"Okay, you can go," Miss Hurdle (my psychology teacher) told the class on Tuesday after the lesson on offender profiling. "Jess, I'd like you to stay behind a minute."
I smiled in acknowledgement, but my stomach did drop a little bit in fear. It was always scary when the teacher asked you to stay behind. You suddenly start thinking of every bad thing you could've possibly done over your entire life that you could be about to get a bollocking for.
I collected my things and got ready to leave, walking up to the front of the class and standing by her desk as she fiddled with her laptop. The rest of the class flooded out of the door, keen to get to break, and I watched longingly wishing I was one of them.
"It's nothing serious, you're not in trouble," she chuckled, noticing my worried expression when she shut her laptop and looked up at me. "I just... I wanted to check you're alright."
"Wh-what? I'm fine," I said, sounding almost horrified. Why was she asking if I was alright?
"Are you sure?" she checked, and I nodded with a confused look. "I'm only asking because I feel like you're not giving this year your all so far, Jess."
I didn't know how to respond. What was I supposed to say? Oh yeah, well I did fall in love with a criminal I met at court with whom I cheated on my boyfriend. It's been a bit of a rocky road since then, I've had to choose between the two of them, and then the one I chose - you know, the criminal? - he broke my heart multiple times. One time my brother tried to fight him and we both ended up in the hospital. It's been secrets and lies, and now someone's trying to sabotage my relationship. I also found out that my new boyfriend is secretly an emotional mess because his ex girlfriend got murdered. Sorry I haven't had time to do my homework, Miss.
I ultimately decided on, "I've had a few distractions recently."
She gave me this weird, pitiful look as if she knew all about my life. "That's okay. I just don't want you to waste this year. You're a bright girl, you have so much potential, that's why it's important to stay focused."
"I will. I am," I assured her certainly, twiddling my fingers behind my back in a nervous habit.
"You have a lot of essays outstanding, and I'm going to ask for you to have them done for me before we break up for half term. Can you do that?"
"Umm... Yeah," I nodded. That meant I had less than three days to get my shít together. Great.
"And what about your personal statement? The deadline is only next month, if it's not submitted by then you won't be going to uni, simple as that."
"It's almost done, I'll finish it," I swore. I was lying, it most definitely was not almost done. Being the pessimist I am, whenever I attempted to start it I was finding it hard to find good things to say about myself.
"Alright," she smiled warmly, encouragingly. "Whatever's going on, just don't let it take over. I know you're capable of getting the good grades you need for next year."
We went through her marking book so I could make a note of all the essays I had to do by Friday, and then after thanking her for being concerned about me I was on my way. After her talk I knew she was aware that I'd been going through a tough time, which was a bit embarrassing. I didn't want to know what exactly she did know about me. She made it clear she knew I hadn't been focused, and the way she had looked at me and been so comforting I could just tell she had assumed or even heard things. It made me wonder who else that I didn't want knowing my personal life knew about my issues. I could only be thankful that I'd gotten things back on track now.
She was right in that the UCAS deadline was coming up. Time was absolutely flying by; one minute the school year had just started and the next we're a month away from the UCAS deadline for getting personal statements in. It made me nervous that the majority of people had already submitted theirs and received multiple offers from their desired universities, but I only had myself to blame for procrastinating.
I found myself wondering what would happen if I got into uni. I'd most likely be leaving my little southern town and going to live elsewhere for three years, which would mean leaving Harry and my friends behind. Would we be able to make it work? Would he get angry and force me to stay here? Or would he come with me? All I knew was that I wasn't ready to let him go any time soon.
At the end of the day he was waiting for me outside my English classroom. I hadn't seen him all day, so he was absolutely gutted when I told him I had to go straight home and catch up on the work I had to do.
"Can't I just... sit there whilst you do your work?" he pouted, strolling along next to me on our way out of school.
I hated having to weave in and out of the younger years all the time, it was definitely the down side of going to sixth form rather than college. The frown on Harry's face confirmed he was having the same thoughts as I was.
"No, Harry! I can't have any distractions. If this stuff isn't done then I'll get slaughtered."
"Fine," he grumbled. "At least let me drive you home?"
"Okay," I agreed. He didn't exactly have to persuade me. I'd already assumed he would be offering me a lift, I was a bit of a scrounger when it came to lifts since we became closer. I kind of wished I could drive so that I didn't have to rely on other people or walk, but it was way too late to be learning now with uni so close.
Harry blushed when I called him out on driving the long way to my house so he got longer in the car with me, which had me in fits of laughter in the passenger seat. He was acting like a stroppy child again because I didn't have time to spend with him, which was hilarious. It was actually nice to feel appreciated.
The car was brought to a complete stop a little way down my street and I attempted to say goodbye to a grumpy Harry. He leaned in for what I thought would be a quick kiss, but I was wrong. He held me gently but securely by my arms and kissed me deeply across the console of his car. I couldn't help but kiss him back, my eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of his lips. He quickly deepened the kiss and pushed his tongue into my mouth, breathing heavily out of his nose as he moved. I had to force myself to pull away when he gave an exaggeratedly loud moan and tried tugging me onto his lap, leaving him sat there with a frown on his swollen lips.
"I know what you're doing," I accused with a grin, feeling a little bit out of breath. As much as I would've loved to stay and kiss Harry, I knew my future depended on me reigning myself in and sorting out this pile of work that was building up.
"I don't know what you mean." A little lopsided smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he looked away from my eyes to avoid laughing, trying to remain neutral.
"Remember what happened last time we did this outside my house?" I raised my eyebrows and he turned to face me again, looking smug.
"He knows now, he has to deal with it."
"I have to go!" I giggled, managing to slip out of the car with a wave before he could protest, cutting off the complaints as I slammed the car door and waltzed up to my front porch.
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The day was finally here. I woke up feeling giddy like I was five again - it was Christmas Eve.
Harry thought I was pulling his leg when I rang him after the chat with my mum last week and told him he could come to ours for Christmas. It took a good five minutes of convincing to get him to believe me. We spoke for a little while about past Christmases and things that normally happen, past experiences, funny stories and such. He was definitely worried about the whole endeavour, considering Niall still hated his guts and my mum wasn't exactly his number one fan either.
As soon as I had hung up the phone I opened my laptop and did some very last minute, rushed online shopping for presents. I was rubbish at buying gifts for people, and I didn't exactly have a lot of money to work with, so I just did my best and hoped my family would appreciate whatever I could afford.
I decided to keep the fact that Harry would be here for Christmas a secret from my brother. It was probably best if he didn't know before it was too late for him to do anything about it. If you'd have asked me what my relationship was like with my brother a year ago I would've said it was great and we got on really well, but now I felt like we weren't on the best of terms. It's difficult to get on with someone who keeps giving you a reason to dislike them...
I did get my psychology work in on time, and Miss Hurdle was very proud. I'd even managed to sort out my university plans with her and was planning on submitting my UCAS application the minute I got back to school in January.
I'd been quite busy for the first week of half term, and it felt good to be motivated and getting stuff done. I made sure I was up to date on all of my work for every subject before I even saw Harry, which of course he was annoyed about. I'd wrapped all of my rather unimpressive Christmas presents and we'd put up all the lights and decorations including the tree. I'd spent a lot of time at Harry's, putting up decorations at his house as well because he didn't want to do it with his parents, so made the excuse that he wanted to do it with me when in reality he didn't want to do it at all. He moaned constantly about how tricky and stupid it all was, tripping over tinsel and pricking his fingers on the bauble hooks.
We'd been out a few times too; we went for a meal, to the cinema to see some awful Christmas-horror-hybrid film that Harry was yapping on about, we went to look at the Christmas lights down this road near my house that is literally famous for going absolutely crazy with decorations and lights this time of year. We'd met up with Mckenzie and Louis as well, just doing nothing at Harry's house the majority of the time the way we always do.
I made the most of every lie-in, so it was eleven thirty when I got out of bed. I had breakfast and jumped in the shower, putting on a jumper with a Christmassy aztec pattern on, leggings and fluffy socks to get in the spirit of things. My next task was to take my bag of neatly wrapped gifts and place them under the tree, along with everyone else's because they were too lazy to do it themselves (and I secretly enjoyed it). My mum was rushing around all day preparing, whereas myself and Niall just sat on the sofa and watched films. I'd like to say I spent the day doing all kinds of Christmassy things, but I didn't. I did manage to talk my brother into watching Christmas films however.
Harry had been texting me all day panicking about coming over later on, gushing about all the things that could go wrong with him being in a confined space with my family who happened to have a strong dislike for him. I replied telling him it would all be okay, not that he was having any of it.
I was up turning on all the Christmas lights in the late afternoon when the doorbell eventually rang. I was excited for Harry to arrive, but I imagined he was less enthusiastic. I could imagine him practically shaking on the other side of the door, a crease between his eyebrows as he fiddled with his bottom lip.
"Who's that?" Niall thought aloud, looking over his shoulder at the door with curiosity from his permanent spot on the sofa.
I didn't answer, just rushed over to the porch and opened the door to reveal a very uneasy looking Harry.
"Hi," he greeted me slightly nervously, making me chuckle.
"Hi. You look like you're shítting yourself."
"I am," he admitted, stepping into the house and shutting the door behind him.
"It'll be fine, stop worrying." I took his suede jacket from his shoulder and hung it up on a peg whilst he kicked off his boots.
"I'm scared I won't make it out alive," he laughed dryly, but I could tell he was being totally serious and not finding it funny at all.
"Ready?" I beamed sarcastically at him, my fingers wrapped around the handle of the porch door leading to the living room. The door that my brother was on the other side of.
"No."
I continued grinning to myself and opened the door. As I reentered the lounge with Harry trailing behind me, Niall tore his gaze away from the TV and looked behind himself at us, his expression changing to one of total disgust when his eyes set on Harry.
"What's he doing here?" he spat. My mum appeared around the corner from the kitchen, merely observing Harry without a word.
"Don't be so rude," I scolded him. "Harry is spending Christmas with us."
"No he isn't," Niall objected rather casually, as if it was up for discussion.
"Yes, he is."
"You can't just invite whoever you want to spend Christmas with our family. Mum's not gonna allow it anyway."
"I already have," my mum spoke up from across the room. My eyebrows raised in surprise. Was she backing me up?
"What the fuçk!"
"Language!" she chastised him. "No one should have to spend Christmas on their own."
She'd certainly changed her tune. Not that I was complaining.
"Thank you for having me, I really appreciate it," Harry chimed in sheepishly. I'd never seen him look so scared as he did when I turned to look at him standing behind me holding his duffel bag. I felt bad that they were talking about him as though he wasn't in the room.
"This is a píss take," Niall muttered angrily, getting up off the sofa and storming past us, knocking my shoulder on his way by. We heard the slam of his bedroom door and I rolled my eyes.
"He'll come around," my mum predicted, disappearing off into the kitchen again.
"Sorry," I said embarrassedly, giving Harry a pitiful frown.
"It's okay, I was expecting that kind of reaction. I was expecting worse, if I'm honest."
We dumped Harry's bag in my bedroom and then went back downstairs, we had the TV to ourselves since Niall had gone off in a strop to his room, so I made Harry sit through even more Christmas films and general Christmas specials of TV programmes. Some of them I was watching for the second time that day, but I didn't mind because I just wanted to make Harry watch them. He pretended he wasn't enjoying them, but I knew secretly he was.
Dinner that night was awkward, to say the least. Niall was still in a mood with all of us, so he didn't say much. Harry didn't say much either, except when I spoke to him. Actually, the whole meal was basically just me talking and my mum and Harry joining in occasionally to respond to me. I just wished the tension would lift so we could all really enjoy ourselves and relax. In all fairness, my mum really was trying to look past her grudge and include Harry, but it was still not enough to put his mind to rest.
Once we'd finished eating we all helped clear the table and my mum started washing and tidying up in the kitchen whilst Niall went off for another sulk in the living room. I perched back on my chair beside Harry and leaned into his side with my cheek pressed against his arm.
"Why don't you try and talk to him?" I whispered.
He eyed me sideways, looking down slightly at my puppy-dog face. "What am I supposed to say? He'd probably bite my head off."
"I don't know, just remind him that you were friends once, and that you never wanted things to end the way they did, that kind of stuff?" Harry thought carefully about my suggestion, but didn't look too keen.
"I suppose it can't get any worse..."
"Exactly."
There was a pause.
"Okay, I'll do it," he nodded confidently, rising from his chair and striding into the living room.
I was proud of Harry for being the bigger person and wanting to make amends with Niall, however unsuccessful his efforts may turn out to be. I would love for everyone to fully accept Harry so that he could feel as comfortable around my family as I did his.
I watched from a safe distance as Harry approached my brother and sparked a conversation, Niall looked disgruntled that Harry would even consider talking to him, but eventually Harry sat down next to him so he must've agreed to hear him out. They sat talking for a couple of minutes, although I couldn't hear what either was saying. There was lots of hand gestures and deep looks, mostly on Harry's part. When he nodded and stood up to come back over to me I mouthed to him asking how it went, which he responded to by giving me a 'so-so' hand gesture.
"It went okay," he affirmed breathily as he sat back down next to me. "I mean it's not like we're best mates all of a sudden but I think it may take some of the spite out of his attitude whilst I'm here."
"What happened?" I asked nosily, wanting the full details.
"I just said I didn't want me being here tomorrow to ruin his day, and explained some stuff about how I was gutted that we weren't friends like you said, and he kind of just... agreed to chill out a bit."
"Let's hope he sticks to his word," I sighed.
After our discussion on my brother, we relocated to the sofa and my dad popped round. It was the first time in ages I'd seen him and for once he wasn't wearing a suit having just come from the office. He gave us our presents which I vowed to stick under the tree and not touch until the morning, and in return I gave him a present and told him to do the same.
Niall still hated our dad. Come to think of it, Niall seemed to hate everyone at the moment. He was being very bitter recently. My mum didn't like our dad either, but she at least put on a false smile and acted like an adult whenever he was around, probably for my sake. I made him feel welcome by insisting he sit down with us for a bit and chat, but he probably felt uncomfortable and didn't stay long. For once he wasn't spending Christmas in Ireland with our Gran, which was sad because it meant he would be on his own or more likely down the pub getting hammered with a bunch of other divorced men on Christmas day.
It was strange; my mum, dad, Niall, Harry and I all sat in a room together pretending to be happy and civil for the sake of the holidays, when deep down we were all just as dysfunctional as each other.
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Please remember to vote for this chapter and leave comments :) I'd love to hear your thoughts and what you think might happen next!
I'm really sorry it took me a long time to get this chapter up and it's not even like anything exciting happened, lol. Wednesday is usually the day I have a lot of time to write, but just like Jess I am a procrastinator and had to get my own personal statement done before it's too late.
I have the rest of the story planned out loosely, and recently I can't stop thinking about how it's gonna go and whether or not I want to write a sequel or maybe start a completely new story (if I can think up anything decent). What are your thoughts? Would you read a sequel? What would you want to see from a sequel/new story? Idk
Q: @frogprinceharreh: Do you have any real life inspirations for the characters/events in this story?
A: I do. Louis' character is very much based on how I imagine him to be irl, same goes with Niall before he got nasty lol. I think Jess and I share a lot of the same qualities and ideas as well, since she comes from my imagination so she's bound to have a bit of me in her. In terms of events I think some things are inspired by real life such as their school and parties etc, but none of this has happened to me or anything haha.
Q: all3gra: Okay imagine you meet Harry and he says something along the lines of "you write fan fiction about me!" HOw would you react?
A: Man I'd Zayn so hard I'd be outta there!!! That'd be mortifying lol
Q: mythharryx: How old are you? (Has anyone asked this before lol)
A: I think they might have ;) But I am 17, 18 in 7 weeks!
Q: @best-mistakesss: Ok so do you have any siblings? And also what do you think about Temporary Fix and Love You Goodbye?
A: I don't have any siblings :( And the songs: how many songs are 1D gonna write that are about sex without being explicit!?! Temporary Fix is hot and an absolute tune (Harry's voice sounds really different and I love it), and Love You Goodbye actually makes me kind of sad. Both are great songs!
Highlight with a q!
My question for you: Have you picked up on anything that I dropped in earlier on in the story that referred to Harry's situation with Amber? I did add a few hints in that I was wondering if anyone noticed. (ALSO WHAT DO I WANT FOR MY 18TH BIRTHDAY SOMEONE HELP I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING)