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chapter thirty seven
analyses, decisions and goodbyes
My first month living in Scotland. It was nice, yeah, until that afternoon I got the results of my analyses. Lila was with me in the small office we shared at the museum. She told me that I had to relax, that I had to stay calm. How on earth was I supposed to be calm? My chances of having Alzheimer's were high, like, really high. And I was getting rather worried since I was very distracted and I was forgetting things, Lila said that it was stress and that I was thinking too much about it.
"Could, could you read it for me?" I said to her and handed her the envelope. She opened the envelope and read it.
"Okay, it says, analysis for Alzheimer's, negative." She smiled
"Thank God!" I touched my chest.
"God." She said quietly and I looked at her immediately, "There's a little thing, um-"
"A little thing?" I panicked, "God, is it cancer? Am I going to die?!" I was almost crying and she smiled and shook her head, "What is it then? Tell me."
"You're pregnant."
"Pregnant?" I asked, "Are you serious?!" She smiled.
"Blood test. Nearly two months and a half it says."
"Give me that!" I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and read the piece of paper.
"You haven't had morning sickness?"
"No, no, I haven't. Well, I haven't noticed...I, I've been stressed with work, with the results, um, and- my gosh, I can't be pregnant!" I cried out.
"Why? This is one of the best moments in a woman's life, you're expecting a baby!" She hugged me.
"Get off! This, isn't good!" I grabbed a calendar.
"Clay will love it."
"That's the problem!" I shut the door, "Clay and I haven't been together, the last time we tried we were interrupted by a phone call, nothing happened, it was before the wedding, the day we made the invitations to be honest, and we hvent had sex ever since..." I squeezed my eyes shut, "Lila, I need to tell you something."
"Nicole what have you done?" I covered my face, "Nic?"
"Isleeptwithtom." I mumbled.
"What?"
"I, slept with Tom." She gasped.
"Oh my God." She covered her mouth.
"He, invited me to a party around two months ago, we got drunk, I kissed him and the next morning I was in his bed and, Lila, I can't be pregnant with my best friend's baby! I took the pill the next day, I'm sure I took that fucking pill the next day! This can't be possible!" My eyes filled with tears.
"Oh my God, do you think it's his?"
"Maybe Clay raped me whilst sleeping?"
"Don't say that. What did you do on your honeymoon?"
"I cried and watched Clay sleeping. Romantic, isn't it?" I buried my face in my hands, "What am I going to do?"
"Um, it's only an idea, but, abortion?"
"What? No! I'm not killing the poor creature, it's a human being for God's sake, it isn't the baby's fault! And I would never forgive myself."
"You're gonna tell this to Clay then?"
"No." I said, "I could only say that I cheated on him, he'd tell his parents and they already hate me, Clay would do anything that his parents say, which would be-"
"Divorce?"
"Divorce. Clay would leave me and he'd never know about the baby, I could raise it by my own, nobody knows me in Scotland." I kept thinking and thinking.
"That sounds good, I guess?"
"I can't believe I'm going to divorce one month after my wedding." I said softly.
"Are you gonna tell Tom?" I looked at her and broke into tears, "Aww, Nic." She hugged me.
"What's people going to say about him if they discover he's got a kid out there? Oh my God, his career. What if this ruins his career?! I can't tell him, Lila, I can't!" She hugged me tighter, "And if I told him, what if he doesn't even want a kid? What if he gets angry?"
"I don't think he's like that, he's got the right to know about this, wherter you like or not, but, it's all up to you, you can tell him when you think it's better." I rubbed my nose.
"What if I don't want to tell him?"
"It's all up to you."
"He doesn't know where I live now, I'm gonna look for a flat, since Clay won't want to see me in his house. It's not like I'll be walking down the street and I'm gonna run into Tom, right?" I heard Lila letting out a soft chuckle, "I'll stay in Scotland."
"You can stay with me until you find a place." I smiled at her, "How are you going to tell Clay about the party?" I wiped my tears and sat upright.
"That's an easy one. I won't tell him with whom, I won't tell him I'm pregnant, he's not quite smart, and as I told you before, he's gonna do what their parents say."
Two days later I told Clay, he got angry, really, really angry. He left for a couple of hours and then he came back to his house. In that period of time, I packed my stuff, ready to leave. He saw my suitcases at the door and I gave him the wedding ring, and the engagement ring.
Money wasn't a problem at all, this guy could get married or divorce whenever he wanted and he would still be rich. I left his huge house and got in a cab. Of course we had a more civilised conversation when he returned, we considered the alternate options, but I couldn't stay with him anymore. He said he'd talk to his dad about the divorce, since he was a lawyer. That simple.
I wasn't feeling happy at all, I had just ruined someone's self confidence, but I didn't care too much for it either, it's a complicated feeling.
Two more months passed by and I was living in a nice flat, the landlady was a lovely person, and the place as well. Lila and I were still working together at the museum and it was fun to spend the day talking about baby stuff.
We were having a break in the office and Lila turned on the TV, but we were not watching it, we were talking about our boss, she was a nightmare! Eventually, Lila went for a coffee and I stayed there sipping from my orange juice and grabbed the remote control, I was flipping through channels when my phone buzzed.
"You didn't find your precious coffee?" I asked to Lila.
"I did, but our lovely boss said we have to skip our break and go, organise the bunch of papers I told you before, I'll be there in a moment. I just have to return a book I borrowed from Amelia."
"Right, I'm on my way." I hung up and turned off the TV, "Gahh, I want to sleep." I grabbed my stuff. When I reached the room, I started to organise the papers, since Lila hadn't arrived, "This is too much." I muttered while giving it a quick look at the paper in my hand. I heard someone running, and gazed up from the papers, "You're lateee." I whined and returned my eyes to the papers, "The woman's gonna get angry again-"
"Nic-"
"The heck does she think we are machines? God, one gets tired!" I looked up at her again, "Are you okay?"
"He's coming, I saw him!"
"You saw who?"
"Tom! I saw him downstairs!" My eyes widened and immediately touched my belly, four months pregnant, I wasn't showing a lot, but I got scared, "He was talking to a security guard and then they walked in our boss office, to ask for you maybe?"
"How the hell did he find me?!"
"Nic, he's a smart man." She went, to the door, "Shit, he's coming!"
"He can't see me, he can't Lila! You, you're gonna tell him anything that comes to your mind, you're a smart woman." I ran to the other room, there were spears and swords, that sort of stuff.
"Hey!" I shut my eyes when I heard Lila's voice, "What a surprise, what are you doing here?" I heard Tom chuckling, "Nice to see you." I assumed they were hugging each other.
"Nice to see you too. I went to the museum at home at few months ago, but they told me you were transferred here. I'm on the promotion tour and I'm staying in Scotland for a couple of days and I thought I could say hi."
"Oh, that's cool."
"Yes, um, do you know where can I find Nicole?" My heart skipped a beat, "I'd like to see her." I began to pace around the room.
"She was here just before you popped up actually. She said something about her phone, I guess her battery died."
"Oh." I bit my lip and caressed my earbuds, I had already forgotten I was going to listen to music while organising the papers, "Do you think she'll take too long? I don't mind waiting."
"No! Just leave!" I muttered under my breath and I took a step back, I hit a spear with my arm and it fell to the floor, making a lot of noise, "Shit!" I grabbed it to put it in its place and heard the footsteps getting closer, but I remained facing the wall.
"Nic! I thought you were at the office." Lila said, "You okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I just, stumbled and-"
"Um, look who's here." She said, I grabbed my earbuds and turned over, "Sorry, I was listening to music- Tom?"
"Hi, Nicole." He said and I walked towards them.
"Nicole? What happened to Oaks?" He smiled, looking at his shoes, none of us tried for a hug, "How have you been?"
"Pretty good, thanks." I saw Lila walking away, "What about you?" He looked at the flowers in his hands, "Oh, these are for you." I smiled and he handed me the small bouquet.
"I'm, okay. Thanks." He smiled.
"You look chubby." God, the baby bump, "You look beautiful." I stared at the flowers, "I'm sorry, I haven't called you and-"
"It's okay, you've been busy." I shrugged.
"Um, how's, Clay?" If he only knew.
"He's okay." I felt the lump in my throat.
"Is, he treating you right?" I stared down at the flowers in my hands, "Nicole?" I didn't answer, "Oaks?"
"Yes, he treats me right." I forced a smile, "How long are you staying in Scotland?"
"A couple of days." I nodded. There was an awkward silence. I didn't know what else to say, I was afraid of start crying right in front of him, "I think I should leave now." I thought twice to tell him about the baby, but I couldn't, "It was nice to see you and, chat with you." He offered his hand for a handshake.
"Don't be stupid." I said softly and hugged him. I felt his hands hesitating to make physical contact but then he embraced me, I held back the tears as I hugged him. I was happy to see him. I was about to tell him about the baby but I was utterly afraid of what his reaction could be.
"Goodbye, Oaks." It hurt, because he told me once that a goodbye is something permanent, and a bye, is when you are willing to see that person again. He said goodbye.