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I never thought that I would be one of those girls who waits for her boyfriend to come home. Other's have to wait hours but I have to wait days and weeks. It's worth it.. right?
Niall calls daily but as days pass by, the calls get shorter and shorter. He's seen out with other girls and his mates a lot while I'm at home and study. I should have known that things would be like that from the beginning. It was dumb from me to think that Niall would stay at his hotel the whole time and not go out. And it's not the fact that he goes out that bothers me, it's the fact that he doesn't tell me. I wouldn't know that he goes clubbing every other day if I hadn't checked twitter. Slowly I start to wonder if he much rather goes out instead of calling me. We went form talking for two hours to 10 minutes and one time it was only 3 minutes. He wants to know about my day but when I ask him about his, he cuts off and changes the subject. I trust him and I know that those girls are just friends to him, but I just don't like that they go clubbing together. I want Niall to be mine, all mine, all the time and he is but...
I'm selfish, I know.
"Olivia, Niall is calling." Ally tears me out of my thought. I take my phone and get off my bed. As soon as I'm out of Ally's apartment, I pick up.
"Hel-lo!" He exclaim and I take a deep breath.
"Hi, love." I smile and lean against the wall.
"How are you?" He asks. I don't know, how are you and that girl with the blonde hair? Or the one with the brown hair?, my mind yells. I start to get paranoid. Niall would never cheat on him. Never.
"Good, but I can't find a place to study." I tell him and slid down the wall. I wrap my arms around my legs and wish Niall could hug me. I wish he could be with me right now. I wish he could hold my hand. I wish he could watch me study. I don't care if he distracts me all the time. I don't care if I can't focus on on anything because all I focus on is him. I just want Niall to be next to me. I just want him to hug and cuddle me. I just want him.
"You can study at my place, gorgeous." He suggests.
"What?" I think I heard wrong.
"You can study at my place. It's quiet there and private. No distracting." He insures me and it warms my heart. After all those days where we only had just short conversations because he has to work, he suggests this. It just shows that he's still the sweet carried boyfriend he always is.
"No distracting, huh?" I chuckle. Alone in Niall's house... all the things I could do there. All the possibilities. I laugh even harder thinking about the funny things I might find once I get bored and start to look through his things.
"no distraction until I come home, of course." He says and I imagine him smirking.
"When are you coming home?" I want to know. My voice changed from excited and happy to worried and kinda sad for no reason. Well, actually the reason is that I miss him.
"We're all around UK the next few days but not in London until Saturday." He says and I nod understanding even though he can't hear me.
"I want to see you." I whine and rest my head on the wall. I exhale and stand up again.
"soon." He promises.
"How soon?" I want to see him now. I want to hug him now. I want to kiss him now. I want him to be mine again, now.
"We'll see, okay?" He says and I can see his face in front of my eyes. How he lifts up his head, compassionate and sad because he wants to see me too. I can see how he smiles, trying to lift up my mood. When I blink, his face is gone.
"Okay." I smile and hope that this won't be the end of todays's call.
"Okay. I love you, princess." Niall says and I know that it is the end.
"I love you too, Niall." I smile and feel tears building up.
"Gotta go now, princess. Bye." he says and hangs up before I can tell him to stay on for longer.
"Bye." I say to myself and put my phone into my jeans pocket. I wipe the single tear away that rolls down my cheek and then go back into Ally's apartment. I walk over to her and fall back into her bed.
"That was short." She points out the obvious.
"It has been short for a week now." I tell her and close my eyes.
"At least he's around now. Maybe he can visit you soon." She tries to lift my mood but it's pointless.
"soon is not soon enough." I mumble into her pillow. "I want to see him now!" I exclaim and move around the bed like a kid that doesn't get candy. I roll onto my back and stare at her ceiling. Then I hear Niall's laugh and immediately sit up. Hoping that Niall just came in, I smile at the door. But then Ally holds up my phone. It is only a video that I took form Niall.
"This doesn't help." I tell her and take my phone form her. I lay down on my stomach and watch the video. God damn, Niall is so cute, I think and get even more desperate. I just want to see him, hug him, kiss him, breath in his scent. Niall's shirts that Maura put into my suitcase without me knowing, are not enough.
"Really?" Ally asks when she sees my light up eyes.
"Okay they kinda help." I admit. "But it's not the same though." I tell her and she strokes my back. It knocks on the door and we yell "Come in!" At the same time knowing that it's Shawn.
"Hey." His voice goes down when he sees me wiping another tear away. "Is everything alright?" He asks.
"Yeah, I just miss Niall." I tell him what I tell everyone when they ask if I'm okay.
"He'll be back soon." Shawn says. Just like his girlfriend he tries to lift my mood, but it's pointless. Only Niall can lift my mood now.
I sigh. "I know." I get off Ally's bed and pack my things. "Imma leave you guys alone." I tell them and hug my best friend and then Shawn.
"Bye! And use protection!" I yell as I walk to the door. "Or don't! A little Shaly would be super cute." I giggle and then leave them alone. I close the door behind me and get into the elevator.
Back in my room, I check gossip magazines even though I know that I shouldn't.
"Niall Horan has a girlfriend."
"Niall Horan seen with new girl?"
"Niall Horan clubbing with possible new girlfriend."
I close my laptop, a little bit too quick and hard, but I don't care. "Fucking rumours!" I yell at my laptop even thought it's not it's fault. I groan, take a deep breath and put my laptop away from me before I open it up again, read the press' shit and break it. I take a long shower and and then get dressed in only underwear, shorts and one shirt that actually belongs to Niall. I wonder if he knows that I have four shirts of him. With a book in my hand, I crawl into my bed and start to read. I wait for Niall's call that doesn't come as I read my book until I fall asleep.
The next day, I feel not as good as the days before. Maybe it's because I know that Niall is near but not neat enough. Maybe it's because Tuesday is never a very good day. Maybe it's because finals are on tomorrow and on Thursday and even though I studied enough that I know I can pass them easily I still feel like I should study more, but everything around me just distracts me. As I get ready for another day packed with classes and studying afterwards, I wonder if going to Niall's place and study there might be better than just going to the library. The library is just full of people and I can't study with too much people around. If I study with Ethan or Ally or Shawn, it won't bring us far because once we make a quick break, that quick break turns into talking until we close our books to talk even more. And studying alone in my flat does only sometimes work. Sometimes I study lots, but other times, I just want clean my entire apartment and want to re-organize everything.
But at Niall's place are even more distractions, I remind myself after I'm done getting ready and leave my apartment. But I would feel closer to him, I try to convince myself.
But you would look around and won't study at all, the annoying voice in my head reminds me. God damn! I can't fight against my own mind, I think as I walk into Starbucks to get my green tea before class.
Once I have my drink, I go to my first class and decide to give Niall's house a try. It won't be that distracting as I think, right?
After all my classes, I get a taxi to Niall's house and find his key under a rock that he showed me once. He was so proud of it. The imagine of the smile on Niall's face when he showed me, makes my heart warm up and I chuckle. I take the key and get through the gate. Once I open the door and closed it behind me, I can't believe that I'm actually here to study. Who would have thought that I would be in Niall Horan's house to study? I mean, who would have thought that I would be Niall's girlfriend one day?
I put my bags down on his couch and somehow manage to turn on his fireplace. Proud of my achievement, I sit down on his couch, cover myself with a blanket that smells like Niall and start to study.
After a good hour, it's a wonder that I haven't gotten up and looked into his drawers yet. I get up to get something to drink and find bottle of beer in his fridge. Who put it in?, I ask myself even though I can't answer that question. I shrug and take a bottle of ice tea out. With a glass of ice tea, I sit down on Niall's couch again and then continue to study. When it's eight o'clock, I get up again to look for food. When I grab a crisps back out of a cabinet, I remember that I didn't even tell Niall that I'm at his place. I eat a handful and then text Niall when I'm back on his couch. "I'm in your house." I send it, followed by every heart emoji that exists.
"Don't break anything! Love you x" He texts back seconds later, followed by heart emojis.
I chuckle and call him. He doesn't pick up. I lay my phone done, just to look at it for a minutes before I pick it up again to check twitter. My heart skips a beat when I see pictures of Niall and a girl, just the two of them, going into a club in London. It's the same club, where we met unexpectedly once. Why is he in a club? Why is he alone with that girl? Why doesn't he come here when he knows that I'm here? And why didn't he asked if he could come over to my place when he's close to it in the first place? Why does he much rather spend that time with that blonde, instead of me?
I call him again. This time he picks up after the a few seconds.
"Niall?" I exclaim happy that he picks up.
"Who are you?" A woman's voice asks. My heart skips a beat.
"Uhm..! Who are you?!" I raise my voice and stand up from the couch.
The woman laughs and then walks few steps. "Niall." The way she says his name is like a moan. My heart skips another beat. "A girl wants to talk to you, babe." She giggles.
"Hello?" Just by this one word, I can already tell that he's drunk.
"Niall where are you?" I want to know as anger builds up.
"who are you?" He asks and my heart skips another beat.
"YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND!" I yell and hang up. Tears roll down my face and I want to destroy things. I want to punch him and the bitch he's with. Niall would never cheat on me. I know that. But that girl... She literally moaned his name! Why was she moaning his name! Why is she even with Niall? And why is he drunk?
I look at his guitar wall and my first intention is to take and destroy but... I take it and start recording myself. As tears roll down my cheek, I play and start to sing a song that perfectly fits to the situation, 'all in my head' by Tori Kelly.
When I'm done, I send Niall the video and put his things back. I grab my things and leave as quick as possibly. On the taxi drive home, I thing about the lyrics of the song and that it perfectly fits right now.
I saw him with her on the pictures and it crushed me inside. I should stop thinking about him and focus on my studies. Maybe it was really a sign. Long before today. But it doesn't make any sense. Why does he want me to be his girlfriend when he now goes out with other girls and certainly has fun with them. He always seemed so interested... right?
Once I get home, I drop my things onto the floor and fall into my bed. I take my Niall pillow.
Maybe it is all that it's left now...
Maybe it was all in my head...