Y'all please comment on this and tell me what you are thinking with the inline comments because I really really want to know!!!! Please! Kay thanks!
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"And I was like chicken nuggets!" Carlos said making everyone laugh. "You are to much!" Mal said with a smile. Carlos smiled back. "Honestly Carlos if I wasn't with Ben I would so be with you." She said. "Um hey! Boyfriend right here!" Ben said pulling Mal closer. Carlos laughed.
"You guys I heard that Audrey did a little something something with this boy behind the school." Evie informed. Mal groaned. "Such a slut." She said. "I honestly don't know what I saw in her. She is so bitchy about every little thing. You style your hair the way you like it and she waltz on in here all like 'that is so ugly but since I'm a nice person I'll say it's pretty with my fake ass smile and personality!' Honestly get the fuck on with that." Ben vented a little.
"I gotta go," Carlos said completely out of place in the whole conversation. "See y'all later." He walked out of the building he was in with a smile on his face. When he got to his car a certain someone was waiting for him.
"Hey you." Jay said with a smirk. "Hey." Carlos said smiling. "I love you." Jay said pulling Carlos close. He pressed his lips to his. Carlos wrapped his arms around Jay pulling him closer. Their lips moved together making a light smacking sound. Carlos stopped kissing Jay. He looked at Jay's chest with a blank, emotionless expression.
"What's wrong?" Jay asked. Carlos caught himself. "Oh nothing. I'm really tired." Carlos said with a fake reassuring smile. He pulled Jay close. Like it was the last time he is ever going to see him. "I love you so much." He whispered taking a deep breath. He pulled back from Jay. "I'll see you later." He lied. "Sounds like a plan!" Jay said smiling. If only he knew how bad Carlos felt.
Carlos smiled at Jay then went inside his car. He started it up. He buckled himself. "Seatbelts so we can be safe!" Jay shouted loud enough for Carlos to hear from inside the car. Carlos chuckled. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove home.
Once he got there he parked in his driveway. He turned his car off. He took a deep breath. He looked in his glove compartment and took out the notes. He took another deep breath but it was shaky this time. He poured his heart and soul into these letters. He said everything he wished he could've when he had the chance. He doesn't have the chance now.
He got out of his car. He kept his car unlocked so someone could get in and see the note. He had a note for every section of the house. Kitchen, living room, dining room, game room, bedroom all the rooms in his house he has a note for it. He went inside his house keeping his door unlocked. He put the notes in their places.
He took the lock off his phone. There was a note on there as well. He went upstairs. He went into his room. He kept the door unlocked. He put the special note on his bed. He put a special present next to it as well. He took a shaky breath as he looked at his room. The memories stored in this room.
(Flashbacks)
Little 4 year old Carlos and 5 year old Jay we're running around Carlos' room. Carlos tripped and fell. "Oh no Carlos!" Jay exclaimed with his little kiddish accent. He ran over to Carlos and pulled him into his arms. Carlos was crying. Jay hugged Carlos until he stopped crying. "You're alright. I'm right here." He said rubbing his back.
~
11 year old Carlos and 12 year old Jay were watching TV. "I like this part!" Jay said laughing when the main character of the show got bashed on for being yunno. "Why?" Carlos asked not liking it at all. "Because it's funny!" Jay said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It really isn't." Carlos said. "Uh yeah it really is!" Jay persisted. "I'm gay!" Carlos blurted out. "What?" Jay asked shocked. "I'm gay... You probably hate me now I'm so stupid." Carlos said instantly regretting his decision. "I could never hate you Carlos." Jay said. "I completely support you. We are going to be best friends forever." Jay said pulling Carlos close. "Would we ever be more than friends?" Carlos asked. "We'll see." Jay said.
~
15 year old Carlos and 16 year old Jay are in Carlos' room. "Carlos I have something to tell you." Jay said biting his lip. "Yeah?" Carlos asked looking at him. "I..I'm gay." Jay said almost with complete confidence. "You're gay?" Carlos asked trying to not get to excited. "Yes. And remember when you asked me if we can be more than bast friends?" Jay asked scooting closer to Carlos. Carlos nodded his head. "Well yes we can." Jay said leaning down to capture Carlos' lips.
(End of Flashbacks)
Carlos bit his lips as the memories came flooding back. He was making a huge decision at the moment. He got his laptop and made sure he had his phone. He went into the bathroom and locked the door.
He turned on the laptop. He went to YouTube to stream what he was about to do. He took a deep breath and started to record. He waited until he had some viewers. He texted his friends to watch him. They needed to see this.
"Hi there. My name is Carlos De Vil and... And... And I am depressed with a bipolar and sleeping disorder. I know this may be hard to believe but it's true. I have lived with it my whole life. It's not just about me being sad or just unhappy because I am happy. And I am positive. It's just that... It's just that it's never the same thing everyday. I can't just wake up, turn a happy switch on, then I'm gonna be happy. No. The real truth about it is that I can't control how I feel most of the time. The times I'm happy is either one of two things. One I'm actually genuinely happy or two I am controlling my anger and sadness from showing. It's never always I'm always angry or sad or happy or scared. It's a variety at different times. This is so hard to talk about you guys." Carlos said wiping the tears from his eyes. He looked at the people viewing it. 11k.
"11 thousand of you guys are watching? Alright." He said sniffing. "Back to what I was saying. I have disorders and I'm not always happy no matter how hard I try to be. I love being happy and a lot of things make me happy. It's just that..... It's just that when I'm alone. Like alone alone in my room and my phone is off and I can't sleep. My depression and bipolar takes over me. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror on these types of days I don't see me. I don't see Carlos De Vil I see depression and bipolar. Instead of looking at myself in the mirror," Carlos got up and stood in front of the mirror. "And saying 'I love me, I love my boyfriend, I love my life, I'm handsome, I'm beautiful, I am so happy, I'm worth it, I feel good.' I hear, 'You're so fat, you're ugly, my boyfriend hates me, he pities me, everyone pities me, I'm not worth it, I'm worthless, I will never amount to anything, my friends are all fake'. I hear that non stop on my bad days. I cry. I scream and shout. I am so stressed. Look at me." Carlos said taking out makeup remover wipes. He wiped his face clean. "I wear make up to conceal my dark bags and circles from my sleepless nights. I use the excuse I'm tired when I really want to give up. I say I'm sick because I act differently. I lie to keep my friends from worrying about me because I am not worth their time. I am a burden. I am being taken over you guys. I am being taken over my disorder. By my problems. I can't fucking do it anymore y'all." Carlos said raising his voice every sentence till he was screaming. "So I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Evie, Mal, Ben, Doug, Jane, Audrey, Chad, everyone. And I'm especially sorry to you Jay. You are my life and my soul but. I...I.... Fuck! I can't Jay I'm sorry! I love you so much! I'm such a terrible person. Leaving you like this. I never told you anything I feel so bad. Fucking hell Carlos can't you do anything right?! You're so stupid! So dumb! I HATE YOU!" Carlos screamed shutting his laptop closed. He threw it at the wall door. He pulled out his gun. He had this gun for this day. This moment in time. Carlos was screaming. Yelling. Crying his head off. He couldn't take this. But he couldn't pull the trigger. Why couldn't he? He got his phone. He got back on YouTube since his computer was broken. "You are still here. You are holding me by a leash. Every time I get away from you, you pull me back with a tighter grip. Bipolar and Depression. You're still here so I am convinced you love me. But I don't want you! Leave me alone! I am better off dead than with you. I will not accept this anymore. I will get away from you one way or another! If this is the way then so be it." He said finally pulling away from Depression and Bipolar's grip long enough to put the gun up to his head once more. Before he pulled the trigger, Jay came bursting into that bathroom.
Jay POV
I have noticed that Carlos has been acting strange around me lately. I have no idea why. He says he is just sick or tired but I know better. I know so much better. He is hiding something. I need to know what so I can help him. It seems to he bothering him quite a bit.
I walk down the street to where the gang said they would be meeting up. I was getting to lazy so I had to get my workout on. I saw a familiar car. I smirked at it. Those memories flooding back.
I walk over to the car. This car is legendary to me. It held so many memories. Sexy and sad. I smiled touching the hood. It was cool. Carlos hasn't been in here for a while. "Speak of the devil." I said smirking.
"Hey you." I say with a smirk. He looked so amazing as usual. "Hey." He said with a smile. "I love you." I said pulling Carlos close. I feel like I never say that enough. I pressed my lips to his. Carlos wrapped his arms around my pulling me closer. Our lips moved together making a light smacking sound. I smile into the kiss. Carlos stopped kissing me. I noticed that he looked at my chest with a blank, emotionless expression.
"What's wrong?" I asked. Carlos caught himself. "Oh nothing. I'm really tired." Carlos said with a smile. This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm starting to worry. He pulled my close. "I love you so much." He whispered taking a deep breath. He pulled back from me. "I'll see you later." He said. "Sounds like a plan!" I said smiling.
Carlos smiled at me then went inside his car. He started it up. He buckled himself. "Seatbelts so we can be safe!" I shouted loud enough for Carlos to hear from inside the car. Carlos chuckled. He pulled out of the parking lot. I laugh.
I smile to myself. I went inside. "Hey you guys." I say as I walked into the room Evie and them were in. "Hey Jay." They all chorused.
I sat down with them next to Evie. "Jay you heard about Jane and Lonnie right?" Evie asked. "Heard about it? I saw it! I got it on my phone." I said pulling out my phone. I get the video. Lonnie and Jane fought.
"Why did they fight again?" Ben asked. "Because Jane liked Chad but Chad liked Lonnie so Jane got mad and Lonnie got pissed because Jane was talking shit about her. So then Lonnie had enough of it and confronted Jane then they yunno." Doug said. "Observing can pay off you know." He added making everyone laugh.
"Lonnie don't mess around damn!" Ben said laughing. "I feel kinda bad for Jane though because she didn't even have a chance." I said shrugging.
"That goodie goodie deserved it. Talking shit about Lonnie wasn't the thing to do or the right way to handle the situation." Mal said. "Look at you babe being all good." Ben said smiling. Mal smiled and blushed.
After a while of talking we all got a text.
'Going live need y'all to see thing - C x'
I start to worry a little. What does he need us to see? Evie uses her phone to show the live stream.
Carlos was in his bathroom. I watch intently.
"Hi there. My name is Carlos De Vil and... And... And I am depressed with a bipolar and sleeping disorder. I know this may be hard to believe but it's true." Carlos said. I am so shocked to hear it. My baby has disorders? A mental illness? And he didn't tell me? I watch half the live stream until it gets to the part when he is talking about himself.
I need to get to his house and tell him he is worth it and he is perfect because he is. I leg it out the building out to the parking lot. I book it as fast as I can go to Carlos' house. I try my best to make it there in time. Whenever people get like this it never goes well.
I ran about 40 blocks already in just 5 minuets. I am not wasting a second of time. I needed my exercise. Well here it is. The amount of stress I is putting on my body to go as fast as I can us so great. Insane. My veins are visible. It is getting harder to breath. I don't care if I passed out once he got to Carlos' house. At least it'll distract him.
In just 10 more minuets I finally make it. I open the door. It was unlocked. I see notes everywhere. He planner this. I gasp. I hear screaming coming from upstairs. I run up the stairs missing 3 steps almost falling twice but I don't care. My baby needs me and that's all that matters.
I hear a gun being loaded and ready to be shot. I bust in through the door.
3rd person POV
"Carlos stop!" Jay shouted. "No I won't. I'm sorry Jay. I love you!" Carlos shouted putting the gun up to his head. Jay grabbed the gun pointing it towards the sink. The bullet hit the faucet making water shoot out of it. Carlos and Jay fought over the gun.
"Give me the damn gun!"
"No I won't!"
"But I want to die Jay I don't want this to be my last memory just let me do this!"
"No I won't! I need you in my life because without you there is no me."
"Jay please don't try and change my-"
"I will. I will keep changing your mind till the ends of the earth because I need you. You need me too. Your bipolar and depression doesn't decide whether you do this or not. Carlos De Vil does."
The struggle for the gun ended. Carlos gave Jay the gun. He started to scream and cry again. He searched his drawers for a razor or something sharp. "Carlos stop!" Jay shouted closing the drawers. He restrained Carlos by putting his arms around the boy.
Carlos struggled but it was no use. Jay pulled Carlos out of the bathroom and onto the carpeted floor of his room. He laid on top of Carlos.
"'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm looking right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me." Jay sang to calm Carlos down. His voice always calms Carlos down.
"I don't want to lose you Carlos. You are who I am. You are what keeps me going. I cannot function without you. Especially if I live the rest of my life knowing I could've helped you but I didn't. I will not give up on you. I love you to much for that." Jay said sitting up. He pulled Carlos in his arms.
Carlos was softly crying. "I will help you. So will your friends and loved ones and professionals. Only if you want professionals. I will not make you do anything you not want to unless you what to." Jay whispered. Carlos nodded. "We will get past this. I promise." Jay said kissing Carlos. Carlos kissed back.