27th November, 2015
'No slave of Allah will truly believe until he believes in Al Qadr its good and bad from Allah, until he knows that what has befallen him was not going to miss him and that what missed him was not going to befallen him.'
(Tirmidhi)
Chapter 20:
Lost Battles and Buried Dreams
The loud piercing ring of the alarm woke up Bilal and as he randomly fumbled with his phone, he was slightly annoyed that he couldn't swipe the right key to shut that noise. Grumbling in his sleep, he peeked open one eye and did not dare to press snooze as he put an end to that monotonous tone.
He was about to go back to sleep but both his eyes flew open as Dina's sleeping form came into view. Her head was rested on Bilal's right arm and she had her arm around him. Sleep was forgotten as a smile graced Bilal's lips, his hand moving on its own accord to push back her hair, which was still damp from their shower before Fajr.
Her innocent look was multiplied ten folds as she slept and Bilal had a burning desire to keep her happy every second of his life. He didn't exactly know why, but he was willing to shun his otherwise silent self when she was around. Bilal wasn't exactly the kind to be able to easily gel along with new folk. He was exceptionally quiet in front of ladies or sisters he didn't know, although it was a different story when he was among people he knew.
The point, however, was that, he had been quicker than he imagined in accepting Dina in his life. The first few meetings they'd had, there was no much interaction, but after the wedding he was surprisingly more comfortable than he thought himself to be. So long, Dina had been easy going and least demanding, and he felt like he had known her for more time than they had spent together.
Of course, one would expect this after a wedding but this was so much more than that. Just a few days since the nikah, and Dina was able to evoke such strong emotions in him. Conversation with her was easy, she did not seem fussy and he absolutely loved how she respected his family, especially his mum, for he admired the lady beyond all words. While Bilal was also aware that this was just the beginning and things need not be smooth every time, he knew they'd survive all odds, in sha Allah.
Granted, she was slightly clumsy, she still needed time to open up to him, she could be emotional and she cared more than she should. Then again, these were added reasons why he was beginning to fall for her. In his eyes, her imperfections made her perfect. It didn't matter that she wasn't exemplary, she was his and that was enough.
He didn't know as the clock ticked and moments passed, he wasn't aware how many minutes he spent gazing at her, all he knew was that this peaceful image of Dina while she was sleeping calmed his mind.
It was only when she stirred in her sleep did he break out of his trance and quickly closed his eyes, composing himself and pretending to be fast asleep.
Dina lifted her hand to her face and blocked the rays of sunlight, squinting her eyes as she looked at Bilal. Just like her husband, a small smile graced her lips at his supposed sleeping image. She found herself fully awake now, admiring the scene in front of her.
Since Bilal had missed the Jamaath by a few minutes, he had prayed Fajr at home, leading his wife in Salah. It was the first time Dina was praying behind her husband and she couldn't help the one tear that managed to escape her eyes as she fell in sujood behind him. The serenity of the prayer engulfed her as she prayed to The Most Loving with the one she loved.
They had gone for a short walk after Salah, and Dina had enjoyed immensely as Bilal shared with her his love for early mornings when people were still asleep and the sun hadn't fully risen.
Her heart swelled in happiness when he had said,
"I've always found joy in spending such mornings all by myself, but it's not until now do I realize I was terribly wrong. Having you with me is what makes me happy."
Dina hadn't expected Bilal to be so verbal in his feelings. If she was being honest, she had always pictured him as someone who spoke only when necessary, and wanted things a certain way. Although he was still that way, a little formal yet polite with some people, he had a completely different side when they were together. And yes, Dina loved that he was willing to be charming and kind when he was with her. He made her feel special, and in her mind, she was totally fangirling over him.
And she was almost finding herself silly! Granted that she was still in the process of warming up to him on the outside, but a peek inside her heart and she just knew how much of an impact her new husband had on her.
She was looking at his face so intently, that she was taken aback when she noticed him smiling. At first she thought Bilal was probably dreaming, but when the smile widened and Bilal opened his eyes, Dina found herself staring at him, slightly bemused.
"Uh, hi?" She squeaked, hoping and praying that he wouldn't know she was staring.
"Hello," he said leaning in and kissing her nose, the wide grin still on his face when he pulled back.
"You don't look like you were sleeping," he teased, "Where you appreciating something?"
"You don't look like you were sleeping either," Dina replied, her cheeks going warm.
Slightly embarrassed, Dina got up from bed and hurried towards the washroom, just as Bilal caught her hand.
"You didn't answer my question," he said, looking at her suggestively.
"Perhaps I was admiring Allah's creation?" She mused and Bilal laughed, pulling her to him.
"You tricked me! You weren't asleep, when did you wake up?"
"A while back," he replied and Dina was about to ask what he was doing since then, but a sudden thought struck her.
"Bilal, are we late?" Dina asked and as both of them turned to look at the wall clock, there began the race and commotion. They had exactly ten minutes to leave home, and they were still in bed!
With Dina holding Bilal's tie in hand as he grabbed Dina's hand purse and his car keys, both dashed to the car. She was still chewing on the last piece of toasted bread as she fed Bilal the last bite of the pasta and they hit the road.
Dina had Bilal's tie around her neck as she was tying it for him, when Bilal said,
"Could you text Roshan from my contacts and tell him to set up the presentation in conference room till I come?" Bilal asked as he honked and grumbled.
Being stuck in traffic while running late for work was the worst combination!
"Sure," she mumbled and quickly removing the tie from around her neck and fixing it for Bilal, she took hold of Bilal's phone which was carelessly dumped on the dashboard in their hurry.
She put in his password, the one he hadn't minded telling her on the second day of their wedding when she wanted to call Tabasum, and her eyebrows shot up.
"You have ten missed calls from Omar and fifteen from Shahid."
"I haven't checked my phone since last night but wow, that's a huge number," he said and took the phone from Dina, dialing Omar's number just as Dina checked her phone and her heart beat accelerated to see more than a dozen missed calls from Simran.
As the two spoke to their respective friends, a resonated, "What?" was spluttered by both of them at the same time.
"H-How is he now?" Dina asked Simran, as she looked at Bilal, both of them in sync with each other as their eyes met.
"Alhamdulilah, that he's out of danger," Dina said, sighing in relief just as she heard Bilal end the call. "Simran, I'm going to the hospital now, will call you back as soon as I get to know more details... Alright!.. Take care," she whispered and turned to look at Bilal.
"One day I decide to not check my phone and then I'm met with such news!"
"Alhamdulilah, at least he's out of danger. I can only imagine what Simran must have been through seeing Asif like that. To be met with such a situation while driving is bad enough, but to realize that the person there, soaked in blood, is the guy you-"
Dina abruptly stopped mid sentence and turned to look at Bilal, and with the calculative look he sported, Dina knew he was thinking along the same line as her. She did not want to betray Simran, and hence, she said, "What did Omar tell you?"
As Bilal related the night's incident, not prodding over the earlier topic, Dina found herself getting all the more anxious, her concern going out to Tabasum, Simran, especially Asif and also his family.
She had seen death so close and although it wasn't in her hand, she did not want anyone to be able to undergo the torture that came from the thought of losing someone they loved.
Alhamdulilah, Asif was saved, but that didn't mean everyone was as blessed as him to witness such a close escape.
As they reached the hospital's premises, Bilal accompanied Dina inside and both of them rushed to Asif, who was now shifted from ICU but still had to stay in the hospital for a few days, depending on the recovery.
Tabasum and Omar were inside with Asif, and it didn't require for Dina to go close to him to realize he was not in a very good state, not like she expected anything less.
His head was wrapped in gauze, his right arm was plastered and it looked like he had either sprained or fractured his right leg as well. He had a small cut near his eyebrow, which seemed to have been stitched up.
"Assalamu alaikum, akhi. Subhan Allah, what is this? The other day we were only talking about the different colored plasters, I didn't know you'd want to try them out by breaking a bone," Bilal said pointing to his arm as he went to stand beside Asif and the man in question laughed.
"Wa alaikum assalam. I wouldn't have complained if they'd give me something funky, but thanks to my sister, she decided on wrapping me up in a hot pink plaster."
Dina laughed as she looked at Tabasum who managed to smile, although the dark circles and her pale face gave her the image of how worried and tired she was. For Asif's sake, she said, "Hot pink serves you right for giving all of us a heart attack."
"I'm the one on the hospital bed, and thanks to the two ladies in my life, mom and sis, I'm the big bad culprit. You'd think they'd show the man some sympathy," Asif said feigning hurt and Dina appreciated him for his sense of humor even in a situation like this.
"You alright?" She asked Tabasum, going to stand beside her friend and squeezing her shoulder as Bilal kept Asif engaged in talk.
"Alhamdulilah, I'm better now, seeing that Asif is recovering. But Dina, I was so scared to see those blood stains on Simran's Abaya the minute I reached here. When she told me that his head had started to bleed, I was thinking of the worst. Alhamdulilah, he is a lot better than what I thought."
Dina gave her a pained smile as Tabasum's eyes clouded over at the memory, and said, "Alhamdulilah for everything. Out of experience, I'd just tell you that every form of calamity is your map towards a blessing. Seriously Tabasum, keeping in mind my past, I would never have guessed to be leading my current life. Bilal is so much more than what I can describe and now, as I look back, I'm in awe at Allah's ways. I know this is the most over used analogy, but I'd still say it. When it's time for the caterpillar to become a butterfly, he undergoes tremendous amount of pain. But as just as Allah is, Al Adl, repays him more than full by transforming the crawling insect to a butterfly with wings, admired by all. It's all about trusting Him. Every tear and every ounce of pain is like the currency you're paying to achieve something that you don't deserve in the first place, but would be blessed with it by Allah's Mercy."
Tabasum stared at her friend, and finally said, "After six years, I'm glad to see the optimistic Dina I once knew. Alhamdulilah, remind me to thank Bilal for this magnanimous transformation.'
"Are you implying that I was a pessimist earlier?"
"Ummm, let me think," Tabasum said pretending to be in deep thought. "The old Dina I knew, always said she wasn't quite worthy of happiness, it was alright to live a lonely life, she wanted to make others happy but didn't care for her-"
"Okay, Tabasum! I'll remind you to thank Bilal. Are you happy now?" Dina asked rolling her eyes and Tabasum grinned.
She pulled her friend towards the cafeteria, chattering along the way and Dina took up the opportunity to press her thumb on the attendance machine before grabbing coffee for all and bland spinach soup for Asif.
However, they hadn't even entered when a very amusing scene caught their attention by the door.
"Mr. Asif, you don't get to do this! You are not allowed to even get up from your hospital bed. And little boy, you have to wear your plaster. Hot pink is hot, you are hot, then what's the matter?"
"Miss. Blessy-"
"I am Missus. Blessy. My husband isn't dead...yet! The point is, you need to go-"
"Nurse Blessy?" She took hold of his ear and on being called, turned to her right and was puzzled to see Asif who was lying in the bed, laughing beside Bilal.
"That's my twin, Omar. Your little boy who met with an accident is right here. And I haven't ripped out the hot pink plaster."
"Ah! Now that's the case. You two are twins? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" The old nurse scolded Omar who scowled at her, rubbing his right ear that had gone red.
"Ok little boys, we've got hot coffee for you," Tabasum announced, interrupting their banter, and walking ahead. Dina handed over Bilal's coffee to him and over soup and coffee, the dull hospital room, the walls of which had been witness to sincere prayers and silent tears, was filled with laughter and chatter for the next few minutes.
"Bilal, I know you're newly married and want to bunk office, and me lying here is just another excuse for you to stay close to your wife, but lovesick boy, you need to go to work," Asif said winking at Bilal who narrowed his eyes at him.
"I don't need an excuse to stay with Dina and wow, what a friend, trying to chuck me out when I'm trying to stay for him."
Even before Asif could answer, Nurse Blessy walked in, glaring at Omar and announcing, "The little boy needs to nap and his friends and brother from the same mother need to step out. I'll give you two minutes to vacate this place."
Omar opened his mouth to complain but quickly bit his tongue and walked out, everyone in tow after they bid goodbye to Asif.
"You're going to the oncology department?" Bilal murmured as he wrapped an arm around Dina and pulled her to an empty corner at the end of the corridor near the exit that he was proceeding to. He really was super late and if he didn't go now, he'd be in trouble.
"I am," Dina answered his earlier question and shook her head at him. "Well, aren't you getting late?"
"I am."
"Why are you still here then?"
"I'm going to miss you."
Dina leaned in and pecked his lips, and pulling him outside with her, she smiled and teased,
"Distance makes a heart grow fonder. Good bye, Bilal."
I'm going to miss you too!
***
"Hey!"
Simran blinked and stared at Dina, but composed herself and opened the door wide, motioning her friend inside.
"Assalamu alaikum, sweetheart! This is such a pleasant surprise! What brings you here? Did Bilal come with you?"
"Wa alaikum as salaam, Aunty," Dina replied. "I came directly from the hospital to meet Simran."
"Oh alright. Did you meet Asif? How is he doing?"
Dina stopped herself from judging the lady who was asking the wellbeing of the guy she had refused her daughter to get married to, and said, "Alhamdulilah, he's better now but obviously in a lot of pain."
"In sha Allah, he'll get better. Simran, take Dina to your room while I set the table for lunch."
After five minutes of Dina protesting that she was in slight hurry and would have lunch some other time, she eventually gave up and followed Simran.
"You saw him?"
That was the first question Simran asked the minute they were left to themselves.
"I did."
"How's he?"
"Two stitches close to the eye, a broken arm, a bandaged head, a sprained leg."
"Is he hurting a lot?"
"He was being humorous with Bilal, but to answer your question, obviously he is. In more ways than one."
Simran sighed, rubbing her temple and biting her lip.
"You don't look like you've slept at all."
"Because I haven't," she replied bluntly.
"Simran," Dina whispered holding her hand and at the gesture, she found it extremely hard to swallow the lump in her throat.
"There was a moment before he fell into unconsciousness and I looked at him, and that image is haunting me," she confessed in a broken voice.
"Why?"
"Because I thought he was going to die and I'd never get a chance to be with him."
A spark of hope flamed in Dina's heart and her entire face lighted up.
"Alhamdulilah, he survived the crisis. Does that mean you plan on taking things forward?"
"I didn't mean that," Simran shook her head. "That's exactly why I'm hurting over him. When I was about to lose him forever, I couldn't imagine a future without him. But now, although he isn't lost, I still can't think of a future with him. It's too complicated."
"It doesn't have to be."
"I can't go against mum. Do you have a solution to it? And yes, I've tried my best to convince mum so that's out of the option now."
"I wish I knew the answer to this," Dina sighed.
"Some locks are made with their keys buried without reach. Anyway, I honestly don't think I'll be able to take it any longer. It's good that you came, I needed to tell you something."
Dina was filled with dread at Simran's tone, and she waited in silence for her friend to proceed.
"Remember I told you about the Uncle who runs a bakery in Dubai?'"
"What about him?"
"He needs assistance there and I'm flying to him in a few weeks."
"For how many days?"
"A month? A year? For as long as he needs my help."
"Simran, no, just no. You can't run away like this."
"I can either run or cause more grief to my heart. I can either move away by choice before the distance between us consumes me."
"Simran, you're going to leave this city, this country, just like that? The baking studio was your dream, what about that?"
"I'm giving up my dream that I managed to fulfill, to protect myself from the piercing bits of the shattered dream that'll stay unfulfilled."
"He really really likes you, Simmy. Don't do this."
"What do you want me to do, Dina?"
"All I know is that in sha Allah, we'll work things out."
"And reach a dead end."
"I'll talk to Aunty."
"I've tried and failed."
"Would you ever tell him that your reason for refusing to marry him has got to do with your mum?"
"No. He's better off not knowing."
"Give this another chance, Simran. Didn't you once imagine a future with him?"
"I'm past those teenage years, Dina. I'm willing to accept that in life, what makes you happy doesn't necessarily have to be destined for you. Some battles are lost even before they're fought."
"He doesn't know you like him, and you want to leave things at that? Not even attempt to use your weapons?"
"I don't. He doesn't need to know that my broken heart is a reflection of his. We're adults, and we need to take rational decisions."
"Being rational doesn't mean you give up on your dreams. You can't give up on him."
A bitter laugh escaped Simran's lips and her eyes glazed over when Dina's words reinforced a realization.
How ironical was it that the whole world knew of her dream, except the one she dreamt of.
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What do you think of Asif, Simran and their future? Any specific reason/prediction for your choice? :D