I could hear him running behind me I didn't want to turn around quite frankly I just wanted to disappear but he caught me, he grabbed my arm a little too hard and turned me around I looked into his sad brown eyes and my heart broke. His hair was a mess across his face and he was panting for air he looked how I felt. He had my shawl in his hands he wrapped it around me "What the fuck Maggie?! What was that?" I couldn't even answer him I just stared at him hoping this wasn't happening "Answer me!" he pleaded "I love you Maggie don't you love me anymore or even at all?"
I pulled him close to me "of course I love you I just can't move in with you I haven't even got a career yet I haven't lived I don't want to be stuck in a coffee shop all my life while you make the money, I don't want to be married and I definitely don't want kids."
Brian tried to take this all in his eyes suddenly widened "This is about Sal isn't it."
"Sal? What the fuck does Sal have to do with this?"
"You spent the night with him last night he knew I was going to ask you to move in and he turned you against it didn't he! It all makes sense now your lunch dates together and how you constantly have inside jokes going on its all a big joke behind my back isn't it?"
I saw red before I knew it. My hand lashed out striking him on the cheek I started at him furiously with tear filled eyes "How dare you Brian Quinn, Sal is my best friend and yours! How dare you accuse me of something as horrible and even worse accusing him you've known him 20 fucking years he has nothing to do with me not wanting to live with you! I just fucking can't okay?!"
His voice was nothing but a whisper as his cheek burned red "I'm so sorry Maggie" he didn't even look me in the eye as he said it. I hailed a cab and turned to him running my fingers through his hair I kissed him on the forehead and got in without even looking back at him.
I got back to the apartment throwing my bag and shoes down Murr, Sal and Joe where sat around the TV all three looked up when I walked in
"Heyy Irish, come to pack your bags?" Joe smiled I burst straight into tears for the second time on front of him and ran to my room slamming the door my chest was tight I could barely breathe I was sobbing so hard how could Brian of said those things I loved him more than I'd ever loved another person I just didn't want him now, the timing couldn't of been worse.
A knock came to my door I knew who It was before he even spoke "Go away Sal" I screamed between cries "No" he simply said walking on in he sat on the bed pulling me into a hug I cried into his shirt as he shushed me softly and rubbed my back "I fucked up Sal I really fucked up"
"Just give it a few days Maggie you guys are meant to be I know it"
"But I can't live with him"
"He'll understand in a few days I promise" we stayed like that for a while until I had calmed down Sal pulled himself away rubbing the hair from my eyes he pulled the blanket around me and left the room I drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later I woke the house was quiet the clock read just after three thirty all was peaceful I sat up and pulled the letter from the drawer this was it I read it over and over Brian was gone I could take the job I could get away I wouldn't have to face him anymore I wasn't even thinking straight but it seemed like a great idea I paced the room for what seemed like an hour working out what I should do. I had just about enough saved up in my savings box to make it for a few weeks I reached under the bed for my laptop, shit I had left it in the sitting room when I had been sorting laundry earlier and listening to Queen.
I opened the door softly the creeped out to the hallway I froze when I heard a voice it sounded like Murr talking in his sleep again but it was coming from the sitting room he was on the phone barely awake but he sounded annoyed "Hello....who? No sorry wrong number .... Yes I'm sure... there is No Sparrow here lady I'm sorry!" My whole body tensed up and bolted towards Murr snatching the phone off him I raised it too my ear
"Hhhello?"
"Sparrow?!" The voice a beautiful sweet Irish brogue my sisters to be exact completely unchanged I couldn't speak, that name I hadn't been called in 6 years my sisters voice I hadn't heard in 4 years. I barely heard what she said next it was all just broken words.
"Mammy, dying, Organ failure, come home, airport, Liam."
"I'll see you in a few days Fallon" I managed to utter
"I love you Sparrow.."
The line went dead I dropped the phone and fell to my knees after so many years of running, home had caught up with me and was dragging me back.
James kneeled on front of me trying to get my attention "Maggie?! What was that? Who's sparrow who's Fallon? Help me understand here Maggs"
I took a deep breath the secrets I kept inside for so long couldn't be held any longer "I'm Sparrow.. Sparrow Magnolia Thorne. That was my sister Fallon Thorne my mother Willow Thorne is dying and I need to go back home to Ireland...." James just stared blankly he couldn't get his head around it I barely could, the words didn't make sense. I got to my feet I needed it to make sense I had to be strong.
"Murr I need you to help me please Can you book me on a flight to Ireland um.. try Belfast International Airport as soon as you can, there is money in my savings box if there's not enough I will pay you back every penny. Can you also call Brian I feel he should know" I was pacing now my hands flapping wildly "I need to uhh.. What do I need to do?! I need to pack a bag yes that's good and call Sal" I ran off towards my room
"Maggie or uh Sparrow? " James called after me "I'm coming with you"
"No Murr don't be silly I don't have time for this"
"I mean it you can't do this on your own. I'll book us tickets now we will be on the first flight home in the morning" I ran to my friend giving him a huge squeezing hug I didn't want to start crying but I couldn't help it the emotion had overcome me completely
I broke out my suitcase from the closet throwing things wildly into it whatever I could find clothes, make up, jewellery, my photo album, my camera, my ragged teddy and my Benjamin teddy a lot of stuff I had to leave behind but I had what I needed. I dialled Sal momentarily forgetting it was nearly four in the morning it rang for so long but finally he picked up.
"Sal!? I'm so sorry to wake you but I need your help"
"Uhh Maggie?! Calm down what's wrong what time is it?"
"Nearly four I need you to take me to the airport. Please"
"Almost four fuck.. Wait airport?"
"I'm going home sal please help me out"
"Maggie what? Why are you leaving I said just to wait a few days" I could hear the panic in his voice and the struggle to get dressed.
"Please just come get me Sal It's my family"
"I'll be straight over"
And he was within 20 minutes he was banging on the door he looked so sleepy but worried he found James first packing his bags "Murr what the fuck is going on?"
"I don't even know anymore man, her sister called and her mom's dying and she freaked out and now needs to go back."
I couldn't speak for the whole ride to the airport I sat in the backseat and stared out the window numbly as James and Sal tried to get their head around everything I had kept from them. By the way they spoke they must have thought I was asleep
"So Maggie isn't even her real name?" Sal had to get Murr to explain it again
"No Man its sparrow and she wasn't even here by accident she ran away as soon as she turned 18 she hit college then flew here she hasn't even spoken to her family in about 3 years "
"What the fuck?" Sal said for about the sixth time this morning "did she say why she ran away?"
"She wouldn't tell me she's never told anyone much by the sounds of things, we all kind of just accepted she didn't want to talk about it"
"Well I don't know about you but I would really like some fucking answers" there was a tone in Sals voice I didn't blame him for being confused
"Just let it go for now dude she probably has enough on her mind, did you get through to Q yet?
"Nah, I've left like 4 voicemails I spoke to Gatto though he said he will go see him tomorrow" we pulled up at a traffic light Sal rested his head on the window letting out a loud groan "this is so fucked up!"
We arrived at the airport Murr went to check us both in Sal sat with me as I tried to get my head straight it didn't seem real I was seriously getting on a plane to fly back to Ireland. I thought of New York and suddenly remembered I hadn't called Sam the sun was coming up so she was bound to be awake and opening the shop. Thankfully she answered the phone straight away
"Maggie?!"
"Sam I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you, it's my mam Sam she's dying" I was shaking like crazy as I said the words I wasn't even sure what emotion I was feeling but I hated it
"I know, I tried to tell you."
"I'm going home Sam" I just about managed to get the words out there was a silence I thought she had hung up maybe it was just shock.
"What? How long for?"
I stopped for a minute that was something I hadn't even considered how long would I be away I looked to sal for an answer but he didn't have one earlier "I don't know Sam I really don't I have to go my phones dying I'll try call when I'm home I love you!"
"I love you too Maggie you better call me!" she gave a sniff I could tell she was crying my phone flashed as it died I had packed away my charger I felt completely helpless.
Murr returned with my ticket I turned to face Sal "looks like this is goodbye Sal"
He shook his head "Don't say that Maggie it's not goodbye"
"But what if it is?" I sniffed
Sal was quiet I could see him trying to concentrate his mind was going crazy "I'll just have to come with you then wont I?"
I stood shocked was he crazy? "No you can't"
"Why not Murrs going?"
He was definitely crazy "James has a ticket and a bag and what about your car"
"One I'll buy a ticket two I keep a bag in the trunk of my car for emergencies always have done" Murr gave a nod of agreement to back this up "and three I leave the keys at the front desk pay the parking fine and have Joe pick it up in the morning"
I thought about this for a minute it would be good to have Sal there for support. My mind was so messed up I had no time to protest before he was away getting his bag from the car it was just a bag pack but it had the essentials "you uh do have stores back home don't you?" he asked quite awkwardly it was the first time I had smiled all day "yes Sal we have shops to buy goods and services also"
"Well come on little Sparrow bird" Murr said taking my hand "Let's fly you home "
I sat on the window seat staring out at the runway Sal was right at the back of the plane because he couldn't get a seat near us. I could hear a child screaming from down his direction and knew it would be one hell of a long flight for him.
"You're so lucky I love you" Murr leaned over and whispered "I don't know if you got this but I hate flying."
I smiled at him and gripped his hand as we took off I took one last look at New York City before pulling down the shutter blind I was so unsure of when I would be back and so unsure of what was to come when we touched down in Ireland in 10 hours' time.