The following few days made me forget about Mark. Zayn did everything to. He never mentioned him and spent most of his days making me feel like the luckiest girl alive. Just yesterday, he took me out to the movies and our night was so perfect. Zayn had a way to hold my hand, to kiss my cheek, to smile that was making me fall even more in love with him with each passing second.
There was only one black cloud in this paradise : Something Zayn saw while we were getting back home. I don't know what it was, it was hidden in an alley, I couldn't see. But it made him freak out. He started to walk a bit faster and held my hand a bit tighter. And, when we got home, he just kissed my cheek and disappeared upstairs. I waited for him to come back, sitting on the couch, for a long time. But he didn't. So, after midnight, I went in the basement, promising myself to ask him about that in the morning.
And here we are. In the morning. And I was alone in the living room. Zayn was still upstairs. I could hear him move in his bedroom, going to the bathroom, running the shower, but he wasn't coming down. Not before the middle of the afternoon. And, when he did, he looked like hell. It was easy to see that he hadn't slept the night before.
I got up from the couch I was sitting on and walked up to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. He held me so tight, like never before. He was afraid of something and that was worrying me. I got on my tiptoe and kissed him gently before getting out of his embrace. I went to the kitchen and warmed up some leftover chicken. I brought one plate to Zayn, kept the second one for myself. We ate in silence, side to side. It's only when we were both done that I finally spoke.
"You won't tell me what you saw." I learnt it from his silence. If he had wanted to tell, he would have already done it. Even though I wanted to know, I didn't wanted to press him.
"I need to go to Doniya's flat." He changed the subject, his voice rough from the lack of sleep.
"When are we leaving ?" To my words, a small smile made its way up to his lips. It warmed my heart to see that.
"Right now." He whispered, before grabbing my hand. In seconds, we were both on our feet and to see him so rushed made me laugh. But it wasn't from happiness. It was from some sort of stress.
We were walking so fast in the streets, I had to make Zayn slow down a couple of times because I just couldn't follow. Every time, he excused himself, but few minutes later, he was back at his pace. Something was stressing him out. And I couldn't help him. I was feeling so useless.
As soon as we got to Doniya's block, I felt Zayn tense. We could hear loud music from the first floor and it didn't took me long before figuring out what was happening. Something I saw many times with Louis by my side. Zayn had less experience with this kind of parties. The ones who last all night and all day and all the second night. Zayn speed up once again and, this time, I ran by his side. The grip on my hand grew tighter as we walked in.
This party was one of the biggest I saw in an appartement. Loud music, loud people. Drunk people. Stoned people. Zayn kept me close to him, wrapping an arm around my waist after some random guys whistled toward me. I used to like this kind of attention, now it was just disgusting me.
The kitchen was even more of a mess than the living room. Some girl was drunk sleeping on the floor, almost invisible from the amount of beer cans scattered around the room. And the counter was full of vodka and tequila bottles. And others that the label was long gone but that I recognized as rhum and wine. Zayn was clearly freaking at the sight of all of this. Even more when he spotted his sister at the other side of the room. She had a bottle of vodka in her hand, pouring some in a red cup. She was moving slowly, laughing like a madwoman, she was barely able to stand.
"Zayyyyyn !" She exclaimed when she spotted her brother. She rushed to us - well, rush is a big word. She stumbled toward us, falling in Zayn's arms. He had to let go of my waist to hold her, she wasn't able to stand all alone. And she wasn't just drunk, her smell was telling me that sort of drug was in the game too. I was feeling uncomfortable, I knew Zayn would be mad at his sister. And that it would remember me too much of Louis. And there was just too much alcohol in this room. I didn't wanted to loose control in front of Zayn. That was a part of me I didn't wanted him to see.
"I'm going to the bathroom !" I screamed in his ear, before kissing his cheek. Then I left him. That was a coward move of me, I know, but I couldn't stay. Doniya was looking way too much like I had been in so many parties. Even though I was a bit less cheerful, even with the booze of alcohol and weed.
I felt like there was too many people around me. Like they were pressing themselves against me. I felt like everywhere I was looking, there was alcohol, and weed, and coke. I didn't wanted to do this kind of thing around Zayn. Not in Bradford. I wanted to be the perfect girl for him.
But it was every fucking where and, as I was trying to find the bathroom, I had the urge to just... Stop fighting. To grab the damn bottle of whisky from this guy's hand and drink half of it. Or to join the circle in the corner of the living room to snort some coke with them. It was messing with my head, I was barely able to breath.
"Hey !" It took me a couple of seconds to realize that the 'hey' was directed toward me. The girl was right next to me and it took me only a few seconds to remember her. Holy fucking shit. Emily.
Flash-Back
"I want more... Louis, please..."
"No fucking way, you've already taken half of my stuff !"
"'kay then." I was fucking mad. I need more. I needed more and more of that damn powder to take the pain away. All my body was numb with the pain. I got up, shaking on my feet, but I couldn't care less.
"Where are you going ?" Louis asked as I was passing him and his fuck friend - at the time, it wasn't Hannah -, who were still sitting on the floor.
"Home." I mumbled and got out. Trying not to care about the "She's such a freak. You shouldn't hang out with her anymore" Emily said to Louis. But I did care, it did went under my skin. I walked back home, glad my mother was nowhere in sight. Because I was so fucking damn hurt. Her words were stuck in my head. It wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. But it wasn't. She wasn't the only one saying that kind of things. They all were. EVERYONE. I didn't made it upstairs. I sat in the middle of the living room, my fingers pulling my hair as I was screaming. Screaming my lungs out. Scratching my forearms with my fingernails. Leaving trails of blood on my skin. The pain was just too much to bear. Louis didn't even defended me. I wasn't thinking clearly. The pain was numbing my vision. I needed it all to end. It's the only way I found my way back to my feet. Climbed upstairs. Falling a couple times. Almost throwing up a few others. And then I found myself in front of the cabinet. My mother's one. Full of all kind of pills. I needed them. I needed them so much. I didn't wanted to be here anymore. I unclasped the first bottle, letting the pills fall in my palm. All in once, I took them. No water needed. It made me feel nothing. I needed more. So I took more. And more. Until I blacked out.
...
"FUCKING HELL, ALEXIS ! WAKE UP PLEASE !"
A voice. Far away. I couldn't open my eyes. It was too hard. I wanted to go away. To die. But Louis was screaming, shaking my numb body.
"Just leave this bitch to die."
An other voice. Emily's. Her words got stuck in my mind for a long time.
End of Flash-Back
What the fuck was she doing here ? Why the fuck was she talking to me ?
"Remember me, freak ?" She said, a bitchy smile on her face. And it was too much for me to handle. I was already battling with myself and she was throwing me over the edge. I threw the first punch. Right on her jaw. She fell to the floor, people started to look at us. They screamed "FIGHT !" over the music. But I was barely hearing them. All I was hearing was her voice. The tone it had when she was telling my best friend to leave me to die.
I was throwing punches over punches and, before I realized it, we were fighting on the floor, me over her. She tried to defend herself, but she was too much drunk and stoned to do so properly. I was screaming when someone grabbed my arms and pulled me up. Taking me away from Emily. I wanted to throw an other punch, I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me.
But Zayn was holding me tight. He was stronger than I was. I was too fragile. He took me down the building, and I calmed myself a bit. But not much. I was still so angry. He let me go when we were back in the streets and made me look at him.
"What was that !" He screamed and that was enough to hurt me even more. And to bring back the few drops of anger that left me.
"Nothing ! That was fucking nothing ! I'm just a freak anyway !" I shouted back, before turning around. My heart was hurting too much. I started to walk back home, my arms crossed on my chest. Not saying a thing. Zayn wasn't either. And I was trying to hold back my tears.
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