"When the time comes to leave, just walk away quietly and don't make any fuss."
—Banksy
There's nothing worse than realizing your life is becoming a Taylor Swift song. And this was most definitely a Bad Blood moment, I noted as I approached the table that Katie was seated at.
"Thank you so much," she said with a small smile when she saw me. I hated her a little more for that smile.
"What?" I asked, already annoyed.
"You came," she replied, her smile widening.
I took a seat and made a show of glaring at her. "I only came so that you can say your piece and exit my life."
"I am so so sorry, Tay," she said, her voice remorseful. "You have no idea how terrible I feel about all of this."
"You telling me that you feel guilty only helps you, not me," I gritted out. "And just so we're clear, I will never forgive you for this."
"You guys were already broken up," she said quietly. "I didn't wreck your relationship, I simply fell in love. What's so wrong with that?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose and counted to five in my head before I said something that I'd regret later.
"Why can't you be happy for me?" she murmured.
"Katie, you cannot build your happiness at the expense of my misery and honestly expect me to be jumping with joy for you. I fall asleep in pain and wake up in agony, so forgive me for not giving two shits that you fell in love!" I hissed.
"Tay..." she started but I cut her off.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to feel physical pain because of a broken heart? My heart was already in pieces when Brian left and you've taken all of those pieces and lit them on fire!" I seethed.
"You make it sound so poetic, Taylor, but this is not all on me!"
"Oh, no, I assure you that there is nothing poetic about struggling to get out of bed every day. And yes, it is all on you, because you did this. You did what you've always done Katie and I am so sick of it."
Someone cleared their throat and I turned to glare at the intruder. "Sorry to interrupt you ladies, but may I take your order?"
"Two lattes, please," Katie told the waiter with an apologetic smile.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and then another one. I felt like I was going to pass out from all the rage bubbling inside me.
"I don't want to fight with you, Taylor. I just want us to go back to the way we were before all of this," she sniffled.
"What the hell have you been smoking?" I growled. "The way we were before? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Taylor..."
"I don't trust you anymore. We'll never go back to the way we were." The realization of what I'd just said, made me want to break down and cry. While Katie and I were not particularly close, the thought of her not being in my life really hurt.
"Taylor, I am so sorry," she cried.
I blinked back my own tears and stood just as the waiter reappeared. "My apologies for the delay," he murmured.
I took my latte from him and nodded at Katie.
The last thing I saw before leaving the cafe was her face with tears streaming down. While it pained me (just a teensy bit) to see her in tears, I was pleased to know that she was just as miserable as I was.
***
"Sunshine all the time makes a desert," Hailey whispered.
"What are you talking about?" I sniffed.
I was lying face down in bed with a pillow over my head when Hailey had barged in and refused to leave until I'd stopped crying. At first she played the role of bad cop, but now it seemed like she had resorted to being compassionate instead. "Remember that stars can't shine without darkness."
"Stop talking," I mumbled. "You're giving me a headache."
"It's all that crying that's giving you a headache," she defended. "And if you don't stop, you'll make yourself sick."
"Cause it's that easy to stop."
She sighed and put her arms around me. "No, but if you get sick and die, I'll have no one to annoy. Don't be so selfish."
I managed a watery laugh and pushed her away. "You are so stupid."
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No, but I would love to have a glass or two of vodka," I said, giving her a sweet smile.
Chest to chest,
Nose to nose,
Palm to palm,
We were always just that close.
"Why is that your ringtone?" Hailey asked as I reached for my phone.
I shushed her and swiped the screen. "Hello?"
"Don't hang up, please," Brian pleaded.
I groaned and mentally facepalmed myself. Hailey quirked her brow and I rolled my eyes. "What do you want Brian?" I sighed.
"Who cares what he wants?" Hailey snapped, blocking out his response. She snatched the phone from me and ended the call.
"What the hell?"
"You'll thank me later."
"This isn't your fight," I reminded her.
"Maybe not, but I refuse to let you sink into depression every time he calls. So if you need to hate me for a few minutes, I'm okay with that."
I wrapped my arms around her. "I could never hate you. Thank you," I whispered.
"C'mon," she said, offering me her hand. "We're gonna go out and we're going to drink until we forget our names."
I laughed. "You don't drink anymore though."
"For you, I will," she said placing her hand over her heart.
"That's what you're wearing?" Hailey asked when I emerged from the bedroom half an hour later.
"What's wrong with it?" I asked, glancing at my black skinny jeans and matching Tessa top.
"Nothing, it just seems so...sad," she shrugged.
"Black is not sad," I defended. "It's poetic."
She laughed and dangled her keys in the air. "Let's go, Sylvia."
I bit back my laughter and followed her to her car. We drove the short distance to the club in a comfortable silence and by the time we got there, I was in a much better mood. I checked to ensure that my face was still picture perfect when Hailey pulled into the parking lot.
"How do I look?" I asked, turning to face her.
"Like you did ten minutes ago," she replied, in mock annoyance.
"Good!" I grinned, exiting the car.
Excitement pulsed through me as we entered the club. I grabbed Hailey by the arm and led her to one of my favorite places. "Hey, pretty lady!" Marco, the bartender yelled over the heavy thumping of the music, as we approached the bar.
"I've missed you!" I laughed, leaning over to kiss his cheek.
"I have that effect on the ladies," he winked and I rolled my eyes.
"What can I get you?" he asked with a glance in Hailey's direction, seemingly noticing her for the first time.
When he extended his hand toward hers, I slapped it away. "Don't even think about it," I warned.
Hailey thumped me on the arm and shot me a glare, which I ignored. "Two shots of tequila, please." I snapped my fingers to regain his attention. "And a club soda," I added when Hailey thumped me again.
"Put it on my tab," the guy beside me told Marco, giving me a not-so-sexy grin.
When he shifted closer to me I put a finger to his lips to shush him. "Unless your pickup line is "I have a full-time job and am ready for commitment" I'm not interested. But thanks for the booze," I said, lifting the glass of tequila that Marco had conveniently placed in front of me.
"It's nice to know that you haven't lost your spunk," Hailey commented, trying to hide her laughter. "But that was cruel, Taylor!" she added, pointing at the guy who had retreated to a safer place.
I closed my eyes and downed both glasses of tequila. "I'll feel guilty later, but right now I just wanna dance and make out with a hot stranger who isn't lurking at the bar preying on lonely girls."
"Well, by all means," Hailey chuckled, gesturing to the dance floor.
"You don't mind me leaving you alone do you?" I asked.
"Tonight is yours to enjoy," she said, leaning over to hug me. "Go have fun, but not too much fun," she added in a playful tone.
I ventured onto the dance floor and let my body take over for the time being. After my little chat with Katie, the last thing that I needed was time to think, and what better way to leave my thoughts behind than dancing?
I grinned at the guy who was watching me from across the dance floor and beckoned him closer. "Oh I'm definitely gonna have some fun," I smirked, taking in his appearance. "Lots of it."
***
I am never drinking that much again," I groaned as I made my way into the kitchen the next morning.
Hailey scoffed. "You've said that how many times now?"
"Shut up," I muttered, popping a few aspirins into my mouth, followed by a glass of water.
"Aren't you curious to know what you did last night?" she asked with a devilish grin.
"It doesn't count if I don't remember. So I think I'll pass on this one."
"But it's such a fun story," she pouted.
"Oh I don't doubt that. Drunk me loves creating awkward situations for sober me," I grimaced.
She chuckled and took a sip of her coffee, not taking her eyes off of me. "I'm serious Hails, I don't want to know," I reaffirmed.
"Whatever you say."
"Good," I said, leaving the kitchen. "I'll be spending the day in bed. I'd appreciate it if you kept your interruptions to a minimum."
"We'll see about that!" she laughed.
I couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour when I was awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. I reached into my purse and pulled it out. "Hello?" I answered groggily.
"Sorry to bother you so early," Millie's cheery voice greeted me.
"You don't sound very sorry," I pointed out.
"What? Oh, never mind that. I need you at the bookstore in an hour."
"No can do," I yawned. "I'm on a tight schedule of not doing anything today."
"Taylor, now's not the time for jokes. Get your ass down here right now!" she ordered.
"Let me think about that for a second," I said, stifling another yawn.
"Taylor?" Millie prompted after a few seconds had gone by.
"Shh... I'm thinking."
"Taylor!"
"Okay, I've given it some thought, and since it is Saturday, my answer is still no. See you on Monday," I said and switched off the phone.
I closed my eyes and after trying and failing to fall back asleep, I ventured out of the room in search of Hailey. "What happened to spending the day in bed?" she inquired when I walked onto the porch where she was sitting on the swing, reading a magazine.
I sat next to her and scowled. "Millie disturbed my sleep."
"What for?"
"She's still trying to get me to give up my Saturdays," I frowned. "She's crazy, that one." Hailey laughed and it faded into a sigh. "What's with you?" I quizzed.
"Oh, nothing. I'm bored, that's all," she replied with another sigh.
"Nope. That's not it," I pressed. "Is it a guy? Please tell me it's not Michael."
She punched me lightly on the arm and shook her head. "Hey, since you're not doing anything today, wanna go to the gym with me?"
I chuckled. "Nice save."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."
"I never said you weren't."
"Taylor..." she groaned.
I laughed and draped an arm over her shoulder. "Of course I'll go with you."
After taking a quick shower and changing into shorts and a tank top, I met Hailey at the door. "Ready?" I asked, pulling my hair into a ponytail.
"I was ready an hour ago," she teased.
I picked up my keys and followed her out the door, pausing to lock up behind me.
"We're not driving there," she informed me with a sheepish grin.
I groaned. "Now you tell me!"
She smiled and pulled me along. I shrugged her off and crossed my arms, annoyed that I wasn't going to look as hot as I'd hoped when we hit the gym. "You fret too much," she commented as we trailed down the sidewalk.
"You know I'm not one of those people who look sexier when they sweat," I muttered. "You did this on purpose."
She nodded. "Yes, I did."
"Um, Hails, you're not supposed to admit that."
"Well, I knew that you weren't going to actually workout with me so..." she trailed off.
"I told you, panic attacks are my cardio," I shrugged.
She opened her mouth to reply, but thought better of it and shook her head instead.
When we finally arrived at the gym, I opted to take the elevator to the second floor instead of using the stairs like Hailey did. "Took you long enough," I grumbled when she finally joined me.
"It took you less than five seconds, so be quiet," she snapped.
I pursed my lips and followed her over to the treadmills. I debated for a few minutes before deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea to actually use one. I mean, I was paying for a gym membership that I rarely used after all, might as well get my money's worth.
Hailey gasped when she looked over and saw me on the treadmill beside hers. I had it slowed to a walk but I still almost lost my footing when she gasped. "Do you mind?" I glared at her.
"Not at all," she laughed. "Carry on."
I was sort of happily strolling along when I was rudely interrupted by Hailey. "Taylor, look who just walked in!" she panted.
I glanced toward the door and frowned when I spotted the source of her outburst. "Don't sound so happy," I scolded her. "It's only Jamie."
He turned and caught my gaze and I scowled when he smiled at me.
"Hey!" Hailey called, motioning for him to join us.
"What are you doing?" I hissed.
"What?" she shrugged innocently.
I groaned when Jamie approached us. "Ladies," he said with a wry smile.
"O'Connor," I nodded, while Hailey winked at me before slowing the speed on her treadmill. When it had stopped completely she stepped off and with a mischievous smile, backed away from us.
"Where do you think you're going?" I asked, beyond annoyed at this point.
"Bathroom break," she said and hightailed it away from us.
I straightened my shoulders and reluctantly turned to face Jamie. Hailey was going to pay for this. "Good morning," he said with a warm smile.
If I was being honest I'd say that my heart rate quickened a bit when he smiled, but honesty was never my strong suit. "Good morning," I said curtly and stepped off the treadmill after switching it off.
"Join me for coffee?" he offered.
"I'd rather drink bleach," I said with a sweet smile as I scanned the room, searching for Hailey the betrayer.
"When did us against the world, become you against me?" he asked, catching me off guard.
I winced at the pain in his voice but didn't respond. I was in no state to have such a serious conversation. And with Jamie, it always ended up that way. One minute he was joking, and the next he wanted to revisit the past. Before I could walk away he reached for my hand. "Talk to me, Tay," he pleaded.
"I can't do this now," I whispered and backed away from him. If I didn't leave, I might do something stupid like actually talk to him. I knew that eventually I'd have to, but I had enough on my plate without adding our broken friendship to the pile.
Not bothering to find Hailey, I left the gym in a much darker mood than when I arrived and took a cab back home.