We used what was in Lacey and Kaya's baskets as lunch. Over lunch, we discussed when and how to get the money to buy a ship. But I wasn't paying attention. I kept thinking of how a peice of this was missing. Jem. He normally talked about this kind of stuff with them.
However, I listened well enough to know Torrance was going to steal the money, give it to us so we can buy a boat, and we leave. Simple enough. So simple; so effective.
~~
It came to me in a dream that the second we set sail for Sunset Valley, Jem and I had locked ourselves and Freya in a house and set it on fire. Aster and Lacey stand outside safe on the grass, watching them screaming through the windows. After all, that's what humans do. Destroy the past before it comes back and hits us. I tried that. But it still came back with a strong backlash; leaving a scar that will never heal.
I shot up gasping. Looking around, I found that I was still in the tree. Based on the position of the moon, I estimated it was about 1:30 or 2am. As I unraveled myself from the blanket and climbed down the tree, I shut myself off from every incoming thought. Don't think. Just do.
I wiped my forehead, which was covered in sweat, and hoped to the ground, landing silently in the grass. No one stirred. I knew what I had to do, and took off in that direction.
I'm not even sure what I wanted to accomplish by this. I guess I just.. Wanted one last moment with him. Even if he couldn't be there for it.
The trees were like a maze of identical walls, but somehow I found myself running as fast as I could through it. Not realizing it, my mind had began playing flashbacks, each one like a tiny knife through my ribs. Jem and I watching a movie; not half way through it he would fall asleep, head on my lap, legs dangling off the edge of the couch. I would always play with his soft, straight hair. Jem's face when my mother agreed to have him spend the night, as long as he slept on the floor. Of course, he always broke that rule, but Jem could get away with anything. The way I could always make him laugh, or brake into a big grin after saying something in a strange way. Our Sunset Valley notebooks. How he knew he was my only friend, and decided to stay with me anyways. Isolated forever.
Or so it seemed.
I choked on a sob and involuntarily dropped to my knees. Viciously, I wiped my eyes and willed myself not to cry. Not now. You have a job to do.
I was about to get to my feet when I looked up and realized I was already there. Through my blurred vision, I could see the white, wilting flowers, some of them spotted scarlet with blood, lying on the ground. The seemed to talk to me. 'Lie next to us,' they spoke, 'and you will be forgiven of everything you are guilty of to him. Do this, and it will be like he was never mad at you, like you never dropped in on him and Kaya. Do it, because it will dull the pain.' Despite my logic, I couldn't help be overwhelmed by the reward of it. I lied down, facing away from him, and slung my arm around-
Nothing. I shot up, and with a wave of fear saw that the only thing left of Jem was a trail of blood leading into the woods.