what will you do?" I turned to him and asked.
"Are you kidding me? Celyn! You won't die!"
"Yeah...just in case."
"Whatever. But if you die, I guessed my life will be a mess, miserable and I can't stop thinking about you." He shrugged.
Just like that day, the moon reflected on the lake, the surrounding is calm, it is dark around. And there, sat only us. Me and Chen.
"Remember that day we went on visiting Luhan and Sehun? Still remember what we saw?" He asked.
"That moment is unforgettable." I laughed a bit.
"Of course! It's weird for seeing them kissing. Man and man." He told me. He leaned down and pecked my lips.
"But I am glad to see how far had they gone for now. It had been many years." I said. "And at the same day, we visited Lay and Kris too. They were writing songs isn't it?"
"Yeah. Still remember that song?" He smiled and asked. I shook my head. "It's in Chinese. Seriously you expect me to remember?"
He just smiled. After a while, he started singing.
Girl, do you know that how much are you mean to me?
Girl, do you know that how painful am I when I saw you fake a smile?
Girl, do you know that your smile warmed my world?
Girl, do you know that your stare stopped my heartbeat?
Girl, do you know how much I miss you hug?
Girl, do you know that how pretty are you?
Girl, do you know that how much my love for you?
I don't want to see you cry, girl.
I want to see you smile.
Everyday I kept on thinking of you.
I can't get you out of my mind.
You're my everything.
If I could, I want to hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you.
Each day I want to tell you how much I love you.
I want you.
I like you.
I love you.
You're my everything.
You are my world.
"I translated the lyrics into Korean." He smiled.
"Still nice like before." I smiled and commented.
"My singing or the lyrics?"
"Lyrics." I replied and laughed.
"Eyy, how could you…" He whined. I just shrugged and smiled.
"I mean it, those lyrics. But as I said, it's alright for me to wait."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. That's not your fault too." He ruffled my hair and told me.
"Do you know? The first day when I saw you, I mean a few months ago, in that café, I started liking you. But after I learn that you are Myungsoo's wife, I back off a bit. I told myself that I shouldn't be falling for my best friend's wife."
"But then, you know, I couldn't help but still fall." He shrugged a bit and smiled at me.
"I love you so much, Jocelyn." He mumbled. I didn't answer him. I sneaked closer to him and closed my eyes.
"Tired?" Chen asked. I just nodded. He tapped on my shoulders and says, "Let's head back."
I nodded. Then, we headed back to my house.
I was too tired that I was asleep when we go back. I was a bit conscious when we arrived at the building of my unit. I could felt Chen carried me out from the car, and up to the unit, then lay me down in the bed.
"I'll go back alright?" I heard him said softly as he laid me down on the bed.
"Don't go." I mumbled at him, and held on his hands.
I heard him chuckled, then laid down beside me, and said, "I won't go."
"Sing for me?"
There was a silence. Then, he started to sing.
Nae nalkeun gitareul deureo haji moshan gobaegeul
Hogeun gojipseure samkin iyagireul
Norae hana mandeun cheok jigeum malharyeo haeyo
Geunyang deureoyo I’ll sing for you
Neomu saranghajiman saranghanda mal an hae
Eosaekhae jajonsim heorak an hae
Oneureun yonggi naeseo na malhal tejiman
Musimhi deureoyo I’ll sing for you
The way you cry the way you smile
Naege eolmana keun uimiin geolkka?
Hagopeun mal nohchyeobeorin mal
Gobaekhal tejiman geunyang deureoyo
I’ll sing for you sing for you
Geunyang hanbeon deutgo useoyo
Jogeum useupjyo naegen geudae bakke eopsneunde
Gakkeumeun namboda moshan na
Sasireun geudae pume meorikareul bubigo
Angigo sipeun geonde marijyo
The way you cry the way you smile
Naege eolmana keun uimiin geolkka?
Doraseomyeo huhoehaessdeon mal
Sagwahal tejiman geunyang deureoyo
I’ll sing for you sing for you
Amureohji anheun cheokhaeyo
Maeil neomu gamsahae geudaega isseoseo
Sinkkeseo jusin nae seonmul
Oneuri jinamyeon nan tto eosaekhae haljido
Hajiman oneureun kkok malhago sipeo geureoni deureoyo
The way you cry the way you smile
Naege eolmana keun uimiin geolkka?
Hagopeun mal nohchyeobeorin mal
Gobaekhal tejiman jom eosaekhajiman
Geunyang deureoyo I’ll sing for you sing for you
Geunyang deureoyo I’ll sing for you
"Goodnight, my love."
_______
A/N:
Meaningless chapter. Ending soon :)) It's not Christmas yet, but still, this song is full of Christmas feel. Why am I listening to so much break up songs though.
I always got teary when Chen's part came up lol. Wonder why. Then I straightly set it as my ringtone. Anyways, what's your favorite songs among the five? All are nice but I personally like Unfair more. Tell me yours :)
-Jocelyn