Okay, did i say the last chapter was the longest ever? What was I saying? THIS is the longest ever! Even though it's been ready for days, I have spent the last two hours trying to cut it down, then thought 'split it' then thought 'nahhh!', whats the point? It's been so long anyway! Might as well put 18/19 together because honestly? I can't give a date for the next update. Hopefully no more than two weeks. Plus this is specifically for that small bunch of people who have asked about this update. It's for you and anyone who commented on the last chappy and voted also. Thank you all so much. And yeah, look at the pages, it's loong (sorry). From next chapter i'll try and get my chappies down to a reasonable length. Don't cuss me for it's length I know it's long. Have a drink. Now crack on people!
I got an edit through but it could probably do with another one. I'm hoping it's consistent. Anywho, again, tired, off to bed :)
Chapter 21 – Everything I Am
I couldn't help but glance up at the small camera globe doing its covert thing on the ceiling. But I knew there was nothing covert about it. Truth is, for all the time I'd been standing there with Nate, I had a hard time believing Dante would sit back, watch it all and do nothing. Not Dante. He wouldn't, would he?
Gosh, why was I even questioning it? Of course he wouldn't.
If there was one thing I felt sure of, it was that there was no way in hell Dante could have seen anything. Sure that was Nate's plan, or part of it, who knows yet, but no way had it worked. Having seen us together would have resulted in Nate unable to leave this place on both his legs. Dante would have made sure of it. I only had to remember the way he reacted whenever Nate's name was mentioned, and I was certain of it. Besides, Dante was currently preoccupied.
I was hoping Malcolm would show up by now. He didn't.
And I was shaking.
My hands instinctively came up over the tops of my arms, rubbing myself down to still my body. I considered going back to the car, just to get away from the beats in this club, just...to sit still for a while, lock the doors and surround myself in the first bit of quiet the car would offer me. I would be glad for the stillness.
As far as I was concerned, Nate had to stop looking back, as if declaring his feelings and turning me to the truth would change things. No way could it change things. I was pretty much certain that any friendship we could have had would never be possible now. We would be nothing more than memories to each other. Admittedly though, once fond memories.
I had given him so much, and he had taken it all from me. I was done. That much was a dead cert, and no amount of trips down anyone's memory lane was going to make up for any of it. It had taken me forever to get over him, longer than was healthy, but by fuck I'd done it. And he could hold on to his hatred for as long as he wanted. It would surely eat away at his very soul. But me? I was going to hold on to my love. I knew who that love was for.
But as I lent my head back against the wall, I was deliberately annoyed with myself and the way I handled it. I wasn't sure I handled it right. I don't know, I was over-thinking it probably...
I sighed heavily, my mind a mental cloud brought on by a very tense and very candid exchange of words between Nate and I.
Nate...my one time boyfriend who had turned into...whatever the fuck he was now. A bastard was my only word. A twisted bastard. An in-love bastard.
I slowly walked back towards the bar, my eyes glazing over the various drinks lined along the shelves behind the barman as I leaned against the smooth black surface, but I still couldn't help where my mind was going. I have to admit, the longer I went without seeing Dante, the more I wondered about him. Worried about him.
This whole night had been exhausting. I was half inclined to get a strong drink. I mean, I think I could be forgiven for wanting some form of relief from it all.
From this, aka; one of the longest nights of my life. Would it ever end? For the first time since my flat was broken into, I felt like I'd much rather be alone. A book maybe for comfort, one of those dirty books. That's if I could pay any attention to it, of course.
Ponderous, I sat there with my arms on the bar, hands gripping each other tight. It felt crowded in my head right now. All of a sudden the danger that was seemingly present in this club meant nothing to me. I did ask for a drink though, a double, and sat at the bar leaning my head into my propped up hand ready to take it down in one fell swoop.
But when it came, I took one look at it and passed the drink up. Being here, wanting a drink, watching the uninhibited people around me didn't do anything to keep my mind away from all the things threatening to implode in my head. I couldn't help but think about some of the things Nate said.
Some of his words were so strong, so full of heated anger, it felt as though the fire in his delivery was burning into my skull. If there was one thing I agreed with Nate on it was that emotions weighed you down and coloured your decisions. If I was honest I'd admit that love made me weak. Maybe blind. And I had come to realise that I'd just admitted love to myself about three times tonight. Fucking love. I swear it had been that many. That I indeed loved Dante.
I was screwed.
It was only after a long absent minded pause and a look at the seat beside me now filled by some random, did I remember I should have left ages ago, and that Malcolm should be with me.
Malcolm came soon afterwards and just stood next to me. Stood, I noticed. He didn't sit. I could see him at the corner of my eye, the familiar sleeve of his almost-black jacket, the ring I was noticing more and more on the third finger of his left hand. He came into my line of vision and I cast the briefest of looks his way to be certain it was him before turning back to the bar.
"Are we off then, or what?" I said lazily, but as I glanced up at him, I looked twice almost immediately. What the...? I couldn't keep my eyes off his face. I wasn't expecting to see that. He had a look of worry about him. He was fidgety, anxious even. There was not a semblance of the Malcolm I'd seen all night so far.
I couldn't think of any reason why he would return like this unless of course it had something to do with Dante. As his side glance caught mine, he averted his eyes just as quickly.
He leaned away from the bar and harshly said "Let's go."
I watched him carefully, analysing his face. His eyes were looking anywhere but at me, he literally wouldn't even look at me. He lightly cast his closed fist repeatedly against the bar as if frustrated, and equally losing patience.
What was going on? There was only one thing I could think to ask in that moment.
"Where's Dante" I asked. His worry had transferred itself to my face now. That...
...and fear.
He said nothing.
I immediately thought back to any time tonight that could explain his change, my heart mirroring my angst as its beat kicked in at hell knows how many beats per minute. I looked again at him as I repeated my question, this time my voice slightly more shaken.
Malcolm simply said, "He's not coming."
I looked on perplexed. "What? What is that supposed to mean?" I twisted fully towards him.
He sighed heavily. "Look, its best we get you out of here. I'll drive you back."
"No. No you won't."
"Ariel—"
"Where?" My eyes widening at him in panic. "To mine? Or Dante's?"
He didn't answer. Just ran his eyes over me and practically deflated in front of me, roughly taking his hand over his head in a motion of frustration or uncertainty...I really couldn't decide which. Maybe both.
With a huff, he then furiously took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the now vacated bar stool as he settled next to me. He raised his hand for the barman.
"Malcolm, tell me where he is." I said again, this time even more persistent. I tried so hard to steady my voice though I seriously doubted I was pulling it off. "I don't need any more drama for tonight I just—" I stopped myself before I could let slip about what happened with Nate.
"Anymore?" Malcolm queried at me. "What do you mean?"
Damn it. I wasn't going to tell him about Nate. As far as I knew Nate had already left. Making a big deal out of somebody who was no longer in the building was a waste of time. Nobody needed to fight up in here. And from the look on Malcolm's face I thought I had bigger things to worry about right now. Like where the hell Dante was.
I dismissively shook my head in response. "Nothing. I don't know what I'm saying."
"Ariel..." Malcolm started but didn't finish. I heard a hard released sigh from him before he took one look at me and then reached for the drink the barman had given him; he pushed it over to me. "That's yours. Something strong. You're gonna need it."
Alarm spread through me almost immediately. I tried to push the unease as far away from my mind as I could, but this crutch of a drink I supposedly needed was sitting ominously in front of me, and looked like a confirmation that what I was feeling had actual merit to be there. I took one look at the glass and then at Malcolm.
"What is going on?" My voice was getting ever increasingly unsteady as if fear was wrapping itself around my throat and strangling my chords. I took a deep breath to compose my voice before speaking again. "Malcolm, so far you've been the only forthcoming one. Dante feels like if I don't know everything that somehow it's gonna keep me safe. He's wrong." I looked at him, imploring through my eyes.
Malcolm wouldn't say anything. Or as far as I could see it, he was trying to, but didn't know how.
"Listen Malcolm, you're scaring me." I said shrill. I could hear myself getting affected by my over-active emotions. I was already all over the place. I had defended Dante to Nathaniel. I needed to know where the hell he was! "Please. I need to know where he is. And if I'm honest, looking at you right now is freaking me out."
He passed a look my way before pushing the drink back at me. "Drink, Ariel."
"No."
"Okay, I'll drink."
I took it from his hand and it slightly spilled before passing it over to the barman. "He doesn't want it." I told the barman. "Thanks."
He hit the bar frustrated and cursed harshly. He got up; grabbing his jacket and shoving it back on.
"You're not doing me any favours here." I told him. "I'm worried about him."
"I know. Look..." Said malcolm, looking at me. He paused and swiftly took me by the shoulders "What has he told you?"
I looked rapidly between his stern brown eyes. "What do you mean?"
"About him. How much do you know exactly? Tell me everything."
"What have you told Nera? How much does she know?"
"I told her everything. She knows everything."
I blinked several times. My lids lowered hard to the floor as I tried to think of it all, everything. Seriously? What had he told me?
"Tell me everything you know, Ariel. Don't leave a single thing out. Dante totally owes you this. And I don't think he's giving you enough credit. In fact, I'm guessing it's fear that's the reason he's been reluctant to tell you very much."
"Fear? Of what?"
He looked at me like it was so obvious. "Of losing you, of course."
I blinked looking hard into his eyes; I was taken by complete surprise. I mean, fear? So far I hadn't known Dante to be scared of anything. That was seriously unexpected to me.
I put my thoughts together, gathering my information, I stood there and told him. I told him everything I knew about him, mainly from what Nate had told me, and things that Dante had revealed however disguised it had been. In fact, more often than not it had been that way. Cryptic as hell, and nothing remotely forthright.
"Damn." He said shaking his head.
He took a deep breath and swallowed as he looked to be running everything I'd said over in his head, contemplating. I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but he was clearly conflicted. It was all over him. He frustratedly huffed, opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again. I watched him.
"Malcolm," I said, urging his eyes to me.
Immediately, he put his hand in his pocket as if being alerted. He'd got a text message. Looking at it he regarded me more sternly before slipping his phone back in his pocket.
"Oh, for fucks sake Malcolm! C'mon!" Ugh, I could so shake him right now!
"Alright!" He took me to one side and we stood confronting each other. He told me he had a staunch belief in telling me this, that he trusted me to know it all, to make decisions he felt I deserved to make, the same decisions his wife made, he felt he owed me that.
He also told me not to go in blind.
Dante had once said this to me too.
He had that look on his face that was somewhat similar to Dante's at times, the look of trying to analyse my thoughts through my expression. I was starting to think being able to tell something before even one word was spoken was a thing of theirs. I could tell he was trying to come to some conclusion from me, so I decided to assure him.
"You know what I told him, Malcolm?" I confided to conflicted eyes. "What I said to Dante the day he drove us to his home? I found out what he is and he asked me why I was still around after knowing that. I told him I had nothing to lose. It's true; I have nothing to lose."
"You do, Ariel. Your life."
I gave a cynical smile. "What life?" I shrugged.
His eyes narrowed as his brows drew in; a vicious line appeared between his brows as his expression contorted into disbelief. "What...?" he said as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What life? Are you for real? For fucks sake Ariel, don't say that. Whatever you think you've lost in this life it's not worth dying over. Whatever life you have, however little you think is left of it, it's not worth losing it. You deserve to have a life. You deserve to love free from all this BS. You deserve to be oblivious, to be blissfully ignorant to people like us in your world. You deserve a human life, a child if that's what you want, a future. That's what you deserve. Whatever has happened in your life, you deserve to have one. You fucking deserve it for fucks sake!" he almost croaked, he placed his fist over his mouth. Emotionally, he was fraught.
Oh my God. I could totally see it.
His every word...I knew where it was all coming from.
He wasn't saying it to me. He was saying it to Nera.
Or maybe he could see her in me now. He said it himself, she had given it all up for him, sacrificed so much of her life, and it was obvious he could see I was somehow doing the same.
"You...you deserve so much more." He said quietly. "I see you and I just think, don't get so far only to realise you've made a mistake. I don't want you to make a choice thinking you can't be without him and then end up resenting him because of the choice you made."
As we analysed each other, I got the feeling that this was more than about me...but it gave me an insight into what things might be like should I get as far with Dante as Nera got with Malcolm. Did he think she resented him?
'He was the definition of demon, you know?" he said. "The true fucking definition. I mean, you wouldn't have recognised him. He came here, like me, and he used to hurt people, take souls, kill people and do it slowly just because he enjoyed it more. He was the perfect demon. Every one of us guys wanted to be him, and the girls wanted to fuck his brains out. Not that he had a problem with that." He said watching me.
I involuntarily lowered my gaze for a second and took in a deep, deep breath, preparing myself. My body was treacherous, my mind also with just how many other women had lain in his arms. Had felt him as I had felt him. The thought sickened me, positively racked me with unfounded jealousy. I mean, no man makes love like he does and hasn't had more than his fair share. I knew that already, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. I hated hearing it. It stung so bad. And I knew it was completely irrational to be jealous of something that was there before I was. But it didn't stop me feeling it. He was mine.
I looked back up at him in false composure, trying to show him that indeed I could totally take it, even if I didn't like what I was hearing. He paused and when he thought I was ready, he continued.
"He was violent, Ariel. Relentless, corrupted, ruthless, dangerous and he loved it. We all did, I mean being one of us...it was so much fucking fun, I'm not gonna lie." he admitted, the memories clearly on his face as he said that.
I had a feeling as to why he was telling me this. Part of me didn't want to know, but I had also said to myself that I had to know as much as I could about him; the good, the better, the bad, the worse, the ugly, and the downright abhorrent. The unwelcome things, the things that could possibly change the way I saw him. Crumble away at my vision of him. I had to take it all. Blissful ignorance was not an option here.
I inwardly built myself up to hear the rest of it. But Malcolm didn't continue. I think he said what he felt I needed to know for now.
"He's with them, isn't he?" I realised looking at him. It didn't take much to figure out, especially when I considered Malcolm's reaction earlier when we first got to the club, when he saw all four of them...
"Those three from earlier." I said. "He's not luring them away, he's with them. Isn't he?"
"Pretty much. Exactly as things used to be. Up to his same old, same old."
"He's not fucking that woman is he?"
"No! God no." He said aghast, eyes wide, immediately settling me. "No, no, no..."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "What's he doing then?"
"Just what I told you." He replied.
I looked at him, imagining a dangerous, deliciously dark, wanton, sexually promiscuous Dante. A demon without a single care, a demon with no regard for human life, a demon who took things willingly, anything he wanted; women, money...souls. A demon who possibly didn't care who he stepped on to get to the top. This was the person I didn't recognise. This was the demon he never showed me.
I never saw him as a demon, what I saw was him as a man.
The man who opened his coat to me in the cold because he saw I was shivering. The man who cradled me in bed and hugged me to him as I fell asleep in his arms. The man who kissed my smile. The man who I just knew whispered those three little words to me as I drifted into sleep. The man who ate my dreadful food despite the fact he didn't like it. The man who upon seeing my flat broken into, immediately put himself in front of me in case there was danger present as if he would destroy anybody wanting to hurt me. The man who made a space for me in his home.
In his bed.
That was the Dante I knew. I didn't recognise anything else.
But I'd be foolish to ignore it. If Malcolm's portrayal of him was truly him, then...
I didn't know.
I mean, yes, of course, I had some serious things to think about. And to be honest, I didn't want to think about it. Suddenly I truly knew something about what he was, and it frightened me.
"This is what you were trying to tell me?" I asked of his trepidation earlier. "That he's..."
"Before you ask Dante any questions, ask yourself first." He interrupted me. "Ask yourself if your heart can really take what he is. Ask yourself if he's worth it."
"You should have more faith in him, Malcolm." I said against my own tested faith. My own previously unyielding resolve was crumbling, but I daren't show him that.
"I'm saying this for you." He replied.
I looked across the bar. "I think we both know who you're really saying that to." I told him.
His eyes sank as his throat moved in response. It was okay, I knew what was driving this. Why his words came out the way they did.
It was there that I really thought about it. My mind was a tangled mess right that instance. I think my raging thoughts were making things look worse than maybe they were? Suddenly I could think of nothing but the worst of the worst, the most damning scenarios. Suddenly I kept thinking of it all, rampantly asking myself...
What should I do?
What can I do?
What if?
Does he...?
Should I...?
But!
And then...?
So what...?
My head sank down as if the weight of my mind had taken its toll on me. As if I couldn't carry the sheer volume of thoughts threatening to overwhelm me and kill me from the inside. Our conversation had set one thing straight for me, and I stood firm now, reassuring myself that I knew what I was doing, that this decision of mine was the right one. That I would stand by it. That I would wait to judge.
Pausing first, I said, "I've thought about it."
I watched Malcolm look at me with an anticipatory glance.
That deep breath I took was supposed to be me bracing myself for the courage I was about to adopt right now. "Dante said something to me back at his. He told me not to be scared to feel something for him, that he'd never make me regret it. I believed him then. I'll believe him now. How can I give up on him? After all that, I just what? I just throw in the towel and say I can't deal with it?" I asked him with a questionable shrug.
Malcolm clearly knew I wasn't done, he waited, eyes fixed, and watched for what I would finish with.
"You asked me if I can take what he is." I nodded. "I can."
Malcolm swallowed, a deep breath took him over as he exhaled from it. He took my hands in both of his. I could see his face settle into one that was consumed with thoughts of his own, and I already knew why, especially if his earlier chastisement of my dismissal of my life was worth anything. I didn't really mean that; Nathaniel had gotten to me.
I offered him what I thought was a much needed hug. With me turning on slight tip toes on my heels, my hands on his shoulders, I turned closely to his ear as I spoke "I'm sure Nera wouldn't change her mind about you, Malcolm. I doubt she regrets a thing." I said in his ear to bolster him, to comfort him. "You gave her a choice, she made it. She's yours."
I heard something in his throat as he held me, he patted me on the lower back and turned his head away from mine. I pulled back to look into his face but he held me still until he was ready to face me. I knew he didn't want me to see him like this. I felt his torn up emotions in his hold. I didn't mind supporting him here. He was supporting me too.
"Dante's got something special in you." He told me. "I think he knows it but he better not forget it."
His phone went off. He clutched at it, and slid it back into his pocket just as quickly, as if making sure I wouldn't see anything. Well, that's how it came across to me. And knowing me, I could in no way ignore it.
"I'll be damned if I have more trouble tonight..." I shook my head. That reaction to his text looked like trouble to me.
Malcolm looked at me. "That's the second time you've said that. What do you mean?"
"Nothing." I dismissed, hoping that would be the end of it.
"I don't believe you." He said.
I looked to him and after some seconds, I sighed, staring into my interlocked hands knowing that there was no point keeping it away from him.
"It's Nathaniel." I said. "He...we had a sort of...talk."
He paused for a second. "A talk? What happened?"
I swallowed. "Well, in short...he kissed me." Yeah, pretty short summary.
Malcolm looked hard at me, his features assessing and then all of a sudden his face dropped.
"What?" I asked.
He muttered to himself, saying "No wonder," under his breath. "I'm driving you back now." He said getting ready to leave. "You can't stay here. I shouldn't have waited so long."
Malcolm led me very determinedly out of the club and into the car, much to my objection. I sat in it, and watched him as he sat behind the wheel, looking ahead but with no desire to make a move just yet. Maybe he needed a moment. Maybe I did.
He started the engine and I asked him to stop, eventually shouting my request. He stopped, hitting against the dashboard. "Damn it, I've screwed up again!" he shouted. "No wonder he texted me to get you out of here. Makes perfect sense!"
He turned to me, his arm resting over the back of the seat, his other arm on the wheel. I couldn't help the look in my eyes at this point.
"Sydes hasn't left." He revealed.
I shook my head. No, that wasn't possible. My thoughts went into overdrive mentally listing what I saw. I saw him leave. I saw him walk out of the club. I saw him pretty much abandon Troy. And I'd been standing there for so long afterwards I was sure I would have known if he'd walked back in.
I was confused. I clearly couldn't hide it. "But he did leave. I saw him leave."
"Ariel," he said more adamantly, "He didn't leave."
* * * *
Why had he not left?
Malcolm had told me that Dante texted him earlier to get me out of here. To spare me what would likely happen. But Malcolm had wanted to tell me what was going on despite that, yet he'd hesitated and instead thought a drink would get us both through it. 'Something strong' as he'd put it.
"He's vicious, Ariel." He told me. "If he saw Sydes kiss you, he'll be like nothing you've ever seen." He warned me. "A demon driven by jealousy is one of the worst of all."
I had been scared for a couple of reasons; but mainly by what I might actually be walking into, what I would see. I don't know how long I stood there, but I nodded as I looked back at him. I was scared of the possibility of facing a different Dante for the first time, of not being able to recognise the man I thought I knew.
That was until Malcolm had got another text and I snatched it out of his hand to read it. I was fed up of the secrets, of the concealment as if it were what was best for me.
Make sure you get Ariel back to mine. Do it now.
I had practically shaken Malcolm by the collar. I knew what he was hiding; I knew what he was keeping me away from. Suddenly it wasn't about the other three. It was about the two people I knew shouldn't be anywhere near each other.
"How the hell did you walk away and leave them together!" I had screamed at him. "Fucking think about it, Malcolm. It's not just about them, or even me, if anything happens to Nate, you tell me how the hell you're gonna explain that to your wife when she loses her brother!"
It was as if the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He took my hands off him and the direction of his eyes showed that the realisation had only just hit him. "No," I said. "I bet you didn't think about that, did you?"
I sped off without him, frantically weaving between people, looking around me. Wondering if they were in that private function room Dante had pulled me into earlier, or if there was another concealed room somewhere.
Malcolm shouted after me. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"
But I wouldn't stop. He hauled me backwards. "Ariel," he said, "I'm beginning to think you have a death wish."
"I need to find them, Mal." I said, shortening his name like we'd established a friendship already. I liked to think we had...
"No you don't. I do." He said, closing up his jacket. "Let me go instead. Let me sort it. I thought it would be best to let them get on with it. But I didn't know about what just happened between you two earlier. If it's about what you told me, then it's a different ball game now. You seriously have no fucking idea."
Minutes later I was looking straight into Dante's face, and his face when he saw me as he caught his breath...God...I shook my head at how much I must have dissapointed him. My heart clenched at his distressed eyes. I couldn't get over it...it spoke volumes in that moment. It was like his heart had sunk at the mere fact that I had not made it out of here. His sighting of Malcolm registered a different kind of feeling. The angry kind. But I noted the disappointment for him too.
I had been stupid, hasty, I knew that now. To have followed Malcolm when I should have stayed in the car. Even as I stood here in the closed basement club beneath Archers' first floor, I knew it myself. Flipping stupid, impulsive, curious, stubborn...God, I could go on.
Right there in front of me, where I'd been unceremoniously dumped after being overheard with Malcolm in the corridor by the raven-haired ice-eyes, I saw them both; Dante and Nathaniel, but equally Hall, and that flirty brunette was there, you know, the one who'd had obvious designs on Dante earlier. All of them. And there was some poor soul just standing there, also looking a little worse for wear. He was a big guy though. But nobody I knew.
"Not in front of her."
"But Dante—"
"I said, not in front of her!" He yelled louder than I'd ever heard his voice to go.
Nate spit a bit of blood from his lips, staggering back and laughing as he looked at the back of his hand where he'd wiped his mouth. Sometimes his reactions verged on mentally insane, practically maniacal. I wondered how he could laugh after it was obvious Dante had done that to him. He looked at me and smiled. His smiles were so misplaced, it was that, that always seemed to scare me.
"God, don't let her see this." Said Dante pleading.
It was Hall he was talking to. Hall—who had now pony-tailed his hair, whose sleeves were rolled up so much further than before his ink was incredible to look at—halted at Dante's appeal.
Glimpsing Dante had me swallowing at the mere sight of him, I couldn't quite seem to get over him standing there, full on in fighting glory. And Dante...he stood panting, so inappropriately magnificent, and he wiped a bloody hand across his forehead, it smeared across him as he slicked his hair back as if the blood was gel. He looked like the very definition of violence.
I was stunned into silence.
"I'll do whatever I have to." Said Dante, desperately. "I'll take his soul, tear him to pieces afterwards leave not a trace of him behind in this world but not in front of her. Just leave her the fuck out of it."
"I'm not that fucking easy to deal with, Greco." said Nathaniel.
"She doesn't have to be here!" he shouted back.
"No, she doesn't. But now she's here...might as well stay. I want her to be here." said Nathaniel violently, looking again at the back of his hand to establish just how much blood was leaking from his face. "At least that way she can see you for the monster you really are. Take a good look, Ariel," he said gesturing to me.
"You'd let her see this?" said Dante. "You're a bigger ass than I thought. If you'd do that, I'd take a long hard look in the mirror to see who the real monster is here."
"Listen Dante, don't forget who you are." Said Hall interjecting. He came closer as he continued. "Where you come from, what made you. You did things that would make even me feel incredibly inferior. You do a disservice to yourself. You are what you are and you're wasting it! On fucking humans no less!" he hissed.
I practically raked my eyes all over Dante, I'd never seen him look like this and it was completely taking me by surprise. I could tell he'd been in an altercation. And from the state of Nathaniel, it didn't take much to figure out who he'd been feuding with. Dante stood there like a tormented vision, his face contorted as if having me there was torturing him.
"There was a time when you were the epitome of your make." Hall told him. "There was a time when you liked being what you are. Fucking hell Dan, where's that demon gone? Get him back!"
"You don't demand anything of me!"
My heart couldn't take his despair. It was painful to listen to. So very painful.
"No, you're right." Hall responded. "I didn't make you do this. You wanted to. Just admit it; a part of you still wants to fight like this. This guy here," he said of the random, "we brought him in specifically for you to rip apart. Don't let Sydes sidetrack you. I mean, plants, Dan? That fucking life-force is worth nothing. They don't do anything near what the soul of a human can do for you. You know it and you like it. Don't fight it." He said, darting a quick look at me as he said it.
Dante noticed.
"Touch her and you're a dead man. I dare you to even breathe against her and see what happens."
Hall smiled, it was a very confident expression. "I don't doubt it," he said as he looked back at me and down my length. "I don't doubt it at all. She's a bit of alright, this one. But that's very ambitious of you, Danny, besides, we're friends." He shrugged. "Friends don't do that to each other. I'm sure you understand."
When I looked at Dante, something grabbed at my throat more than the disappointment or the despair. It was true; I had never seen him like this. He was the epitome of both helplessness and was physically formidable. How do you manage to be both things at once in the same man right now?
"Who is she, Dante?" asked Hall examining me. "Is this the one? The one who's turned you into this?"
Dante swallowed hard and caught my gaze, his eyes levelling with mine. For a brief moment, he looked at me like only I was in the room, his emotionally fraught self lingered though. The pain in his eyes wouldn't leave me. Not for a second.
Halls glare passed over us both, knowingly. "Is she your truth nowadays? "
As Hall said that, my eyes darted to Dante again.
"Is this the woman who owns you now?" he asked.
He was surprisingly soft spoken as he said that, oddly sympathetic. Hall looked at Dante in the same way I'd seen both Dante and Malcolm look at me, except this time, it was as though he'd actually seen something in him.
Halls expression became one that seemed to have realised something. It had strangely softened him, though only briefly. He paused for a short while, glaring penetrative into my eyes. It unsettled me and I blinked away his gaze, averting my own. "The woman whose eyes you drowned in when you danced with her that night, whose body melted with yours at the same time." He said, turning to Dante.
That night? At the Town Hall? How did he know?
"The woman who's fallen asleep in your arms at night. The woman whose simple touch ignites you, whose kisses you only hope could belong to no one but you, whose smile you always marvel at because it lights the darkest of your worlds. Her body... every inch of it belongs only to you." He said.
Dante's muscles flexed at his words, his face contorted with wordless passion as he gazed at me. He clenched at his jaw, his eyes looked incredibly deep into mine. I tell you, he could totally destroy my very resolve simply by looking at me like that. I was a mess hearing Hall say those things, and watching Dante look at me as if every word was true had my heart skipping ferociously around in my chest.
Hall noticed and paused. "This is the one you're living for in this world, isn't it? The one who's given you a reason. Am I right, Dan? The woman you would give all this up for. Whose very being you can feel in your blood, where every part of you wants to protect her. I bet she makes you believe, huh? Makes you wish you were human so you can give her everything you think she truly deserves. This is the one." He was making it a statement now. It was no longer a question.
Oh God, I can't take it.
Dante swallowed, his eyes never breaking mine. As I watched him, his face momentarily crumpling with Hall's description of me, it was becoming clear that Lukas's words were Dante's truth. I could see it all over his face. It was the most telling, most revealing eyes I'd ever seen.
"This one totally has you, doesn't she?" he asked as he looked me up and down. He knew already. It was obvious.
Dante held me to him with his eyes alone as he'd done so many times before without a word, just Hall's words to seemingly speak for him. I was completely locked into his visual hold. And his were roused with darkness, so, so dark I was completely lost in him.
"She does!" He marvelled. He snorted, "Fuck damn. Never thought I'd see the day. Would you die for her, Dan?"
"Stop it," he said, blinking me out of his gaze. "Just stop. Please."
"She weakens you, Dante. Humans will do that." He said dismissively. "You'd allow her to weaken you so much that you'd think to die for her? You'd-- "
"Yes! I'd fucking die for her!" He yelled viciously. His voice roared so loud it was as though a violent vibration had ripped through the walls, it was as if he couldn't take it anymore. As if admitting it would somehow set him free.
Oh My God...I can't breathe.
His eyes lifted to mine with strain across his features, he finally relented. "A thousand times over." He said into my eyes. "I wouldn't think twice to put her life before my own. I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd die for her. She's the only reason I choose to exist in this world. I have no option but to simple be because she does. I have to. There can be no other reason. She is my reason."
I could hear my breath struggle in my throat, feel my heart labour in my chest...I momentarily closed my eyes at his words. Oh...God...I was gone.
Nathaniel chucked a chair across the room with a pained roar, I jumped and backed up at the violent interruption.
As I looked over to him, Nate shook his head, "I can't listen to any more of this," he said with both anger and distress, his face drifting over mine slowly, then to Dante, his expression quickly mirroring what he thought of him. Hate.
"It's laughable." He laughed without humour. "Love? What the fuck would you people know about love? Nothing! That's what. You wouldn't know love if it shot you in the face with a flaming bazooka. You can't even feel. You wanna talk about how you live for her? Really? You don't live for shit, mate!"
"You're embarrassing yourself." Dante told him. "It must be so fucking painful, huh? Anybody can see you don't like losing to some to a man li—"
"A man!" Nate snorted.
"Like me, yeah!" Dante finished nodding. "Fucking stings doesn't it? But living for someone who doesn't live for you is a waste of your life. Find something else to live for because right now, you're a joke."
"Ah piss off, fuckface." Though Nathaniel looked like he was to react more, a stern look from Hall soon put him right out of it.
"Look, I get it," Hall shrugged, somewhat pacifying them. "To some extent. This world will totally weaken people like us. You've clearly developed human feelings and you wanna live a normal life. But you can't live normal, Danny; it's a waste of your talents."
Dante pivoted around, his back to me, to us all, both hands sitting interlinked over the top of his head as he glanced upwards, his body heaving as if he'd been both physically and mentally beaten.
"That's the thing about despair, Dante," said Hall. "It's hopelessness, and without hope, you've given up. I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but I'd like to think that when it comes to giving up, you'd give up on her, not us."
It was then that Hall started to get frustrated. Dante was not doing what he wanted, was not being the demon Hall knew him to be. He spat out his words with vitriol, cutting so close to the bone it seemed. When Dante wouldn't budge, Hall saw an oppurtunity. He brought it up. Nathaniel in the club talking to me. Kissing me.
I could see Dante try to swallow back on impending rage, to bite back on his tongue, but his face was so vivid, I could tell that the image of Nate kissing me was savaging him, tearing away at him, visibly shredding him. He was an open book right now. There could be no poker face in his rage. It was all out there for us all to see.
Oh no.
I wasn't sure if he knew, or if simply bringing it up again was angering him. It didn't take much more than that to get to Dante and completely flip him out. Even Malcolm backed up. Both the women too.
As Dante looked between me and Nate, he held onto himself for a moment, I could tell how hard he was trying to restrain himself, as if something was trying to take him over. Was I about to see the Dante Malcolm had spoken about? Completely unleashed. Completely demonic. Dante clenched down hard, I made a move, but Malcolm pulled me back. "Don't be stupid!" He hissed.
In an instant, he looked straight at Nate, but only at the last minute—as he caught my pleading eyes—did he stop and switch.
Instead, he'd unleashed his anger on the other man. The random.
What I saw terrified me into stillness; I was frozen to the core. My breath froze in my chest, I daren't move. The hands I'd become so familiar with, those sure caressing hands I known to treasure every inch of my body had done something I never thought I'd see, ever.
He did the one thing I'd always heard him say he'd do as a threat. He'd threatened Nate with it, he even threatened Malcolm with it, and he had finally done it.
He ripped this guy's head clean off by grabbing him just under his chin and basically yanking it off from behind.
What did I just see? Oh God, what did I just see?!
The body glowed, a similar one to the one I'd seen in my chest, and then the glow sadly left him. His skin an instant dull ash hue.
My eyes widened at the horror of it. My hand clasped at my mouth as I backed up desperately pushing myself into the wall behind me, I looked away and tried to blink the image of him doing it out of my eyes. My Dante. It was impossible.
Lukas Hall looked and laughed in approval. "Perfection!" He said. "So clean, so precise so...ah, just perfection! Nobody does that quite like you do, Danny. Welcome back to the fold, my friend." He said offering his hand.
Dante didn't take it, his eyes were closed and his head fell back, he looked at me. His expression pained, his eyes a supernatural glow. He'd consumed him and it travelled through his eyes, resting there until it dimmed.
"Deal with the body." Lukas Hall kicked at it. And the head. For the first time I also saw what Dante could do. He swiped his hand in the direction of the body in one swift motion, much like Malcolm when he'd passed his hand over the door to unlock it when we first got here, and a vicious flame appeared over the body, turning it to eventual ash which Lukas then blew at. It dispersed and disappeared. Not a trace left, as if he never existed.
"Well, that was fun." Hall smiled. "Didn't you think so?" he turned to me.
I couldn't even speak.
I was stunned into silence. My heart must have stopped. It must have. I don't think I had blinked for...forever. I just stared at Dante. I couldn't even look at the empty space where the poor soul had lain all fire and ash on the floor. Was it because of me? Had I driven him to this?
At that moment I suddenly let go of the breath I'd been holding but it practically strangled me. My eyes watered and I swallowed so hard my throat hurt.
After what seemed like ages, he tried to look at me afterwards but couldn't. Hall could see it and grabbed Dante's face and forced him to look at me. He viciously said whilst holding Dante's defeated face in his hand, "This is the face of a demon. This is what we fucking do! Look at him!"
With those words, Dante wrenched his face free of Hall's grasp and looked at me himself. The instant he did, his eyes glistened over and he practically wrenched his eyes from mine forcefully, and fell back against the wall, gradually sinking against it. His breathing was heavy; he tried to look at me again, before turning away as if the sight of me burned him. Knowing what he did in front of me...It hurt him.
He slowly shook his head and raised his arm across his eyes. He was in agony. I knew it. It was in that instant that he went on the attack, trashing everything around him, throwing stuff, destroying everything within near distance. The roar he let out wasn't even human, it was animalistic, unleashed and full of unpredictable fury. Upon seeing it, I felt something destroy my very soul and without restraint I did the one thing I had never done in front of him;
I cried.
In fact I realised why I was crying...
I was crying for him.
The one brunette had clasped to a door, the other two were simply frozen watching. He then gunned for Hall and fired bitter, distressed, anger-filled words at him, telling him he shouldn't have let me see him like this.
"See," said Nathaniel, "What did I tell you?"
And even as he said that he still didn't look triumphant. Despite the I-told-you-so sense of delight and gloating, there was no real joy. But it was clear to me that this was the plan. If I could finally see him for what he truly was, and what he was truly capable of, I'd leave and he'd have no choice but to finally be what they wanted him to be.
Dante dropped to his knees, his head bent. I never thought I would see the day...I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Looking at him like that alone took my breath away. I stood rooted to my spot. He looked up at me as I walked towards him and stopped me.
"Don't," he said.
I stopped. His eyes were red with stinging tears, anguish at his very soul.
I couldn't help myself, I walked over to him and hunched over him. There was no doubt about it, he was a broken man.
I looked at the others as I cradled over him telling them all to fuck the hell off. I needed to talk to him.
The look on Hall's face told me he was more than impressed with my apparent balls. But I wasn't driven by courage. I was driven by something much more potent; faith. My faith in Dante. Yes, despite it all. Balls had nothing to do with it. I didn't have any balls.
I told them all to get the hell out once more, wondering what they were all still waiting for. Hall laughed, and seeing as he looked as though he had nothing to fear from a mere human, he obliged. The other woman—the raven haired beauty—was not so obliging but she received a quick warning from Hall telling her to let us have this one moment as if it was the last we would ever get. "I'm feeling generous." He smiled. "Let them be."
Once they were gone, I took in the sight of Dante.
"What have you done?" I whispered pulling away and tilting his head up to me, slightly frightened. My hands shaking as I held his face between them.
He sank further down in front of me, hunched over into a ball at my feet. I curled over him, cradling him beneath me again, protecting him as I stroked the side of his face and moved the hair that grazed his lashes. I looked at my hands, the smeared blood was on me now.
"Dante—"
He looked up at me again, his face twisted. "God, your face..." he said, looking away "'I'll never forget that face. I don't want to ever see that look on your face again. It would fucking kill me twice. It's already killing me now." He said into my hands.
"Are you afraid?" he asked me.
"Yes." I choked.
He took in my words momentarily. "Afraid of what you just saw me do? Afraid I'd hurt you?"
"No.' I admitted. "After seeing what you just did, I'm afraid I've lost you." My eyes blinking away the damp threatening to take over.
"After what you just saw me do, I'm afraid I've lost you too." He admitted.
I could barely breathe for the openness I was seeing in him right now for the first time in this way. He was vulnerable.
"I can't look at you like this." He shoved and rose to his feet. He got up and walked past me before stopping, he hunched over again, his back to me, he looked defeated.
I watched him, and then it came over me.
"You can't look at me?" I asked him hurt. "What about what I just looked at? If anything I shouldn't be able to look at you! You just killed someone!" The realisation of what just happened was kicking in.
"Yeah? And you're not supposed to fucking be here, Ariel! Where's your phone? I texted you, I asked you if you were at mine. And you're still here!"
"Don't change the fucking subject! And it's in the car!"
"Don't act like you didn't know I was capable of that, I told you this is what I've done! This is me, Ariel!" he said opening his arms. "Take it all. If you choose me, then you choose me. Everything I am, everything that comes with being who and what I am. That's your choice."
"That's not fair."
"Nothing ever is! You think this is fair?" he said pointing between us and coming closer.
"Did you see what Nate did?" I said instead. "Did you see! He kissed me, Dante, he told me he still loved me."
"Wait, he what?"
"He told me he loved me."
That was clearly the part he didn't know. He gulped and paused for a second, before dismissively saying, "Desperate."
I huffed. "That's all you can say? You don't believe it?"
"Oh I believe it. It's not exactly hard to fall in love with you, Ariel." He said into my eyes.
Wait, did he just say...? He did, right?
I swallowed at his words. I think this was quite possibly the closest to an 'I love you' I was going to get. I was feeling everything right now. He was saying it, but he wasn't saying it. Still. For some reason, his dismissal of Nate feelings had me angry. I wanted a more rip-roaring response from him. An all-consuming how-dare-he-even-feel-for-you kind of thing. I wanted him to react.
"I wanna know if you saw him kiss me!"
"Why?"
"Because I wanna know; why didn't you come for me? To know that he pulled me into a dark corner and kissed my face off. Not even Nathaniel would let it get that far. Not even he would stand by and watch you do that to me if it was the other way round."
His face turned into the most vicious thing I'd ever seen. He didn't hold back. "Don't you ever dare question my feelings for you! You mean more to me than you could ever possibly know or dream. I would die for you! There's nothing and no one who comes before you! If you had any idea what I feel for you you'd be scared. My feelings run so fucking deep you couldn't cut me out of you if you tried. That's how buried in you I am. You fucking have me. All of me. How can you be so blind?" he said.
An aching lump hit my throat. I swallowed it back. My heart thumped at a million paces.
"And no, I didn't see it. I was told. By Hall. If I'd have seen it, Sydes would have been dead long before you even showed up. Be glad I didn't see it, Ariel. Not seeing it, and looking at your face saved his life. I enjoyed beating the shit out of him though."
"What do you mean, looking at my face?"
"Sydes. I let him go at the very last minute because of you. I caught your eyes. There isn't anything I wouldn't fucking do for you but looking at you...it was enough to restrain me from him. But damn I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip him to shreds for you, but I fucking let him go. For you. Maybe for me, actually. Because I don't think I could ever look you in the eye again if you looked at me the way you did then. I don't think you would ever forgive me for getting rid of the one-time love of your life. I could never wake up next to you again. And I plan on waking up next to you every day of my life."
I paused. How does he not see? "You said it," I told him. "The love of my life. The love. Just one. There's only ever one."
He nodded in defeat.
"I once loved Nate, sure, but as for 'the love of my life', that was never him. Even after I told you how I felt about you earlier, you still don't get it, do you?"
His throat moved as I think he realised what I was saying.
"Tell me if after everything you've seen, you still want to be with me?" He asked. "Maybe I'm asking too much, maybe I'm just selfish, but my God, baby, you don't think this is anything we can't fight together?" he asked me. "Well I do. I know we can. I can make it through anything if you're by my side. Be with me and we'll fight it all."
He came up to me, his hands cupping my face.
"You saw me just there. All of me. I think you know I can't be what I am and want what I want at the same time. I have to make a choice."
"Make it."
"I already have. A long time ago. I choose you. I'll always choose you. Choose me and I'll fight for you. Don't ever doubt that I'll fight for you. For us."
I strained to get sound out.
"It won't be easy, Ariel. But you're worth it. You're worth it all."
"You killed someone, Dante."
"I'm aware of that."
My eyebrows rose at his flippancy. "That's all you can say?" I couldn't believe it. I started to pace.
"Where are you going?"
I paced a bit further.
He took me by the hand and his slight tug had me spinning round and hitting his chest. He bent his head down to meet my shorter frame, his nose almost touched mine. "Don't even think about turning away from me. Try pushing me away and you'll see just how much closer I can get to you."
"I..." I was unable to look at him. I tried, oh God I tried, but just imagine if you saw the man you loved kill someone. I stepped back...
"You're not going anywhere." He said to me.
"Dante—"
"No! You're not fucking leaving me."
Oh shit! He was picking me up now. "Dante, put me down!"
He put me on a long padded seating area made similar to the large cushioned seats upstairs and pinned me to it. "What do you need, Aer? Tell me! You need me to say it. Is that what you need?"
I watched his aggression, his passion take over him.
"Do you want me to say it!"
I tried to push him away, shutting down hard on my eyes. I was distressed.
"You have something not even I thought I had until I met you." He took my hand in his, held between us. "You have it. It's yours." He pressed my hand to his chest, pressing harder over my hand to pin it to his heart. "This is yours." He panted harshly. "I'm fucking yours. I couldn't belong to anyone else but you."
"Tell me that we're worth it. Tell me! You need to start fighting for us, Ariel. Fucking fight for what we have! 'Cause I'd fight for you, to the ends of this earth all the way to hell if I have to. Tell me and I'll fight everything and everyone for you and I'll never look back."
I took a deep breath.