Okay, it took a lifetime and it's pretty shitty but it's an important chapter bc of the stuff will happen later, um, thanks for being patient and the best readers of this world, I love y'all so much.
xx, Nan
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I think I was 8 the first time mom told me that she loved working more than spending time with us. Dad must've seen it coming because he didn't even flinch when she said "I'd rather spend time at the office than stay here any other second". I swallowed my tears and kept playing with my mashed potatoes.
Today she's coming "home". Zoe got herself ready and stood by the door just waiting for our mother to walk in. Granny baked my mom's favorite cake and I just sat on the couch with Luke playing video games.
"Is she here yet?" Zoe asked for the 100th time
"You tell me" Granny snapped "You've been waiting at the doorstep for an eternity!"
"Take it easy, Gammy" I mutter glancing at her
"Charlotte is impossible, we'll have a serious conversation when she gets here" Grammy sat next to me "She builds that's child's hope so high just to see it turn into dust" She takes a bottle of vodka from the side of the sofa and sips it, she stores her liquor there
"Gammy it's 1pm" Luke says
"Or as I call, drinking time" She smiles and drinks more
"I really don't know how your kidneys work anymore" I give up on the video game and stand up to grab Luke and I some cookies
"I drink just to give'em work to do" she takes a big sip "They should thank me"
"Yeah, just remember that when they start to fail" I say while grabbing the cookie jar "Do not count with me to donate one of mine"
"Oh your kidneys, those are real warriors" She laughs and takes the jar out of my hand to take a cookie
I bite my tongue trying to keep myself quiet, Luke smiles and takes my hand bringing me to his lap.
"I love you" he mutters with his lips pressed against my neck. I'm still upset about the whole faking the pregnancy thing but I do love him to death
"She's here!" Zoe runs into the living room screaming "Mom's here!"
"Be nice" Luke whispers on my ear before we all stand up to greet my mother
"Hi everyone" She takes her jacket off and bring Zoe into her arms, holding her.
"Charlotte" Gammy gives her the side eye and leaves the room
"Liza?" Mom looks at me with uncertainty in her eyes
"Hi mom" I hold Luke's arm to keep myself from saying bad things
"Hi Luke" She smiles bouncing Zoe in her arms
"Hello Mrs. Brooks" He's nice, as usual
"We should get going" I say to him "We gotta pick up your sister and meet the boys" I grab my bag by the table and hurry to the door.
Luke says goodbye to Zoe and my mom before meeting me at the door.
"What was that?" He asks me "She's home for like a second and you hush to leave?"
"Just drive" I get in the car and cross my arms
After five minutes in a deep silence I start to talk
"She doesn't get to do that, Luke" I say picking the sides of my nails "She does not get to leave for several months then come back like she never left"
"She's your mum, your family" his voice is sweet but serious "She does get to"
"That one doesn't know the first thing about family" I say under my breath and Luke makes the wise decision to stay quiet.
Soon Kira join us with a box in hands. She gives me the box and I exchange a confuse look with Luke
"What's this?" I ask frowning my brows
"Open it!" She's oddly excited
I take the golden bow off the top and open the box. I see a pair of white baby shoes
"I know it's extremely soon but I was at the mall yesterday with Calum and saw these and couldn't help myself!" The excitement in her voice makes me feel guilty
I glance at Luke and expect him to say something
"Kira, you shouldn't have" his voice cracks
"I know, but I'm so excited about this baby! Yeah, we don't know if its a boy or a girl but I just wanted to show you two my support"
I place the box on my lap feeling guilty "Thank you, we love it" I say turning the radio on to fill the car with some sound
We gathered at the beach and sat down staring the ocean. We're all done with school, no one dropped out, no one failed - it was a real mission to get Calum and Mike to pass senior year but we pulled it off. Now we're just waiting to hear from the colleges we applied to. Ashton got here late and sat down with us.
"I'm moving, guys" He says out of the blue
"What? What are you talking about?" Mike says grabbing a beer and handing to his mate
"School and bartending isn't working, I'm wasting my time here. My heart is somewhere else" He says sipping the beer and glancing at us with pain in his eyes
"Where's your heart at?" I ask leaning to grab a bottle of beer but caught Kira looking with a frown on her face and remembered I'm supposed to be pregnant so instead of beer I grab a can of soda.
"I don't know but I'm willing to look for it, I'm sure it's not here going to college and serving drinks" He pokes the sand with his toes, I smile and lean to take his hand and squeeze
"Whatever you need" I say looking into his green eyes "We're here for you" I smile again making him smile right back
"What about you? What's up now?"
Kira glances to Luke then me, technically she's the only one who knows about this "baby"
"We applied to the same places" Luke says "Now we just have to wait" He takes my hand in his but I can't put up with this anymore
"Sorry, I need some air" I get up swiftly and walk away
I shove my hands down my pockets and just walk by the water feeling the cold recently wet sand on my bare feet. My mind is racing right now, I'm worrying about everything because Luke isn't at all. He won't tell his family he applied to an overseas University, he won't tell the truth about this baby, hell his plan is to hop on a plane in the quiet of the night and just leave. Before I moved here that would be my plan as well but now I just can't. I actually have people I love and care about, people I don't want to hurt or lie to.
Before I realize I have tears rolling down my face. I feel his arms holding me close.
"I'm sorry" I mutters with his low velvet voice against my head
"No, Luke" I try to push him away but he's a million times stronger than me
"I really am, Liza" He stops making me stop so I can face him "I know I've put you in a terrible spot and I'm really sorry"
"Then tell the truth!" I choke in between tears but I finish my sentence "Tell your mom about going to London, tell Kira about the baby!"
"Not right now" He looks down "Look, I promise you that as soon as we hear from Sheffield I'll tell'em. Good or bad news, I will tell them" He pierce his eyes into mine and I believe him
I take a deep breath and spot Calum running towards us
"Guys!" He shouts and gasps "Guys we have to go to the hospital! It's Ashley!"
My heart is heave and I have a bad feeling about this. We gather by the cars and wait till Calum recompose himself to speak.
"Her mum just texted me saying she got worse and is at the hospital again" He starts "We've got to go there"
"Of course" I say instantly. We all agree and get going.
My stomach is twisting and honestly I feel like throwing up. Why do I feel so bad about her? She tried to steal Luke, I know she loves him and only came back to have him one last time. Maybe I was too selfish, maybe I could've let her have him. Maybe she wouldn't die alone and miserable
"It's not your fault" as if he was reading my mind, Luke spoke while rubbing his hand on my knee "Don't beat yourself up bout this"
"She's dying, Luke" I mutter
"And I love you, I'm very sorry about her but she does not make me happy and I know I wouldn't be able to make her happy knowing that you have my heart" he parks at the front of the hospital
"She'll die, won't she?" I cup my face with my small cold hands and start to cry like Ashley was related to me
"Hey, come here" He takes his seat belt off and hold me "We're here to support her, to be her friends. Don't hold yourself responsible, you're not making her sick"
"But I ain't making it easier either" I reply almost drowning in my own tears
"If you want to point fingers point'em at me, I was the one who told her I don't want her, I made the choice" He says holding my shoulders and piercing his eyes on mine "You gave me up but I couldn't let you go so I broke it off with Ashley, if she's miserable it's on me"
"Luke" I try to cut him
"No, Liza" he kisses my lips "It's on me, I don't want you going crazy about it so put it on me. We're on this together, we're a team so let me take some of the weigh off your back and put on mine" he rubs his thumb over my cheek "I've got broad backs, I can handle it" he smiles "And you're right, I'll tell Kira about the baby"
"Really?" I frown my brows
"Yes, she's over excited and I don't want this lie to get out of hand so I'll tell her the truth as soon as we get home tonight" he smiles and I nod
We get out of the car and meet everyone inside with Ashley's parents. They told us she's in surgery right now, something with blood in her lungs.
"I overheard one of the nurses talking to another nurse, saying she's sure Ashley won't get through today" Ashley's mom sobbed
It broke my heart to watch this, which just make the twist in my stomach worst. I could taste metal and it made me incredibly sick.
"Oh Lord" I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom
I threw up everything I had and didn't have inside of me. When I leaned against the sink one nurse was there fixing her hair and turned to me
"Are you okay sweetie?" She asked while I cleaned my mouth
"Yeah, probably ate something spoiled" I cough and dry my mouth with a paper towel
"Sure, you don't look too good" she looked me from bottom to top "Wait here, I'll bring something for you. I'll be back in a sec" she left and I chose to stay put
I glanced to my reflection, my pale face and dark bags under my eyes do indicate something's wrong with me. I might go down with a flu or some shit like this. Within a minute the nice nurse comes back.
"Here" she gives me two white pills "It's for motion sick, it will help with the throwing up" she smiles and I take the pills "But, um, I brought this one too" she places a pregnancy test in front of me "Just in case" I clench my jaw and lick my lips
I grab the test and go inside the bin, I try not to overthink this and do it.
"Sixty seconds" she says and stays next to me.
Could I be actually pregnant?