I know I should have followed him. I know I should have stopped him, But I didn't. and I've been kicking myself ever since that dark morning.
I look around at the small shops that surround me, Chloe told me the dress shop was around here somewhere. lately the smallest things have been getting at me. I've spent the last few days hanging with Chloe, Belinda and kelly, the last time I seen those 2 girls was the night of my presentation as Luna but nothing seems to get my mind completely off Ethan.
Since that morning I've tried to talk to him a number of times with him just giving me short answers to eventually just ignoring me all together. I'm not exactly sad as you might think, I'm more confused than anything else I really don't understand why he's doing this. Maybe I'm just becoming immune to the sad emotion within me considering the recent events that have come bouncing into my life one after the other.
"Mia"
I turn to face the other direction to see Chloe waving me down
I smile as I head over to her as I notice she's standing in front of KELSEYS which by the elegant looking dresses in the window would say I finally found the place
"Hey, sorry I got lost" I say approaching her
"All good but I don't have a lot of time Jason's picking me up in an hour he finally has some spare time" she says happily as we head into the store
"That's cool I'll just pick anything that fits" I say keeping my voice neutral
I've learned a lot to keep my emotions hidden lately I'm sure Chloe is sick of me going on about my relationship problems, she isn't exactly full of great advice either, her last suggestion being that I try to wear something extremely revealing in hopes to seduce him, but inappropriate in my eyes but she seemed to think it would be sexy as in than Ethan would stop long enough for me to get him to tell me what ever it is that's bugging him. I banished the thought immediately.
"That's not the idea Mia have you been listening to me at all" she says sounding slightly exhausted
I head over to a rack that's full of light green dresses similar to the one I already own but none of them as nice
"No he's already seen you in green.. You need something different something that will make him not take his eyes off you" her head is buried in a rack of bright orange dresses
I'm not wearing orange was my first thought
I head over to the other side, picking out a simple black dress
"What about this one?" I say holding the dress up
Chloe glances at me as she frowns shaking her head saying no
"Least if he doesn't talk to me it will match my eyes" I mumble shoving the black dress back on the rack
"Got it" she says narrowing her eyes at me Probably from my comment
She holds up a unique looking dress that I raise a eyebrow at. It is beautiful slightly revealing but not, at the same time.
It's a fitted formal dress nude in colour actually it's really nice
"I dunno" I hesitate
"Just go try it" she snaps
I take the dress from her checking the size and huff as I see it will fit. heading over to the change room the lady behind the counter gives me a short nod as I close the door.
Slipping the dress on it fits me perfectly I turn in the small fitting room trying to get a whole view of myself in the mirror.
It's got a high split coming to a rest on my left thigh thanking it doesn't show my slight scar on my right as the top half is covered in a pretty bead design rapping down ending on my right hip
"Are u coming out? I want to see it on"
I open the door stepping out to see Chloe's eyes light up
"Perfect" she says clapping her hands together
I turn back to the mirror and slide my hands down the soft material. It is really nice
I turn to the sound of a whistle as I see Jason approaching us
"Wow Mia you look amazing" Jason says with a big smile
I feel slightly awkward for some reason as I turn back to the mirror giving the dress another look
I see Jason give Chloe a kiss on her cheek as his arm wraps around her
"Couldn't wait, sorry if I'm too early" he says softly looking at Chloe with the same look in his eyes that I experienced many years ago
I feel a tinge of jealously
There both so happy and I guess I just want a part of that for Ethan to look at me like that
"It's fine actually, we found her dress already, she looks gorgeous right" Chloe says excitedly
I watch them through the mirror as they both look up to me Chloe's eyes scanning down the back of me as Jason nods his head but his eyes stay focused on mine as his smile fades.
"I'll see if I can find shoes to match" Chloe says quickly as she rushes away
I look back at the dress as Jason comes up behind me
"You ok?" He asks keeping his voice low
Not really
I nod my head not being able to look at him, it wasn't until I looked at my own face that I saw I'm wearing my emotions as bright as day on my features for everyone to see
Dam
His hand comes up as he gently grabs my chin turning my head to face him
"You know you can talk to me" his words are soft and his eyes caring
"I know" I say distantly as his hand drops from me and clenches at his side
"Things are still bad?" He asks with a frown
He knows all about what Ethan said and done to me that Morning considering he came looking for Ethan shortly after and found me crying. even though I promised myself I wouldn't. What good that promise has been so far. I think I've cried more over Ethan than my own parents. My thoughts go to James as we were always so strong he taught me a lot about excepting things that can't be changed and I guess in a way I was emotionally strong but ever since meeting Ethan it feels as though he has undone all my brothers hard work.
"Yea" I admit
He nods his head as his features change to show a hint of anger
"I've got two so you can choose which are more comfy I know how ur fussy with your heels but they both match so take your pick" Chloe says placing two sets of heels down in front of me
Jason steps back giving more distance between us as Chloe suddenly seems to notice giving Jason a silent questioning look
I look away from them both as I pick up one that has a higher heel for some reason I suddenly feel like a change.
Slipping them on I turn back to the mirror. I'm still not taller than Jason but I'm close, which would mean I wouldn't be taller than Ethan I mentally laugh at myself as I kinda wanted to be taller than them. The thought confuses me.
"I didn't expect you to choose those but there the ones I would pick too" Chloe says with a smile
"Do they have higher?" I ask taking a few small steps, I feel stable enough
"Any higher Mia your going to fall" Jason says not sounding to happy all of a sudden
I bite my tongue for my usually reply to his comment but I guess saying -well it wouldn't matter because you promised to always pick me up- would be highly inappropriate but I couldn't help my eyes looking over at him with a playful feel as he smirked back at me giving me a knowing look, he knew exactly what I wanted to say.
"That's as high as they come" Chloe says sounding distracted
I look at her through the mirror as her focus is on Jason
"Ok well I'm set, you definitely have a good eye for outfits" I say giving one last look at the dress I'm in
"Yea Ethan use to drag me out to these stores.... Sorry" she says stopping herself from finishing what ever it was she was saying
My eyes advert to the ground on there own accord as I nod my head
"You make him sound gay" Jason says with a laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood
I softly chuckle
"That would actually make sense" I mumble
"Hey you look amazing and if this doesn't get his attention I'm locking you two in a room till you are both happy and satisfied" she says giving me a wink
Jason looks surprised as he smiles at Chloe
"Didn't know you were into that kind of thing" he says grabbing her waist and pulling her towards him
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me" she says playfully as she pecks him on the lips
I feel my stomach tumble as I head back into the change room closing the door. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them but it seems like a constant reminder, that seems like something I will never have with Ethan. And boy do I want it.
My thoughts go straight to Ethan as I Hang the dress back up and shove my usual clothes back on
"Mia just tell the lady to put it on Ethan's account we will wait out front" Chloe's voice is loud as she sounds further away now
His account? How many dresses does he buy? There's no men's clothing in here... My mind goes straight to the worse thought being does he buy all his girlfriends/one night stands dresses?
Finishing getting changed and fixing my hair I head over to the counter as the lady smiles at me taking the dress and placing the shoes back into there box
"Lovely choice Luna" she says happily placing the dress neatly into a large box filled with tissue paper
I nod my head
"Just on alpha Wests account?" She asks looking back up at me
I nod my head as I watch her pull out a book and starts to write in it
"Why does he have an account here?" I ask my curiosity getting the best of me
She looks back at me for a moment before finishing the box off with a large red satin bow
"Alpha west has an account at every store" she says knowingly, Did my thoughts and jealously come across that easily, I'm definitely losing my touch.
"Are you taking these now or would you like us to deliver it out to you later today?" She says placing the small shoe box on top of the dress that now looks like a beautifully wrapped present.
"She will have it delivered"
I hear Jason's voice before he comes to stand next to me
The lady nods her head as she turns taking the boxes to a back room
"Come on" Jason says as he turns me leading me out with his hand on the small of my back
"Where's Chloe gone" I ask looking around as she's no where to be found
"I took her home" he says casually leading me to his car
"What do you mean? you guys are hanging out now.." I'm cut off by Jason
"Get in Mia" Jason says holding the door open with a small smile
"No"
"What's going on" I ask as I feel myself glare at him
"Look your not ok, and I think it's time we went and chilled for a bit get away from all this, you need a friend Mia and I'm sorry I haven't fully been around and there for you but I'm here now" Jason says dropping his hand from the door as he has a hint of sadness to his eyes.
"But Chloe? She was so excited" I say hesitating not sure on what to do
"She's fine, she understands" he says with his smile back
I nod my head and jump into the car I didn't even thank her for her help the thought has me wanting to tell her
"Thanks so much for your help Chloe you need to teach me your skills" I mind link her
"Anytime Hun now you tell that mate of mine I want to see a happy Mia when you get back" her voice is happy
I laugh
I do want to be happy
"So where are we going?" I ask looking out my window at the passing scenery
"Not far just somewhere quiet I know you will like" Jason says looking over to me confusing me with a cautious look he gave me
"What?" I ask
He doesn't take his eyes off the road as his body tenses
"There's something else we need to talk about" he says sounding serious now
I don't like the sound of that
We pull up in a grassy area as I open the door to than be hit with the relaxing sound of rushing water, I've always had a soft spot for waterfalls
"Is this still on our territory" I ask as I wasn't paying much attention to where we were going
"Yea just near the border I found it when I was getting familiar with our land" he says sounding distracted
He takes my hand as we walk towards the sound through some low trees out onto a grassy cliff. The view is beautiful I never knew we had a waterfall I think I just found my new spot.
We walk near the edge as we both stand there looking out. His hand is warm and feels familiar, even though it's not Ethan's hand it doesn't feel uncomfortable. I look up to him as I feel relaxed and happy.
He sits down pulling me down next to him. But we both remain quiet looking out to the peacefulness of the view
"Remember when I said I hope your mate was worse than mine?" I ask breaking the silence
He laughs
"That feels like so long ago" he says his hand leaving mine to rest on his chest
"You should of been mated to Suzi than we would be even" I laugh out
I don't know why I said it I think I just wanted a distraction first as I get the feeling he has something on his mind I won't like
He pushes me as he rolls onto his side facing me
"You would of liked that" he says with a glare
I laugh
"Yea than we could of ditched our mates and run off together" I say jokingly
But he doesn't laugh as his smile fades for the second time today
"I'm sorry I was joking, I really like Chloe she's an amazing person" I say honestly as I'm genuinely happy for him
He frowns at me
"I never told you this but when I first met Chloe she was different, she gave me the same feelings.. The same calmness that you do to me" I say with a smile
His frown deepens even more as he leans back on his elbows looking in deep thought
I'm confused by him now. Am I saying something wrong? I confuse myself even more. I've never had to watch what I say to him.
"I'm going to ask you a serious question Mia and I need you to answer me truthfully" his voice coming out slightly confused
Okay
I nod my head as we look at each other my own confused expression mirroring his
"Are you honestly happy that I'm with Chloe?" He asks sounding distracted
I suddenly smile
"Of course I am" I reply instantly
"You guys are perfect like the dream couple" I add honestly
I watch as he looks away nodding his head
"Is that your serious question?" I ask with a hint of sarcasm feeling like he worked this whole thing out of proportion as I relax back onto my elbows
He doesn't say anything as I feel uneasy now.. Wait
"You don't love her?" I ask not being able to keep the shock out of my voice
His eyes snap back to mine as he looks almost angry
"Of course I love her Mia, she's my world" he says honestly.
I breathe out as I relax back,thanking the gods, I don't think I could handle seeing Chloe go through the pain of her mate not wanting her. The thought depresses me. I'm that person.
"Good" I state
"Than what is it?" I ask again
He looks confused again as he takes a deep breathe
"I don't understand" he says
"Understand what? Spit it out Jason" I say feeling impatient and uneasy again
"Something Ethan said" he says softly
My ears perk up as he now has my full attention
"Said what" I say sounding frustrated that I have to keep prompting him to talk
"Well not so much on what he said but he implied it" he says cautiously
Yea that's the Ethan always implying shit I look at him edging him to go on
"I got the impression he seems to think you still have feelings for me..more than a friend" his eyes meeting mine to see my reaction
Feelings for Jason? More than a friend?
"I love you Jason but not like that" I say feeling annoyed, I really wish I could remember what I said to Ethan that night.
"As I love you" he says instantly though I think more from habit
"You actually thought I was still in love with you" I say playfully with disbelief
"Well why not? Look at me" he says gesturing to his body
He does have a good body
"I've seen better" I challenge raising an eyebrow daring him to disagree with me.
"Yea Ethan's not to bad too" he admits
I laugh as we both than laugh
"Now who's sounding gay" I joke
Our laugh eventually dies out as we both turn quiet
"Do you think that is why he distance himself from me?" I ask looking up to the clouds now watching the sun flow along behind them.
"I'm betting on it" he says as a fact
I nod my head, he so stupid if this is why
"I don't understand on why all of a sudden he thought that tho? That is if it's the actual reason.. I mean I've made it clear there's nothing between us like that"
"I dunno but something must have happened" he says distractedly
I told Ethan, I thought he believed me as my words were nothing but honest on how I truly feel ... Wait
"What if he found out you kissed me? You know just before you found Chloe" I ask turning to face him
He chuckles out as he shakes his head
"What?" I ask
He shakes his head again
"He sure found out, I got a few broken ribs and a hell of a black eye" he says with a chuckle
"What!" I say sitting up in shock
"Hey it's all good I actually think he went pretty easy on me" he says with a smile
He watches me for a moment
"You didn't know because by the time you woke up I was healed, kinda didn't want to bring it up again.. You know you don't go round just telling people you got your ass handed to you" he says looking back up at the clouds.
I shake my head in disbelief
I'm always out of the loop I wonder what else has happened without me knowing. I chuckle to myself it's actually happening to me right now as I'm still confused as ever.
"So what should I do now than" I ask crossing my legs over and playing with the grass
"Fucks me" Jason says
I throw the grass at his face
"I thought your meant to be helping me?" I say throwing a pebble now at his forehead
"Hey!" He shouts as he jumps up and pushes me over playfully
I laugh as I wrestle him off accidentally pushing him to hard as I than see shock cross his face as his body disappears off the side of the cliff.
Fuck
I jump to the edge instantly looking over to see him splash into the slow flowing river below
I breath out at the breath I was holding as he resurfaces looking up to me shaking his head with a big smile on his face
"Your fucking crazy!" He shouts
I laugh as I stand to my feet
"Come on!" He shouts
This is the kind of fun that I can't say no too
I look over at the water fall and than the distance I'll need to drop..It's far
Not thinking about it any further I kick off my shoes and push off the edge and jump in after him.
I scream as I fall trying to keep my body the shape of a pencil as I brace myself with The water hitting me like ice. It sets me alive as I spring into action kicking my way back up to the surface. Finally reaching the top I take a well needed breath as I look around to find Jason. But he's gone.
I tread the water as I spin looking in all directions till I'm suddenly jerked under.
I panic as I kick trying to free my leg as it releases and I pop up above the surface again
Bastard
I watch Jason appear in front of me laughing as he wipes the water from his face
"You scared me!" I shout at him
"You were scared? Try being pushed off a fucken cliff" he shouts back playfully
I splash him as I duck back under the water not letting him splash me back
We swim around for awhile as we playfully fight each other just feeling like old times making all my worries disappear.
We eventually get out of the crystal clear water and make our way back to the top
"Do you want my shirt?" He asks taking his soaked shoes and socks off
"Why? it's wet as well" I say ringing the edges of my shorts in an attempt to lose some of the water
He raises an eyebrow at me
I look down at myself as I give him a serious look
Great
My shirt is freaking see through
"I see your still into your black Lacey bras" he says with a smirk
I throw my shoe at him that I was holding in my hand as he ducks with it just missing his face
"I don't remember you being so violent though" he says laughing taking his shirt off
I laugh at him as I walk past snatching his shirt from his hand on my way to fetching my shoe
He takes his black cargo pants off just remaining in plain black boxer shorts as he rings them out
"Don't turn around" I say as I quickly remove my top and with great difficulty put his wet shirt on. Replacing a wet top for another larger wet shirt what was I thinking jumping in after him
"Ok" I say as I look back to him
He turns around as he's now just wearing the ringed out pants that he's now rolled up to just bellow his knee
"Chloe's asking how much longer were gonna be" he chuckles
I look to the sky as its getting darker
"Wow we must have been in there for awhile" I laugh
"Does Chloe know what Ethan thinks? Hell what you even thought"
"Yea she was surprised, she said he's never been the jealous type .. Until he met you that is" he says with a smile
"Still she didn't believe you would have those feelings for me and said i shouldn't ask you" he says with a laugh
I walk with him back towards the car
"But you still did?" I ask curiously
He looks at me for a moment
"Well I know how well you hide your true emotion but seeing you today it's like you turned into an open book" he reveals
Great
"Yea I guess it's all just gotten to me" I say softly
We approach the car as I still have water dripping from me. It being a cloudy day and the fact that's it's getting dark now isn't helping me get dry.
I stop in front of the car and take my shorts off, the denim holding onto the water like it depended on it.
"Did you just turn my shirt into a dress?" Jason asks with a chuckle
"Yea and it totally looks better on me" I say laughing heading for the passenger door
He chuckles as he starts the car and we head back the way we came. I focus on my surroundings this time making sure I know the way back there
Jason pulls up in front of my house as I thank him
"I had fun thanks for getting my mind off everything I owe you one" I say happily opening my door
"Anytime" he says smiling
"I want my shirt washed ironed and returned on a hanger" he says with a smirk
I look back at him shocked before I smirk back evilly
"Don't do it" he says with his eyes going wide
Without thinking it through I quickly rip his shirt off and throw it at him slamming the door and sprinting down to the house opening the front door and quickly closing the it behind me leaning against it laughing.
"I warned you" Jason's voice comes into my head
I chuckle as I hold the door closed almost expecting him to barge through the door to throw the wet clothes back at me. I relax as I hear his car drive off as I sigh pushing off the door looking up as I freeze
What is he doing here?
I must look like a deer in headlights as I stare back at Ethan sitting on the bar stool ahead of me staring right back at me.
He hasn't been home for 3 days straight and all of a sudden he's here and I'm dressed in only my underwear. Could my life get any worse.
I don't know what to do as my feet feel like there stuck, cemented into the ground
"I guess we both had an interesting afternoon" his voice is full of annoyance but you would never tell by just looking at him
I frown at his words not knowing what he means? What was he doing?
His eyes scan down my body as they come back up to rest on my face
Move Mia. How does he always have this affect on me
His eyes stay focused on mine now as if he's looking straight into my soul. He taps his fingers on the table having finally made a move as it seems to break me from my hold and I make a run for it to the bedroom slamming the door behind me.
I breathe out as I head for the shower.
How would I explain that? Oh I was just hanging with Jason in my underwear? God he already thinks I like Jason! Why can't anything ever go my way.
I turn the shower off as I wrap the towel around me and Comb my hair. I step out of the bathroom to find Ethan sitting on the bed leaning forward with his elbows resting on his thighs, a signature position of his I've worked out when he feels uncomfortable
He looks up at me as he thinks something over before standing and walking towards me
My breath gets caught in my throat as he gentle wraps his arms around me pulling me close towards him
I don't know what to make of this? He hasn't given me the time of day and now he's acting like the caring loving mate I always wanted. What the hell
He leans down as he kisses me
But instead of it feeling soft and meaningful it's hard and almost rough like, he forces my mouth open as he deepens the kiss picking me up making me straddle him. I make no move to stop him as I myself get caught up in the moment wanting this as much as does.
I'm loving the feel of him I love that he's touching me hell I love that he's kissing me.
but something doesn't feel right. We have kissed a few times before and none of them felt like this like he's angry but not Angry I can't explain it but it doesn't feel right.
He breaks the kiss first as he turns and lays me down on the bed. I want him so bad but the look in his eyes is still making me unsure of his intentions.
He leans down over me kissing me again with one arm holding his weight off me as I feel his other hand slide up my thigh.
The touch sends tingles across my skin and I have to stop myself from getting caught up in the moment again.
With great difficulty I place my hands against his chest as I push him back enough to stop his movements. He moves his head up so he can see my face as his lips look slightly swollen like mine feel from the hardness of his kiss with the only sound being our heavy breathing
"What are we doing?" I ask almost breathlessly As I try to remind myself on why I'm even stopping him in the first place.
"I thought that was obvious" he says with a smirk
Is it stupid of me to think that this is weird behaviour? I'm so confused it's not like we just had a fight? His insecurities got the best of him and I don't believe he's completely over it.
"It's just.. You haven't acknowledged me in days" I say softly
Why do I feel so stupid all of a sudden
He pushes himself off the bed as I sit up at the same time tightening the towel around my chest. He takes a step back from me as if he's fighting himself to do so.
"Can we talk?" I ask pulling the towel back across my exposed thigh, if it was open anymore he would have a clear view
His eyes watched the movement of my hand as he than looks back up to my face
"Could you please get dressed first? I can't focus with you like this" he says as I now notice how tense he is. I nod my head as I go into the wardrobe and add some clothing to my body.
"Why did you come home in only your lingerie? Is the first thing he says before I even exit the small room. He's sitting back on the edge of the bed elbows resting on his thighs
"Can we not start there?" I ask softly as I slowly walk towards him, His eyes watch me like a hawk as I cross the room
Climbing onto the bed I sit cross legged and place my hands in my lap. He hasn't turned to face me yet as I just admire his beauty and the feeling of him here with me.
God why did I stop him?!?
I watch him tap his fingers on his thigh as he then positions his body to face me
"Where do you want to start" he asks with a hint of annoyance
"What made you end this between us 4 days ago?" I ask not able to make eye contact with him
"I never ended it" he says flatly
He might as well have he's been pretty much ignoring me for days and hasn't come home this whole time.
"You know what I mean Ethan" I say looking up to meet his brown eyes
He sighs as he looks away from me
"I was angry.. I'm sorry" his voice is soft as he looks back at me
"Angry at what? What did I do to make you cut me off so suddenly not to mention the mark that I have no memory of even happening" I say unknowingly touching the spot on my neck where he marked me.
He shakes his head
"No it's my turn" he says seriously
I didn't know our conversation had rules
He looks at me for a moment as if he's working out his question
"Where and who were you with that made you come home in your lingerie?" He asks as everything about him is serious now.
I try and think of a way around his question without him getting the wrong idea but every way I look at it I can't bring myself to lie to him.
"That's two questions" I state throwing the rules back at him
"Who were you with?" He snaps back clenching his fists. This is not going the way I thought it would.
"If I answer that you need to promise me you will let me explain" I say my voice sounding cautious, He nods his head but it's more to himself as his eyes Pearce through me and I know he's looking for the answer himself, fuck he has no patience.
"Stop" I say pleading him
I watch as his features turn from annoyance to anger before it all vanishes into nothing.
"Your dress arrived before you came home almost naked, I put it in the wardrobe" he says void of emotion standing to his feet and walks towards the bedroom door.
"Wait" I say standing to my feet stepping towards him grabbing his arm to stop him
He stops as he looks down to my hand
His body is tense and the shift in the air has changed
"Let me explain" I beg
"That night I brought you home.. You told me you love me" he states staring down at my hand his body frozen near the door
I frown
"I do love you" I say honestly as its a well known fact
He chuckles but it wasn't a happy chuckle
"You called me Jason"