{Kate's Point of View}
The day had been marked on the office calendar for weeks. Everyone had been preparing for the day One Direction came to the office for contract extensions. All departments for the management company were at attention as cars pulled up one by one and the boys from the most famous band in the world trailed into the building.
I sat nervously at my desk organizing papers. I was more concerned with impressing my department chairwomen than impressing what I assumed were high-strung celebrities. I had been attracted to the job for the experience I would get, not the perks of occasionally seeing the band.
"Kate," Ruby appeared by my desk. "Will you make copies of these outlines? I need seven copies."
"Absolutely," I jumped up. I needed to impress Ruby.
I took the outlines from Ruby's hand and went out into the hallway toward the copy room. Halfway there, I heard people walking quickly down the hall after me. I turned and saw a small group of office workers leading Harry Styles and Niall Horan toward the conference room. I froze in the doorway of the copy room with my hand on the door handle ready to turn it.
"Does anyone have gum?" The voice was smooth and low. I could picture the pout on his lips as he spoke the words.
There was a chorus of "no, sorry" from the entourage. My hand fell away from the door handle and went to the pocket of my blazer. I felt the outline of the new pack of gum I had purchased that morning on my way to work. Without thinking, I turned around, "I do."
My eyes met his. They were a deep green. The corners of his mouth twitched up in a soft smirk. His hair was pushed back by a headband and I realized he was dressed far more casually than he was in the images I had recently seen. "Do you?"
"Yes," I breathed.
I reached into the pocket on the right side of my blazer and withdrew the pack of gum. I held it out to him. He took a sidestep around one of the girls and approached me slowly. His eyes locked with mine and he didn't break eye contact as he took the pack of gum. I heard the plastic crunching sound of him popping the small piece of gum through the tinfoil covering. He brought the gum to his mouth and then paused. He raised the gum ever so slightly like someone joining in a toast from the back of a room.
"Thank you." The words were as if I had never heard them before. They felt truly genuine despite the simple act of giving gum that incited them. When he thanked me, his eyes lingered on mine for a few seconds before dipping down to my lips.
"Ready?" One of the girls walking with the two boys asked impatiently.
Wordlessly, he turned and the hallway cleared as the group entered the conference room and I finally opened the door to the copy room. I didn't even have the courage to glance back to see if he stole a last look at me.
The copy and fax machines in the small room were beeping and buzzing. Another one of the new employees was hovering over a copy machine while it spit out copies. I walked up to a nearby machine and placed the outline on the glass top and shut the lid. I entered seven copies and waited for the machine to begin.
"You look flushed, are you alright?" the girl asked.
"Fine," I said too quickly. "It's just the heat in this tiny room. You know, from the machines."
"You're right," she nodded. "These machines do make it really hot in here."
I was glad the girl believed my cover story. How was I supposed to tell her that I was blushing because I had just given Harry Styles a piece of gum?
____________
I rolled over in bed and opened my eyes to find the space beside me expectedly empty. I reached out and felt the cold sheets and untouched pillows in hopes I was imagining Harry's absence as my mind began to process the dream I had. I wondered if the dream was a memory or just my feelings of missing Harry manifesting.
The alarm clock on my bedside table indicated it was after midnight. Harry was likely in bed in Colombia by now. I hated that I couldn't ask him about the dream immediately, but I wasn't willing to let the dream go. I reached for my phone and typed a quick message to Harry.
Me: I had a dream about giving you gum in the hallway at work. I think it was before we ever talked because I didn't seem to know you. Sound familiar?
I pressed send and set my phone on the bed beside me. Midway through reaching for a glass of water from my bedside table, I realized I hadn't gotten a glass of water before bed. Harry had always done it for me, so remembering to do it myself had been an adjustment over the weeks he was away. I stood up from bed and began crossing the room for the stairs when I heard a faint vibrating sound. I looked over my shoulder in time to see the bluish light of my phone screen. I was getting a call.
"Hello?" I answered on the last ring.
"Spearmint."
"Harry?"
"The gum you gave me was spearmint. The boys and I were due for contract extensions that needed signing. When we were walking to the meeting, I asked for a piece of gum. One of the girls working turned around and said she had a piece. We hadn't been introduced and I desperately wanted to ask her name, but simply didn't have the time. She offered a piece of gum, and I took it. Turns out, the girl was you."
"And that was the first time we met?"
"Yes. I mean, we met later on in a meeting when I talked to you, but that was essentially the first time we came face to face."
"How's Colombia?" I asked. "I miss you."
"Colombia is beautiful. And I miss you, too. I'll be back April twelfth."
"I'm counting down the days."
"As am I," he softened his voice.
"I'll let you sleep. I just wanted to know about the dream."
"Thank you for telling me. Go back to bed, love."
"Goodnight," I whispered.
"Goodnight."
After the phone call with Harry, I couldn't get back to sleep. My mind was fervently trying to recollect more details from seeing Harry the day I gave him gum. I tossed from one side to the other. I fluffed up the pillow I slept on and then mashed it down trying to get comfortable. I twisted under the sheets and tried to stay completely still. Nothing was working.
The worst part was trying to sleep in so much silence. Each night I was deafened by the quiet. I longed to hear the shallow breathing or soft snores of Harry. I wouldn't have minded hearing the creaking of the bedsprings that would sometimes wake me when he rolled over in bed. Instead of the soothing sounds of Harry sleeping, I was left to try to fall asleep to nothing at all.
____________
I stood in the shade of one of the saplings planted along the walkway running in front of Harry's townhouse. The late afternoon sun was warm, but a slow breeze had strengthened during the day. Cars drove by periodically and I could only assume the drivers stared as they passed me and wondered what the strange girl was doing staring at the townhouse.
If life without my memory wasn't a curse, life without Harry certainly was. Truthfully, I felt a little more dead than alive. My boyfriend was on another continent and had been gone for nearly a month. While my memory was slow to return, my migraines were not. Multiple times a week I was forced to spend at least an entire day nursing a migraine with pain relievers. On any given night, I was lucky to get five hours of sleep total and the hours were never consecutive. I needed something different. I needed a change of scenery.
I slipped my hand into the pocket of my jacket and felt the cool metal of Harry's house key. He had left it for me and welcomed me to use it if I ever needed somewhere to go. The offer was unfairly tempting. I had kept the key with me at all times since the day he left. It traveled in my pocket or handbag just in case I found myself nearby. That afternoon, I had deliberately set off from my flat straight to Harry's townhouse.
The key felt heavy in my hand as I extracted it from my pocket. I fit the key in the keyhole and turned it. The lock gave a satisfying click and I turned the doorknob easily. With one push, the door opened. I stepped into the townhouse and closed the door after me. I pocketed the key and took a deep breath. I felt at home.
Harry's housekeepers had cleaned the house thoroughly shortly after he left for South America. Every surface was spotless; it looked like no one lived in the house and it was merely a staged model for a realtor to use when selling a property. The heat had been turned off long ago and the house felt extremely cold. I didn't even bother removing my jacket as I wandered the rest of the house.
I sat down on the sofa and eyed a newspaper that was nearly a month old. Recent memories of sitting with Harry in front of the fireplace on cold nights played in my mind. We had eaten popcorn and watched films, read the newspaper editorials together, and listened to old vinyl records all while sitting on the sofa. It felt strange to be without him.
I pulled my phone from my pocket with the intention of checking my email. When I came to the home screen, I absentmindedly tapped an app, but it wasn't the Mail app. Instead, I had accidentally tapped the Photos app. The Camera Roll opened and in the instant before I clicked the home button again, I saw an unfamiliar image at the bottom. Upon further inspection, I realized the most recent image on my camera wasn't an image at all...it was a video.
The first frame of the video that had been frozen was of Harry. His mouth was arranged in a smile, but it was clear he was in the middle of saying something. Pure curiosity had me pressing the play button before I could even process what was happening.
"Hello, Kate!" Harry glanced over his shoulder and then looked at the camera again. "You're in the shower so I took your phone. I just wanted to leave you a message before I leave for tour tomorrow." He paused and looked away from the camera lens. His lips formed a soft pout like they always did when he was thinking. He raised his green eyes back up. "I've spent the last few weeks in denial about leaving you. I'm scared to find out what it's going to feel like to be separated. I would never say I'm glad for your memory loss, but I am glad that it has brought us closer than before."
Harry took a shaky breath and pushed his hand through his dark curls. He glanced over his shoulder again, checking to be sure I wasn't out of the shower yet. "Sometimes you can't quite explain what you see in a person. With you, I see so many qualities I didn't know I needed in a partner. You have so much strength, patience, confidence, passion, sweetness, resolve, brilliance, and you are very, very beautiful," he chuckled as his cheeks turned pink. "I feel like a better person just for knowing you. I'm going to miss being with you every single day." Harry blew a kiss into the camera and the video ended.
I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt warm tears fall onto my chest. I couldn't bring myself to push play again. My phone clattered to the floor as I buried my face in my hands. I felt my shoulders quake and sobs build in my chest. It had never occurred to me that missing someone could hurt so much.
___________
With my face still puffy but my eyes no longer shedding tears, I trudged up the stairs to Harry's bedroom. The sun had set and darkness had crept into the house and cast shadows along the walls and floor. Using moonlight as a guide, I rummaged through a drawer until I found a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt belonging to me that I had left behind for unexpected stays at Harry's. I put on the clothes and climbed into Harry's bed.
Just like my bed at my flat, the sheets were cold. Everything felt stiff without him near, but there was one difference between the two beds: his smell. The duvet and pillows still smelled like Harry. I could smell his cologne and body wash on the fabrics and linens. I closed my eyes and was immersed in a strong sense of normalcy. Without knowing better, I would have thought Harry was in bed beside me. It was strange, but his scent was comforting when he couldn't be there to comfort me.
It was a concert night and Harry was likely preparing for his show in Colombia. I took out my phone anyway and sent him a quick message without the expectation of an immediate response.
Me: I just found the video you left on my phone. Thank you, Harry. Thank you for the beautiful things you said about me. Thank you for always showing me you care. Thank you for letting me be yours. Have a good show tonight. I can't get you off my mind xx
There was a certain guilt associated with Harry's departure. As much as I knew him, I really didn't know him like he knew me. That fact really bothered me because it was partially my fault. In the beginning when I first woke from the hospital, I had been reserved and apprehensive about handing my heart to a stranger. I had been so apprehensive, that I had deliberately run from Harry and spent three precious weeks away when I could have been with him. I felt guilty for that. At the time, I had wanted to be away from him. Since then, the desire for separation had faded away completely and I wanted to be together. I hated myself for ever thinking I didn't need him in my life. I wanted those lost three weeks back. I wanted those lost seven months back. I wanted Harry back.
I had the perfect job. Harry lived his passion every day. We were both living our dreams. So why was I so wildly, selfishly unhappy?
____________
The sun coming through the window felt warm on my face. Before opening my eyes, I stretched my arms and legs in every direction and let out a yawn. Blinking into the brightness, I could hear a faint buzzing sound. I patted the duvet until I found my phone wedged beneath a pillow. The screen was bright and a name was on the screen indicating an incoming call.
"Hello?"
"Hi, angel."
"Hi, Harry." I stifled another yawn.
"Did I wake you?"
"No, the sun did." I sat up against the pillows and peered around the room. Sunlight, crisp and golden, was splashed around the room. It occurred to me that it was the first time I had missed the sunrise since Harry had left.
"Oh?"
"I finally slept through the night." It was a realization more for myself than for Harry. I glanced at the clock and noticed that I had gotten nine hours of sleep.
"'Finally?'" Harry's voice was nervously inquisitive.
"Well," I paused, thinking of what to tell him. "Yeah. I haven't really been sleeping well."
"For how long?"
"Since you left," I whispered. "I just slept through the night for the first time."
"Baby," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," I managed. "It's just hard getting used to sleeping alone. Especially when you always took care of me."
"I'll be back soon. Just a few more days and I'll be back in London."
"Only for one night," I reminded him.
"But it will be one night we can finally be together."
"Nothing sounds better than being able to sleep again," I mused.
"So you got the video?" he ventured.
"I did," I giggled. "Harry, no one has ever said such perfect things to me before. I wish everyone could feel the way you make me feel."
"I was just telling you the truth."
"Well I loved hearing it."
"I have to go," he said regretfully. "I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Thanks for calling."
"I'll call again as soon as I can. Goodbye."
"Bye." I drug out the word as long as I could before we both had to hang up.
____________
Ruby was waiting by my desk when I arrived at work. She was leaned against the front of my desk with her ankles crossed in front of her. In her hands were sheets of paper and her phone that she was ignoring as it rang. Her hair had been swept up in a messy ponytail and the workday had just begun. Ruby bit her lip nervously as she watched me approach her.
"Hi, Ruby," I offered. I set my bag down on the desk beside her.
"Hi," she said slowly. "I have a favor to ask of you."
"What is it?"
Ruby was clearly hesitating. She pushed her weight off the desk and stood upright. She smoothed her skirt and silenced her phone. Her hand ran through her ponytail. "I need you to go to New York on the tenth to meet with a project manager."
"New York City? On the tenth?" I was in disbelief.
"I know! New York is far away from London and Harry gets home on the twelfth, but I really need you to do it. You're one of the best digital strategists on the team and I need your talent specifically. I would go myself, but I have to manage the office and prepare to leave on tour when the band hits Europe. I refuse to send Laura because she is incapable of productivity. You know I would never ask if it weren't important," Ruby rambled.
"When can I be back?"
"You would fly in on the twelfth. Harry comes back in the morning, your flight would arrive in the afternoon."
"So you already have it booked?"
"I was hoping you would say yes," she sounded optimistic.
Being asked to fly to New York to meet with a project manager was an amazing opportunity. The fact that Ruby considered me up to the task was a reflection on my performance at work. I really cared about my job and about helping Ruby. I weighed my options carefully.
"I'll be back on the twelfth?"
"Yes," she said confidently.
"Then okay," I sighed. "I'll go."
Ruby jumped happily. "I knew I could count on you! Thank you so much!"
By the end of the day, I was given a flight itinerary and the contact information for the project manager I was set to meet up with. I was briefed on the meeting and my objective for going to New York City.
If I were to be honest, the idea of going to New York thrilled me. Harry had mentioned that we had been there together, but I was looking forward to experiencing it myself. I felt a rush of excitement just thinking about the city.
____________
Early the morning of April tenth, Eli picked me up at my flat. We drove to the airport while listening to the morning report on a local news radio station. We barely spoke the entire drive. Eli drank from a coffee cup and I stared out the window. The sun hadn't yet risen and it felt too early to be awake.
When we got to the airport, Eli didn't drop me off at the terminal. Instead, he drove his SUV into the vast parking lot. I followed him out of the car and around to the back of the SUV. He took out my bag and then he took out a small black suitcase.
"What's that?" I asked with eyes glued to his suitcase.
"I'm coming with you to New York." Eli's voice was plain and matter-of-fact. It was as if he were stating something I should have already known.
"You are?"
Eli smiled softly, "Do I need to remind you of my job? I work security for you. I go where you go. Especially after that run-in you had with girls at Topshop."
I considered it for a moment. Being in another country and a larger city where people would inevitably recognize me would be safer if I had Eli with me. He wasn't bad company to keep anyway; he was friendly and had a good sense of humor.
"Do you have a ticket?"
"Yes."
"Alright then," I shrugged. "Let's go to New York!"
Eli and I walked into the airport and checked our bags. We waited with masses of people, removed shoes and jewelry, walked through metal detectors, and got our passports checked. I grew tired of hearing a repetition of announcements including warnings not to leave bags unattended and to ensure carry-on luggage met the correct criteria. Eli remained impassive; he didn't complain or roll his eyes at things. He seemed used to the chaos of flying.
We sat side-by-side in chairs at the gate. Eli had purchased another coffee and sipped from it slowly. I found a New York Times in one of the airport shops and read it carefully while drinking from a bottle of water.
"Can I see your passport?" I asked after reading the newspaper and spending ten minutes in silence.
"What for?"
"I want to see the stamps in it."
Eli took his passport from the pocket of his flannel shirt and handed it to me. I flipped through the small pages and saw stamps from a wide variety of places. "India, The Philippines, Israel, Portugal, Austria, Russia, Latvia, Belize..."
"Are you going to read every one?" he teased.
"It would take all day! You've been everywhere."
"Not quite, but close."
"Amazing. Which was your favorite?"
"Canada."
"But that's where you're from..."
"Exactly. Show me your passport." Eli took his back and put it in his shirt pocket.
I took my passport from my purse, "Here."
Eli opened the pages and began reading places I had been. "Italy, Spain, Norway, Sweden, Japan, Mexico, France, Ireland, Germany, Switzerland. You have your fair share of stamps."
I peeked over Eli's shoulder to see if the stamps were real. Sure enough, the pages were covered with stamps bearing the names of the countries I had apparently visited. I felt my heart sink ever so slightly. "Maybe, but I don't remember going to any of them. Except Germany, I guess."
Eli handed the passport back to me. He watched as I placed it back in my handbag. When I sat back up, he had his coffee cup raised toward me. He nodded down to the water bottle in my hand. I picked it up and bumped it against his coffee cup. There was no satisfying clink between glasses, but Eli acted as though there had been one. "Here's to making new memories."