-Pete-
I'm starting to feel weak. I get light headed and dizzy when I make sudden movements and I'm moving especially slow. I haven't told Patrick I haven't eaten since the other day, but I think he's starting to catch on. He gives me worried looks and heavy sighs. I told him yesterday that there isn't any food left, but I found a can of soup in the car underneath blankets and bags.
Now it's breakfast and I'm watching Patrick and Bronx eat the last of the soup together. I told Patrick that I already had some before the two of them woke up, but he gave me a look of disappointment. We exchanged small glances, and I tried to play it off innocently through smiles, but he never smiled back. He only gave me sad looks with worried eyes. Giving up, I looked out the window down into the city streets and watch the light snow fall flutter in the wind.
Sometimes, I ponder why I keep going? I wonder what the point is. At what point does living become only surviving? Are the three of us actually living, or merely surviving. There isn't anything to look forward to anymore. I know how the next day is going to play out. How next week will play out. Hell, I can predict how next month will play out, and it's going to be the same it has been for three years now. I stared at my reflection in the window, and even though I wonder these thing, I already know the answer. It's always for Bronx. I could see Patrick get up and walk towards me through the reflection in the window.
"Pete..."
"Yeah?" I turned and looked at him.
"You need to stop this."
"Stop what?" I asked.
"Pete... I know what you've been doing..."
"Nothing? Yes... That tends to happen when there is nowhere to go."
"You know that's not what I mean."
"Then what do you mean?"
"Please don't play stupid and with me." Patrick begged.
Silence...
"You two need it more than I do." I said looking out the window.
"What's the point of Bronx living if you're not there with him." Patrick asked.
I looked over to Bronx and saw him looking through one of his old book, reading to himself softly.
"Because at least if I'm not here, he would still have you and not be completely alone. My life doesn't matter. His does."
"Your life matters to me." He said
"Bu-" I was interrupted.
"It matters to Bronx. You are literally all he has! He already lost a mother, you think he can go on without his father?" Patrick argued. "You think that at this point, after everything that I can go on without you?" He said, his eyes turning red as tears surfaced.
"Patrick I-" was interrupted again.
"I was alone for so long. And even before then most people I saw and talked too I didn't even like. I finally find someone who can love me. Who I can love and he's throwing his life away in front of me!" Tears fell from his face, onto the carpet of the floor as he paced back and forth in face.
"Patrick! Stop!" I yelled, causing him to freeze in place and look at me. I glanced over at Bronx and saw he had a concerned look. "It's fine Bronx. Finish your book so you can tell me about it." I told Bronx.
I pulled Patrick into the bed room and closed the door behind us.
"I'm so sorry. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I pulled him into a hug. "I just want to make sure he has his best chance, and I want you to be as healthy as you can be because I need you." I told him, but he pulled away from me.
"Stop being so selfish! You think that neither Bronx or I need you? You can't play the hero because no matter which one of us lost, someone won't be able to go on. You die, Bronx and I can't go on. I die, then you can't go on. Bronx dies, and neither of us can go on. There are no winners here, so get in there, and finish the soup I didn't eat." He said sternly, but upset all the same as he pointed to the kitchen. I didn't want to say anything else because he's right. We all need each other now and there's no reason for what I'm doing.
I slowly got up and walked into the kitchen and sat at the table where the cold soup was sitting. Bronx was still there reading his book.
"What happened Daddy?" He asked as he looked at the pictures in the book.
"Nothing. I just made Patrick upset so we had to talk about some things. I didn't mean to make him upset, but then he made me feel sad too, so we just had to go talk about things." I told him.
"Are you still mad at him?"
"I was never mad at him, but no. I don't have any negative feelings towards him."
"So you still love each other?" Bronx asked.
"Yes. Very much so." I said smiling at him.
"Good. I like Patrick. I don't want him to go." Bronx said.
"Me too. Anyways, what's your book about?" I asked pointing to the book.
He started to babble on about the book and I just gave smiles and nods, and it eventually led into a whole conversation about the books characters. I tried my best not to over analyze a children's book, but I couldn't help it. You gotta start them young right?
Patrick walked up to us and say in the chair next to after he gave me a quick kiss.
"So, we have to do something. We can't just stay here forever, but if we can get to Houston on a single tank of gas and if we get there, we can stay there if need me. The city is huge and there has to be somebody or something there." Patrick said, dropping the serious bomb.
"How are we supposed to find gas for the car?" I asked.
"We'll just have to look around the city for a gas station with gas. It's the only way." He said.
"Right now?" I asked.
"We aren't getting any younger." Patrick said sarcastically.
So, to make a long story short, five hours later and after stopping at every gas station in Dallas, we finally had a full tank of gas.
"We should leave now." Patrick said.
"We should leave in the morning." I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"Because it's too dark at night and we don't know what the roads are like. Let's just go back to the hotel and leave in the morning."
"I agree with Daddy.. I wanna go take a nap." Bronx interjected. Patrick and I couldn't help but laughing. It's been awhile since I had a good laugh, and they've gotten more frequent since I've had Patrick in my life. They say laughing makes you live longer.
We made our way back to the hotel bad Bronx hit the couch as soon as we walked in the door.
"From now until he end of time, I will not be seen. I will be hidden from those who wish to disturb my slumber." And with that he vanished under the blankets and was not to be seen again. I got a fire going as dark hit the skies. It was darker in the hotel room than it was outside because the tall downtown buildings cast shadows over us, blocking what little light could have been shown. The fire illuminated the living room as Patrick got the fire started in the bed room where we sleep.
"Goodnight Little Man!!" I pushed the little mound of blankets around. "I love you."
"I love you too." I heard the blankets say back.
I walked into the bed room where I found Patrick laying in bed throwing his fedora up in the air, and catching it over and over again. Kicking off my boots, I crawled into bed with him and used his chest as a pillow.
"Hey." I said quietly.
"Hey." He said.
"Ready to get out of here?" I asked.
"Not really." He admitted.
"What. Why?"
"Because at least here I know what to expect."
"I understand. But even if there is nothing there, it won't be much different than here." I told him.
"I know."
"And at least we will be there with you." I said.
"I know."
"And at least it won't be as cold." I pointed out.
"Alright. I get it, your optimistic." He giggled.
"I try my best to me."
"I know." He said.
I looked at his face in the soft, warm light of the fire.
"Hey Patrick?"
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" I asked.
"No, but it wouldn't hurt to hear you say it." Patrick laughed.
"Well you are." I said before I kissed him.
We stayed up late, into the early morning having little talks, where we talked about our child hood, past memories, and what we wanted for the future. It felt like a blissful eternity, but a torturous minutes the same time. I wanted the night to last longer, but we can't all get what we want. We kissed, a lot. There was panting, actual sweat, and groans. The removal of clothes, rubbing of skin, and silent whimpers. Needless to say I finally gave into Patrick and made the relationship "official" you could say.
I didn't have any bad dreams, or nightmares. Only peaceful sleep in Patrick's arms, and the warmth of his body, but eventually we all have to wake up. The light and cold air woke me up, and I slid out of bed to put my clothes back on, and reignite the fires for them. I never did sleep much. Ever since I was kid, I stayed up late, and woke many times during the night and stayed up.
"Patrick. Come one Babe. Wake up." I rubbed his bare back until he stirred and looked up at me through sleepy blue eyes.
"Good morning." He rubbed his eyes and smiled at me.
"Good morning. We should leave soon, but I'll wait until you're ready."
"Okay. I'll be up soon." He said as he grabbed his glasses and got out of bed. I let my eyes travel his body as he put his clothes back on, and damn. I'm lucky.
"Stop staring at me." He said as he zipped up his jeans." He smiled with bashfulness.
"I can't help it. You're perfect and it's a different light. I can see you in more detail."
"You don't need anymore detail." He said as he threw a his shirt over his head and over his chest.
"No. Not the chest." I thought to myself as his chest disappeared under his shirt.
"Last night was great, 'Trick." I kissed him and left the room to wake up Bronx.
I approached the mass of blankets and saw his head sticking out.
"Come on Bronx. We gotta go now." I shook him softly.
"Carry meeee." He begged.
"I can barley carry myself. And I gotta carry the bag. Just walk down stairs and you can go back to sleep in the car." I told him as he got up and gave me an evil look.
"I hope the evil wizard from Lord of the Rings curses you." He said as he walked out the door to the car. I could hear Patrick cracking up with laughter behind me.
"Gee. I wonder who taught him that."
"Oh man. I didn't think he would say it. That his some shit." Patrick said through laughs. I couldn't help but laugh with him because hell, it was funny.
"Let's go. Grab the bag and I'll get the blankets." I said before I kissed him for a very long moment.
Soon we were on the road again. Honestly, I didn't miss it at all. I missed the break we had in Dallas. The ride there was anxious for me. I had Patrick sing to me to calm my nerves and it worked. When we get there, I really want to play my bass with him. It will be a good way to connect more with him.
I eventually fell asleep and dreamed of nothing.
"Pete... Pete look." I rubbed my eyes and looked ahead to see the skyline of what I'm going to assume is Houston.
Above the skyline in the sky, there was a break in the ash and the sky could be seen.
"Bronx!!" I yelled and he almost fell over.
"What!?" He asked panicked.
"Look. The sky. I told you it's blue." I pointed to were the sky peeked out from the ash.
"Woooooooow." He said in awe.
Coming out from the break were rays of yellow sunlight beaming down on the glass towers, causing them to reflect and glisten with light.
"You think it's a sign?" I asked as I grabbed Patrick's hand.
"I do. Wanna go find out?" He asked.
"Yes. Together. I love you, 'Trick." I smiled.
"I love you too, Panda." He squeezed my hand.
"What about me?" Bronx asked with a pouty face.
"I love you most of all Little Man." I said messing up his hair.
"Yeeessss. I love you too!!!" He tried to ruin my hair in return.
I looked forward to take in the sky and yellow rays of light for as long as possible, and as a family full of hope from what had to be a prophetic sign, or a sign from a god above, we drove ahead to the towering buildings with thoughts and hope of the future in mind. Hopefully to a life with color, hope, and meaning.
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Well this is it. The Beginning of the End. We will never know if they actually found a functioning city or not. Oops. Thank you for reading, voting and commenting. :)
Also, regarding my next fic... It will be maybe at least a week before I post the first chapter, so be sure to follow me so you can know as soon as it's up if you're interested.
Again, thank you for reading this story, and I commend you for making it this far. I hope this was kind of a nice break from the heart break and tears of the A War Fought on Two Fronts, and for what's to come in the future with my next fic.
Remember, follow me so you will find out the day I post the new story.