Dear Fan Fam,
In reality, I'm usually a happy person, despite feeling different and odd. I feel rejected by society sometimes. But I'm usually an okay person most of the time.
The thing is, a lot of people aren't. As I drifted away from Wattpad and into Instagram, I realized how many problems and difficulties people have. I feel like the sadness can spread from that person to others. It pains me to see the people I care about being sad.
It aches when my friends are sad or suicidal. I just want my happiness to be spread to them, so they can be happy as well. I want them to have amazing families, with great health and lives.
The tears are rolling down my cheeks irl as I write this. All I want is for my friends/everyone to be happy. Including you guys. I hope I never see that familiar face on wattpad/instagram to suddenly be depressed, I just want them to be happy, like I am.
So to you minions, know that you are loved by me, even if I don't know you. Even if you only commented once. Don't ever feel like you have no friends. I'll be your friend.
To make yourselves feel better about yourself, I'll release some of my flaws:
I'm spoiled. When I have a cold, I am like "Mommy give me tea!1!1!1!1!1!1!1". I have an photo album on my phone filled with birthday/christmas wish lists. I think "Why didn't I get as many presentd as last year?" Then I stop myself. Some people don't even get presents. Some people don't have wonderful moms like mine who make them tea and soup when they are sick. They can't have the hope of getting everything on their wish lists. That's why I always ask my mom to let my friends borrow something of mine, so that they can have a piece of happiness that belongs to me.
So please don't ever resist the help of a friend. They want to help you for the greater good.
I'm too hopeful. Even though I can't help it, I imagine myself in situations that will never happen, which withdraws myself from reality. Then I get crushed when something doesn't the way my fantasy intended it??????
It's okay to have dreams, but don't dwell on them. You need to at least work on making it happen. Like Wattpad is a step towards my writing career. My writing notebook is a step towards my novels.
If you strive to be something, don't be afraid to start early.
I'm too sensitive. I cry at even a joke that I can take seriously. In the fifth grade, I cried when I didnt get into the dance team. In fourth grade I cried when I didn't get something that I wanted. In third grade I cried because of a advanced math problem. End of story.
**
I have a happy life. Even though occasionally I will break down in tears from stress due to school, or of something personal, I have a happy life. There are times where I think "Why me? Why not someone who at least deserves a sprinke of happiness???"
Don't get me wrong, I love being happy. I just wish others can be as happy as me.
I wish others could have as many wonderful minions as I have when they need them. I wish that my depressed friends are happy. I'm going to shout out a book, Depression by Melly D is a new book, and Melly D isn't her username, but you probably can still find her book. Just please read it.
I wish you all can find happiness in fandoms. Make yourself a drink that you prefer. Tuck yourself in bed, watch a video, or listen to music, or read. Or just write. Write in a personal diary, write a narrative, or write calming things. Just write.
I decided to write this because I was feeling saddened by the reality of society today, and this has helped me. I am ready to tell you guys some stuff:
I was gone from Wattpad a lot since the start of 7th grade. Don't deny it. I was overwhelmed by school work and homework, and I was in a funk. I was in a sad time for about 2 weeks. I'm better now, although it was kind of like an existential crisis at one point.
Today in class our teacher made us write about our favorite place. It inspired me to write this as well, although this chapter comes directly from my feelings.
One day, not today, I will tell you something personal. I will start off by saying another thing to make you feel better:
By 3, I had 2 ear surgeries. I had a ear problem, which I guess developed to me being a late talker. I have trouble socializing with people. I keep thinking that I have social anxiety, I even asked my doctor. She assures that I'm just quiet, but at the same time, I still kinda question it.
Anyways, I just want you to know you're not alone.
Love,
Nikole the Notorious