"What is it?" my mum asked Niall, glancing at him with suspicion from her seat at the table. The look in his eyes as he glared impatiently at me said he was worried.
"Jess," he prompted, nodding towards the stairs and ignoring our mother's question.
I blinked nervously, setting down my cutlery with hesitation and standing up. Niall headed for the stairs and I followed, my heart thudding beneath my ribs and my stomach fluttering with nerves. He ushered me into his room and shut the door as I sat down on the edge of his un-made bed.
"What the fuçk is this?" he said, as more of a statement than a genuine question, throwing the contents of the envelope onto his bed next to me in a somewhat angry manner.
I scanned over the papers, disbelief washing over me like a tidal wave when I realised what they were.
"Is... Is this a wind up?" I muttered, open-mouthed as I stared up at my brother in shock.
"You tell me," he shrugged bitterly. Did he think this had something to do with me?
"I honestly have no idea what any of this is," I told him, but I got the impression he didn't believe me.
Newspaper articles, some kind of legal documents, photographs, a note collaged using letters from magazines. This was like something you'd see in a movie.
Niall picked up the message and read it aloud, "It's time everyone knew the truth about Harry Styles."
I spread the papers across my lap, studying each one with horror. One sheet looked to be Harry's criminal record. How the hell would anyone get ahold of that? He'd been convicted more times than I'd imagined, for fighting, being drunk and disorderly, speeding, petty theft, vandalism, the list seemed endless. However, he'd somehow always got away with the lighter punishment, like community service or rehabilitation courses. Possibly because of his dad's wealth and power in the courts. I did remember him talking about how winning their case got the company loads of good publicity and business.
There were documents and stories about the fire, which obviously I was aware of, but the rest of the articles were news to me. A mug shot of Harry was not something I ever wanted to see, yet there it was staring me in the face. I had no idea how someone would manage to get their hands on any of this.
As if all this information about how terrible he was before I knew him wasn't bad enough, I'm almost certain my heart stopped beating when my eyes landed on one document that said something I could've never imagined Harry to have done. Two thousand and twelve... One account of sexual assault.
My hands flew up and smacked over my mouth as I scrambled away from the papers, I felt like someone had just ripped my heart right out of my chest and stamped on it. Absolutely revolted, was how I felt. Completely appalled and traumatised that I hadn't known something so serious before getting involved with him. I started wailing the second I'd read it, and Niall picked up the paper from the floor after it'd fallen and scrunched it in his fist with rage upon reading it.
"What a fuçking-" he stopped mid sentence to twist round and slam his palm against the wall in a furious frenzy. "How has no one locked him up and thrown away the key!" he yelled.
"The charges were expunged," I remembered, in a woeful whisper.
"Expunged? What does that mean?" he snapped loudly.
"They were dropped, the case was basically erased."
Before Niall could say anything else, my phone started ringing in the pocket of my hoodie. We looked at each other with blank expressions, both expecting the worst. I swallowed hard and gained some composure, delving around in the large pocket and pulling out my phone.
"It's Mckenzie," I announced, relieved. "Hello?"
"Did you know?" Her voice was equally as enraged as my brother's was, for some reason.
"Know what?" I questioned, trying not to give away that I was teary-eyed.
"That Harry and Louis are fuçking convicts?"
I actually felt the bile rise in my throat. "Wh- what?"
"Someone just put an envelope through my door wi-"
"You got one too?" I interrupted.
This wasn't good. This was awful.
'It's time everyone knew the truth about Harry Styles'
The note was laying there condescendingly on the carpet amongst all the other paperwork. Someone was out to sabotage something, but whether it was Harry's life, all of our lives, or our 'relationship', I hadn't a clue.
Who else had received one of these anonymous envelopes? Who was everyone?
"Yeah, I got one alright. Jess, this isn't a game. Did you know?"
"I- No. I knew about the fire... It's a long story. But I didn't know about-" my throat closed up and I choked before I could finish. The words refused to leave my mouth.
"You knew all along how bad they were and you still got involved? You let me get involved?"
"I-" No coherent sentences were forming, as hard as I tried. I didn't know what to say, everything was coming crashing down worse than I ever could've expected - worse than before.
"We need to talk. All of us. Be at the lake at eight, get Harry there."
"But I-"
She hung up.
I didn't want to call Harry. I didn't even want to talk to him, let alone look him in the face. The lake wasn't exactly the ideal meeting point after last time, either. On the other hand, she was right. We needed to talk about all of this, or rather Harry had some explaining to do. Something told me things were going to get ugly.
"She got one as well."
"So, what? What are we doing about this?" Niall asked, with steam still blowing out of his ears.
"I'm going to sort this. You're going to stay here," I instructed, standing up from the bed and going to leave the room in a hurry.
As I passed him, Niall grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving. I shot him a warning glare and he did the same to me, his fingers tightly curled around my slim wrist. I diverted my gaze to his hand, a look of irony being directed at his hold on me. He noticed my anger straight away, letting go quickly.
"If you're going anywhere near any of those psychos I'm going to be there. This isn't up for negotiation, I'm not letting you see him on your own."
"Oh, what, so you can start a fight and we all end up in the hospital again? No chance, Niall."
"I won't. I swear I won't start anything. I'm just not letting you get hurt again."
I thought about it for a minute. As much as I really didn't want him fighting my battles, I could use a ride and it may be beneficial to have someone there in case something kicked off. If I didn't know all of this about Harry, what else could he be hiding? Maybe him and his friends were more dangerous than I'd realised.
"Fine. But if you step out of line I'll put you in the hospital. Hide all of that and meet me at your car in ten minutes," I ordered, and he nodded discreetly at the plan, turning to pick up the papers.
I stormed into my room, slamming the door and falling onto my bed. My breathing was laboured at the idea of calling Harry. I was scared - not anxious for once, actually terrified. My hands were shaking as I talked myself into pressing call sooner rather than later, just getting it over with.
My heart had gone into overdrive as I listened to the slow ringing, hardly being able to hear over the sound of my blood pumping through my ears. My breath caught in my throat when he picked up after only a few seconds.
"Jess?" His voice was gentle and - dare I say it - hopeful. I felt a twinge of sadness at the sound.
"We errr..." I gulped, swallowing shakily to try and sound somewhat convincing, "We need to talk," I stammered.
"Talk? About what?"
"You'll see. Just... be at the lake for eight o'clock."
"But, Je-"
I cut him off, ending the call before anything he was going to say could get under my skin.
I didn't have time to sit around and mope or cry, we had to get going and solve this. The less I thought about it, the easier it would be to face this mess.
Pulling on a warm jacket and grabbing some boots from my cupboard, I picked up my phone and headed back downstairs.
"Where are you two going?" my mum called, still sitting at the dining table. Niall must've already gone outside. "Jessica, you haven't even finished your dinner!"
"I'm not hungry," I replied bleakly, grabbing my keys from the bowl and walking through the porch. "Mckenzie needs a lift, we'll be back later."
The door slammed behind me and I jogged to my brother's car. He was already sat in the driver's seat with the ignition on waiting for me, and the minute I sat down in the passenger's seat and tugged the door closed we were off, driving towards the lake. I had a horrible sense of deja vu.
Niall pulled up down a side road and we walked across to the lake hurriedly. As we stepped through the opening, I caught sight of a frantic Harry pacing back and forth. His eyes landed on us and he practically ran towards me with a worried expression taking over his features, making my heart pound and my hands sweat.
"Jess, are you okay?" He reached out to me but Niall stepped towards him to get between him and I.
"Don't touch her," he growled.
I wanted to say something but I didn't know what. I was basically cowering away from Harry behind my brother, ignoring the silent pleas he was sending me with his eyes. My stomach was all over the place at the sight of him. I was scared to be in his presence after everything I'd found out, but at the same time I wanted to throw myself into his arms and sob.
Louis strode into the open space looking confused, his hands were hidden deep within the depths of his pockets, his shoulders covered by his black Adidas jacket sheltering him from the cold. "What's going on 'ere then?" He blew warm air into his hands and fidgeted in the cold.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Harry mumbled to his friend.
Coincidentally, it was only minutes before Mckenzie showed up. She was wearing a brown fluffy coat and looked peeved off, like something was definitely about to go down. Being on the wrong side of her was the last thing I wanted.
"What's the family meeting for then?" Louis asked casually, not having a clue what he was walking into.
"You don't say a word," Mckenzie commanded, pointing her finger dramatically at Louis, poking his chest as he held his hands up and gave a submissive raise of his eyebrows. "I'm more interested in what Harry has to say."
"Me?" he spoke up cluelessly, innocently lifting his dark eyes from the ground. "About what?"
"About this," she spat, shoving a handful of papers into his chest harshly.
He took them from her, scanning over them with Louis peering over his shoulder. Realisation soon dawned on him and his eyebrows were drawn together in a frown, but his expression quickly changed to one of guilt. "Wh-where did you get this shít from?" he asked sheepishly, giving me a distressed look.
"Fuçk knows! Someone put it through our letterboxes!"
He read over the documents more carefully, and a look of absolute horror slapped him right across the face, I was sure I could see him start to tremble. Presumably he'd just seen what'd made me react the same way.
"I can explain," he spluttered out manically, "I can explain all of it."
"You mean you can make excuses and lie? What is there to explain?" Mckenzie was doing all the talking, I was still too frightened to say a word. I wasn't entirely sure who was on whose side in this battle, so I kept my mouth shut.
"Seriously. This-" he waved that one sheet of paper at us, his eyes desperately searching our faces (mine especially), "This never happened. The charges were dropped!"
"You're sick, do you know that?" Niall snarled, only just letting his temper slip. "People like you should be behind bars, not corrupting my little sister!"
"It never happened, I swear it!"
"Why were you charged in the first place then? Did the police just make it up?" Mckenzie queried with a hint of sarcasm lacing her voice.
"She did! I promise I'm not lying. It was back in Chesire - I was seventeen, and this girl I was with had this crazy friend that liked me. She would always try and flirt with me behind her friend's back but I kept telling her to sling her hook. When I majorly rejected her one time when she came onto me, she got caught out so she made it look like it was me coming onto her. She told everyone I'd assaulted her and because of my shítty reputation they believed every word of it!"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Every head revolved to look at me. Even I was surprised, not realising the words had left my mouth. My eyes were glossy and my chest ached when Harry's gaze dropped to meet mine, the hurt in his eyes making it difficult for me not to believe him.
"It never happened, there was nothing to tell. Eventually she was convinced into telling the truth and the case was expunged, which is supposed to mean no one would ever know about it. I have no idea how anyone could've found that document. Please, Jess, you have to believe me," he begged, and I could see how badly he was having to hold himself back from coming near me.
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Mckenzie asked sceptically.
"I swear on Jess' life. I would say I swear on my life, but Jess' means more to me than my own does. Louis, tell them I'm not lying!"
"As if we're going to believe his word! Your fuçking partner in crime!"
Whilst Louis and Mckenzie exchanged unpleasant looks as she shouted at him, Harry's eyes were still fixated on me, pleading for me to believe him. His stare was so intense that it made it hard for me to breathe. I just wanted all of this to be over, I couldn't take anymore sadness or suffering.
"Can we all just calm down?" Louis chimed in, looking more nervous than I'd ever seen him look.
"Whether what Harry's saying is true, you both still lied to us. And Jess, you fuçking hid it from me as well!"
"I know," was all I could respond with. There was no point in making excuses or beating around the bush, I had hidden this from everyone, because I didn't want people knowing who Harry was. I didn't do it to protect him, I did it to save myself the humiliation.
"How did you know? Did he tell you?"
"I..."
"Did she not tell you either?" Niall said, looking between Mckenzie and I with a wrathful look. "She met Harry in court!"
Mckenzie took a second to register before scoffing. "This is fuçking ridiculous!" she yelled, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "You know what? I'm done with all of you. You're all liars and you're all pretty messed up in the head."
"We're messed up in the head? You need to take a look in the mirror right now, you psycho!" Louis retaliated, instantly earning him a swift slap across the cheek.
"Woah, calm it..."
"Shut up, Niall," she snapped angrily. "I hope you all have fun with this dysfunctional fuçking love story, because I'm out."
We watched silently as she stormed away from us, disappearing through the trees. I was speechless, I know Mckenzie is feisty but never have I seen her so furious. I felt absolutely gutted that she'd just slaughtered us all like that and left, when it'd been her idea to 'talk' in the first place.
"Sorry," I said for some reason, as if I had to excuse her behaviour.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for, love," Louis sighed. "This is all a bit fuçked up, though."
"Like you've got an excuse to be upset about this?" Niall shot at Louis, and I could see the annoyance building up behind Louis' eyes.
"Listen mate, just leave it. Yeah?"
"No, mate."
"Niall, just go!" I raised my voice all of a sudden. He'd crossed a line and I wasn't in the mood for it anymore, I was tired and deflated.
"What, and leave you here with these idiots?"
"Yes!" I shouted.
He glared at me for a long moment. "Fine. I give up, Jess. Do what you want, because I'm fed up of trying to help you."
Niall shook his head, before walking away.
That made two people who had given up on us... on me.
"I feel like we should have a group hug or something after that," Louis said, his tone completely serious and worn out.
"Shut up," Harry muttered under his breath, his gaze still boring into me.
"Who would do this?" I pondered aloud, "Who is trying to mess with us like this?"
"I don't know," Harry breathed dismally. There was a pause before he uttered, "Jess, do you believe me? Does this... Does this change anything?"
"I believe you, but I... I found out a lot of bad things that you kept a secret from me. I'm tired of all the secrets, Harry."
It was like a small part of me was desperate, completely intent on hanging on to the last bit of hope I had. That part of me was longing for Harry to earn back my trust, praying that he'd show me that I meant something to him. But the rest of me was exhausted. Exhausted with all the lies, the secrets, the complications. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up so I didn't have to keep fighting to keep it together.
"I'm sorry," he murmured quietly.
"For what?"
"For everything. I'm sorry for anything I've done that's given you a reason to doubt me."
Despite the bad place we were in, Mckenzie's previous advice was nudging at my thoughts. Just because someone does something to hurt you, doesn't mean you can't forgive them. If you love him then there's nothing to say you can't give him another chance.
I contemplated the man staring back at me. The once angry and cold man who would play me, the man that would speak on impulse and try to hide behind this wall so that no one would ever see his vulnerable side. He stood there with his shoulders slumped miserably, the spark in his eyes had fizzled out, he permanently looked close to tears. When I'd found out he'd been talking about me behind my back, I'd never imagined it would lead to him breaking like this.
Whilst my whole world had been turned upside down because of him, he was the only constant. After everything, he was there. Someone was trying to get to him and ruin us, everyone knew that he was bad and not someone to get involved in, Louis even knew the extent of his mistakes and my brother and best friend had abandoned me for being involved with him, but the person who looked most uncertain and disappointed with Harry was himself.
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Please remember to click that star and vote, and I'd love for you to comment telling me what your thoughts are :)
No one guessed that the envelope would be dirt on Harry ;) Let me know your thoughts on the chapter/story so far! What do you think will happen now? What would you do if you were Jess?
Q: all3gra: Are you planning on making a sequel to Illicit?
A: I have thought about it. I said previously that I'm pretty sure I've decided how the story is going to end, therefore from there I can think of a vague idea for a sequel, but a lot could change between now and then. If when the book is complete people are still reading and interested in reading a sequel then I will definitely consider it!
Highlight with a question!
My question for you: Which character in Illicit do you relate to most?