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"Here's another blanket." Ethan puts another blanket over my freezing body. The four that are already on me clearly don't help. Neither does heating up my apartment. While I'm under the many blankets, Ethan sits on my desk chair with sweat pants and a tank top on. It must be very hot for him since he chose to wear a tank top instead of his usual T-shirt. I told him that he can leave anytime, but he wants to stay in the room - what a good brother, I think and smile. My apartment is probably a sauna but I don't feel any warm feeling. It's just cold for me and the five blankets don't do shit, except mashing me.
"They won't help." I tell Ethan and put all the blankets to the side. I get out of my bed and take clothes out. "You can leave now, I'm taking a shower and... thanks." I smile at him and get into the bathroom. A feeling tells me that he'll stay.
Under the hot shower, my body temperature doesn't change but at least it relaxes me and my mind. I still have Niall crying in the middle of the street right in front of my eyes every time I close them. Maybe I should have gone back and forgive him. Maybe I shouldn't have danced with Adam. Maybe I should have demanded his reason to go out clubbing with that girl, even before last night could happen. If I did, maybe we would have gone clubbing. Maybe I would have been the girl next to him.
But then again, it isn't my fault completely... right? He chose to lie tome, to go out with her and not me. He hurt me first, so I hurt him by dancing and having fun with Adam.
Right now, it all doesn't matter to me anymore. Not after last night. He had real tears as well as I did. We both got hurt and we both waisted tears that could have been avoided if we did things differently.
All I want right now is him and a good reason. All I want right now is to forgive him. All I want right now is Niall to warm me up after cold days.
If I could build a rocket, I would. If I could fly away and forget the last week, I would. If I could go back to Niall and mine first official date, I would. It was perfect and I wish I could relive it over and over again.
I get out of the shower and get dressed in the pair of sweatpants and the shirt from Niall. I was completely unaware that I took exactly that out of my clothes, but it's fine and as the fabric hits my skin, it warms up a bit. I breath in his scent and smile at the thought of him. I brush my hair and then hear a door open and close. Either Ethan left or someone just came in. Secretly I hope that it's Niall.
This week took all my energy, I had my finals and then the stress with Niall. I'm exhausted. But I love Niall too much to let this week ruin us. I know that he feels the same.
I get out of the bathroom and praise my mind for knowing that Niall just came in. I look at his weak, appearance and his face which glows up when he sees me. He smiles and I smile back but only weakly.
"I'll let you guys alone." Ethan, who I forgot was also here, gives me a smile and leaves my apartment. I wait for Niall to say something as the door closes, but he remains silent, probably trying to get his thoughts straight. He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me like he's lost. I go over to my bed and sit down right in the middle. Niall stands up and runs his fingers through his hair. He's about to say something, I know that, and I interrupt him.
"Just start already, please." My voice is sharp and sounds angry, even though I'm not angry... all I am right now is weak and hurt. We both know, the longer he waits, he more it may get out of control. That's what we both want to avoid.
"I don't know where to start." He admits and looks down to his feet.
"At the begging." I suggest. My words are as cold as my body. He hears it too and looks me deep into the eyes. I look away before I can get lost.
"Well..." He smirks. "Once upon a time, there was a Niall!" He acts like he's a professional fairy tale reader, knowing that it will make me laugh. And It does. I burst out laughing he smirks proud.
"Niall." I roll my eyes and control my laugh. I stop and then everything gets serious again. My heart already starts racing even though he hasn't even started yet.
"First of all, we're just friends. Nothing happened between us and nothing will happen between us." Niall starts.
"Who are you referring to? You and I or you and that girl?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, a knife enters my heart. I just had to ask even though it hurts.
"Me and the girl." Niall takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair once again. That's what he always does when he's nervous. "We're just friends."
"So you lie to me and rather go out clubbing with a girl friend, instead of spending time with me, Niall? Am I understanding this right?" A tear rolls down my cheek. I would scream at him, but my voice stays cold which hurts him more.
"No! No, no, no. It's-it's just..." He struggles to find the right words. Niall takes another deep breath again and I stand up from my bed. The strong desire to leave my own apartment is strong and leads me away form my bed. Niall stands himself in my way though and won't let me go pass him.
"It's just what?!" I raise my voice. My eyes are wide open, I breath heavily and slowly and my heart is racing.
"It's just..." He can't seem to finish and it drives me crazy. I'm sick of people saying "It's just..." And then never ever finish the sentence. It's just what?!
"What?" it comes out as a whisper and my body starts to shake. I shiver and take a deep breath. Niall steps closer to me, noticing that I'm not 100 percent okay. He holds onto my shoulders and looks down at me. I look to the side, avoiding his eyes.
"Olivia..." He puts his finger under my chin and turns it so that I'm looking at him. He lifts my chin and our eyes meet. A warm feeling starting from my heart spreads around my body and it starts to heat up. I knew that no blanket would warm me up, only Niall could. The connection that went lost in the last few days, builds up again and for a moment, I forget what happened the last week and get lost in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Can you please just explain everything to me?" I ask. I'm too exhausted to fight it anymore. I should be more stubborn, make him feel even more sorry, make him feel like I feel, hurt.
He nods and cups my cheek with one hand. He wipes a tear away with his thumb. I wasn't even noticing that it escaped my eye. "Let's sit down... okay?" He suggests.
I nod. He takes my hand and leads me to my bed. We sit down next to each other and he holds both my hands.
"Look, the thing is... I know that it hurt you to see me with her. I know that... you-you danced with Adam last night and that hurt me." Niall explains and looks down to his lap.
"You noticed?" I ask even though it was obvious that he noticed. After all he attacked him and started a fight. But most of the time he was looking at his phone, so maybe he didn't see everything. Maybe he didn't see how drunk I got because of him. Maybe he didn't see that I was also flirting with Dave, if that's really the bar tender's name.
"Of course I noticed!" He exclaims and takes a deep breath. "You-you flirted with him and... the bar tender... and you-you got drunk... all because of me. You hurt me because I hurt you. I'm sorry, princess." He apologizes and my heart skips a beat. One side of me regrets hurting him, the other side thinks it was right. He wouldn't have learned his lesson if I hadn't done it.. right? But what is even the lesson to learn? That if he hurts me, I hurt him?
I sigh. "I'm sorry, Niall."
I'm sorry for being childish and hurting you after you hurt me.
"You don't have to be sorry, Olive. It's all my fault." He says but I shake my head. "Yes. Yes, it is all my fault." He speaks louder. "I should have told you earlier."
Now it's my turn to cup his face and connect our eyes. "Told me what?"
"I-I just wanted to protect you." He admits. Why are you making so many pauses?, my inner voice yells at him. Just tell me everything!
"Protect me form what, Niall?" I let one hand go as he holds my other hand on his cheek.
"There-there were already pictures of you and I and I-I didn't like that. I mean,don't understand me wrong, I love having pictures of us on our phones... but I don't like that the press knows about you. You were supposed to me my little secret." His eyes start to sparkle and I want to kiss him but I have to hear everything first. I nod understanding.
"We weren't really good in keeping it private, were we?" I quietly chuckle.
"We weren't." Niall kisses my forehead and continues.
"I went out with my mates and her because I wanted the press to focus on her. She's a model, she already has press around her. She's used to it and you're not. See, princess, I just want you be able to be you. I don't want paparazzi to follow you around because you're my girlfriend. I want you to be able to walk around and go into stores without getting photographed by some random men. I want to protect you and know that you can live a normal life while I'm on tour. I don't want people walk behind you and follow you. I just want you to be who you are. I don't want you to worry about anything." He takes a deep breath.
It's a lot that he wants and I love it.
"See... I went out with her, so they can focus on her and not you. I just want you to be able to be your carefree self. I want you to walk around with your friends and not get stalked by the paparazzi. I mean, it's their job, but it's fucking annoying. And... I know that you didn't want me to know... but Sophia told me anyways because she thought it would only be the best... so don't be angry at her okay?"
"What did she tell you?" I ask even though I already know what she told him. I can feel it. If she hadn't told him, he wouldn't have reacted that strong. But I'm not angry at her. To be honest I'm very thankful. Niall is so sweet and wants so much for me. He wants me to be me and be carefree. It really warms my heart that he's so worried about me. With every word that left his mouth, I fell in love with more and more - if that's even possible.
"She told me that you cried after you girls got into the car. And I know that it wasn't the first time. Princess, I saw your tears even when you tried to hide them. I feel it when you're fighting them. I feel it right now." He cups my face and rests his forehead on mine. Niall is right, tears are building up.
"Niall..." I chuckle and a tear escapes my eye. He wipes it away and laughs against my lips before he kisses me. I kiss him back and it feel like it has been forever since the last kiss even though it has only been a day. It feels like forever that we connected like we do right now. It feels like forever that I can feel his skin on mine, his lips on mine, his breath on mine.
"I just don't want you to cry." Niall mumbles against my lips and we pull apart. I nod understanding and wrap my arms around his neck.
"Gosh, I love you." I smile and we kiss again.
"I love you even more." He chuckles. "Are we now ready for Ireland?"He wants to know and stands up. Over the days, I completely forgot the we're flying to Ireland. Ethan and I had it already planned and only two weeks ago, Niall told me that he would fly with us and maybe stay with us or maybe I could stay with him. I completely forgot.
"I guess so." I smirk.
A strong feeling inside though, tells me that it won't be as wonderful as I hope. A strong feeling tells me that things will for sure go wrong.
The question now is: Will Niall and I survive it?